This post is my "Catwoman."

[stoney321]

Because they can't all be "Monster's Ball." Okay, I know four of you are laughing.

Reasons I Should Have My Own Back-hoe

• digging is fun


• digging without making your back flip through pre-Born Again Anne Rice novels for appropriate curses on your person is far more fun


• I enjoy saying "back hoe" as it conjures up images of a spare whore, which I believe everyone should have


• I would sit in it, feet on the dash, trash mag in my hand and a mojito for sippin' with the BEEP!BEEP!BEEP! noise blaring while my Right Angle Worshiping Neighbor uses his stupid leaf blower


• sometimes I wish I was a butch dyke, and a back-ho would go a long way to making me feel like one

I have a book. I have a cool drink. I have sunshine. I had a baby last night. WAIT! I said that wrong. I had a surprise visit from one of my best friends that moved out of state with her BEE-YOU-TEE-FUL baby boy Milo (aww!) and he cooed and giggled at me and I almost stole him. Then he needed to be changed and I handed him back. (I'm joking. I love babies. Everything about them. It's TODDLERS that should go to boarding school. Why don't they do this?)

Mmmm, Texas sunshine. (also: hello new friends! Be prepared for an essay contest tomorrow. There will be prizes!)

LASTLY: We have a Tom Cruise (cruisn4alawsuit) now at a_list_celebs and Katie is rumored to pop at any time with their human child. Made from the finest sperm LA sperm banks had to offer. And you aren't following that comm because WHY? Are you ALLERGIC to funny? :D Check out the member list if you're curious who all is playing there. *wanders off whistling*

Comments

[elcazavampiros.livejournal.com]

I'm gonna get to see the only baby in our family (my great-nephew Wyatt) on the 7th. He was such a good baby when he was here.

I think you should get a back ho. Max agrees that digging is fun. He has his own little digging area and goes to town. In fact he's there now enjoying the Oklahoma sun.

[crazydiamondsue.livejournal.com]

Nah - I'd say this was at least the Bond movie she was in.

while my Right Angle Worshiping Neighbor uses his stupid leaf blower - I just love the word order in that one.

Caza can drive a fork lift! You could have races!

I had a baby last night. Don't say that! You wouldn't be the first one of my friends that went to bed complaining of excess pina coladas and then popped out a 7 lb. girl in the wee hours of the morning. I love that story. It's just so...magical.

Starts composing character. Do you think pitt_stain is too much for the name?

<-- my leetle boy. *SNIFF!*

[stoney321.livejournal.com]

Poor little weiner dog with only OK sun to warm him. Heh.

BABIES. I literally teared up when he grinned at me. I AM SUCH A SAP. I want all the babies. I just don't want all the KIDS.

[menomegirl.livejournal.com]

*looks out my window* Dude, it's like rainy and nasty! You have sunshine?

Well!

I obviously live in the wrong part of the state today. *grumbles* Was gonna plant my tomatoes today but nooooooooo!, it had to rain.

Does a garden ho count?

[stoney321.livejournal.com]

hahahahaha!! whatev. No.

BACK HO. OR. Because - let's face it, I'm too femme to be a dyke - it could help me lure one. Because I won't lie to you. Muscley, short-haired girls with sweet faces do something to me.

[stoney321.livejournal.com]

One word: TEXAS. There's like... fifteen different climates at any given moment here.

Who you calling a ho? Heh. Gack! Get them 'maters in the ground ASAP! (can't remember: north, south, central Texas?)

[menomegirl.livejournal.com]

LOL! This is true.

Southeast Texas. I still have time to get them planted but not much. *grins*

[stoney321.livejournal.com]

I *knew* you had mentioned that before... Sorry! And yeah - get them in quick! (off hand remark, I'm a Master Gardener for the state - lemme know if you need good resources in our area for plants, help, etc.)

[crazydiamondsue.livejournal.com]

Whereas I lean toward the statuesque like Trisha Yearwood or Cate Winslett. Hmm. I like somethin' tall with boobs. Oh. And Caza.

[stoney321.livejournal.com]

Here we go:
petite and delicate, with an inner steel, funky glasses a bonus
athletic and taller than me, girl-next-door looks - nothing showy
full on steel-worker dyke with a page-boy hair cut and a pretty face

Mostly #1, followed by 2 and duh I wrote them in order.

Boys:
Minimun of 6 ft., dark hair, light eyes, broad shoulders, good ass, STRONG thighs (guh) smart and sassy. = Mr. S and almost every boy I ever dated.

And not really a fan of the blonde. No offense. (not you, anyone reading)

[crazydiamondsue.livejournal.com]

The *only* time I've found glasses hot (not cute, but sexy) are you and Lisa Loeb. I *love* your glasses.

I don't like blonde, either. Well, I don't mind it on chicks, but I rarely find blond men attractive (Spike doesn't count, but then my Spike Jones - get it? get it? - has dimmed.) Blonde like your blonde is okay. I mainly prefer my hair color - 'cause I'm narcissistic, Laura. Oh, and I really like redheads. Okay, breakin' it down:

Chicks - Brunettes or redheads (dark on both) long hair. At least shoulder-length. Thick. Boobies. I don't mind chubby at all. I like taller than me (which is not hard - hello.) Flirty. More aggressive than me. Fingernails and toes all did up and stuff. Smart.

Dudes - Tall. At least 6'. Dark hair. Long eyelashes. Slender to medium build. I don't like a man with too many muscles - just one big one. Broad shoulders. Good ass. Bounce a quarter off of it. Yessss.

Although everything above is way negotiable (except the 6' thing on dudes) because I'm way more attracted to personality than looks.

[stoney321.livejournal.com]

Ha! You're totally hot for me, Sue. (Oh, make Lisa Loeb my #3, and then add tall, fierce, sex-bitch as #4. Think Cordy.)

Dude, I am TOTALLY drawn to funny first in a man as a relationship device, but I ain't even gonna lie and say their looks don't make me stop walking past in the first place.

I am totally shallow.

[crazydiamondsue.livejournal.com]

Well, you do give the best Hand I've ever had...

And yes. Cordy.

[floweringjudas.livejournal.com]

What book! What book! *is 1/4-way through "Going Postal"*

[stoney321.livejournal.com]

You're damn right I do.

*preens* Hahaha!!

[stoney321.livejournal.com]

Oooh! "Bones" by Fae Myenne Ng.

Is yours good? (I'm loving mine.)

Also: THETANS.

[beadattitude.livejournal.com]

::blinks a lot:: Um, I have some flannel shirts I could send you? For the dykeatude?

Your neighbor worships Right Triangles? What would that be, A conservative Archimedian?

"Back ho" is funny, and could also mean that you had a ho with pretty sweet back.

The one thing? Small boys and construction vehicles. Probably not best to mix.

[floweringjudas.livejournal.com]

Cool!

Yeah, is pretty good! Discworld. You know. Bits with Vetinari (and Drumknott omg slash) to squee over.

...Bzuh? I know it's a 'Tology thing but. ...Bzuh?

[stoney321.livejournal.com]

I don't think I can pull it off, but I WILL TRY.

Right ANGLES. (hahaha to your joke, though!!) Every shrub, plant and TREE gets pruned a minimum of once a week into a rectangle.

TREES. He edges his lawn (a pair of perfect rectangles) with precision twice a week. He doesn't look like he ENJOYS this work, yet he performs these tasks without fail.

It's impressive - and exasperating. (I fuggin' HATE leaf blowers. HATE.)

[cruisn4alawsuit.livejournal.com]

AH! Discworld is on my summer reading list. I am a bad SF/fantasy girl for not having read any of them. I will correct this one day!

(and that was a subtle mention of Tom. Thetans - the aliens living inside you, making you sad and making you believe in Jesus.)

[floweringjudas.livejournal.com]

Discworld is fantastic. An elderly benefactor sent me the first 6 when I was out in the Real Life Version of the Crucible (BYU-I), and I've been hooked ever since.

(...You are KIDDING me. Dude. Going to friggin start MY own religion.)

[stoney321.livejournal.com]

(Ha! You were Pip!)

(Oh, god, Scientologists make Mormons look like PRESBYTERIANS.)

[dedra.livejournal.com]

if you click your dykey boots together and wish, your dream can come true (There's noplace like San Fran, there's noplace like San Fran, there's noplace like San Fran)....

Everyone needs a back-ho, even if it is just the spare that you spoke of...they are amazingly versatile and I have one on my wish list as well as a roto-tiller, which I also think that everyone needs like food and water...however, I am a real dyke, so that doesn't count...lol

and if you used your back-ho right you could dump shit on your Right-Angle worshipping Neighbor's lawn! THINK of the possibilities!

I have considered joining a_list_celebs but I don't know of any dykey a listers that you might need besides Ellen, and I could never be that flakey...okay, well maybe, if I had enough dope...BWAHA!

[stoney321.livejournal.com]

Puh. My roto-tiller is one of my most favorite things EVAH. I am a gardener, yo! Is important!

And SanFran is one of my most favorite cities on earth. In an alternate universe, I live there in a walkup on Lombard with a view.

(Ha! I thought about playing Ellen, but I am at the character limit. She NEEDS to be flakey to work in that comm, right?)

[dedra.livejournal.com]

Hmm...sitting here wondering if I could be that flakey, like a well baked pie crust made with REAL LARD!

I don't know...although I bet I could come up with random comments on cheese, a treatise on why sex toys are good, and observations about men drivers...hmmm...so, does a_list_celebs need an Ellen? LOL

As for the tiller...I need a tiller like WOAH! I have been threatening to buy one for liek, 4evah, and Sandy won't let me...bad girlfriend!