My next book comes out on Thursday. I'm a little nervous because a lot of balls got dropped along the way (it happens), but this is a SUPER IMPORTANT story to me. (The missionary comes out/falls in love story.) It's so much better than it was before. ANYWAY, the point of this post.

I'm going all in, submitting articles to major papers, etc., and reaching out to authors who could possibly add a blurb to bolster support. One of those authors is a woman named Carol Lynn Pearson. If you're not LDS, that means nothing. If you are...  She wrote a children's book (that became a musical) called My Time on Earth. I loved that book as a kid. I still have my copy from when I was four. It explains everything about what it was to grow up female and Mormon.

Her husband came out in the early 80s, she let him have a "rumspringa" to find love like she had for him (cue my tears), he contracted AIDS, and she nursed him until he passed and wrote about the experience of him being a believing Mormon but gay, called, "Goodbye. I love you." She's stayed Mormon because she wants to make it better for women and LGBT members. She's in her late 80s now. I love her.

I sent her my book and asked if she'd be willing to read it, and if so, if she'd be willing to submit a blurb.

Today (too late for first printing, but not too late for PR work!) I got this:
"And It Came To Pass is a raw and powerful story revealing two things: gay people fall in love just like everybody else, and we as Mormons have a way to go in understanding this."
She then sent me best wishes and commented on how this story enhances people's understanding of love, and that's when I had to put my head down and have a happy little cry.

My dad told me today that a woman for whom he tunes her piano, asked if I wrote "The Bones of You" because it was really good, and when he told her about AICTP, she ordered it on Amazon right then and there. I just really want this book to find its audience, omg.

(And btw, due to reasonable requests, I made an ULTIMATE GUIDE to my podcast Oh My Heck! where I talk about Mormonism, etc., and also will be featuring interviews with former members who FELL IN LOVE ON THEIR MISSIONS omg, and that's RIGHT HERE. And please, if you listen and enjoy, would you consider leaving a starred review on iTunes or a review? Or on SM? It helps me quite a lot, actually. <3)
I read a fic last night that was really sweet, and evidently the writer's first piece of fanfic. Think about your first fanfic. I am so ashamed of mine, just crap. This story is not, it's a sweet look at Kurt deciding to take that next step and being mature about it (talking with Burt, Blaine) so go encourage a new writer to keep at it, because if this is her first? Just imagine where she'll go. *unicorn farts a rainbow*

(I confess to being selfish in the recs I've been putting up - I want quality fic to come out, and boy, is that lacking most of the time in Glee fandom. Mostly because writers are young, inexperienced, whatever. Quantity is preferred over quality. Boo. ENCOURAGE GOOD WRITING, PEOPLE. Esp. when characters are IN character. You can be AU and still in character, kids.)

But I have been having a case of the blahs for the past two days about this STOOPID BOOK I am trying to write. Under here so the vast majority can scroll past the former-Mormon whining about my CRAY-CRAY upbringing and licked cupcake analogies )

I think instead of working on that stuff I might retool the Mormon missionary fic and repost it, since I deleted my Insanejournal account where it was stored. IDK, I'm moody today.
I need to tweak a joke. You have it in you, I feel it. I BELIEVE IN YOU.

In this chapter (of Oh My Heck! I'm gonna try. Again. Sigh) I'm talking about how when the guys would go away on missions for two years, we girls were encouraged to sit in cold storage and wait for them, right? So all we did was can fruit and quilt things, and I'm trying to equate it to a [__something something__] trousseau. Like a bizarre fruity trousseau.

And that's not right.

*chin fists* Suggestions? Also, good god, it is no wonder I'm broken inside. But damn, do I have a sweet apocalypse pantry of peaches. In your face, undead!
Hello, hello all!

OMG, am I glad that the last week is over. It was nice, it had it's moments both good and bad, and most importantly, it had a delicious turkey and 4 Cheese Macaroni and my lovely sister, bro-in-law, and my family, but HAHAHAHAHA IT IS OVER AND MY HOUSE IS MINE AGAIN, WHEEEEE!

1. I am very unhappy that there is only one episode of The Walking Dead left until season 2 starts back up NEXT HALLOWEEN. Boo, AMC, that is going to make people unhappy. Who do you think you are, The Sopranos? I fully believe the show needs to pick back up in February, but hey, that's just me. At least I was being generous and not saying Decemberween, like I want.

2. Born Free by M.I.A. came on my iPod this weekend and I raced to the computer to watch the short film/video again. What an outstanding piece of political art that is. And how freaking disturbing, but in a non-gratuitous way. And then OF COURSE someone on my FB posted a "tee hee! Obama is HITLER, and I'm thuper theriouth, you guyth" comment and I wanted to raaaaaage.

GUESS WHO YOU CAN COMPARE HITLER TO? HITLER. Maybe Stalin. Different flavor of evil, though. Or maybe some cats. GUESS WHO YOU CAN'T? PEOPLE THAT DID NOT COMMIT ATROCITIES/GENOCIDE AGAINST MILLIONS - READ THAT AGAIN - MILLIONS OF PEOPLE.

Excuse me while I wipe the spittle from my chin.

3. Hey, Hanukkah is coming up! I keep singing, "Hanukkah, Hanukkah, whoever heard of a boy wanting more!" to the tune of "Oliver! Oliver!" But you know, all Linda Richmond-y and accusatory. Do you like how I can be so defensive of a people in one paragraph and offensive in another? Come on, it's why you love me.

4. I had a head desky conversation with a well-meaning/intentioned young lady this weekend on my "Black Mormons" post at Ohmyheck. She is a convert to the church, happens to be a black Mormon, and tried to explain to me that she gets the racism, but hey, there's racism everywhere, so why not be a Mormon? Oh....kay? You know, I'm not out to convert (shh, you know I am) so all I can do is put the info out there and let people do what they will. It's still leaving a bad taste in my mouth, though.

5. Lastly, I watched "Hostel" on IFC this weekend, and boy, does that movie make no sense when "cut for television," and they had boobs and cutting off of fingers and eye balls, but all of the hard core stuff (read: most of the movie) was cut. It was pretty hilarious how this guy is lurking about a big building looking for his friends, gets shackled with a ball gag, trips some dude with a chainsaw, then all of a sudden he's running out of there with murder on his mind. Why does he want to kill people we've never seen? Hilarious. Then it's just suddenly over. LOL.

If you need it, here's my old "Hostel in 15 minutes" post. Like I said, if you need it. Like I need to eat some more fudge.
And it should be obvious that I'm talking about TLC's Sister Wives, the REALITY SHOW about POLYGAMISTS. I mean, come on <00 say like Jimmy from South Park. Brief commentary about them, under a cut in case stating the obvious is "spoilery." :D Why are the guys always creepy? Why? )

Because [livejournal.com profile] flaming_muse is so awesome and had some great ideas for me, I'm all jazzed up for writing today. I need to get off the kitchen table chairs because they hurt my butt for long bouts of writing, one, and two, the cats like to do that thing cats do where they sneak up behind you and gradually push you off the chair, claiming it in the name of Feline. Also, I need to rethink my subtitle, because "An Insider's blah blah" and "How I blah blah'd and finally blah'd" is played out.

It was 51 degrees this morning. Tonight is venison stew and a bottle of red. YAY.

OH. AND I FORGOT TO MENTION. Last Thursday marked the 1,000,000th hit on the first portion of the Sparkledammerung. (The others are languishing around 500,000 ish, with the 4th at @750,000 hits.) DUDE. I'm internet popular. Just in time for my high school reunion!! Lol.
I'm taking a break from landscaping today to mention a funny and ask an opinion of you.

1, Emily wore her bathing suit under her school clothes yesterday so when she got home she could get straight into the pool. o_0. I mentioned that we need to wear proper underwear to school from now on. Also, LOL.

2. What do we think about this comment? I mean, going off my ideas is one thing, lifting the whole concept is pretty much a no no, right? Also, kinda like stealing? Esp. since I'm seriously considering adding a chapter to my book about Twilight being modern Mormon proselytizing (albeit unwitting proselytizing?)

3. Mexican food lunch with a friend = happy belly.

4. I love the kittens, but they REALLY need to stop waking me up for lovings at 5am (Kneading, face kissing, whiskers in the ear as they purr LOUDLY to wake me up so I will acknowledge the love they are presenting me with.) I want to sleep at 5am.

5. Girls who I am working on a writing project with. Um, I'm ready to start promoting. Email me if you're NOT ok with that.

BANNER DAY

Sep. 9th, 2010 10:01 am
Because it is not 1,000,000 degrees outside I get to go out and jog in it! No more jumping jacks in my house, yay. More tornadoes last night to the point of my kids breaking down in hysterics. We were truly in no danger, but try telling hormonal teens that. Oy.

And I don't normally do this sort of thing because I usually get so frustrated by other people's ability to not be hamstrung by writer's block, but I knocked out 11,500 in word count yesterday (on articles for an upcoming project and in revisions for my book.) While my knees hated me sitting so long, the rest of me was quite pleased. I did have to do some research from a HATEFUL book, and I cut and pasted for your pleasure a paragraph from said book that outlines how you can sin. And as you would expect, it's quite long and somewhat lulzy. )

I have to go buy some "sensible work shoes" for a shoot tomorrow morning as I realized that I don't own any. I have my Birks and I have as [livejournal.com profile] elizah_jane calls them, Barbie Shoes. I guess caregivers in Nursing Homes don't wear Jessica Simpson platform peekaboo red leather heels, huh? WELL THEY SHOULD.

Top Chef last night made me want to eat all the Singapore food there is in the world. All of it. Jersey Shore tonight, yo! WITH CAT FIGHT, mreow!
My lovely sister hosts an awards site for Buffy/AtS fen, the [livejournal.com profile] c2c_buffyawards . Round 2 is still open for nominations, and you should go on over because this ain't yo daddy's award site [and we know this because I JUST TOLD YOU that it's my sister's site. Really, guys, pay attention.]

I like how she's got the rules set up, it's not about the popular person or who can bully their flist into voting multiple times, it's about quality, hooray! Good stuff. It's been some time since I've written any fanfic, and this makes me want to go back and reread some of the good stuff y'all have put out there. Aww, fanfiction is what led me here, MEMORIES. *chin on fists*

Two! Yesterday's snitfest re: current events led me to sitting in a coffee shop and writing for two straight hours, something I've not done in AGES. (Working on my book, for those who are interested.) I know we're not supposed to do this in polite society, but DAMMIT I AM FUNNY. I'm trying my hardest to not make it an angry screed about being betrayed by my religion (even though that's what happened) and the jokes/humor I'm putting in there? Well, it's GOLD PEOPLE. Gold. (No one else is going to build me up, so I have to do it myself, lol.

Fake Bible Books I'm "quoting" from: Levijeanology and Hysterectomy II. Okay, that's more brass than gold, but there's good stuff in there, honest!

Speaking of awesome writing (weren't we?) my good buddy Melissa Francis wrote a wonderful YA book last year, "Bite Me" about a girl with a vampire boyfriend. OH AND IT'S AWESOME AND NOT LIKE TWILIGHT AT ALL. And the sequel "Love Sucks" JUST CAME OUT! (And my daughter got a copy early and is truly the envy of her friends. Here's a picture of her opening the package from Melissa, not realizing she got an advanced copy ) So you should go buy a copy of it, because we're awesomely supportive of fellow writers on LJ, aren't we? Congrats on the sequel, [livejournal.com profile] oatmellow! (Her LJ handle.) She's on a book tour right now, which, HOW AWESOME IS THAT?! Seriously awesome, that's how.

Ok. I'm getting back to writing, because this is a RARE THING, me actually doing it and not fifty million other things. WHAT IS THIS MADNESS? (Also, AUGH, IT'S GOING VIRAL! Must write faster!! And of course I had to comment.)
There's a book that has been on my radar to read since I divorced my first husband and left Utah, back in late '97. The book only came out 5 years ago, but her story? Well, everyone that lived in Utah "knew" her story and knew a book was coming. But good hell, the conditioning was deep and I thought I already knew the answers, which was the point of her book. I just read it last night. Leaving The Saints, by Martha Nibley Beck. Heads up about the book: she claims sexual abuse and talks to other abuse survivors in detail, so if that's upsetting to you, there's your fair warning. I'll refer to her claims in the end of the post, but there won't be any deep discussion about abuse, mm'kay?

Unless you've grown up in Jonestown, you can't know how all-consuming that life is. It's not like any other organized religion out there. Loooong-winded discussion under the cut. )

While I applaud Martha's coming forward about something that had to be excruciating to deal with, I did find some aspects of her book to be... forced for writerly tension. It doesn't take away much from the story, but it does leave room for detractors to say, "See? She said their house was blue, and it was green! Ergo, we cannot believe any of her lies!" She presents conversations with fellow Mormons as if she doesn't know some of the arcane beliefs. Her father was the leading "expert" on those beliefs, AND she was a professor at BYU AND from one of the older LDS families. That bugged me. If anything, it's making me go back over my own manuscript and make sure I'm being completely truthful, and when I'm being purposely obtuse for comedic effect, it's obvious. Her book is the first of all of the ex-Mormon books I've read that doesn't sound like Testimony meeting, however. There are a handful of you that know what I mean by that. :) She still does, but her writing doesn't, if that makes sense. (By that I mean her "overwhelming love" for her father, the way she still bows to him as her patriarch even though he was an abuser and poor excuse for a father to her and her 7 siblings. That's pure Mormon culture.)

Guys, I wish I could just let it all go and forget that this was ever a part of my life. But it made me who I am, and it's not all bad. My crochet and canning skills and my apocalypse pantry are proof of that. :)
You should pretty much know that a) there are going to be massive spoilers (*and in the truest sense of the word - if you've not seen, please don't read. It's awful to not have the emotional punch because you read something beforehand, imo) and b) there's going to be some pretty triggery stuff for people who suffered as closeted homosexuals. Also, I should throw in a c) I'm going to do some massive exposing (following along with the stuff the show said) about how the Mormon Church REALLY feels about lesbians and gays. (Trans people are straight up sinners in their eyes. Flat out, a person who is trans is barred from heaven, no ifs ands or buts to these dudes.)

I'm going to link you to my book journal, [livejournal.com profile] 0hmyheck, (which needed an update anyway) for more in depth information and links. [There are no Big Love spoilers there, btw.]

Jodene's sour expressions continue to be hilarious. That's about the only thing hilarious in the show this week. )

That was exhausting. And fantastic TV. This is an outstanding show, even though it upsets me greatly. For more on homosexuality and the LDS church, this is a (working) excerpt from my book on the subject.

Happier, off topic stuff is that I had this menu to choose from last night for dinner. For the record, I had the steamed buns, the lobster chowder, the duck, and the winter creme brulee. All with a bottle of Tangly Oak Merlot, which was really delicious. The Mr. had the tiramasu for dessert, took a bite and said, "this is the best tiramasu I've ever had." I rolled my eyes, took a bite and moaned, "This is the best tiramasu I've ever had." Big fan of Kent Rathburn. I was stuffed, but in a pleasant "it took 2+ hours to eat this meal and had wonderful conversation" kind of stuffed. :)
I found my journal from my first year in college. In Mormon Utah. You know that picture that I want to be on the cover of my memoir/book? I just found where those two missionaries had written their names into my journal.

What the ever loving-

Like, they must have seen it on my desk in my dorm room (that's where that picture is from), taken it, and put their names and info in my FREAKING JOURNAL. Wow.

Also, I am completely embarrassed by my self-professed bravado and almost slavish dedication to my faith. I describe the attractive attributes of boys as them having "really strong spirits and testimonies." I was 20! I should have been checking out hot asses! And when guys chastened me with their superior intellect in all things spiritual, I called them "awesome studs" and remarked about "how much I have yet to learn."

GOOD GOD. Wow. I've, uh, come a long way since then. O_O

[ETA] OH HAIL NAW. I referred to this one boy as my JOHNNY LINGO. I could die. Never doubt that I was hard core LDS, haters. :(
I've been quiet about the trial that's going on because so much of it is just plain upsetting to me, so I've avoided it. But I was asked a question about a specific issue (won't go into detail) and came across this post. That's the potentially triggery stuff, btw. Never forget that this organization isn't some hippie, feel good "we just want to worship our God" religion. This is an outfit that went about specifically targeting YOUNG (as in: seriously under aged) girls to make them subservient and to be breeders. That's all women are good for, they can serve no leadership positions, their advice isn't wanted (and can get them a pop in the mouth or a few days in the potato shed for speaking out of turn) and they are systematically beaten and broken down until there's nothing left.

If I read one more comment on a blog about how they're "just wanting to practice their religion" I'm going to fly off in a rage. Or create a religion where I get to take anything of yours I want and rock out on amyl poppers. What? It's what my god wants me to do!

(Important to note: even old time FLDS folks - read: pre Warren Jeffs - were shocked by the temple bed. But the more secretive these people get, the more crazy stuff they do. Like how apparently Jeffs kept TAPES OF HIMSELF CONSUMMATING HIS "MARRIAGES" TO YOUNG GIRLS.)

I will never forget the shock I felt when I got a question from the State Troopers re: the original bust and they asked if there were beds in the temples. There are padded altars. This whole thing is just a gross distortion of the original weirdness. (Here's what Mormon temple altars look like.) I MEAN, HELLO.

Geh. In other news, I've completely gutted my office, selling off the furniture, painting walls, etc. and I'm wanting to put in this coffee table and a bunch of comfy chairs and have a relaxed space. No more formal office for me, I think. We're all laptop users now, so why have a desk designed for a PC? Exactly.

I have hummingbirds all over my Mexican bush sage out front. <3
I watched a movie last night that reminded me of a church lesson I had beaten into my head: "I am an 8 cow wife." Anyone know what I'm talking about here? For those not familiar, it's the Legend of Johnny Lingo, a film BYU produced in 1969, based on a short story from the early 60s. Given the culture of women at the time, it's offensive but is to be expected for the times (I'll tell the story under the cut). What is really crazy is that this was re-produced in 2004, and is still the most beloved LDS movie of all time, even more than Saturday's Warrior, which is my personal favorite because it's a birth-control musical, lol. NO, REALLY.

Johnny Lingo validates women through livestock. It's a win-win. )

And just maybe I don't want to be worth any cows. I want to be worth Orcas! I AM A TWELVE ORCA WIFE, let it be known. Ha ha ha.

A reminder: Orcas are the bullies of the ocean. They're the Mean Girls of the Sea!

Oh, and this just reminded me of the story of the Hot Guy in Class that asked the "crippled" [the word they use] girl in a wheelchair to the Big Dance, and she can't believe it, because how could anyone in a wheelchair expect to do something normal, and it ended up being the best day of her life because someone paid attention to her. Once. WOW THIS CRAP IS SO BAD. (That story, and my commentary on it, is in my book, btw. *G*)
Aw, isn't that sweet? So I've spent the entire day since waking up on my butt in front of the computer, something I never do. Ever. Sitting is hard, you guys. Per my [it's almost official omg] agent's request, I've re-tooled my book's proposal to be less in my voice, and more "this is how the agent pitches it to them, ding dong, YOU don't do the pitching to the publishers, sheesh."

And because I really had NO IDEA how to write a non-fiction/memoir book proposal (need someone to diagram transcription RNA for you? Write out complex math formulas? Tell a fart joke? I'm your gal.) I figured that surely someone out there could use some insight or advice. Oh, not from me, because I'm an idiot. But I've found LOADS of helpful sites that have scads of great information. Here you go, under a cut! linkity link links for writers and wanna bes like me )

I'm now faced with an afternoon where I could be good and a) eat something finally today, something healthful and b) work out like a good girl, or I could c) gnaw on something quick-like, lay out in the sunshine with a book, possibly nap a bit, and d) go out for delicious Mexican food, maybe a movie, or hopefully food and drinks with me seester and her man. I like the choices of C and D, personally.

Tomorrow I'm going to be exciting and go to the garden-center and get a quarter-ton (no, really) of compost/manure and spread it out in the garden. Do I know how to have the best vacations, OR WHAT? I've already gotten multiple texts from the kids informing me of the toothbrushes they've forgotten (the ones I packed in plastic and put ON TOP of their suitcases) how they're already sunburned (even though I packed a tube of SPF50 for each of them and gave their father a spray-can of SPF 75, oh and they left at DINNER last night) and all the orb-weaver spiders my son has seen so far. NO ME GUSTA, but I'm glad they're enjoying it. All it takes is some discomfort, filth, fig newtons, and bugs to please my kids. MY JOB IS DONE HERE.
Horrible weekend, HORRIBLE. (Not all, but the bad things were so bad they over shadowed everything else.)

This morning I wake up, antsy for the arrival of the BFF for an overnight visit while she travels the country, and I find the following email (summed up:)

"Dear Stoney,

Remember how we're the awesome agency you want repping you and we asked for your proposal to be sent to a certain agent's home address so she could cosy up on her sofa with it? She wants you to send her your entire book ASAP, and she wants you to re-write your proposal in our specific format, which all BODES WELL FOR YOU, because we're already thinking of marketing. We used the word "delighted" at one point at which you will pause and make dolphin noises. Now quit preening and get to work, nothing's set in stone.

Love, Awesome Agency"

And my coffee is now ready, and there's a breeze on my patio, and I'm going to sit in the sun and drink my brew and feel positive. YAY.

and I totally saw that email in my inbox and assumed it was a "Tchuch, QUIT TRYING TO WRITE, LOSER" and walked away for a moment. SO GLAD IT DIDN'T SAY THAT. Again: YAY.
a real writer. I just got my first rejection letter (email.) Yay? (It was the guy that was friends with my agent. ETA: my FILM agent. I do not have a book agent, that's who sent the rejection.) It said "we're going to pass but we wish you luck." Much nicer than "LOLOLOL, RU kidding me? USUCK." which is what I was almost expecting. :)

Stiff upper lip'd, sallying forth, and making sure I actually corrected the type-o I just found in my submission package. *head desk* And soothing my wounded spirit with some homemade pumpernickel bread.
I know I've been bad about replying to comments, I've read them all, I'm just running out of time. I have a nice long rainy day to look forward to this weekend, so I'll do my best. Don't get your feelings hurt, it's not you, it's me. :)

Yesterday I didn't get to do my workout (horrors!) because I went in to film what's called a "slate." It's me talking into the camera about something for 20-30 seconds so casting directors can hear me, see me move, etc. Good times.... At first you think, talking about myself? Until they get what they want? Awesome! Then you realize how boring you really are and you just feel dorky. Just me? Okay, then.

P90X Day 6 - KEMPO! Translation: Sarah Connor training to battle evil. In a word: Awesome. )

I was graciously given a Dreamwidth account, and while I originally said I wasn't going anywhere, I can see myself using that site and making this one friends only, or vice versa. That was I can have personal stuff locked down in one spot. I'm not sure how I'll work it out yet, but I'm pretty lazy, so... I'm "Stoney" over there, which is FANTASTIC. I wish the name squatter over here on LJ would dump his LJ that's not been updated since 2002... If you have an account, please comment with your username so I can add you on my list. :)

I have yellow roses popping open all over outside. Thank you, spring rains! Chilling outside after some hard work is going to be sweeeeeeet. Have wonderful weekends!
I got a care package from [livejournal.com profile] crazydiamondsue yesterday (side note: she wins because I got NOTHING FROM NO ONE. When I'm famous and on a book tour discussing my latest Oscar win, she'll be carrying my purse. IN YOUR FACE. Note, she won't be carrying my purse in your face, unless she wants to. That's her right as the winner of who can show someone online that you've never met - we have, though - that YOU LOVE THEM MOST. Ahahaha. Um, I'm being funny. And weird. And tangential. I'll stop. [livejournal.com profile] dovil will laugh at this. Or I'll know the reason why. O_O)

Care package. It consisted of:
  • one box of Sweetheart Conversation Hearts, the TWILIGHT VERSION. They have some that sparkle. I am not making this up. Except, it's not real sparkle, it's like glistening sugar that is dulling from the powder of the chalky candy getting bung up. I loooove conversation hearts, so I do not care about this. The box has Facts On Twilight on the back. It also says in mysterious print, "Try these Forbidden Fruits Flavors" and that plural fruits bugs the hell out of me. Flavors are "Orange Obsession," "Tempting Apple" (I see what you did there), "Secret Strawberry" and "Passion Fruit." OooooOoooh, tres romantique!
  • Tissues! One Gay Pride set and one Punk Chick set with pink skulls. I felt bad ass wiping my nose with pink skulls at Target yesterday. lml -_- lml
  • a paperback version of "I Like You" by my hero, Amy Sedaris. Seriously, if I didn't have any sense of decorum or self, I would stalk her and make googley-eyed threatening letters written on pantyhose, wrapped around cheese balls, and lob them through her window. And you know? I think she'd like that.


In conclusion, Sue rocks and that made me very happy and I laughed, holding my upper lip still so things didn't... pull. I'm still a bit tender. :) <3 <3 <3

It is FINALLY going to not be windy and yucky outside for the next few days, and my wee plants are starting to pop up and I'm so happy about that. Note to newbies: I'm a (former) master gardener and in spring there's a lot of "Ya, Gardens!" talk this way and pictures. I swear I'm not 80. My peach and plum trees are starting to bloom, and that makes me glad. It also makes me sing a song I've sung since I was a babe, "Popcorn Popping on the Apricot Tree" which was learned in LDS church, and I'll never, ever be able to escape it.

I completely shut down writing on my book over the past few weeks, totally bummed at lack of feedback from the people I've sent copies to, or negative feedback (only from one person, but still. Gasping in horror hurts to hear. I've since sucked it up.) I've been trying to figure out why the hell I'm writing this in the first place, does it have any place in the actual world of publishing, or should it just be something I've written and get to keep on my hard drive. I think I'll spend the rest of my convalescence working that out.

Now if you'll excuse me, I have sparkle food to laugh at. And eat, because come on: candy.

[ETA] for those that live in Philly and want to see my horror movie Blood on the Highway featuring Nicholas Brendon and Tom Towles, as well. The Backseat Film Festival will show BotH at 9:30pm this Friday - free beer to every one that goes, too! NICE.
1. Do you number the pages on your manuscript? (Believe it or not, Writer's Market doesn't say!)
2. For non-fiction, should I include a Table of Contents? Should I put it in there before the prologue, just like a typical book? *head desk* I feel so stupid...
Have been told 1= Yes, 2 = Yes, Yes. If you know otherwise, feel free to chime in. :)
3. Would someone write my query letter to an agent for me for a plate of nachos? ;)

For those wondering what the hell I'm talking about, I think I've finally finished my book, Oh My Heck! An Insider's Guide To Identifying (and avoiding) Mormons.

(so people don't want electronic submissions typically, huh? Damn. It's so much faster.)

OT: happy birthday, Snow!
OT #2: I had a crap bottle of wine last night that tasted like apple juice with a dirty sock soaking in it. GROSS. Fortunately I had a bottle of bordeaux on hand to get the stink out. If you like overly sweet wine, or really fruity (to the point of being tropical) Reisling, that's your wine. you can have all of it.
OT #3: You can still play the music meme from yesterday! READ THE RULES. There's some fun music for downloading over there, too. Big thanks to those of you that shared your lists and the links to go with it.
I did something that you shouldn't do unless you're a glutton for punishment: I googled my user name. I had no idea how far-reaching that ridiculous Twilight/LDS comparison spread. I kinda knew, but... it's over 3 million hits as of this posting. O_O As a result, I have a lot of new traffic here, and I know that people can be lazy and not want to hunt around for stuff, so I'll re-state some things:

  • I do not pretend to be an essayist, a member of the literati, or that this blog is anything but a source of personal amusement and camaraderie. (Nutshell: I ain't a genius, and I ain't claiming to be one.)

  • I like to be ridiculous and laugh. I also like to cuss. A lot.

  • I don't have an ax to grind, this is just my journal, where I like to talk about things what crop up in my think box. And I'm fairly certain that's what journals are for, yes?

  • I have a great rack and pretty ankles. Contrary to how I may come across here, I'm fairly nice and likeable with occasional moments of bitchery just like everyone else, I suppose.

  • I don't automatically friend people back, and I think it's a little weird when complete strangers demand that I do. Jeez, buy me dinner before you expect to get a little, you know? (lol) It's a reading list. Just like how you don't read every section of a newspaper, I don't read every journal/blog on the intertubenets. If that's upsetting to you, you might need to breathe more deeply. Or not read me, whatever keeps your blood pressure level. Or you know, start talking with me so we can get to know each other online. That's really easy; I like talking.

  • I try to answer every comment I receive, but it's not always possible. It's not meant as a slight, I just have lots going on in my actual life, and some things slip through the cracks. Just ask that one child I think I gave birth to... I feed it, so I guess I birthed it. Where did that kid go? We were on a pier - wide spaces - loud splash - and something happened. Huh.

  • I'm attempting to publish a book. It may never happen. It's specific, and it's meant to be funny (and teach you some things all sneaky like.) You can read first draft excerpts here, which is also where I keep the majority of my religious-discussion posts.

  • I go back and forth on whether or not to mark this LJ as "adult concepts." For one, I don't like that I have to define my LJ as that, since it's not always "adult." But then, I don't want to get in trouble for dropping F bombs and laughing about bad pr0n, either. Subject to change, I guess I should say.

  • I listened to two Australian guys talk about Twilight last night on a podcast, and not only are they funny, they state that everything they needed to know about Twilight, they learned from me. How freaking cool (and crazy!) is that?

  • I like tequila. And nachos. Both of which sound delicious right about now. Lunch?

June 2017

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