Karma Laundrette

Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. is really bad. Not "Sharknado" bad (because that's so bad it's good) but commits the worse crime of being boring. Of being unimaginative. There is nothing new to say, nothing new to do, nothing new they're going to explore. I said last night on Twitter that it would have been an amazing show in 1986. It would have felt like Indiana Jones on TV.

But in 2013? No. And I'm SAD about that. (And I seriously do not get what has errbody fanning themselves over Coulson. He looks like a tax adjuster.)

ION, I needed a break from writing OMH (because I'm stuck on bad parts of my life and how to tell that without it sucking) so I switched over to writing fanfic (Sterek). And I wanted it to be short but I don't know how it's going to be shorter than 25K. WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE.

Someone make Sally Derg stop being an idiot when the bus pulls up with the kids, please. OMG SHUT UP DOGGIE STAHP.

Miss Emily had her first ortho appointment this morning - spacers today, spreader next week, braces the week after. Here we go, round 2. I don't need new carpeting. *cries* (I don't, actually. I need NO carpeting and some hard wood floors. Ah, the dream. One day.)

I was up too late last night watching Hoarders and then, because I'm a glutton for punishment, that freakin' Billy Ray Cyrus (gross) hosted show, Surprise Homecoming. 1) I am a sucker for people surprising others in a good way and 2) I am a sucker for anything having to do with soldiers.

SO BASICALLY I SOBBED FOR TWO HOURS. And I mean, heart in my throat, can't breathe, sobbing. A little three year old boy got all squinchy faced and cried (that sad, tired kind of crying?) when he was surprised by his daddy and I LOST it. I could do without the poor production values (repeating scenes after commercial breaks, ugh) and stupid Billy Ray Cyrus and his "'M all shook up, uh uh huh!" forced accent but whatever. I can (and did) fast forward through that. The Trinidad mom/nurse that got her daughter back from Afghanistan was almost too much for me. Such a happy, loving mom, and that is TOO CUTE.

I'm a boob.

Oh, I have FEEEELINGS about Hoarders and go into it in the recap, if you're interested. I'm using a different format, focusing on each story by themselves instead of flipping back and forth like they do on the show. I'm fixing previous posts to reflect that, as well. ETA: I've gone back and forth with Roy from the show and have put that info in the recap, those that are interested.

The kids and I made double batches of our chocolate chip cookie recipe (hit the recipe tag and check it out, if you want. It's the best I've ever come up with.) and we rolled the dough into logs and stuck them in the freezer. Today we'll cut rounds and bag them, so that way when I want a cookie, I just have to open the freezer and bake what I'll eat. YUM. Crap, gotta get the bread going so we can have sammiches for dinner, whoops.

First, I know I have some Glee fen on ye olde fryend lyste, so I wanted to rec a fic that broke my fic-reading drought. (Really, I've not read any fanfiction in over a year.) And The Living Is Easy, by flaming_muse. Adorable and hot Kurt/Blaine fic. Go, read, feed.

(Remember when people used to expect readers to leave comments? Good times. Let's have nostalgia week!)

Second, because I need support to help me deal with my horror (and there will be a palate cleanser after to ease you into recipes) I want to share with you ( the WORST EMAIL EVER. )

Palate cleanser: LET US ALL PACK UP AND GO TO THERE. (Greece, that is, as it seems to be my current source of zen.)

Recipes! Y'all know how I feel about my margaritas. I have a perfected rocks version, and I have a perfected (by my sister) frozen version. They could not be improved upon! Years of sampling - hard work, I tell you, but someone has to do it - have proven that it could not be improved. AND THEN THIS HAPPENED. (This being a weekend of non-stop parties at my place.) ( Set tastebuds to EHMEHGHED )

In other news, I continue to be woken up at 6am by Smidgen, who wants a makeout session, I guess. She jumps on my chest, head butts me to consciousness, then puts her lips on mine. On one hand, gah! Let me sleep! On the other hand, aww, she loves me. But I don't know where those lips have been!

In other, other news, Hey, Don't Judge Me almost had 30,000 hits for the month of May! That's pretty slick. Thanks for all of the support! There have been a lot of folks coming over from people's recommendations, and that's always the best.

1. Add us to your reader's feed! then you don't have to worry about missing anything. (hurr)
2. Add the feed to your LJ's flist! Do you come here more often? That's the best way to get updated, then.
3. Follow HDJM on Twitter! You'll get notified in hilarious ways. (hurr)
4. Facebook lover? Here's the Facebook page, share, like, communicate with other awesome people.
5. Come laugh about the hilarious episode of Real Housewives of New Jersey where sex was described like popping pimples! (Oh my god, so awful, this guy.)
6. Come share (non-spoilery) theories about Game of Thrones with us!

I can promise you at least one laugh, and who doesn't need a chuckle? We've got True Blood recaps coming this summer, walks down memory lane (Somewhere in Time! Valley Girl! And more!) and more. So much more....

Thank you SO MUCH for the support, I've really appreciated it.

Real Housewives of New Jersey started back up this week!! We got a new cable system, so I haven't plugged back in all of my "to be DVRd" shows. Caught it last night, HOLY CRAP. There is some seriously awesome crazy, not the icky crazy of the Danielle days.

Teresa's sister in law is a slutty pro-God mommy, and it's fantastic. I'm calling her Jesus Spice because she apparently moonlights in a GIRL BAND. It's like the universe knew I needed this. Thank you, universe.

Obv. I'm recapping it. :D

So much good TV on tonight, and Happy Endings cracked me up last night. "Let's down these M. Light Shamalans and get going!" (Michelob Light. ahahaha.) I love that they all talk like they're funny people, not people just saying one-liners. I'm digging it.

Those who are being assigned a weekend project are those of you who are NOT watching both South Park and Parks & Recreation. You have to remedy this IMMEDIATELY.

1. South Park spoofed the Royal Wedding with the Canadian Royal Family (lol) and every time the commentator said, "as is tradition" I died a little from laughing. Duke of Calgary! Meet at "the tree" in Edmonton! "She's wiping off the butterscotch from his sleeves, as is tradition" and the return of Scott, the Canadian Dick.

2. If you didn't laugh while reading that, I am breaking up with you.

3. EVERYTHING ABOUT PARKS AND REC. Everything. Little hats! Snakejuice! Role playing! Rob Lowe with a pimple sized bladder! LESLIE KNOPP and her friendships and loves! LANDMINES. I love everything about that show. I may have squealed at a scene, I JUST MAY HAVE. Also, I got butterflies and felt silly and yet I do not apologize for having those feelings. I DO NOT.

OK, I'm off to film a commercial today, I just want you all to know that friendship with me now has conditions, and those conditions are loving these two shows. THOSE ARE MY RULES. (I'll catch up on correspondence over the weekend, I'm behind, I know.)

I missed updating the last two episodes because of my vacation and then the flu, so they are now up, and I'll have tonight's episode up fairly quickly as well. I AM ON A ROLL, YO. Oh, how I love mocking the crazy. Also, the romance between Pauly and Vinny is really the sweetest thing ever. Why are you not watching for that, my slashers? They are so gay for each other it's not even funny. LOL.

Last last week's
Last week's

ALso, Liz (who recaps Spartacus so hilariously, this part is true even though it is stricken) KASSIE is going to start recapping the new show The Borgias. And we're going to add comics and then comes TRUE BLOOD, GUYS. WE ARE ON A ROLL, SO YOU SHOULD BE FOLLOWING US. I'm just saying. *cough* :)

and still look good in a bikini? Boo, universe. Poor design, says I. Cottage cheese thighs need to come back into vogue, is all I'm saying.

So yeah. I'm still doing this TurboFire workout, and holy sheep sheers, it is crazy intense. Day 2 was a 15 minute workout. Oh, that's nothing, you might be thinking. Um, it's 15 minutes of straight up Fire Drills (think every football training montage you've ever seen.) I almost threw up. But then I felt awesome. And then I was hungry. (You do a fire drill, cool for 30 seconds, do it again, cool, do it a 3rd time, then you do a whole new sequence. and repeat it all over again, then one whole NEW sequence, etc.)

And we come back to cheese. Lol. I'm not very good with the whole choreography-style workouts (and I grew up in the age of Jazzercize! Now, I can grapevine right like a mofo) but I'm sure my confusion is helping me burn a few more calories. Or something.

IT'S JERSDAY! (Need to catch up on last week's ep? Here's the recap.) Also on deck is Community and 30 Rock and that makes for a happy Thursday for me. Here, have a picture that will hopefully inspire Jeff/Troy fanfic that you want me to read. :)

I'm not a purse girl. Oh, I love me some fancy shoes, but I'm not a "gotta have the latest bag!" kind of girl. But I want this with the force of a thousand supernovas. (I'm very preppy - I don't like things that sparkle. Lol. I mean, come on. You should have known that by now.) I would also like a weekender bag that looks exactly like it, but the size of luggage. Leather luggage isn't as easy to find as you'd think. Well, if you're willing to spend several thou, then yeah, it's easy. =P

OK, I gotta go eat all the things.

Guys, I caught up on Big Love yesterday and I have a big "meh" growing, even though there are some good things happening. 1) it feels reeeeaally forced in a lot of ways and 2) it seems like it is a midget practicing witchcraft away from being Passions. Oh, that there was a magical midget on this show. And of course the religious stuff they got wrong (or off in places) just bugged the hell out of me.

Lemme 'splain. (And for new folks since the last season of Big Love, I am a former Mormon, my ex worked for Merril Jessop - he runs the YFZ Ranch in Texas, and my family was one of the first "out" polygamous familiess of SLC under the leadership of Brigham Young. Hit my "polygamy" tag for further reading, if you're interested.)( They didn't even say the name of the Priesthood right, and Sunstone is NOT a club, and Barb's mother would NOT be associated with them in the slightest, wth?? )

Ok, enough of that malarkey. I made the hands-down best chicken enchiladas with a sour cream and salsa verde sauce of my LIFE. For Texans: they beat Chuy's Enchiladas Suizas, imo. They are the benchmark for that style of enchilada in this house. ( Here's the recipe )

We have a snow day today, and maybe tomorrow, too. I might need to create some projects for these knuckle heads to keep them out of my hair. (We have ice outside, not snow, so it's not like it's fun out there with the 40mph winds. BOO.)

I almost said the one where Snooki is drunk, but realized that it wouldn't clarify a thing. Next one in the morning, just in time for a new episode!

If you missed it, or just want to catch up, the Season Premiere's link, and episode 2's link. Goodness knows you wouldn't want to miss a thing. :)

( How To Stuff A Drunk Bikini, S3 e3 )

This is what you get when you won't talk to me about Southland, people.

Season 3, episode 2: Where the Skeets Have No Shame. (Did you miss the season premiere's recap? It's right here.)

( Rahnnie, I wanna towk to yous. Don't ax me nuthin, it's my turn ta towk. )

Drunken Snooki on the beach coming up in the next episode!

(Next episode's recap is here.)