I don't know if I'm crossing the streams here [Ray EGON says that would be bad] but if you've not seen that Diana Gabaldon is all hemhem "Stop writing fanfic about my characters [Outlander series] because that's like writing porn about my daughter and mailing it to me." Also, this literati uses the word "barf." Just like Cormac McCarthy. [Wank report link.]

OK, WHAT. 1) No, it isn't. 2) WTF? 3) Who is mailing you porny fanfic? Ok, there probably is someone doing that, and making Jamie into a unicorms and Claire into a red dragon [DO YOU SEE?] and they have dragoncorm humpings and then Jamie has a baby from his special magical womb, BUT DON'T SEND THAT TO THE CREATOR, DUMMY. You ask them to autograph that picture at book signings, am I right? Lol. No, please don't do that, weirdo.

But my FAVORITE part of all of this wank is how it's the PORN/SEX/HUMPINGS that is bothering her. Because for those of us that have read the books (I stopped at 5, gah, TOO MUCH PLANT TALK. FOR ME. What does that tell you?) every day is Hump Day! Good hell. They have sex every few pages! And then she has some SERIOUSLY purple prose with back hair glistening with dew like a wet autumn sunrise, and how many ways can you describe red hair, woman? "Like a box of crayons, the back level of the 64 pack, spilled across the floor, that was the range of reds to burnt umbers of Jamie's man pelt." LOL.

Also, her books are totally rapetastic, in that everyone gets rapes like they're passing them out at a car dealership, she suffers from Anne Rice-dom in that she needs to cut her words in HALF [huge books. HUGE.] and it reads like a 200+ chapter fanfic. I MEAN, WHAT. Are her characters interesting? Yes. Plus she has messy/doesn't work right all the time sex in her stories which is a big plus for me (it's real, I like real) but she also wants you to know that She Did Her Research. And it's lots and lots of data about plant life and how to make your own penicillin, and homeopathic this and that, and a reminder of such and such events, all with a thiiiiin plot stringing the data together.

I summed up the books to Kassie in her journal last night, and thought I'd reprint them here to spare her inbox. WHO WANTS SOME DISTILLED CRACK?

A time traveling nurse meets a red headed Scotsman, in case you Dinna Ken gaelic gaelic random understandings of paganism plant names historical insert blah )

Just, if you are so invested in stories you write that you compare fanfic to someone telling you they want to rape your real daughter or seduce your actual living husband, YOU HAVE EXPOSED YOURSELF FOR A MARY SUE. HEMHEM (Um, her husband? Tall red head. Same with her daughter. I'm just saying.) Also, you're a bit of a crackpot, Diana. She's been around the internet since the Compuserve days, too, so this CANNOT be new to her. Roll your eyes and keep writing like Charlaine Harris does, lady. SPEAKING OF: TODAY THERE IS MOAR ERIC. Shut it, I can't help that I imagine Askars when I read her books. It's like Charlaiine is writing fanfiction of True Blood, LOL x A MILLION.

Welcome to the world of a genre fic writer, lady. It's a COMPLIMENT. They aren't making money (or they shouldn't be, I'll agree with you on that. Adopt Jim Butcher's philosophy.) Or read this and realize how Dee You Em your allegations are.

LASTLY: I am making more tamales today and tomorrow because all the ones I made on New Years done got et. OM NOM NOM.

[ETA] Someone in West Texas needs some help/info, if you can, please do!
I am so COMPLETELY QUALIFIED to explain this to the world at large. (format awkwardly gacked from the hilarious [livejournal.com profile] mistful and her HP summaries)

If we can't laugh at ourselves, then we should laugh at others. *paints rainbows in the sky* )

HAHAHA!! My friend Narko did one for PotC fandom, BWAH HA HA!!!

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