Jersey Shore - season finale was last night, arrivederci, Italia.
Vampire Diaries, ep 6
Top Chef: Just Desserts ep 9
American Horror Story, ep 3
X-Factor: Judges Homes, part 3
Ringer ep 6

Later this weekend, Project Runway and Supernatural.

Monday: Hoarders comes back.

Have a great weekend, everyone.
[Your piece of pork, your wife's best friend, your Percy, or your c*ck. You can wrap it up in ribbons, you can slip it in your sock.] I cannot get Monty Python out of my head this morning, so I thought I'd share the fun. Yesterday it was the Philosopher's Drinking Song.

Speaking of euphemisms, I used a few in the recap for last night's Jersey Shore. I swear, that show has become an AU of itself. I like Sammi, there is no fighting with Ron, Jenni and Sam are BFF now, and Vinny and Pauly finally go all the way and share it with the world. GOOD FOR THOSE BOYS.

And this is the last week of our writers with traveling schedules, etc., so there should be no further hiccups with the recaps not getting up within 24 hours of airtime. WHEW! I know they were all stressed about that, so I'm glad things are settling back down. Which means the following recaps await you:
American Horror Story
The Vampire Diaries
Top Chef: Just Desserts
X-Factor: The Judges HOMES

Today is a recap for THE WALKING DEADS WEBISODES. (I'll update here with the link, gimmie until 11am CST for final editing.) Then Monday morning, our newest writer will crack you up. (Her husband makes amazing special effects for horror movies, too. FUN.) If there is a show I have been looking forward to, it is The Walking Dead. LOVE IT. (The SouthLAnd in January!!)

SUNDAY ON HDJM: a zombie apocalypse survival test! Test your know how! (And can you beat my survival score? Lol.)
Happy Birthday to [livejournal.com profile] a2zmom, who has been absent of late, but hopefully she'll see this. Hope you're well, R.

Pimp, the first: A very dear friend of mine, Yen Tan, is a director and movie producer who wrote and directed the very moving Ciao. It's about two friends finding love when one's lover dies. It won all sorts of awards, not just in the LGBT community, but in festivals around the globe. He's working on a new movie, and it's another quiet and lovely film about two parallel lives of two gay men in Texas. He says it's the story he's been wanting to tell for years, and he's looking for donations of any size to get it made. This is one that can go to Sundance and Cannes, and it's an important story. Maybe consider supporting it? At least go check out Ciao, you won't regret it. (Note: all funds are going to the production costs. I'm almost 100% that the actors are doing this for free. it means a lot to the people involved.)

Pimp, the second: my personal drug dealer [livejournal.com profile] flaming_muse (drug of choice: Klaine, and I'm not ashamed to admit it) has written another FitB story explaining the ending to the most recent episode, so heads up for spoilers to 3.3 if you've not seen it yet. I love how she writes them, and i have a sneaky suspicion that RIB follow her fics. No, really. Celebrations, PG. Read, feed.

Pimp the third, and it's self serving: Jersey Shore recap is up, and guys, THEY BROKE A DOUBLE MAGNUM OF CHIANTI. I wept, won't lie.

Pimp, the fourth, also self serving, I wrote fic yesterday! (Glee, Kurt-centric, general rating) And it's serious and sad and sweet and I love it, even if no one else does. *cry* How a boy grows up and keeps the memory of his deceased mother with him. So, yeah. Little sad in places. I cleared out the blood sweat and tears and hopefully left you with something sweet.
1. Everything coming up on my playlist has been perfect, at at the right moment, too. iTunes, how can you know my mood? If I weren't too busy singing along, I'd be weirded out. (I'm up to 600 songs of 3000 restored! =| )
2. Top Chef: Just Desserts had AD ROCK on it. AD ROCK. Beasties > everything
3. The latest Ringer recap is up, too. I plan on catching up on the show this weekend. It shows promise.
4. X-Factor recap is also up, and I caught a little of the show, and Melody nails it. I have to read the recaps, I can't watch the auditions. I feel the shame some of them should be feeling.
5. Jersey Shore - I love seeing how some of them have grown. And how one in particular has not. And his name rhymes with SNITCH-uation. He seriously is the worst.
6. Good conversation with my sister, and I wish she was my neighbor.
7. Fic beta for something I am loving AND IT'S POSTED. Just Thursday KLAINE, NC-17, so mind the rating, kids.
8. Nice weather and lunch outside is on my horizon. Well, once the cat is off my lap.
9. Wine Friday with my buddy Kristi who love zombie apocalypse preparation as much as I do, plus Halloween, plus win, plus cheese, so I expect to be thoroughly happy this eve.


FRIDAY!! <3
Jersey Shore, where I rewrite what actually happened with Snooki and Deena and turn them into superhero CIA operatives
and

Project Runway, where I have no idea, because I've not had a free moment to watch this new season, but Mel is always hilarious.

ION, I have a gaggle of 10 year olds over talking about junk food and how all of their pets died. =/ I'm hiding in my room reading the WORST fanfiction ever. Okay, it's not the worst, as long time flisters know I used to specialize in finding the worst of the worst, but it came HIGHLY recommended and I now question the mental health of everyone who heaped praise on this dreck. (I have to see how it ends, it's so BAFFLING.)
As in Zion Nat'l Park. And I wore it to my dentist appointment today, my very BYU/Provo dentist. She forgets I'm not Mormon. My husband was in before me, and I hopped up in my seat, got my bib and mouth sucker/gagger going and she beamed at me and said, "[The Mr.] isn't a member, right? That's too bad, he'd make a great Mormon."

She remembered a little later, laughed at herself and said, "I didn't mean... Just... you know. He's so nice." If I hadn't been silenced by the tools I would have said,

"Oh, you mean he seems like a square-jawed, charming misogynistic homophobe? That's nice." LOL. But I didn't, I just laughed until the vacuum thingy almost gagged me. SORRY WE DON'T WANT YOUR PYRAMID SCHEME MACARONI AND JELLO CASSEROLE LIFESTYLE, THANKS. But she's a good dentist.

Who's watching Vampire Diaries? I ask because I've got a new writer taking Vampire Diaries on, and you might be super happy about it. :) Maybe you click like or +1 or leave a comment, IDK, just offering some suggestions. Ha.

also up: Top Chef: Just Desserts (Sally is hilarious) and Glee: Rumors with a very naughty cocktail recipe for you, the Harvey Pagebanger. As in congressional pages. I am broken, did you forget?

Oh, and there will be a Glee recap on Sunday so everything flows in time for the new season on Tuesday night, that will be Prom Queen. :) Jersey Shore (LINK HERE WHEN IT'S POSTED) will be up in a few hours, my dentist tied me up with wanting to share with me the most amazing book (it has so many awesome parts, it's all about America a long long time ago.)
I owe comments, I'm getting to that next, but oh my god I am tired. it's my own fault, I had a lovely dinner/chat/drinks with [livejournal.com profile] lynnenne last night, but we were good girls and turned in early (she had an early flight this morning.) I got home, the Mr. was playing Oblivion (omg, he is leveling up past me and doing it on purpose so he can act like his high elf is better than my Nord, WHAT?! [/nerd rage]) so I did what any reasonable person would do.

I read, like five epicly long fanfics. I do not stay up late, because I am an old woman that likes her shut eye, but there it was, almost 1am, and I'm unable to leave because omg, what is going to happen in this chapter, will Blaine and Kurt make it, omg!??! I am laughing at myself, please. (But that rec I got yesterday? Yes, there went three hours of my life. I wouldn't trade them back.) I have something ridiculous like 10 tabs open with different stories that I want to read, but I have WORK. Fortunately it's fun work. I'm proofing today's Glee recap, it's the BLAME IT ON THE ALCOHOL episode. oh, the love I have for the comic timing in that show.

I also have the most amazing mix playing right now of mellow stuff, the kind that is pleasant and groovy but you can still write? I can't write with music on, typically. not if there's singing. I'll upload the mix and post it on Monday for those interested. Guys, I'm just.... I haven't been fannish in YEARS. And then these two crazy, proper, genteel kids show up and it's all of my things. ALL. I draw hearts, I can't help myself. (Um, keep the recs coming, btw. And if you're not reading the recaps, and you're into Glee, you're missing out. because I can't write fanfic any longer, but I do like putting in plot bunnies FOR fanfic writers there, so. Ahem.)

JERSEY SHORE. I'm back to making up shit about Ron and Sam, so that's a lot of fun for me. In my head canon, they are secret hipsters and this is an act they're putting on for their dissertations, and they have to follow it through to the end. Ron spent two years lifting weights and downing protein (oHo!) to bulk up to be "legit." Secretly they're all about rainbow clown sweaters, plastic glasses, cigarette butt necklaces, and loving Saved by the Bell reruns, because people don't really get how Slater is really like the rest of us, you guys. And they're vegans. Of course.

ANYWAY. RECAP OF JERSEY SHORE. here you go. And Sal has up Top Chef: Just Desserts, Project Runway is about to post, and [ETA] BLAME IT ON THE ALCOHOL IS UP! Big day of fun times.

  1. We've added BBC's SHERLOCK to the website. They're hilarious and awesome, as you'd expect. (Great work by one of our writers, she's solid.)

  2. We've added Top Chef: Just Desserts to the website. They're also hilarious and awesome and naughty, as you'd expect. (Cream jokes? COME ON.)

  3. JERSEY SHORE. Mike got a beat down, and if there's a person that should be hit, it's him.

  4. Fright Night, 2011! It's by Sam, of "Captain America" fame, so you should know you're going to enjoy that.

  5. Gwyneth Paltrow on Glee! Oh, the cocktail I've concocted! It's a mod from her website, the most pretentious thing ever, and that's coming from Martha Stewart. (It is tasty, though.)

  6. This has nothing to do with anything prior, but good lord do I love these products from Origins I'm using! "Start Over" face cream and "Plantronics" toner. I have no more crows feet. LIKE, I HAVE USED ALL PRODUCTS EVER. (But I can't reasonably use La Mer - I'm too skin-flinty for $400 face cream, $350 toner, $375 eye cream, etc.) This origins stuff (and the Gin-zing eye cream) are AMAZE BALLS.



I am so hungry I need to eat all the things and then polish off some English toffee/sea salt caramel ice cream that i have. (IT TOO IS REDONK.)
I'm heading out to have tacos with a friend (SORRY LIZ) and go to that crazy store with all of the oddities. I'll take pics so you can see the coolness.

In the meantime, JERSEY SHORE is up (wow, I wasn't joking when I said this season was going to be entertaining. THREE WORDS: RESTREPO BLOW JOB. You'll have to click to find out.) and Glee's Season 2, Episode 1 recap is up and I thoughtfully put up a picture of Sam Evans in the shower for you. YOU'RE WELCOME. Also, there's a new drinking game card and today's cocktail is Sunshine's Crack House.

Wheeee! I'm gonna have fun like an adult with no worries! *Mary Tyler Moore spins*
I just shrieked at my kids for having their umpteenth argument. I mean, eyes closed, fists at my sides, foot bouncing SHRIEKED for them to stop it. Aaaaand I forgot that #2 had a friend over. You know what? I've had it with stupid fighting over remotes, who got the last popsicle, etc. DONE. Thinking about having multiple kids? Keep this in mind.

I did have a nice reprieve of silliness today, and that is in the form of the Guido-version of Leonardo da Vinci's "Man" I made. Yes, Jersey Shore is back, and they are in ITALY. I don't care, you guys, it is a work and a wonder and I am beyond happy about it.

Also, I have a regular writer pinch hitting for Project Runway, and she's playing a hard and fast game of catch-up, seeing as ep. 2 just aired, so be patient with us. Episode 1 juuuuust went up.

The Mr. is playing golf today. One, it's a million degrees outside. Two, I know he's still on his vacation before he starts traveling again next week, but Three, I COULD REALLY USE A VACATION.

I am absolutely burned out. Just all used up. I haven't felt like this since I gave birth. Calgon, take them away, (I like my house, I just want to be ALONE, omg.) I'm not even going to tell you about the ugly cry I had in the closet last night. Two more weeks, two more weeks, they go to school in two more weeks.
I spent almost an entire hour this morning looking up play horse barns and doll houses. Why? Because this weekend my buddy Johnny and I talked about filming Stallioncrest in his studio. YOU KNOW, THE HORSE SOAP OPERA I WROTE? Lol. I've re-written it in screenplay format with camera angles and everything, but it's just languished on my hard drive. LANGUISHED.

The world needs this, is what I'm saying. Anyone watch "Brick Novax's Diary?" 1) it was a short that won at Sundance this year, and 2) it's been featured on "Funny or Die" on HBO, 3) it is utterly amazing and hilarious and awesome and I saw it and realized that's EXACTLY how I wanted Stallioncrest to look. So. It's happening. Eventually. I need to find a barn and make clothes for the horses (omg, lol) like a bejewelled turban and a smoking jacket, etc. etc. Also, I need a jointed black Frisian for the EXOTIC DANCE/SEDUCTION SCENES.

...I mentioned they're horses, right? I am laughing so hard, you guys, you don't even know.

ION, it is cold and wet here. This is good because now I won't waste time puttering outside, and can possibly get some things accomplished inside the house, like mopping or playing lots and lots of solitaire.

IOON, someone on Snooki's PR team left me a comment on my Jersey Shore recaps. SO I HAVE THAT GOING FOR ME. Which is nice! Oh, did you see the finale?? Here's the recap on Hey, Don't Judge Me.

Also! We have a new feature: COMICS! [livejournal.com profile] ethrosdemon is posting DC recaps, starting with Batman: Year 1. [livejournal.com profile] elizardbits wrapped up Spartacus: Gods of the Arena, [livejournal.com profile] handsomespeck put up some more Misfits awesomeness, and you really should leave comments and spark discussion and make us feel good about ourselves. Unless you're a hater. Are you a hater, then? Are you ok with that? Hmm. ;)

What's up, peeps? Who's still watching Sister Wives? Because I would like to talk about that, omg.
I missed updating the last two episodes because of my vacation and then the flu, so they are now up, and I'll have tonight's episode up fairly quickly as well. I AM ON A ROLL, YO. Oh, how I love mocking the crazy. Also, the romance between Pauly and Vinny is really the sweetest thing ever. Why are you not watching for that, my slashers? They are so gay for each other it's not even funny. LOL.

Last last week's
Last week's

ALso, Liz (who recaps Spartacus so hilariously, this part is true even though it is stricken) KASSIE is going to start recapping the new show The Borgias. And we're going to add comics and then comes TRUE BLOOD, GUYS. WE ARE ON A ROLL, SO YOU SHOULD BE FOLLOWING US. I'm just saying. *cough* :)

Updates!

Mar. 8th, 2011 07:43 pm
I battled my kitchen plumbing today. I had yet another sitcom-come-to-life situation where everything in the sink/dishwasher exploded out. I might have to replace carpeting, it was so bad. BUT! I worked a monkey wrench like a mother trucker, took everything apart from the disposal to the gas vent, cleaned out the clog, didn't kill my son, and got everything put back together. It just took, oh, three hours. And used every single towel in the house. (The boy mopped the floors, sterilized the cabinetry, and is doing the laundry. As it should be.)

Meanwhile, I was trying to get posts up at Hey, Don't Judge Me, so Jersey Shore was seriously late (last weeks was, too, and it was HILARIOUS with an awesome South Park reference that no one has gotten, and I'm sad.) but Last Jersday's is up now! And there are Moby Dick jokes! And Harry Potter references! And STD PSAs! What's not to love?

Comment, discuss, link away - Imma get me something to eat, I'm finally not grossed out anymore about dirty water everywhere. ...soup is probably not a good idea, huh? *hoark*
First, I wanted those who follow to know that the Jersey Shore recap is up, just in time for a primer for tomorrow's episode. And if you catch the reference to South Park in there, you get bonus points.

GUYS. We have to talk about her 'Novel." First off, I didn't realize it was a novel, I thought she had written a book, like a tell all, or "how to make juicehead gorillas bring you fuzzy slippers, wah" type of book. Nope, it's a ROMANCE. Must Love Poufs - A Love Story )

Speaking of Sheen, over on Twitter, me and another guy have been coming up with great ideas for a Buddy Cop show staring Charlie Sheen and Gary Busey. My idea is this: Busey thinks he's Kane, from Kung Fu, Sheen thinks he's an outer space cop, and they roam around the country fighting (perceived) crime. In one episode, Busey comes across a group of Hopi Indian children playing, and he sits them all down to lecture them on their endocrine systems and how the mighty buffalo should be used as currency, in which case their land is now worth fourteen hooves and a pelt. Sheen stands by, Aviator shades on, smacking his gum, and checking the sky for Visitors. Maybe each ep ends with him doing a little tap dance, I don't have it all worked out yet. Ha.

I have weetiny plants bursting out of the ground all over, flower buds on my saucer magnolia, and the peach trees in the neighborhood are "popcorning." (I looked out the window and what did I see? [/random Mormon upbringing reference] I am so ready for spring. Plants! Gardening! Sun on my skin! YAY. I have to go get yet another load of compost today (this will make the third TON, and it's all just gone to ONE BED so far, oy) and spread it around before the spring rains come. Fortunately I enjoy this sort of manual labor.

If someone could see fit that I get to move to this fabulous home, that would be super. (How beautiful and serene is that house? I love me some neutral colors in a bright and sunny place, and letting the artwork be your big color touches. CALM. In this stage of life I seek out calm. And clutter-free. Lord, give me a clutter-free environment one day. I'm the person that wants to live in the white cube with a wall of glass and one chair. Only one thing to clean, huzzah!)

Lastly, today is Texas Independence Day! Have a margarita and Enchiladas Suizas on me, would you? 175 years since we said, "Smell ya later, Mexico!" (In four days you will hear me go crazy nuts for the biggest day in Texas history. I'll let you guess what that is.) And note: I'm Texan before I'm an American [Just like Molly Ivins and Ann Richards, my heroes], so you better check your anti-Texas crap before you think it's hilarious to tease me/make fun of my home. I had relatives in the goddamn Alamo. Just a pre-emptive strike for any wanna be snobs about the dumb things that happen here. :)
A neighbor, a child, a spouse, anyone. I'm quite the Henny Penny around here. I do have bluebonnets, however! Well, no flowers yet, but the plants are green and getting large, so I should have blooms in a few weeks. YAY SPRING, KEEP IT COMING. A few of the creeping phlox are starting to put out flowers, soon I will have my yearly swath of vivid blue and pink to chase the grey days of winter away.

Two of the cypress trees we planted outside the pool area died this winter. BOO. The nursery is going to give us two more, though, because the owner knows I know what I'm doing - there was clearly something wrong with the trees for them to die so rapidly. That means I get to rip out two 15 foot trees this weekend and put two new ones in. Yay? I need to finish spreading compost and mulch today. I'm earning my wine, is what I'm saying.

Speaking of booze, my recap of last Jersday's Shore is up at Hey, Don't Judge Me. I have never seen so much crying in a man as I have with this frickin' guy, Ron. I didn't think steroids increased lady feelings, huh. Also, what's the adult version of a Pedo-Bear? As in, not after kids, but young women and al creepy about it? Because that is The Situation. He is CREEPY, YOU GUYS.

There should be a bunch more recaps from everyone popping up over the next two days, so keep your eyes peeled (or add it to your reader.)

The Mr. is coming home tonight for a change (he's usually home on Friday) so I'm excited to act like a normal couple with a husband home during the week. OH WHAT SHALL WE GET UP TO? Probably laundry and exhausted sleeping, because we know how to party. Ooh, and finish hanging chandeliers, because we were losers that didn't do that last weekend! YAY SOMETHING EXCITING.

Lastly, if any of you fashionistas/decora-TORs out there know who manufactures THIS BEAUTIFUL OUTDOOR DINING FURNITURE ), help a girl out. WANT. X a million. (Watch it be Etra or Skagerak, aka completely out of my budget by about 8 grand. Featured in this gorgeous house)
Hey-o, got last night's Jersey Shore recap up already, and I swear to Martha, MTV, if you don't bring back the funtime shenanigans and drunken orgies, Imma get medieval on your ass.

I've got a good friend that's posting about Being Human - the BBC version, not the crappy US version (or so I'm told.)

ION, I had a bottle of wine the other day that was super delicious (so I went out and bought several) Tangley Oaks, Napa Valley, Cabernet 2006, Lot #9. They have a few varieties, so I wanted to be specific. Another bottle that was also so delicious I went out and bought several more was Charles Krug, 2008 Cabernet from Napa as well.

Muy delicioso, very berry-forward, slight oak, not overly earthy (which I'm finding that I do not like. When it starts to taste like there's dirt in it, DNW.)

OK, Pho tonight and filming tomorrow, YAY. Have a good weekend, errbody.
I owe some comments, but we're in the midst of more ice/snow days, and I'm here with three kids that really want to be in school. So does their mama.

New posts for Jersey Shore and SouthLAnd are up at Hey, Don't Judge Me.

Tomorrow is Jersday, and I'm going to try and get the recaps up Fridays or Saturdays, now that I'm getting into a rhythm. I KNOW YOU'RE EXCITED, I KNOW HOW MUCH ALL OF YOU LOVE THE JERSEY SHORE. Lol.

OK, gotta whip up something magical for dinner. Tuna noodle casserole it is! (Hey, I mix in unicorn tears, those are magical.)
I think we just won't have school for the rest of the week. The ice is so thick, we don't have things like de-icer for the street in this part of the country, so eh. We'll just tack on a few extra days at the end of the year, I suppose. I saw a cop parked outside my neighborhood blaring over his bullhorn for idiots to "slow down" driving, as the streets are covered with 2 solid inches of ice. Hey Texans? I love you, you know I do. But y'all have no idea how to drive on icy roads, just admit it. It's not weak, it's honest. Just because you have a truck doesn't mean you're automatically good at it, it actually is a bit worse.

Why I am exempt from this, however )

I've got a pot of 15 bean soup with andouille sausage, shredded chicken, veggies, and a pan of cornbread in the oven for us to snack on all day. This is when an Apocalypse Pantry is your best friend, I could make meals for DAYS. YAY!

For those who follow them, my latest recap for Jersey Shore is up at Hey, Don't Judge Me. And any future TV recaps/reviews will go up there from this point forward, that includes Big Love. You know what would be great? If you added it to your reader, then you'll always know when something new is up. :)

OK, I think we're going to have a round of Guitar Hero to keep us all from going stir-crazy. YAY VIDEO GAMES.

Oh, lastly! That movie I filmed last summer with Tony Hale (Buster from Arrested Development) WUSS is having its official premiere at SXSW this March, so that makes two of my films in the festival. NICE.
What others are saying about my recaps:

[livejournal.com profile] handsomespeck: I almost straight up murdered fifty-nine people in a Wal-Mart last night before I read your recaps. You've given me the strength to carry on for another day! I might even get a puppy.

[livejournal.com profile] ethrosdemon: Are these people real? *falls down* Is Tom Hardy on the show? I have goats.

[livejournal.com profile] dovil: I don't watch this show, and now I don't have to! Reading your words is like kittens gamboling with machine guns that shoot out cupcakes of delight. Also, I'm drunk.

[livejournal.com profile] oatmellow: I may be a published author, but even I know that nothing compares to this retelling of the Jersey Shore. Stoney is a modern-day Shakespeare, if Shakespeare cussed more and had sweet cans.

[livejournal.com profile] elizardbits: RAWR SHOUTY EMOTION WORDS PEOPLE SUCK SLIP ON ICE I LIVE IN NYC AND HATE THOSE PEOPLE YOU ARE ACCURATE WITH THESE RECAPS I GUESS. Also, red velvet cake + TOM HARDY PEEN = \o/ (Happy now, Liz?)

WHAT ARE YOU WAITING FOR, GET TO CLICKING, I MEAN WHAT MORE EVIDENCE DO YOU NEED. (Start at the beginning, here, all are linked chronologically at the end.)

Pfft, you're snowed in, it's not like you have anything else to do. ;)

Pruno, Sandy Boobs, and Faux Ronnie - just another night at the Shore )

Next ep is tonight!
I almost said the one where Snooki is drunk, but realized that it wouldn't clarify a thing. Next one in the morning, just in time for a new episode!

If you missed it, or just want to catch up, the Season Premiere's link, and episode 2's link. Goodness knows you wouldn't want to miss a thing. :)

How To Stuff A Drunk Bikini, S3 e3 )

This is what you get when you won't talk to me about Southland, people.

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