I spent the weekend outside in the garden because *sucks in breath, hands on hips* I happened to get a Certified Letter from my HOA saying that the weeds in my garden were unacceptable.

O_O

WAIT. Wait. Let me explain. I have no weeds. Well, there was one. ONE. This is in a flower bed that is over 60 feet long and just over 20 feet deep, mind. ONE WEED. The letter that I received a) had the wrong address in the photograph, which indeed had weeds and b) was dated in July.

To say I was affronted is putting it lightly. (Newcomers: I'm a Texas Master Gardener. I take that shit personally.) This was a perfect excuse to start the Fall rip-out of plants that are done for the season, dead head, divide bulbs, etc. So that's what I did. It's all tidy and open and empty and waiting for new babies and I am VERY HAPPY. And I took a nice picture and will be emailing the HOA later with a bit of a hemhem, you were saying? added.

I went to a neighbor's house on Friday for drinks, met the CUTEST GUY (not like that. Well, he's attractive but just keep reading) that was a) former Mormon, b) former Missionary, c) gay as rainbow glitter on a mustache and d) hilarious. AND ALSO E) A GARDENER. I told him he was my gay doppelganger and we spent hours swapping stories. ALSO. ALSO. AND. His mother and sister both sing in my father's exclusive choir. O_O I MEAN. (omg, my husband had to peel me off of him to get me home and now we're FB bff. Lol.)

AND LASTLY. My son came home from work last night with a straggly bouquet of flowers for me (he works in a grocery store as a sacker, so they were those kind of flowers) and I am still looking over at their bedraggled selves and grinning from ear to ear. I'm fairly easy to please, it must be said. <3 Also, AWWWW. <3

AND NOW I WANT NACHOS. Or guacamole. Or something fatty and bad for me. *grumbles* I am completely surrounded by a lack of bad for me foods, stupid healthy living.

That episode of Friends where Ross makes everyone listen to his crappy synthesizer music makes me LOL every time. That was my junior high, yo, everyone had Casios and tried to recreate the sounds of Depeche Mode and Siouxie & the Banshees. And honestly, most of the dubstep/80s inspired music that's out right now sounds so terrible to me. It's like the point of the music is to have the tinniest, thinnest, crappiest sounding electronica playing and then ridiculously earnest (and embarrassingly navel-gazing) lyrics whined in a nasal, breathy tone. No me gusta. Also, I think I used up all of the adverbs and adjectives, sorry.

And then there was this mix of a song by a band [who's very picture makes me want to punch them in the Bert and Ernie sweaters. Oh, you're so hip and fresh! Bleh.] BUT THE SONG. All remixed by Matthew Dear, and let me tell you, if you see his name attached to anything, it's going to be golden. Honest. [The other mix on that page, not so much.]

I have very strong opinions on music, let me show you them, lol. OOOOH, the biggest BIGGEST BIGGEST pet peeve is when you can hear someone's damn fingers sliding up the guitar strings. NO. GAH, and I heard one song where that was like... on purpose. EVERY. DAMN. NOTE. "Skreeeeee! C SSKREEEEEE! E-flat." But that diminished 9TH? That's a man's chord. Ahahaha.

When you [general you] do that god awful sliding you have just told me that 1) you don't take your "art" seriously, 2) you are a hack, and 3) you don't practice strengthening your fingers like all stringed instrument players should. Before you try and tell me why it's okay (or why you don't notice it, etc.) let me stop you right there. My father and sisters are honest-to-god virtuosos on the guitar, both classical and acoustic. Dad trained with THE classical guitarists of the 20th century. You wouldn't be allowed to take your guitar out of the CASE if they knew you did that, esp. if you did that on purpose.

So. If you think you're a guitarist and still make that back-tooth pain skreeee! noise as you slide your fingers around, you've got a long way to go, dudebro. Get those fingers crisp and clean. Doesn't matter what style of music you're into, the best of all genres know that.

That was nice and random, huh? Nuh uh, this is. I made 15 foot long curtains this weekend. With grommet/rings to hang them by. They are GORGEOUS. I've only had the fabric in my craft closet for... a year? Well, it's because I have a crappy sewing machine (a Brother, aka "so you want to learn to sew!" machine.) I had to borrow my s-mom's bad ass Pfaff to get through the heavy material and was so sad to give it back to her that I decided to go hunt around and see if I could find a used one for a reasonable price. (Um, they are pricey. As in 2 - 3 GRAND. Damn.) I happened on a store that really needed to break even before the year was out and got an ABSOLUTE SCORE on a top of the line machine. I'm talking 60% off the retail price, just over his cost for the machine. Oh my god, I wriggled my tush all the way home. Like, I might make my own towels, or some shit. That's how happy I am. (Lol, no I won't. I think.)

AM I A PARTY ANIMAL, OR WHAT? Sewing and complaining, I'm almost your Nana. Wait, let me finish up making gingersnaps today and buy some hard candies. And can't you stand up straight?

OH. AND LASTLY, FOR LONGTIME LJ BUDS. Remember how I had a favorite aunt (Mormon) who wrote me off because I got mad about the totally repugnant racist crap she and her husband were mailing out while they were on their mission from God? GUESS WHO I HAD LUNCH WITH YESTERDAY. (And had no idea she would be there.) Oh, and guess who didn't bring up past ugliness? Neither of us. And guess who had a decent (if awkward and slightly nerve-wracking) lunch? She has two thumbs and wrote this post, that's who. GUYS I EVEN SAID GOOD THINGS ABOUT MISSIONARIES. I deserve my redonk sewing machine just for that angelic act, yo. LOL.

Raising Hope is so damn funny. (Hint: it comes on right after Glee) Every one on the show is so perfect in their roles, and Cloris Leachman has never been funnier, and that's saying something. Every episode she's in her granny bra jumping around, too. LOL. WATCH THIS SHOW. (And I have to say, that kiss last night made me actually care about two characters getting together. Sorry, I've not cared about that stuff since Diane and Sam ruined everything. Well, not true. I'm still waiting for Morgan and Garcia to get freaky on Criminal Minds. You know they get to 3rd base in the broom closet at the FBI. That's my personal canon.)

Glee is bugging me, you guys. I think Will is completely inappropriate with the kids and needs to remember he's their teacher and not their peer. If that was real life, he'd be a registered sex offender by now. Also, I'm tired of the "let's do a number!" musical routines. There's a reason I don't like musicals in general. When songs just work into what's happening, that's when it works. When it's one of the kids standing up and saying, "I have feelings, Imma sing about it. C flat, Charlie." I get all squirmy and uncomfortable because I would want to throw things at that person if I was in school. [AND I DON'T CARE FOR ROCKY HORROR. There, I said it. It's too "ha ha, we're campy!" If John Waters isn't behind it, I'm not typically down with camp. I'm a fan of Abraham/Zucker style comedy where you make fun of yourself without being self-aware.]

In other news... Oh man, the kimono turned out fabulous, I'm super excited. I had to make my own pattern because all of the patterns you can buy are Americanized and ultimately look like bathrobes. Also, they were unnecessarily complex. Look: the Japanese have been making kimonos/yukata/gofuku for THOUSANDS of years. You know, before sewing machines came around. Also, they're all about simplicity. When I do my post-Halloween post I'll show the process and how I made the pattern for anyone out there wanting to try this. It's really simple, as long as you're meticulous about cutting fabric in straight lines. (Or be brave and rip the fabric like you're a fierce Project Runway contestant.)

Tonight I get to eat off of this menu at my all-time favorite restaurant in all the land, which fortunately is located in my fair city. Also? I get to eat there with swmbo. There will be laughing and food and wine and talks of cats and coffee and I will be sure she has no accidents and makes it out alive. It's a tough job, but I think I'm up for it.

I have to be a good girl today and get all of my chores done if I'm going to wander the wasteland and kill mutated beings on Fallout: New Vegas. True story: yesterday I carried some recyclables to our bin in the garage and walked past the Mr.s beer fridge. There is a work station next to it because he likes to make his own micro-brews. I saw about 6 bottle caps lying on top of the table and immediately got excited because I just found wasteland money. (That's currency in my video game, those who don't know.) LOL. Also, I walked past a manhole cover yesterday and briefly was confused because there should be no access to the Central Sewers in this part of West side. (I live in the west side of my- never mind.) I'M HAVING DIFFICULTY DISTINGUISHING BETWEEN REALITY AND A VIDEO GAME. Eh, at least I have a well-stocked armory. (Side note for F:NV players. I rocked the Vault 34 challenge and loaded up. Get thee hence to that place and be amazed.)

OK, push ups, sit ups, vacuuming, dishes, GO!