![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
stoney321Such a great day today. Cold, blowy, icy... Turned into sunny and cold and hot chocolate wanting. Always of the good. Got many things squared away for Christmas, got my tree up and purdy (I'm not a believer, but I love the decorations of Christmas), and best of all:
HAPPY MAIL DAY!! Got a postcard from![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
dovil with a wistful and at peace Kiwi holding his lover, er, sheep around the neck. Such girly and clear handwriting you have, my dear!
Got a CD of music fromanelith with lovely Celtic and Bluegrass selections! I have to reboot my PC, then it is going straight in! (Apparently you are supposed to reboot more often than once a month. Huh.)
I got silly earlier (no, me? Shocking, isn't it.) and wrote a pamphlet for broaching taboo topics with family and friends. To avoid bitch slapping, don't you know. And thanks tosdwolfpup, I cannot get "Ring ring ring ring ring ring ring Banana Phone!" out of my head, but Emily is tickled by it, so it has been on a constant loop for most of the afternoon.
CDs going out tonight! I'll post the playlists later!
How to Talk Taboo, By Stoney
Religion:
Talking about God (unless you are on a bike with a skinny tie and a matching companion) is considered a no-no in mixed company. Tempers flare, feelings are hurt, and once you stab someone in the leg for not accepting that the Pharisees were a politically driven group of people, only interested in furthering their own self-interests, there is no going back.
The key is to use soothing words that make the other person feel at ease, while still maintaining your point of view. After all, if you are making the effort to tell someone your views (which are right, by the way) you are obviously more open-minded than they are. You did read Joseph Campbell, after all. What did they read? The Bible??
An example conversation may happen like this:
You: "You ever see those morons, the Jehovah's Witnesses? What a bunch of dummies."
Them: "I am a Jehovah's Witness."
You: "Then you must be the smartest one of them all. Bet you get into 'heaven.'" Don't forget the finger quotes.
Art:
The key here is to use big words to disarm your opponent, or fellow dining partner. To carry yourself with the air of the educated sets you apart from most of the yokels who just go to museums to look at "pictures." You go to find something that matches the couch, silly. And never forget your "feeling" words!
You: "Van Gogh (say "go" and not "goff") used "swirly" lines to express chaos in his works, and also because it was faster."
Them: "Actually, he was breaking away from the common "Pointillism" style favored by his contemporaries."
You: "I feel that this painting is overpriced. The artist must be a megalomaniac."
Them: "Actually, this painting is considered under-priced according to Sothebey's."
You: "Sothebey's? At least the words I make up sound like real words."
Politics:
With our country more divided than ever, it's hard to know which side the other person is on. It is best to start with a loaded statement to divine which party they are aligned with.
You: "It's a good thing President ____ won. What's up with those pinko-homos who didn't vote for them? They must be the stupidest people on the planet. I mean, do we REALLY want colored people to have equal rights? And who the hell needs so much clean water to drink when we have good old-fashioned Coca-Cola™ to drink? And if those girls didn't dress that way, they wouldn't get knocked up in the first place. Am I right?"
Them: *crickets before walking quickly away*
Sex:
Times have changed enough that society as a whole is more open to discussing matters of a sexual nature. People appreciate detail.
You: "So he's got me bent over the table, I got the butter dish sliming my gut up, and he gets the idea for "a more natural lube." Hey. You ever hear of "Prison Spooning?"
Them: *thud*
Hopefully this will enable you and yours to draw closer over the holidays and share the greatest gift of all: your unsolicited thoughts.
HAPPY MAIL DAY!! Got a postcard from
dovil with a wistful and at peace Kiwi holding his lover, er, sheep around the neck. Such girly and clear handwriting you have, my dear!Got a CD of music from
anelith with lovely Celtic and Bluegrass selections! I have to reboot my PC, then it is going straight in! (Apparently you are supposed to reboot more often than once a month. Huh.)I got silly earlier (no, me? Shocking, isn't it.) and wrote a pamphlet for broaching taboo topics with family and friends. To avoid bitch slapping, don't you know. And thanks to
sdwolfpup, I cannot get "Ring ring ring ring ring ring ring Banana Phone!" out of my head, but Emily is tickled by it, so it has been on a constant loop for most of the afternoon.CDs going out tonight! I'll post the playlists later!
How to Talk Taboo, By Stoney
Religion:
Talking about God (unless you are on a bike with a skinny tie and a matching companion) is considered a no-no in mixed company. Tempers flare, feelings are hurt, and once you stab someone in the leg for not accepting that the Pharisees were a politically driven group of people, only interested in furthering their own self-interests, there is no going back.
The key is to use soothing words that make the other person feel at ease, while still maintaining your point of view. After all, if you are making the effort to tell someone your views (which are right, by the way) you are obviously more open-minded than they are. You did read Joseph Campbell, after all. What did they read? The Bible??
An example conversation may happen like this:
You: "You ever see those morons, the Jehovah's Witnesses? What a bunch of dummies."
Them: "I am a Jehovah's Witness."
You: "Then you must be the smartest one of them all. Bet you get into 'heaven.'" Don't forget the finger quotes.
Art:
The key here is to use big words to disarm your opponent, or fellow dining partner. To carry yourself with the air of the educated sets you apart from most of the yokels who just go to museums to look at "pictures." You go to find something that matches the couch, silly. And never forget your "feeling" words!
You: "Van Gogh (say "go" and not "goff") used "swirly" lines to express chaos in his works, and also because it was faster."
Them: "Actually, he was breaking away from the common "Pointillism" style favored by his contemporaries."
You: "I feel that this painting is overpriced. The artist must be a megalomaniac."
Them: "Actually, this painting is considered under-priced according to Sothebey's."
You: "Sothebey's? At least the words I make up sound like real words."
Politics:
With our country more divided than ever, it's hard to know which side the other person is on. It is best to start with a loaded statement to divine which party they are aligned with.
You: "It's a good thing President ____ won. What's up with those pinko-homos who didn't vote for them? They must be the stupidest people on the planet. I mean, do we REALLY want colored people to have equal rights? And who the hell needs so much clean water to drink when we have good old-fashioned Coca-Cola™ to drink? And if those girls didn't dress that way, they wouldn't get knocked up in the first place. Am I right?"
Them: *crickets before walking quickly away*
Sex:
Times have changed enough that society as a whole is more open to discussing matters of a sexual nature. People appreciate detail.
You: "So he's got me bent over the table, I got the butter dish sliming my gut up, and he gets the idea for "a more natural lube." Hey. You ever hear of "Prison Spooning?"
Them: *thud*
Hopefully this will enable you and yours to draw closer over the holidays and share the greatest gift of all: your unsolicited thoughts.
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
bwahaha!!!
Date: 2004-11-30 01:28 pm (UTC)hmm. . .doesn't Cordy have pretty hair in my icon? I used to have pretty hair but I pulled it all out because of this fricking application that is due tomorrow!
that's all I can think of.
Re: bwahaha!!!
Date: 2004-11-30 01:38 pm (UTC)I would memorize your TV/Movie conversations. I would need seperate sets for my folks and in-laws... Um, that sounded demand-y when I just was thinking out loud.
cordy hair and demandyness
Date: 2004-11-30 01:55 pm (UTC)as far as demand-y? have I spent the last month doing anything other than demanding for people to make me icons, write me fic, send me goodies, write me feedback? maybe so but it doesn't seem like it. LJ is all about
demandy-nesscalling on the resources of our friends. Not that you were demandy. I'm only saying ;). Let me think on what those talking points would look like -- any particular bases they should cover?In other news, I accidentally called Roomie's fiance "Wesley" last night instead of "Wes." To my knowledge nobody has ever called him Wesley, and he did look at me kind of funny. You know what I blame? Your Wesley CD, which I had in my hand. Also, he had just solved a perplexing problem, which I associate with our Wesley. Me & Roomie: Why won't the VCR record???? Wes: Is there a tape in there? Me: (far more exuberant than the situation required) Wesley, you are brilliant!!!
Re: cordy hair and demandyness
Date: 2004-11-30 02:09 pm (UTC)When you exclaimed to Boyfriend, did you do it with a Texas Twang? THEN I would be concerned. Oh, and I stayed up late because of your post about Jude Law. Fucking hell. Did you know that he was the inspiration for my "carve him out and wear him like a pair of man pants? Commando?" Lord have mercy.
no subject
Date: 2004-11-30 01:30 pm (UTC)You're having hot chocolate, I'm having oven s'mores. Chocolate, bringing people together since before religion, art and politics existed... or something. Sex? Bringing people together since before chocolate.
Hopefully this will enable you and yours to draw closer over the holidays and share the greatest gift of all: your unsolicited thoughts.
And it's free so it's a win-win.
no subject
Date: 2004-11-30 01:40 pm (UTC)And I'm listening to THe Muppets with john Denver singing "The 12 Days of Christmas" and Beeker cracks me up every year. I'm dorky like that.
Chocolate: the food of kings. One of them shoulda dumped the myhrr and replaced it with Hershey's.
no subject
Date: 2004-11-30 01:31 pm (UTC)::substitute "Stoney" for "Vaughn" in icon::
no subject
Date: 2004-11-30 01:42 pm (UTC)Huh? Couldn't focus when such purtiness abounds...
*hearts you 'til you pop!*
*sweeps up ashes and makes you into salt-dough ornament to be enjoyed for years to come*
no subject
Date: 2004-11-30 02:29 pm (UTC)In other news, I move that you post pictures of your adorable-sounding kids.
no subject
Date: 2004-11-30 05:27 pm (UTC)/is lame, but happy
I'm waiting for pics from our trip, but here is a picture of me and CrazyDiamondSue when she came for a visit: http://www.livejournal.com/users/crazydiamondsue/48233.html?view=451945&style=mine#t451945
Warning: I do not often wear makeup...
no subject
Date: 2004-11-30 02:32 pm (UTC)Someday I'll either smoke a lot of hashish or eat a tub of margarine and write an epic poem about how much I love you (and why) on the back of a Wal-Mart receipt, scan it and post it in my lj. 'Til then, know you are loved.
You didn't add, however, that you can also say anything you like about someone as long as you insert a blessing. See example:
Stoney: Poor Angel. His ass all but exploded in Season 5. God bless 'im.
Sue: And his chin disappeared into his man boobs. Lord love 'im.
(This really only works if you can pull off a Texas or Oklahoma accent. Which we can.)
no subject
Date: 2004-11-30 05:30 pm (UTC)My grandmother substitutes "kind of" with "kindly"
GM: Now, Earl is kindly fat.
Me: so he's nice and fat?
GM: Naw, he ain't real fat, just kindly.
Me: so what you are saying is he's a teddy bear?
GM: Laura (LAW-Ruh), you ain't listening. He ain't FAT. Just kindly. You know, portly.
Throw in hard core East Texas twang, and you've got her. Praise 'em.
no subject
Date: 2004-11-30 02:41 pm (UTC)Also?
INTERACTIVE-ODULAR
no subject
Date: 2004-11-30 05:31 pm (UTC)*click of the shackle on my ankle*
NEVER!! *sobs into keyboard*
I'll never let go... I'll never let.. Hey. What's that smoke? Oh De-
no subject
Date: 2004-11-30 02:51 pm (UTC)*muchos abrazos*
Btw, I'm starting to choose the songs for your CDs, I'll burn them tomorrow and hopefully I'll be able to mail them on Thursday!
no subject
Date: 2004-11-30 05:35 pm (UTC)Speaking of great, shiny hair... :-) I've seen your pics. You have hair that must be touched!!
*muwah*
no subject
Date: 2004-11-30 03:20 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2004-11-30 05:36 pm (UTC)I added a link to the original post above with my pic on CrazyDiamondSue's journal from her trip down to Texas. Warning: I am not wearing makeup, so I have a bit of the Renee Zelwegger "raisins in bread dough" for eyes...
no subject
Date: 2004-12-01 11:08 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2004-12-01 11:14 am (UTC)Dear God, Sangue: the icon!! He's too pretty.
I second karabair: Bwahahaha!!!
Date: 2004-11-30 04:19 pm (UTC)I do this all the time.......What?
More people should talk like this. Honestly, for my amusement alone...*g*
Re: I second karabair: Bwahahaha!!!
Date: 2004-11-30 05:46 pm (UTC)"That is a terrible color on you and you should be ashamed of yourself."
I mean, maybe that person didn't have a mother to teach her to get five opinions before she left the house and I'm doing them a public service?
Re: I second karabair: Bwahahaha!!!
Date: 2004-11-30 09:49 pm (UTC)I get the comment, "you're very blunt" an awful lot...I take it as a compliment *g* What's the point in beating around the damn bush? Heh...*get mind out of gutter*
no subject
Date: 2004-11-30 05:09 pm (UTC)I was just thinking about the staff party that I'm hosting on Saturday and how everyone will have their spouses here. Now, I'll know what to talk about whenever there's a lull in the conversation.
I think I'll start with the sex one to get the party started.
I'm getting my tree tonight! Woohoo!
no subject
Date: 2004-11-30 05:50 pm (UTC)It's good to know where people are coming from.
TREE!! Holy shit, I blew a circut breaker on my house tonight, and I haven't even put up the garlands!! (Is 1100 lights on a tree too much?) :-)
no subject
Date: 2004-11-30 05:19 pm (UTC)Over the holiday my two grandmom's managed to get into such a beautiful, finely tuned, highly coded arguement that my father didn't even know they were arguing and yet my mom and I good see that goodgran was fucking with evilgran like a cat with a mouse. It was one of the most fantastic things I've ever seen.
no subject
Date: 2004-11-30 05:51 pm (UTC)Harping on my bitch cousin-in-law notwithstanding, I like to think that I can tell someone off and still have them feel like they got a walk to the door and a good night kiss.
no subject
Date: 2004-11-30 06:00 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2004-11-30 05:52 pm (UTC)::disgusted::
no subject
Date: 2004-11-30 05:56 pm (UTC)*rubs your feet to make you stick around*
no subject
Date: 2004-11-30 06:22 pm (UTC)::goes all lesbian::
no subject
Date: 2004-11-30 07:27 pm (UTC)honey, if you do cheese AND chocolate (not necessarily together, mind you) then I am YOURS.
no subject
Date: 2004-11-30 07:04 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2004-11-30 07:48 pm (UTC)I hire out cheap at parties. (generally a beverage and slice of pie will suffice.)
no subject
Date: 2004-11-30 11:19 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2004-11-30 11:41 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2004-12-01 02:19 am (UTC)Thank you for the link to the fantastic picture : You're simply so lovely and your smile is beautiful and your hair is gorgeous , and I LOVE YOU !
I'm so happy happy happy to know how you look.
I'm going to post some recent pics , too.
Your " How to talk taboo " made me laugh so good.
(And you will have your french music , it's a nice idea )
*smooches*
no subject
Date: 2004-12-01 09:55 am (UTC)You and Sue are so pretty and shiny!
I'll print out and memorize the "How to Talk Taboo" for the next time the In-Laws visit! My mother isn't so bad, while she's Christian she's very liberal, but my in-laws are Christian AND conservative, so that's a scary combination.
We have to hold ourselves back on the decorations until our oldest son's birthday is appropriately celebrated -- December 10th. Otherwise he'd feel all trampled on. So I'm feeling a bit of tree-envy...
no subject
Date: 2004-12-01 10:58 am (UTC)And their Aunt always sends them a B-day AND X-mas present. They can't help it that their folks were twitterpated during the beginning of Spring...
I didn't have much on your CD, so it is FANTASTIC! Once I can get the cotton out of my ears (all 3 kids and I are down for the count today) I'll give you a proper review.
It's so bad, Mr. Stoney is flying back to help me. Waaaahhh...
no subject
Date: 2005-02-02 01:10 pm (UTC)You: "You ever see those morons, the Jehovah's Witnesses? What a bunch of dummies."
Them: "I am a Jehovah's Witness."
You: "Then you must be the smartest one of them all. Bet you get into 'heaven.'" Don't forget the finger quotes.
*gigglesnorts, heavy on the snorts*
I had a friend in college who was a Jehovahs witness. . . we used to rag on him mercilessly. At first 'cause he's a Jehovahs Witness and we're a bunch of disenfranchised Protestants. Then, we just made fun of him 'cause he was an effete art snob. . . .
Now that I'm thinking about it. . . we really weren't his "friends" so much as his "tormentors".
Good times. . . good times. . . .
You: "I feel that this painting is overpriced. The artist must be a megalomaniac."
Them: "Actually, this painting is considered underpriced according to Sothebey's."
You: "Sothebey's? At least the words I make up sound like real words."
You= me, in my over-priced art college
Them = everyone else in my over-priced art college
Your work is wicked-easy for me to relate to =D
You: "It's a good thing President ____ won. What's up with those pinko-homos who didn't vote for them? They must be the stupidest people on the planet. I mean, do we REALLY want colored people to have equal rights? And who the hell needs so much clean water to drink when we have good old-fashioned Coca-ColaTM to drink? And if those girls didn't dress that way, they wouldn't get knocked up in the first place. Am I right?"
Them: *crickets*
I love you.
"Prison Spooning?"
*perks up*
Enlighten me, please?
no subject
Date: 2005-02-02 01:15 pm (UTC)(You make another person eat what you scoop out of another person's ass off a spoon. Which you used to do the scooping. Gah. Remind me to stay a law-abiding citizen...)
no subject
Date: 2005-02-02 01:27 pm (UTC)That's not something I'll soon forget.
If you're so law-abiding, how come you're so fluent in prison lingo? Admit it. . . you did some time in the pen. It's nothing to be ashamed of, so don't try to throw me off with Remind me to stay a law-abiding citizen...
Forgiveness is for everyone.