stoney321 | I miss having a fandom. :(

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I miss having a fandom. :(

Which might sound strange, because I am still fannish about some shows. This post pretty much sums up how I feel about current fannish trends, aka - rolling around in spoilers and speculations and red herrings and becoming UNBELIEVABLY ANGRY about things and then spending the season bitching about how those spoilers and speculations and red herrings weren't accurate. (Oh, you don't say?)

I have not one single fannish Tumblr on my feed now. No one can be trusted (aside from my Miss Muse), I have painfully found out. I took K_B off my feed last night because someone put in their g.d. author's notes to a fic post "now that we all need a little..." blah blah - which means that they are hinting about a spoiler/speculation/red herring and now I AM INFECTED WITH IT. :(

Everyone can have the fannish experience they want. Which seems to be that they want to be angry and hate a show they continue to watch (oh my god, don't even get me started on the BZUH?-ness of that). So why can't I have the fannish experience I want? Which is to watch the show when it airs, and then talk - BEHIND A CUT - about what I liked, etc? Because people are selfish, that's why. I'm sorry if that makes you angry with me. (People who don't care about my wishes and wants make ME angry.) As

flaming_muse said: spoilers should be OPT IN, not OPT OUT.

I've had four different fics on my hard drive that I've essentially deleted. I can't even consider moving forward with any of them, because my joy in the show and sharing it are pretty much gone - not to mention the whole "feeling paralyzed about writing the future with hints of what's to come having been carelessly posted."

I'm just tired of selfish behavior. It's like the majority of the people on the internet exhibit ADD behavior: complete lack of impulse control and thinking things through, or having empathy for others. /killjoy.

There are a handful of people that I enjoy in this fandom, and I'll continue to read them (and I'm talking, like six people), but man - the rest of the fandom has pretty much killed it for me. I've been in one fandom or another since I was, hmm. 11? I'm 40. I've never had such a negative experience. I say this not to be a whiner, but to stress how UNUSUAL this behavior is. This is not how fandoms typically behave, n00bs. As I tell my kids and their friends: Manners are free, so there's no excuse for you to not have any.

Not that it's a hardship to other fan-types in Glee that I'm not really wanting to play ball anymore, I'm not trying to prop myself up in importance (because let's face it - I'm not.) I'm just expressing myself in my personal fannish space.

ION, I bought my son skinny jeans and they bag on him. O_O The child eats almost $200 in groceries A WEEK. If I could bottle his metabolism...

[ETA]: Just to clear the record: I'm not trying to be all sniffy/flouncing. I'm expressing my frustration, is all. (And it should go without saying that there should be NO MENTIONS OF SPOILERS OF ANY KIND in comments here. Or speculation. Or red herrings. Or mention of Brussels sprouts. Because those are gross and make you fart.)

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How could anyone hate on you for TBoY? What a beautiful love story! I personally love reading angst that gets resolved, because it both reminds me and gives hope that angst isn't forever. The things we go through in life are temporary, and love conquers all. Perhaps that is the perspective of being 40 myself? Probably. I read the commenter above that talked about the fans of Glee being so much younger than we are, and that probably does have a lot to do with it. I was much more self-centered and rude in my teens and 20s than I am now. It's a wonder my husband and I managed to stay married through all that (we are at almost 22 years now!). Life brings perspective, and that is a good thing. Youth had it's joys, but I find I enjoy my life more now that it is more "boring". ;-)

Hmmmmm, vodka. I mean, hmmmm, prescribed medication. Actually either of those could work.

Hey, I also got a 15k mini-thesis and a degree out of my last fandom so sometimes taking things too seriously can pan out, lol!

If you cut communities out you can cut the stupid, but that also means that you cut out some of the experience of belonging, so I just say cut other people instead (why cut yourself, it's just horrific scaring that could be on someone else).

I think the key to fandoms is riding the high while it's there and then bailing out before the crash and the hangover hits. Blah though that it's going through a crappy phase, maybe it'll get better though rather than it being on the decline. Or maybe you need to get involved in Golden Girls fanfic; for the more mature fanficer.

OMG, I had hate mail! People went on the anonymeme and slammed it for being racist, too long, boring, yadda. Everyone is entitled to their own opinion, of course, but I'd never experienced anything like that before. It was...a lot to deal with. I just wanted to share a story, man.

I love your approach to angst: it isn't forever. I believe that, too (and love stories that show resolution. Oh, the lack of resolution makes me break out in hives! WHAT HAPPENS?!)

Oh, god. I think of who I was in my high school and college years, and man. Self-focused and wanting the world. That's appropriate for the age, I get that fundamentally, but oy, as an old lady (hurr) it's just not something I want to regularly associate with.

And since I'm in the minority (it seems) I have no problem backing away from communities, etc. I get that they do fandom in a different way than I do it. (I just don't want to hang out in those circles if they make me unhappy, you know?)

And goodness, was I happy to turn officially 40, too! I love being the age I am, quite honestly. I earned every damn wrinkle. :D *high fives you*

(And seriously: congrats on that almost 22 years with your partner. That's a hell of an accomplishment.)

HAHAHA, awesome on the mini-thesis!

I plan on just cutting anything living within arm's reach. I bought a dozen box-butters tonight so I can finally have the experience I've always wanted. (And I guess I should be in Dexter fandom?)

LOL at Golden Girls. "Picture it! Sicily: 1922!" Oh, Sophia. Thank you for being a friend.

You bottle your boy's metabolism, I'll bottle my 3yo girl's energy. We'll become gazillionaires and be able to smite anyone who spoils us!

Awww, thanks. It's been a hell of a roller coaster ride, with PTSD from childhood trauma (mine), major clinical depression (his and our son's), anxiety (mine and our son's), permanent disabling injuries (his) . . . the angst list could go on for years. However, that being said, what doesn't kill the marriage makes it stronger. We made a decision to get through it all together, and we've come out the other side to a space of bliss I didn't know was possible, because we were willing to grow together. Skills I didn't have when I was younger!

Perhaps us 40-something fans need to make our own community, just to share pretty pictures of Darren and Chris, and celebrate life because we can!

PS- how is your son? I still pray for you all!

Just another old-ish person chiming in to say, yeah spoilers suck. I got spoiled for the Glee Project, which in the grand scheme of things REALLY DOESN'T MATTER, except ya know, i wanted to find out on my own time who won. I had to stay off tumblr and facebook for most of the Olympics because I was watching via DVR and got SO MAD when some stupid ad on FB was congratulating a silver medal winner before I had seen the race. (am canadian - we didn't win too many medals)

What I don't understand about 'kids these days' is the HATE. Don't like it? Don't watch it. You don't have to rant about it and ruin it for the rest of us. Even the couple of people on my FB who watch Glee would comment "I am so done with this show - it gets worse and worse all the time". So then what? Those of us who still like it are stupid? I don't know.

I do know that I work full time and have 2 kids and a husband. I like the songs of Glee. I think Darren is about the most beautiful man I've seen for a long time and I love what he's done to make Blaine such an endearing character. I started reading tumblr about a year ago, kinda hoping to find people who felt the same way. Don't have my own tumblr - just read them through Google reader. Found lots of interesting people but lots of bullshit too.

I'm not really sure what my point is here other than to say I've always loved the things you've written. I'm reading Near Misses and just loving what flaming_muse is doing. It is fantastic. I'd hate to see anyone drive the two of you out of Fandom. Maybe we need a If You Weren't Born in the 70s, Get Off My Lawn tumblr where those of us who can play nice with others can go :)

*massive hugs to you*

That's just what you have to do to make a relationship work long term: decide that you both want to reach a goal together, and stick to the plan. (Obv. there are some circumstances regarding a person's safety that negate those plans, but that is irrelevant in our relationships, I believe. <3)

Ha - that sounds like a great idea! I like the sound of that! :D

(And aren't you a dear for worrying? He's doing PHENOMENALLY better. Oh, the strides one can make with an outstanding therapist to guide the way.) *more hugs, because why on earth not?*

I'll get on drawing up our business plans this very night! :D

Getting spoiled for competition reality shows - there should be a special circle in hell (under Satan and the ice, says I!) for people who spoil that sort of thing! :(

I stayed off the internet and TV for the Olympics, too. I just want to be surprised, is that too much to ask? (In some circles, it seems so.)

Laws, I am right there with you on the hate. Why...aren't they watching something else? The other thing that gets me is when they hate the writers of the show, but love the characters. Um...the writers are MAKING THE CHARACTERS? I just don't get it. Different strokes, I suppose. (Ugh, the supposition that if I still enjoy it, if I'm still happy - that somehow makes me a moron? Um...)

Boy, am I not going to argue with your definition of Darren. What an amazing person, both inside and out. *fans self* I feel the same about Chris, too. (And Lea, and Corey, and Naya, and...)

I'm glad you piped up - I think those of us that are seeking out a similar fannish experience ought to stick together. That way we can have someone to bounce our joy off of (which to me is the point of fandom) and also have intelligent and NON-HATEFUL discussions about plot, story, etc.

(And really, how freaking amazing is

flaming_muse? SO AMAZING.) <3

Edited 2012-08-18 02:49 (UTC)

**hugs right back at you**
Safety has never been a problem, if anything, I feel more safe now than I did in my home of origin, and that was a very safe place. I've been lucky that way, as several HS friends that got married around the same time I did ended up in manipulative, unsafe places and their relationships ended. How I lucked out with such an amazing partner is beyond my comprehension. I attribute it to divine intervention!

How should we begin the "wankless, spoiler-free Glee community for those over the age of 35"? That is too long a name, and it doesn't anagramize well. Shucks.

Glad to hear things are going better for your son. I agree, therapy is wonderful. I used it for the PTSD, my hubby used it for the depression, my son for the depression and anxiety . . . that, and better living through chemistry. The depression on my husband's side is genetic (my M-I-L suffered with it for 28 years and more than one suicide attempt), and the brain chemistry imbalance has to be medically treated, as well as therapy for the hopelessness, attitudes and self-talk that go hand-in-hand with it. Ah, life. The things that happen while we are busy making other plans. Mental illness was not our plan, but it certainly helped me grow up to go through all of that!

So there is a fourth member of the club. See? You aren't alone (OK- Now Darren's song is running through my head. Not a bad thing, just needed to point it out). I shall investigate the idea of a community of interest here on lj, or does someone have a better place to host it? Perhaps there is something on google+, since no one under the age of 40 seems to go there!

This post makes me sad. I wish I could share my spoiler-free bubble with you and f_m, because I so rarely get spoiled. It must be my superpower. :-(

It breaks my heart that you've abandoned (I cannot bear to type "deleted") any story you were previously excited about, or that anyone would dampen your joy in any way.

((((hugs you))))

I was really afraid of getting on Tumblr for the reasons you cite, but after some early bad experiences, I've made it a safer place for myself by only following people who don't post spoilers OR who religiously tag all spoilers and speculation. Same for wank (okay, no one tags wank, so I just unfollow). I've gotten so zealous about it that if I reblog a pretty picture of Chris Colfer and I think it might possibly be an out of context shot from a future Glee episode or shoot, I tag it with spoiler. I mean, I don't even watch the previews for the most part, so I can understand someone not wanting to be spoiler on possible outfits, either.

Sorry, I just turned that into a bit of a rant, but I just meant to say that I TOTALLY get where you're coming from and think you're right to take the steps you need to keep the show fun for you. I wish random could be as good to you as the show is!

(And I'm a little sad to hear that you're tossing your fics; I love your vision of the Glee characters.)

The Glee fandom is a very unique environment. The majority of the fans are young, they have this strange sense of entitlement and it's all about instant satisfaction. Just think about the type of fanfiction that is produced, reaction fics and short random fics are produced in mass quantities. There aren't that many long plot/character driven fics out there that push the boundaries of what we know (I swear that 'Near Misses' is the only WIP fic worth my time nowadays).

Also, if you're looking for a new, possibly better fandom, I highly recommend Teen Wolf. A lot of people on my f-list have recently gotten into it. =)

I am usually SO RIGID about people spoiling me (as in, not letting them) - it's almost devastating when anything gets through the barrier I've built. It's usually someone being careless and excited, posting somewhere public without thinking. It does seem, though, that the "spoiler fandom" has taken over the Glee fandom, and now they're omnipresent.

Gah, I sat in front of my computer for almost two solid weeks, staring at this one story and almost sobbing with the inability to go forward with it, the spoilers lurking in the back of my mind. I've tried and tried to write things all summer (since July, when the first leak happened) and just can't. It's been utter misery. :(

*hugs you*

Oh, I don't follow ANY fannish (glee fandom) Tumblrs. And haven't. I had to stop tracking my own stories, because there was a leak that someone mentioned in a post tagged with Where There's Smoke! D:

So there goes me sending thank you's to readers, if they happened to have been kind enough to post/rec about anything I've written. (That has happened TWICE. One with my username!)

Oh, that wasn't a rant, that was a shared worry imb! I'm the same. And now I can't even look for new pictures of the actors anywhere off set for fear that I'll stumble on something about filming. So no more fangirling for me. *shrug* It's just a new experience for me, since I've been a fangirl in some fashion since - gosh, since Star Wars originally came out!

SIGH. (Also, thank you for the support.) <3

(Ooooh, don't let Miss Muse hear you call Near Misses a WIP - a work in progress! That story has been completed for some time, now! :D)

The youth (at heart, or in actuality - both can apply) factor is definitely a problem. Not that there's anything wrong with learning how to participate in a fandom, we've all been there at some point, but it's the entitlement - as you've said - that absolutely baffles me.

No, the writers do NOT owe you a particular story. The actors do NOT owe you an explanation for why something is how it is. Etc. I find a lot of that behavior embarrassing, truth be told.

Oh, Teen Wolf is about to debut on my fan-media-site so I'm well aware of that juggernaut! But I think there is going to be the exact same issue there - it's targeted at high school-aged girls. (I should know, my daughter has watching parties each week!) I'm glad that people are happy with it - I just don't feel fannish about that show. I love many shows, but there are few where I want to explore character and story in a fannish way.

I'll admit that I've been a big ole bag of emotions for the past three days, but this...this just makes me weep. As a fan of fanfic authors (you!), the most upsetting thing is watching something that is supposed to be FUN, something that is supposed to be an ESCAPE become laced with anything stressful AT ALL (beyond the normal creative process). It is distressing to watch people whose writing I've grown to adore be driven away by wank or rudeness. And only partly for my selfish (reading) reasons, but mostly for the way it brings something negative into what should be such a positive space, to the place that is MY escape, too.

I'm not as dedicated to avoiding spoilers as you are, but I do not like them, and I've found myself having to pull away from one corner after another of this fandom as they've spread. It just makes me sad, because I kinda need this happy little place in my world right now.

*Hugs you*

(And I'm all for bottling my son's metabolism, as long as it doesn't barrage my brain with nothing but video games and SpongeBob.)

It's a WIP if I can't read it all in one sitting, just one that won't be abandoned near the end. At least, that's how I think of it.

I've learned my lesson with Glee fandom. I stay away from Tumblr and rely on other people to connect me with fics or fests. There's a small group of people from the Merlin fandom whom have joined the Teen Wolf fandom so I have high hopes for sanity and good ficcage, at least in my corner of fandom!

Hee, well...WiP has an actual definition, so us long-time fanfic writers tend to stick to those, is all. :)

I'm sure if there's an amazing fic out there, someone will send me a link. siiiiiiigh.

This really was my escape from a - quite frankly - an incredibly stressful and non-stop Real Life. And when I started getting negative mail, then hate mail, then "tee hee" links to anonymous memes where people called me all sorts of names, to the negativity and spoiler-rampant wave that is currently crashing over the whole of fandom... It's just not an escape anymore. It's becoming something I dread. :(

I need this happy place, too. Fortunately, I'm still maintaining HDJM as a place to discuss episodes after they've aired in a positive and fannish way, so that won't change for me - which is a relief. And flaming_muse is still my girl (let's face it, she's a Real Life best friend, in addition to being my fandom BFF) so I'll always have her fic to read.

Maybe if those few of us that crave a specific fannish experience continue to hang with each other and block out the negativity, we can get a little corner of our world back? I'm hoping so, because i really need this happy little place, too.

*hugs you back*

Just -- seriously, co-fucking-signed. Disrespecting spoiler avoidance, generating spoiler-related hysteria, continuing to watch a show despite hating it -- WTF is this. I've been reluctant to assume that it was a new development or specific to Glee, because my involvement in my fandoms since Buffy has been decidedly tangential to the mainstream of fannish activity, but you and

flaming_muse convince me that it's not just me being a grumpy cane-shaking oldster remembering Ye Good Olde Days with inappropriate nostalgia. So, uh, thanks for that, even though I'm sorry we have to commiserate about it at all. Alas.

HIGH FIVE. (Also, hello! Have added you back, because I need more sane people in my life. :D)

Poor, poor FM - she had someone comment to an older fic in the past few days with a spoiler! Just... who the does that?! I've had people drop me anon messages (one person actually CREATED A FAKE ACCOUNT to drop me a line with a spoiler in it) and I...what? I have never experienced anything like it in my life.

The nice thing about this post is how many people are coming out of the woodwork to say that they're on our side of this debate - we're not alone! :)

It's just...baffling.

I don't know about sane, but I can promise that I do know how to using a fucking cut tag. LIKE AN ADULT.

People deliberately leaving spoilers in your space -- IDEK. That's beyond rude. Though, you know, there are always a few demented individuals -- I've had similar things happen in past fandoms, though nothing so aggressively hateful. In some ways I am MORE disturbed by the fandom-wide spoilerphilia, because it's harder to avoid and it creates a fannish culture in which staying unspoiled is seen as unreasonable. Argh.

But here's to finding like-minded people. *clinks glass*

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I miss having a fandom. :(

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agree with both of you

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