I spent the weekend blasting my side garden (which is 20 feet deep and 80 feet long) because I can no longer just pull the encroaching Bermuda. We destroyed so many plants with the brush cutter... My husband sent me inside to keep from having a heart attack over the horror. (I did make him spare my heirloom bulb bed, of course.)

We then tilled up...about 1/3 of it before we gave up for the day. I couldn't grip a glass of water without a struggle last night, that's how achy my hands were. Yeesh. We filled 5 30-gallon compost bags with the clippings and dug up Bermuda. I think we have another two or three still waiting to be dug. HEY WHO WANTS TO COME WORK IN 100F HEAT WITH ME? *crickets*

Thought not.

Fun things for you to read because you know Mondays aren't your favorite:

(And thank you, guys, for the comments, the likes, the links and the love! We appreciate it!)

Today the kids and I are going to make those Nutella lava cookies (we didn't get to last week, after all.) I'll report back on the nomminess. *salutes*
1. I have been in (secret) agony for almost two weeks now, since I threw out my back. And I'm a dummy because I've continued re-grading my landscape (um, that's shorthand for lots of heavy manual labor.) I now cannot turn my head. So yeah, I'm going to quit being a dummy and go see the doctor. Hopefully I'll get some sweet muscle relaxers (and can take them and go to a masseuse MASSAGE, I AM IN PAIN, OKAY? and fall into a blissful coma and live there forever.)

That's how it works, right?

2. I have finally let go of AVG as my anti-virus software. Hello Microsoft Security Essentials, and HELLO FASTER PC, damn. I didn't realize just how much of a resource hog AVG is. So if you're on Windows, I highly recommend it (as does CNET) and it's free. Ah, the magic word for computers.


I laughed so hard. I was waiting for this, ngl. Jason Stackhouse continues to be quality, as is Alcide's body. GOOD LORD, JOE. Be naked all the time, please. I mean, let me love you for your mind...

4. I've reconnected with an ooooooooold (as in, I was v v young when we knew each other) LDS buddy on Facebook, and she and her mother are no longer Mormon. (I loooooved her mother. Nicest woman on the planet, omg.) She paid me an absolutely lovely comment regarding my posts her on Mormonism, and I'm still aglow. It's incredibly validating to hear back from people who grew up in a fundamentalist religion alongside you and know that they agree.

5. I defriended my (former) step-dad off of FB this weekend after he told me "I hate everything you think, I detest all leftists. But I love you." Nope. You hate EVERYTHING I think? But I was just thinking about Harp seals! How can you hate a Harp seal? Also: why am I communicating with you? BAHLEET. Oh, that is cathartic - pruning diseased wood = happiness.
  • I took my daughter for proper Under Things Fittings/Shopping this weekend, and she got over her initial embarrassment quickly when she saw that she would get pretty bras out of it. Lol. Thank you, Nordstrom's for being awesome. And for having a sale.

  • Now if I can only convince her that she doesn't need to buy boots in August when it's still 100+ degrees outside. School is in SIX DAYS AND CHANGE, YOU GUYS.

  • I love buying school supplies, even though I don't get to use them. Oh, Trapper Keepers with multi-pockets, you are still a delight.

  • Real Housewives last night: ASHLEY GOT HER ASS HANDED TO HER. Partly. I wax philosophic in this week's recap. Also, I go off on Teresa's evil children:

An excerpt: )

Also: I had naughty dreams about Albie Manzo. I blame his diamond push ups from last night's show. (What on earth??)

Guys, IDK about True Blood. I mean, yes, I'm still going to watch it, I've said this for four seasons now. BUT WHAT THE HELL. SPOILERS UNDER THE CUT. True Blood SPOILERS. )

I need to buy new school shoes for everyone today. My life is a whirligig of excitement, I know. (And Hoarders is tonight! My new boyfriend Matt Paxton is on it, be sure to tune in.)

[ETA] my husband just said the most romantic thing to me ever: "How about I start cleaning the closet and bathroom and I open us a bottle of wine?" I WANT TO SAY "I DO" ALL OVER AGAIN. <3 <3 <3
Holy crap, Oblivion. I've needed a new game to enjoy, and man, I found it. I still think Fallout 3 is the best game of all time (for someone who has never played any modern games before - last game I played extensively was original Zelda - it does the best job of building up skill set, etc.) but Oblivion is pretty boss. It's a MUCH larger world/game experience, so that's a massive plus. But trying to figure out how to play is not intuitive. There's kind of too much available too soon, imo. But I'll get it! Even if I die every few hours.

Who watched RHoNJ last night?! Good lord, that Kim G is the worst! I would love to actually meet her and give her a piece of my mind. Instead, I'll share it with you in my recap. Lol. Also, I can't be the only one that saw "Cats" in the holiday decor of the Wilkies, can I? So so tacky. I hate that kind of X-mas decor. Simple and heartfelt is best, imo. No gilt feathers and dancing motorized life-sized Santas, pls.

Quick mention about True Blood, some minor spoilers. What I want, vs. what I don't want )

And now for a rec I've been sitting on for a few weeks. [livejournal.com profile] flaming_muse has been writing an A-MAY-ZING Kurt/Blaine first love/boarding school fic for a bit now, and I've been fortunate enough to be reading along as she's gone about it. Guys. I really think it's going to be THE story that people talk about, love, rec for a long time. It's sweet, earnest, and so perfectly captures that first time love feeling. <3 A chapter a day is being posted (It's finished!) and I'm forcing her to write a different version from Kurt's POV (which I think she's totally into, because she's awesome like that.)

GO! READ! Than The Sum Of Its Parts Give her feedback! That might grease the wheels to the companion piece, I'm thinking. :)

OK, off to round 2 at the ortho for The Boy (we had dentist this morning, ortho tomorrow, and then I am DONE carting people in this heat for the week. Ugh, it's been atrocious. Day 48 this year over 100. It's not even August yet. The pool is 92 degrees. That's till cooler than the outside air, but still. We're thinking of getting some big blocks of ice to throw in the water in a few weeks, because we're probably going to need it. Some rain would be great. Sigh.)
First, Jersey Housewives. There were c*ck rings in last night's ep. There were offers to taste nuts. There were beautiful firearms. (Hey, it's a Henry Repeater, they're works of art.) Lol. Also, the saddest dance recital ever witnessed by humans happened. I JUST. GUYS. There was much flailing last night. RHoNJ RECAP IS HERE, you need this in your life, I believe.

Last night's True Blood. Uh. spoilers, obv )

Sue's recap of hilariousness will be up later today (she has a baby to feed and such, it takes a bit) but in the meantime is RIGHT HERE, she has Seasons 1, 2, and 3 condensed into some of the funnier things you'll read today. It's Monday, you know you need a laugh.

Tonight is Hoarders, zomg. O_O

Highlight from my weekend: my sister, swimming in my pool with the kids, getting into the whitest rap battle ever. No matter what anyone would say, you had to do that "OOOOHHHHHH!" hand over your mouth/you just got served! thing. It doesn't take much to please me. But she's funny and a delight and I like it when she comes over. <3

MONDAY. No summer camps this week. HOORAYS.

[ETA] OH HEY, SAM WROTE A RECAP OF THE HUNGER GAMES and she's awesome so you should read it.
Ahahahaha. This addresses the whole, "How can vampires speak properly with their vamp teeth?" Answer, they can't. Well, not clearly. Ssssspbt. <-- sucking in spit noise from headgear.

I have turned the reins of our Tumblr over to [livejournal.com profile] handsomespeck and she always finds the funniest vids and .gifs. You should add us to your feed @Tumblr or Google, because it's a guaranteed laugh every time she updates.

Oh, And [livejournal.com profile] crazydiamondsue has complete season recaps (Season 1 in a nutshell, Season 2, etc.) up and she'll be recapping from here out, New True Blood tonight! CRACK A-HOY!

HELLO, YEAR ELEVEN. So far I've been puffy-faced from allergies and flabby butted, so I've got a gimlet eye on you. A GIMLET EYE.

I did work out today, which is good for me because I was one lazy chica this holiday season. I mean in regards to working out, because it was non-stop family, teenager angst, house work, putting up decorations, taking down decorations, cooking, blah blah blah. You know what I'm not doing today? Cooking. Or laundry. Or washing. Those aren't dust motes you see, those are my stink motes. LOL. I'm totally going to start a ska-Tejana-fusion band and name it Stink Motes. There will be an accordion, and I will feature a jig doll, because I'm classy. No balancing sticks will be allowed at our gigs, but you can mosh.

I'm filming two shorts on Wednesday, so this is when I begin to panic and realize that I'm going to be on film, with flab, because I didn't work out and because I ate forty pounds of fudge. Okay, it was only 38, but you get my point. They're a kind of screen test for a feature length film, so that's why I'm panicking. Blah blah, I'll be fine, but you don't know that. What if the camera picks up my stink motes? SEE? YOU DIDN'T EVEN THINK OF THAT, DID YOU. Some friend you're turning out to be.

...hi, new folks, welcome to Crazy Town, population: Me.

To continue this post of non sequiturs, I would like to complain about and laugh at True Blood for a bit, but I'll put it under a cut in case there's one person that worries about being spoiled for crack cocaine in television form. My Christmas wish was that Anna Paquin would learn how to use her body and oh, also to learn how to emote. Now do you see why I don't believe in Santa? )

I totally slacked off on New Years Day and didn't make my tamales, so guess what I'm doing today? Listening to Oye Como Va by a STEEL DRUM BAND (plus other songs, but that's the key to getting me grooving) and rolling up doobies of meat. MEAT AND CORN MEAL, the greatest of the doobie brothers. Chile powder, keep on rolling, Wild pork tamales gonna keep on flowin' in me, Cumin, garlic, secret thingy, goin' in my masa, gonna keep on eating {they're free!}

I may have just had a stroke, someone check on me in an hour, please. HELLO NEW YEAR, I AM BRINGING THE SPAZZ.

[ETA!!!] I completely forgot to post a picture of the most AMAZING CHRISTMAS THINGY EVER. I'm looking for my camera cord, will upload in a minute. TO BE CONTINUED HERE IT IS. TWO BIG PICS UNDER THIS CUT. )
1. Planted 10 trees yesterday, 4 more are about to get planted and then I need to rip up the last of the sod, move a good 15 cubic yards of soil and a (literal) ton of rock.
2. Sent the Mr. to the day laborer camp ground (it's all air conditioned with food and water, too, in your face Tea Partiers!) to pick up some guys that want lunch, drinks, and cash in hand to help me.
3. Have watched way too much Criminal Minds as I'm all worried that there's a serial killer hunting them (there are no deaths, I've just been watching a lot of that show) and I want to warn them about "bad people."
5. Chemicals/pumps get turned on today.
6. We've been filling it up since Saturday. That's a lot of water, folks. 38,000 gallons.
7. I hated 95% of True Blood's finale last night. Lamest vampire fight EVER. Ever. (put "spoilers" in subject if you talk about it, pls.)

Okay, getting on my gardening togs and heading out back to rip up sod, till in healthy soil, plant 4 Leyland cypress trees (they're already 15 feet tall) and then mulch. We'll see if I have any energy left to start moving rock. That'll probably wait until tomorrow. THAT'S WHEN I'LL POST PICTURES. OH MY GOD POOOOOOL!

(OOOH, and tonight is the 19th Wife, which I am DVRing and the EPIC HOARDERS EPISODE. Eeesh.)
"I know, that was real sweet of you." LOL, Maxine Thortenberry! Some True Blood spoilers at the end, but I got a deck this weekend! 24 yards of cement, which is three truck loads. DAMN. And the crew got it poured, leveled, and lined off of one hour and ten minutes. CRAZY. Also, the Mr. and I built a fence yesterday. You know, like people do.

large # of pool construction pics under the cut )

Now for something completely different. ITS-

TRUE BLOOD: I tell you what, if ever I needed to stress that I really don't care about certain characters - and actually find their story lines distasteful, last night cemented that. HOWEVER. Freaking BANANA PHONE, LOL x forever. True Blood spoilers )

Last, I'm pretty excited that Temple Grandin won so many awards, and how funny was she standing up and waving like she was waving a lasso? Hahahaha. Cute. Okay, now to start digging up crap soil to make way for plants and good soil (I'm not leaving anything to chance, I'm doing this myself.)
This is the mocking of Sookie letter I wrote for [livejournal.com profile] ethrosdemon with some additions. Just a little laugh for you. (unless you're a weirdo and think Sookie is wonderful. Then you'll be mad at me.)

Spoilers for the books up through... 6? 7? Relationship spoilers, mostly.

Ah noe, BEEL, ah noe. You all thank I'm delicious er sumthin. )
First, because it's all consuming in my life, pool pics. about 9 pics, including 3 of some visitors to the garden )

Those were the welcomed visitors. The tomato hornworms (I stopped counting at 15) that ate ALL OF MY TOMATOES - oh my god - were not welcomed. I spent a little bit this morning venting my anger at my 7 foot tall tomato plants being reduced to skeletons (no, really) by cutting them in half with my secateurs. BASTARDS. There goes my second round of tomatoes, I didn't even get any from the first round because of rabbits and a poorly timed vacation. AUGH. No more veggies grown up front for me, I'm the only one that grows anything which means I get ALL of the pests, warm blooded and otherwise. It's incredibly frustrating. I feel like Ma and Pa Ingalls watching the corn freeze, lol.

Lastly, and under a cut, TRUEBLOOD LAST NIGHT, OMG LOL. Here there be spoilers! )

Okay, my boys needs new jeans for school. We're off to someplace basic like The Gap - it's better than the tattered athletic shorts he lives in. Jeez, anything is better than that. :)
Before I get to brass tacks, I'm going to be out of pocket for most of this afternoon until Monday night. For those I regularly correspond with, I'm not ignoring you, I'm just not here (most likely.) Sunday will be an ease in my schedule, should anything come up that you need me for. [/TMI]

Well, I'm seriously out of practice for fanfiction. No time like the present to jump back in and keep my writing flowing, or summat. It's a totally random True Blood/Sookie Stackhouse hybrid, a quick little scene or two, but it makes me laugh. Jason Stackhouse/Pam and some Eric, too. Considering how cracked-out that show is, it can only go up, right? Knowledge of Unknown Hinson and honky tonk songs are helpful, but not a must. :) It would also please me to no end if the Carl Orff joke hits some of you in the way I intended. (Hint: Orff is a hack.) Adult situations, so don't read if you're an impressionable teenager. You shouldn't be around here, anyway, kiddo.

(And if you missed the rec I posted last night and you love Pagan/pre-Christian religious texts and vampires, you need to read the ficlet "And they all did lament," and not just because it's one of my favorite topics ever. :)

Nice Work If You Can Get It )
So this is based on a conversation in [livejournal.com profile] ethrosdemon's journal and went from there, because she encourages me to do bad things. Based on my fannon of the Sparkleverse (aka Twilight) and the Sookie Stackhouse books. Heads up, there are (obviously) spoilers for some story lines under the cut. Guys, if you didn't realize that the Cullens were Mormon and those books are a subconscious missionary call from SMeyer, here's your clue. :)

Note: this is me typing into a window. There could be random errors. It's LJ, not my dissertation at Cambridge, dig me? *G* Crack ahoy-hoy!

Epistolary Story of the Cullens clan reaching out to the vampires of Fangtasia, aka Sookie-verse, aka True Blood [kinda] )

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