Maybe this will help.

  • occasion: there is no ass in an occasion. Or at least, there shouldn't be.

  • pored over/poured over: pored over a story/words. Like you fell in because it's a big ol' nasty pore like on one's face. Pore=hole, pour=spill. You would have poured milk all over your cereal, you would have pored over the pages of a fantastic tale.

  • then/than: then is time, than is a comparison. I then left to a drug-fueled orgy rather than attend church with Mother.

  • its/it's: if you see an apostrophe SAY OUT LOUD: it is. Doesn't fit? Drop the apostrophe. It's quite simple: the gimp brought its cock ring to the occasion. We all pored over the instruction manual, then poured oil over its gears rather than the carpeting. The party went off without a hitch, regardless of the ass that came to this occasion. Who brings a donkey to a leather party? That's clearly unacceptable. (Tijuana/linen parties only, my lands!)


When all else fails, READ WHAT YOU WROTE OUT LOUD. And please get someone else to read it before posting.

Love, someone who wrote "Hedwig and the Angry ITCH" yesterday and had another set of eyes catch it. It happens to all of us at some point. If you're doing the same thing over and over again every time? Make a point of getting a beta. It's not a sign of defeat or weakness, quite the opposite, actually.
Oh my GOD, who doesn't love daylight savings time when it's a gentle and loving caress like yesterday? Screw the break-up jump forward Spring-forward nonsense. Oh, Fall-back In The Fall, I love you best. My chitlins have no school today - parent teacher conferences are scheduled instead. So they get a day off and I have to go to school? What kind of Bizarro world is this? I plan on sitting in the back and doodling centaur pictures of my boyfriend on my notebook.

Speaking of centaurs, did y'all hear that A-Rod (Rodriguez of the Yankees and shtupping Madonna fame) has not one but TWO CENTAUR SELF PORTRAITS hanging in his bedroom? That's the most awesome thing ever. Because what a tool! OMG, I bet he writes Mary Sue fanfic about himself and Derek Jeter ['s Taco hole!] where they congratulate each other in the shower, lots of "Good game, good game!" back slapping then sexy funtimes where Jeter tells A-Rod lovingly in A-Rod's soapy ear how manly and centaur-like he is, at which point A-Rod will invite Jeter back to his place to show him JUST HOW ACCURATE THAT IS. Lol. Someone photoshop a picture of Jeter as a sexy Man-Fairy with a dong so huge you wonder how he can even fly. To which I reply: BY MAGIC. And a pinch of love.

Hey-O, it's Monday and I'm in a mood, whee!

But seriously folks, Vitamin D deficiency is no laughing matter. I dunno, Rickets just makes me laugh, I'm a jerk like that. Weren't we talking about NaNo? YES WE WERE. I know some of you are diving in to the full-deal, some of you are doing your own thing, and some of you are just writing because you write every day like a robot that could rival the terminator in dedication. (And you need to stop that, you're making the rest of us look bad.) My new buddy Chuck Wendig has written what I think is an excellent post about pacing in writing - at one point he compares it to music, and that's it! That's it precisely. It made me think of the Character Mixes I made back when I was writing fanfic, etc. and that bled into my original fic writing, too.

And for me, the sad thing is that the music I need to listen to to continue work on my narrative fiction is all church music. Noooooooo! The hardest part is all of the hand motions to tell the song's story while typing. I get a lot of 'oihtO'[N TCH[ is what I'm saying. So go forth! Listen to something evocative of the spirit of your tale! If that's the crazy music from Benny Hill when they run around chasing big-boobed women, SO BE IT. I'm just saying that I'm a little classier than thou with my Soupy Sales trombone/fart song, I'm just saying.

I have to get in a minimum of 2500 words today. CAN WE DO IT? Sí, puedes! Happy Monday! [Halloween post with pictures to come later - that's labor intensive and I have a word count to get to first.]
Just something I needed to read today, and I bet some of you out there need the chuck on the shoulder, too. And if you're not following Janet Reid's fabulous blog about her life as an agent, how to get published, the life of a writer, well, let this serve as a head's up to add it to your blog roll.

And I'm going to take the NaNo plunge for the third time. Let's see if it'll produce anything of note this year. I haven't been much of a writer for a few months, and I think I need to just remind myself of what I love doing. And hate doing. But love. Heh.
I have an audition later today that I'm really looking forward to: voice over work for a new cartoon. WHEE! They want me to go in and lay out a bunch of cartoony voices for them to keep on file for future projects, too. One of my dream jobs has always been voice over work. Like, could you imagine the awesomeness of working with Frank Oz? That would be insanely amazing for a dork like me.

Dream Jobs:

  • writing for The Onion (I don't care if it's doesn't pay but beans, it's The Onion!)
  • writing for TDS/Colbert Report (if only for the company you'd keep)
  • writing for SNL (this was always #1 for me)
  • major acting role where I get to showcase that I can be both funny and serious
  • being paid to be me, just eating and walking around my house - hey, it's a DREAM job
  • voice over work for Sesame Street (back when it was cool)

Anyone about my age remember the opening to Sesame Street in the 70s where they had that little blonde haired girl running in a meadow in just her underpants? "Somebody come and play/somebody come and play today" I wanted to run around without a shirt in my underoos (Wonder Woman and Daisy Duke) and my mother was scandalized.

And now that I'm older, I'm kinda weirded out by that, too. [/random]

But enough of that, I have to work on my crazy voices that my family has talked in for years, yay! :D

[eta] I read an article that's really interesting about the publishing world, and how class privilege affect the literary world. Really good stuff. [para. 3 is where it hits on this directly] Moonrat talks more about this from an insider's perspective.
Aw, isn't that sweet? So I've spent the entire day since waking up on my butt in front of the computer, something I never do. Ever. Sitting is hard, you guys. Per my [it's almost official omg] agent's request, I've re-tooled my book's proposal to be less in my voice, and more "this is how the agent pitches it to them, ding dong, YOU don't do the pitching to the publishers, sheesh."

And because I really had NO IDEA how to write a non-fiction/memoir book proposal (need someone to diagram transcription RNA for you? Write out complex math formulas? Tell a fart joke? I'm your gal.) I figured that surely someone out there could use some insight or advice. Oh, not from me, because I'm an idiot. But I've found LOADS of helpful sites that have scads of great information. Here you go, under a cut! linkity link links for writers and wanna bes like me )

I'm now faced with an afternoon where I could be good and a) eat something finally today, something healthful and b) work out like a good girl, or I could c) gnaw on something quick-like, lay out in the sunshine with a book, possibly nap a bit, and d) go out for delicious Mexican food, maybe a movie, or hopefully food and drinks with me seester and her man. I like the choices of C and D, personally.

Tomorrow I'm going to be exciting and go to the garden-center and get a quarter-ton (no, really) of compost/manure and spread it out in the garden. Do I know how to have the best vacations, OR WHAT? I've already gotten multiple texts from the kids informing me of the toothbrushes they've forgotten (the ones I packed in plastic and put ON TOP of their suitcases) how they're already sunburned (even though I packed a tube of SPF50 for each of them and gave their father a spray-can of SPF 75, oh and they left at DINNER last night) and all the orb-weaver spiders my son has seen so far. NO ME GUSTA, but I'm glad they're enjoying it. All it takes is some discomfort, filth, fig newtons, and bugs to please my kids. MY JOB IS DONE HERE.

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