stoney321 | Entries tagged with navel gazing

Guys, I just hate LJ. I had a long post written out, and it deleted it.

MOTHER FFFFFF

I'm never here to post. I'm just not. It's a ghost town. I read your posts, but I'm not posting. I'm on Tumblr, HDJM, or Twitter. This website has just become cumbersome where there are faster methods of disseminating information for me.

Life has been almost more than I can handle, but I am.
Getting divorced
getting published
getting regular work
getting awesome reviews from Publisher's Weekly (which, they get 15,000 books a month to review. They only review 7,000 a YEAR. And I'm one of them--they're not always positive reviews, either.)
getting nominated for some pretty sweet literary awards that I can't detail just yet, as well as being shortlisted for others yet to be determined
I've signed for book 2 & 3

I haven't had a lot of support in my life, and this publishing venture was a surprising mix of "yay!" and "this is a terrible idea" from the people in my life, and all I have to say is I'm happier and feeling more accomplished than I ever have, so.

If you're still reading, hey! You're awesome! Sorry I'm not here much. I'm super prolific elsewhere, though. *shrug*

So, I'm publishing a book this fall, and it's an older piece of fanfiction that I reworked to be publishable. It's not a case of me "filing off the serial numbers" or just c&p-ing the names, but was a month of me cutting out huge chunks, reimagining all of the characters and their stories, and working that back into the framework. Dialog had to change, situations and locations had to change, too. I'm incredibly proud of how it turned out.

CLICK HERE ON MY HOME PAGE to see the beautiful cover art (it's a wraparound!) and read a few excerpts.

And come noon, CST today, there will be a second post with another excerpt and images of the protagonist, Oliver. (He's super handsome.)

ION, I started Krav Maga lessons yesterday and am sore as hell. I have a massive crush on my instructor, but she's so nice! She gave me all sorts of praise and let me punch and kick her. MATCH MADE IN HEAVEN. Lol.

ION 2, because of the promotions for HDJM's Game of Thrones posts, our readership has grown to the thousands. It's amazing. And everyone has been respectful of the spoiler-phobic. We still manage to have great discussions without ruining the fun.

And we've added Orange Is The New Black (and I'll be recapping The Leftovers once that starts), if you're looking for something to read this summer.

Current Mood: working

and that it was too much to talk about, which is an understatement. May was just a shit month, full stop.

But Sally Girl meant a lot to our family, to me, and to some of you, and I finally got to a place where I could laugh about things, and this is how I heal: laughing and talking about it.

Post with great pics of our sweet girl and laughter amongst the tears, as is appropriate.

I see my posts here dwindling, honestly. There's not a lot of interest, and I'm more active elsewhere. I won't abandon this entirely, but it would be a lie to say this is my first, second, or even third most active locale. Just as a head's up. Big news will still be posted here, but I don't know that I'll post daily or maybe even weekly on LJ. I'm moving my pro blog into the sphere of home base. It's just easier for me.

Current Mood: contemplative

Hello - we had a hell of a storm move through last night, so my morning was spent pulling patio furniture out of the pool. Fun! (We are in such a drought, though, so the rain is very welcome.)

1. It's Mormon Monday on my pro-site, and today's story is of me horribly misunderstanding what George Michaels' song "Father Figure" was about. I had tears down my face, laughing, as I wrote this.

2. Game of Thrones - I'll just leave the link. OH MY GOODNESS, THE VISUALS.

3. We're recapping Orange Is The New Black on HDJM, now, and Hillary is awesome. Come support our newest writer writing about a AMAZING LGBTQ show.

4. I bit the bullet and paid for us to move to our own private server to keep up with the load/crashes/etc. MAKE ME FEEL LIKE IT WAS WORTH IT by spreading the love for the shows you're into! CLick those links! Like, +1, tweet, Tumble, etc. Every time you do, a lizard gets its wings. YOU ARE MAKING DRAGONS, IS WHAT I AM SAYING.

5. I cannot deal with all of the pictorial goodies coming out of ALphaCon in Austria. IT IS TOO MUCH. (hence my icon)

Current Mood: hungry

I am bored. It's that general sort of malaise that I get every time this year, itching to grab a knapsack and hobo it up around the world for a year or two. Man, I would love nothing more than to travel everywhere and see everything and eat all the foods.

Mostly that last one. (I probably need Second Lunch...)

After a few technical difficulties, I've gotten my new home base website working how I'd like, and I'll start posting regularly there. I'm still reading LJ every day, even if it only takes a few minutes. Remember when we'd be here for hours, there were more posts than you could keep up with, threaded comments that were so awesome, fun, interesting, shocking, whatever? SIGH.

Question: is there anyone who would like me to post an update here when I've posted at the above site? Or would you actually hate that? Feel free to be honest.

Lastly: I sat down with the intentions of working on Real Things, which morphed into maybe starting a fanfic I've wanted to tackle but have struggled with, and ended up starting a whole new fic. An amnesia Sterek fic. BECAUSE I LOVE ALL THE TROPES, OKAY? Wow, I just really love those. Future fic, starts off horribly sad, and I should shut up and get back to work, huh?

HEY, GUYS. I want fajitas, so if you could send some over through the fwoomp tube, that would be super fantastic. <3

Current Mood: sleepy

I posted this to my Tumblr this morning and realized someone here might be interested. TW: for talk of sexual assault and misogyny.

"You have to be decent all the time, men, not just when it suits you, not just when you think it matters, not just when you think someone’s paying attention. ALL the time. EVERY time. You have to change. Women? Hold those boys’ feet to the fire when they mess up, when they say stupid, crass, idiotic things. Hold them to the fire so long that they blister and scar, make them so tender that they will know—they will know what it feels like to walk on eggshells when confronted with the opposite sex’s rage."

Read the whole thing here.

(And if you're a guy reading this and your reaction is to tell me that you're not like those guys? You missed the whole point--this isn't about how YOU feel. Sit a few plays out, champ, ears open.)

Current Mood: angry

I know, I know. If you only knew all the hell that's been happening, you wouldn't be irritated with me. (There's ALWAYS someone irritated with me. Que sera sera.)

IT HAS BEEN A COUNTRY WESTERN SONG, OKAY. (Including, and I'm sad to say, we had to put poor Sally Girl down recently. I would prefer not to talk about that, thank you. :( )

But no one wants to hear the complaining from ol' Stoney, and I accept that, so here are the things of goodness (because why NOT focus on good stuff? E-ZACTLY.)

1. I went to NYC w/

flaming_muse and had a grand time. The food alone was worth it, and that's not counting the stellar company, the museums, the Hi-Line public garden, and meeting

klaineaddict, who is LOVELY.

2. If you want to see my pics of that (and want to see what I'm drinking/eating) then following my Instagram is a good idea.

2.A - I was stuck all day in Newark due to a missed flight/overbooked flights and tweeted about it. I have to say that my airport tweets are pretty awesome. :D

3. BUT MOST EXCITINGLY, I'm gearing up to publish my first book (a romance BUT DON'T LEAVE YET) in real, honest-to-goodness hardback in a brick and mortar book form this November, and as such, need to have an accessible website that's all polished and stuff. CHECK IT OUT.

4. I promise to keep it from being boring. As much as that's possible. AND AS SUCH, I have a schedule of what will be posted there!

Mormon Mondays - tales of Mormon days past, news, etc. TODAY IS A CLASSIC TALE YOU MIGHT REMEMBER: The Date Who Brought The Date To The Date
Trade Day Tuesdays - I want what you're loving. That can be YOU! But you have to share something not-you related. Great way to network and introduce people to cool stuff
Writing Wednesdays - My process, your process, support group, clinging
Throwback Thursdays - MUSIC! Oh do I love music. I'll throw out a theme (I listen to [blank] when I'm getting ready to go out) and you come at me with what you love. Links or just names, both are great!
Free For All Fridays - Let's just get real. This is going to be what I'm drinking on Fridays. And eating. And who knows. (I will probably need to change this to Stone Soup. Hurr.) Imma want YOUR free for all, too.

HDJM rules apply: be cool, be engaging, no put downs or rude behavior.

5. I am still in my pajamas. I love long weekends. (It's been raining all day/all yesterday, and we need it so badly here.)

Current Mood: lazy

I am bored. I want to get a backpack of essentials and disappear for about three years, just wander the world Cane-style. [pan flutes] It's that weird place where winter is coming to a close here and spring is attempting to spring and it has me fidgety and antsy and wanting to DO. CREATE. MAKE. CHANGE.

I've just spent the winter affixed to my chair writing, and now that I'm finished with that story, I need something else. WHAT DO.

I ordered myself a new computer, and...I'm going with a Mac. A fancy Mac at that. My husband has one for work, and wow, is it better than my funky little Dell I've had for almost 7 years. AND YEAH I KNOW THAT IS OLD FOR A LAPTOP. Which is why I'm getting a new one.

Have y'all seen that Amtrak is going to offer "writer's residences" on board for cross-country trips for free/low cost? YEAH I COULD GET BEHIND THAT. I'd want to dress like Rosalind Russel in My Girl Friday every day, though.

I bought an inversion table for the Mr. as his Christmas present, something he's been asking for for years and then hasn't used it but once. Holy smokes, I love it. (And you can do curls on them and really work those core muscles! *pats belly*)

I changed my dad's wireless network name to "FBI SURVEILLANCE VAN" yesterday because the man needs to learn to change up his passwords. And not have them be FIVE LETTERS, OH MY GOD, DAD, THAT HAS BEEN YOUR PASSWORD SINCE MY CHILDHOOD. Apparently he has some "illegal music software" on his ancient computer, it's like, 16-bit midi shit, and he was convinced that the NSA found out. My son called to tell me all of this, and was crying from laughter. I'm a terrible person, I know. But that shit's funny, I'm sorry.

BORED BORED BORED I AM SO TIRED OF BEING A HOUSEWIFE AHHHHHHHHH [don't take this to mean I want a job, lol. I want to be freeeeee]

Current Mood: bored

Hello! I'm coming out of my self-imposed blackout because I'm just about finished with my deadlines and feel like I can breathe again. WHEW.

1. WALKING DEAD. Holy darkness. I know a lot of people have stopped watching, which is baffling to me. To each his own, I know, but the character arcs are finally paying off in a huge way. This is a long con type show, not simple action/adventure. (But yeah, filled with some unlikeable people, etc.)

2. I wrote "The End" on that massive AoGG/TW fic this weekend. OMG, apparently I only write novel-length fiction now? It's good practice, that's for sure. I still have edits/tweaks to do before I post. I wanted to start posting today, but it's a school holiday and I think I might need to murder my children. But I'll begin posting right after, promise! :D

3. I'm coming to terms with the way people are consuming media/behaving fannishly, and it is slowly elbowing me out. That's just the way it is, and I'm learning to accept that the way I view/want to talk about shows isn't the way most people do, so I may stop recapping. It's just a lot of work not to have interaction. (And thank you to the three of you who continue to talk to me! I know you do it out of loyalty, and I appreciate it.) I'm not shutting down HDJM or anything drastic like that, our Supernatural posts get almost 2,000 likes (WOW, way to go, Vinnie!) and Hannibal is a juggernaut. Sleepy Hollow picked up steam the more people realized we were recapping them, and I'm very happy for their dedicated followers. Just...I have such a crazy life and it's a lot to put into something that goes nowhere. I'm going to see Game of Thrones through this season, and won't make any decisions until after that, but basically I'm saying that I get that I'm not that interesting to read anymore.

(This is NOT a plea for you to tell me otherwise. This is navel gazing and acceptance. It's healthy!)

4. Speaking of healthy, I need lunch. I need a big ol' sandwich hot from the Panini maker. MMMM, GOAT CHEESE HERE I COME. :D

Current Mood: accomplished

I'm lurking more than posting, because...there's not much to say. I mean, I ALWAYS have something to say, but nothing that interests folks.

Random bullet points!

I am so in love with True Detective, I can't even. I haven't seen last night's episode, because of Walking Dead reasons, but that's on deck for later
enjoying this back half of Teen Wolf, and seriously cannot get over the gift that show has in its actors, because gee dee, are there some amazing performances coming out of it. Of an MTV show, for crying out loud. <3
I am working on the very last chapter of this monster of a fic I've been writing for months, now, and it'll feel so good to write The End. Soon, so, so soon.
I've become closer to some old acquaintances from high school over the past several months, and wow, am I ever glad that we don't judge each other by who we were at 16-18. KIDS: it really does change. People really do grow up. Not everyone, I won't lie to you, but when they do? You'll be surprised. (Point in fact: the husband of this particular couple was the It Guy, the "douchey popular" guy. Except inside, he wasn't that at all. And once he left school and figured himself out, he became this amazing person who I am so damn proud to call friend. How cool is that?)
I'm at a point in my life where it's almost physically painful to write into a vacuum, so you may not see too much of me around here. Not that I'm leaving, I just don't see myself posting daily like I once did. Seasons change, etc. etc.
But I am ALWAYS reading and commenting when applicable. <3
Time to make lobster mac-n-cheese again. <3

Current Mood: hungry

1. Thank you so much for the kind words of support last week! Summation: no idea still. He was made to wear a heart monitor vest thing for 48 hours so they could track its rhythms in addition to having an ultrasound on his heart. And we have no idea. (He also passed out again, but fortunately was a) at home and b) wearing the vest so it caught it. Hopefully we'll hear something soon.)

2. I spent the weekend close to him (just in case) and blasted through the Little House on the Prairie series. Wow, is Ma awful and I truly believe Laura worked through some aggression by writing those stories. Also, I could go for some Cap Garland fic, hey-now.

3. While drunk-tweeting the Golden Globes last night, I got a text from Matt Paxton, saying he wanted to get mildly drunk with me some time (not in a freaky way) <-- His actual words, ahaha. We went back and forth joking, etc. when he said this:

"i never told you, i was at some event and someone mentioned you and I was like..i know, i follow her. it was in LA and very random.
but we both got crazy excited that we both thought you were such a great writer and we thought it was like our own secret

I may have made noises not unlike a porpoise sucking on helium. He is such a nice guy. And it's still crazy to me that the nice Guy from the Tee Vees reads my stuff and chats with me. Boosted my spirits quite a lot. <3

(And now I go back to writing, because this AoGG/TW story has legs of its own. And I want to finish it soon, ugh.)

Current Mood: complacent

TW: depression/dark thoughts

I've started and deleted three of these posts, but I think I need to write this, if only to keep a record. In late 2008 I was diagnosed as being severely depressed and began taking medication. For those of you who have experienced this, you know what a miracle it can be to not only have a name for why you feel so horribly wrong, so very Not You, and then to have a chemical administered that puts you on the right foot, so to speak. I almost immediately dropped 40 pounds, I stopped hurting in my joints and muscles, I started being ME.

The pharmacy decided I didn't need the name brand (Welbutrin) any more and gave me the generic. A few hours after taking it, I very calmly planned on driving off a 130 ft bridge to my death until my kids piped up in the backseat of the car and I realized how fucking CRAZY that was. Yeah, don't take generic Welbutrin. I'm not the only person this has ever happened to. (Note: I have never been suicidal. Never. And I'm not now, either. Wow, I'm fun, lol.) My doctor tore the pharmacy a new hole and wrote in my chart: NAME BRAND, NO GENERIC.

Flash to 5 years later (now) when we finally decide to stop going through Canada Pharmacy to get my meds (I can get 90 pills for $240, instead of what Walgreens/CVS wants to charge me, which is $402 for 30.) and make my insurance pay for it, seeing as we pay an arm and a leg for BCBS's best plan and it should only cost me $40 for a 90 pill supply. YEAH, I'D LIKE THAT OPTION, PLEASE.

And they said no. Nope, you don't get to have that anymore, we don't care what the doctor has said. You'll take the generic or you'll take nothing, they said. I've been trying since before my California trip to get this resolved, which means I've run out of my medication for more than a week, now. And I can't think, I can't process normally, I hurt all over, and my doctor has been yelling at anyone he can to give me my drugs. (Yes, I can buy them out of pocket, at $40 a piece. JFC. But I shouldn't have to. Also, that requires effort to GET THEM that I don't even have at the moment. Stupid, maybe. But that's what it is.)

So I'm trying? I'm trying to reply to emails, to my responsibilities, but I can barely decorate my house for the holidays, barely focus when my kids are talking to me, barely keep it together and not burst into tears for no discernible reason other than my body chemistry is jacked to hell. But Canada, O! Canada has stepped up and are sending me meds at their reasonable price, but I have to wait until next week because time travel apparently still isn't a thing. (Thank you, thank you, Canada Pharmacy.) And the fight with my insurance continues.

All of this to say that if I'm not responding, not fulfilling some act that you need me to do, it's because I'm not doing ANYTHING. But I'm trying. And this won't be forever. <-- mostly that is for myself because I am tunneling in and having a hard time seeing things ever becoming different. It's in waves, at least. It's not an all-consuming tsunami of woe.

Thanks.

Current Mood: depressed

If you'd like to force me to answer your question, toodle right on over to this post and ask away!

sheafrotherdon (and I always make a point of pronouncing it correctly and out loud when I see your user name, btw) asked "What are three defining moments in your life? Also - what are Derek Hale's feelings about sweaters?"

Three? Shalt thou count to three. No more. No less. Three shalt be the number thou shalt count, and the number of the counting shall be three. Four shalt thou not count, neither count thou two, excepting that thou then proceed to three. Five is right out. Once at the number three, being the third number to be reached, then, lobbest thou thy Holy Hand Grenade of Antioch towards thy foe, who, being naughty in My sight, shall snuff it.

(It's just a hodge podge of quotes, LOL & DOGE speak and recipes up in here. *taps temple*)

( Defining moments, of which there are five. NO! THREE! )

As for Derek Hale and sweaters, I surprisingly have a lot of thoughts about this. Short answer: nope. He won't wear them. WITH SPECIFIC EXCEPTIONS. ( and those are also five. I MEAN, THREE, GOD DAMN IT. )

Again, I'd like to put out the call for your help in supporting the writers (and server costs) of running HDJM, should you find it in your hearts (and wallets) to kick anything our way. WE APPRECIATE THE SUPPORT IN BUILDING A SAFE PLACE FOR FANNISH LOVE. (Click the link and on the right side of your screen is a golden DONATE button. Maybe spread the word? ALSO: WE LOVE YOU.)

Current Mood: silly

Walking Dead's recap is up, as well as all of the other goodies on HDJM like Buffy, SPN, Sleepy Hollow... As always, you can follow HDJM's twitter, FB page or Tumblr for updates or follow the writers' twitter/tumblr. Here's my tumblr/twitter, for example.

Thinky thoughts:

I had my final parent-teacher conference for my son today and he'll be graduating before Thanksgiving, due to me keeping him busy with school all summer. I. It's just that. Graduating. Done. Finito. Sooner than we thought. It's fine that he is, I'm just coming to terms with being a mother old enough to have a HIGH SCHOOL GRADUATE. =|

And we're stepping up his college application (nursing schools!) stuff with the help of my kid's team at the new school (who I love)

I got a comment to HDJM today on a years-old Hoarders post. It was the Hoarder's daughter. I just want to say how grateful I am to everyone supporting the idea of HDJM's motto: approach with love for something, even if it's wacky and silly, because where else can you go to talk about something where you know you won't fall headlong into wank? She felt comfortable enough with the recap and the discussion in comments to talk about her feelings and give me an update on her mom. (Not good.) I love that the family members and friends who have commented over the years knew that they could talk about their feelings - even when they were angry, upset, heartbroken - on HDJM and we wouldn't judge them for it.

That felt pretty good, I have to say. And now back to this Anne of Green Gables/Teen Wolf fic that I am MADLY IN LOVE WITH, omg. /dork

Current Mood: grateful

Today was the memorial for my friend Steve, the ex-boyfriend/always my friend from my improv comedy days. If I ask for nothing else in my life, it's this: may every story people have to share at my memorial start with, "Now, I can't share most of my stories about Laura in a church, but what I can say is..." like they did at his.

Which is exactly how the talks led by the other comedy club pals began. Honest, heartfelt tears for a friend we all knew was troubled, but was the sort that didn't burn bridges. He was just an addict. But he was kind, hilarious, and always the guy who would pick you up at 4:30 in the morning when you've had a wreck on New Year's Eve/Day and were stranded on the side of the road. In front of a shady strip club/shady part of town. Or the guy who will take a punch for you when drunk frat guys picked fights with the other comedians after the show with the reasoning of, "I have a lower center of gravity; they can't knock me over." AND THEY DIDN'T. Or the guy who would pick up the tab when he had money, just because that's who he was.

We all stood out in the parking lot for a good hour or more, laughing so hard my stomach ached, crying so hard my glasses fogged up, swapping old, "Oh my god, do you remember the time with the strippers--" and "No one could come up with a better way to sneak into [blah] than..." and "He never sat in judgment of anyone. Unless you weren't funny and acted like you were. That he wouldn't tolerate."

I remembered today how he made me break up with him, because he knew his demons better than I did and didn't want to hurt me with his drug use. He always smiled at me like I was the most beautiful person he'd ever seen and would hold my hand while I spoke. Long after we'd stopped dating, even! He was just a sweet, sweet man. Who had a filthy mouth and would do anything. There was no daring this guy, because his response would always be, "Why not? Ooh, and how about we..." He's why I'm so spectacularly naughty, ftr. :)

(In fact, one of the comedians told another guy - one I didn't know as well - that I could out cuss all of them. I don't know if you can appreciate the hugeness of a group of male comedians saying they couldn't top me, a former Mormon girl. Hahahaha.)

Never did he make any of us angry, he didn't fight or say cruel things or set out to hurt people. He wanted to laugh, wanted to live life to the fullest, and happened to have a drug addiction. But I'll always think of his booming, rapid-fire laugh and his willingness to do anything, because why not? That's a pretty great model for living, right there. Rest in peace, my friend. I'll never forget you.

Current Mood: grateful

One of my oldest friends died yesterday. Because I know it would make him happy, I want to share some ridiculous stories about him.

( This guy... There will never be anyone like this guy, let me tell you. Dirty words under here, but they're funny. )

Icon usage is because we went to see Star Trek VI together and cheered when Sulu was announced as being the captain of his own ship. He had a black sense of humor and was good people.

Current Mood: laughing through my tears

There's your trigger warning. I'm not holding back on my own experiences, so please take care of your own needs before reading. I do have at the end some links and helpful tips for those who may find themselves in a similar situation. SCROLL UNTIL YOU HIT BOLDED TEXT IF YOU NEED TO SKIP THINGS FOR YOUR OWN MENTAL WELL BEING.

Learning that [not stating how I know this person] has been hiding an abusive relationship for years has put today in a combination of overdrive with accompanying tail spin. My first reaction is to gather all the information needed, supplies, etc., and rocket launch that to the woman in need. Now that I've done as much as I can for the moment, everything in my past is hitting like a ton of bricks. Good thing I have therapy tomorrow. =/

( The most damaging thing ever said to me was that I shouldn't ever let people know this happened. )

I was raised to be perfect, or to shut up until I was. Lots of bad guidance there, let me tell you. I didn't tell anyone what was going on, because hey. I might've been wrong. He might've gotten better. I might've deserved it, etc. God damn, people, we have to look out for each other. There are times when it is literally life or death. I'd rather piss someone off for assuming they needed my help than to ignore something this major.

(And you can share this post with someone if they need this information, you don't have to ask.)

Note: I know this is gender-specific, but it's because I am gender specific. I only know what I know, and I don't know how to speak about abusive gay relationships for fear of giving incorrect information. I can almost guarantee, though, that the numbers I've listed will know how to help you if you're a gay male/trans/non-cis male/human being in an abusive relationship. And the words of love apply to you, too, don't doubt for a minute that you matter. <3

Current Mood: worried

I'm like, barely holding on to sanity here, so that's why there's been radio silence.

Apparently to deal with my own crippling sads, I decided to write 2000 words of Stilinski Family Feels to tie into episode 3.11. If you think you'd like to read it, why, I'd love for you to click here and do that.

And if that's not your cuppa, no worries. I'm sorry I'm a bad LJer. =/ I'm mostly on Twitter being an idiot or reblogging pretty pictures on Tumblr.

<3

Current Mood: apathetic

First things first, I had my weekend-long party with some of my real life friends (who just happen to be people I've met on LJ) and no one pointed out the mud stains from dirty paws on carpet by the back door, so I consider that a win. :D

While I would love to have everyone over to my home (omg, I'm an introvert and that was a LIE but I don't want to sound like a jerk but seriously, let's get real here) I was very grateful to the small group of girlfriends who visited. (And those of you invitees who weren't able to come, you were missed and loved on!) You never realize how bad things have been until you feel their burden lifted. By which I mean to say how wonderful it felt to have girls I've known for years -- women I've traveled with, shared fandoms, sorrows, heartbreaks and joy with -- sit and drink margaritas with me and really let ourselves relax for a solid weekend.

And apparently Casa de Stoney is getting a good review on Yelp. :D

(Oooh, we made blackberry and Key lime margaritas that were TASTY. They needed tiny crushed ice to be tip-top, though. And

flaming_muse? The Mr. told me that he bought me crushed ice and had it in the outside freezer - and I had no idea. Bah! Next time!) I actually lip wobbled and had tears running down my face after I dropped everyone off at the airport because it had been such a wonderfully supportive and fun weekend. I highly recommend doing something really nice for yourself. WHO KNEW?

Because I was so involved with enjoying everyone (and talking fandom, making dick jokes, drinking margaritas, refreshing sunscreen, praising the casting choices on Teen Wolf) I missed huge news for Dallas. Kidd Kraddick, a local DJ that became nationally syndicated, suddenly died. ( Why I even care about a Top 40s DJ. )

I'm spending the day figuring out how to move forward on projects that mean something to me, because my lovely friends gave me the will to do so. I'm definitely looking up. <3

Current Mood: thoughtful

I'm all out. (If you get that reference, you're old. Hey, I am, too.)

I decided that I deserve nice things recently and planned a birthday party for myself. (I typically don't do anything for my birthday because my daughter's b-day is the day before mine. She should have the attention. Plus, that's a lot of cake.) So I'm throwing one for myself a week early and have some of my dearest friends coming to help me float in the pool, eat delicious food, drink delicious wine, and talk fandom/random all weekend. (I'm kicking the family out to go camping or whatever.)

In preparation, I've spent the past week scrubbing the house from stem to stern, not to mention getting my butt out in the garden to finish some huge projects that are taking me forever to get done.

Well...the garden isn't going to be done. It's 100F (40C) all week, was close to that last week, and I give up. I was sweating so hard the other day that my kids thought I poured water all over myself. GROSS. The kids decided to tear the wallpaper off their bathroom, so I spent all yesterday finishing stripping that off with them, then prepping the plaster and painting it. (Which meant taking the toilet out, faucets, etc.) HEY, DIDN'T PLAN ON THAT TASK. But it's done? And will look nice for my guests? Gah.

It's hard for me to not have everything looking perfect. I was raised to be perfect. Not strive for perfection, but to BE perfect. Vacuum tracks in the carpet, everything spic-and-span, I'm a Master Gardener, so it better LOOK like I am and...I have kids. It ain't spic-and-span. (And these are my dear friends, they won't judge, I know that intellectually, but my mother's voice still creeps in and it's hard.)

Example: my son was talking to me last week while I was styling my hair in the bathroom, and he pulled the towel bar right out of the wall because he was leaning on it. So I had to patch those holes this weekend. Will those patches get repainted in time? ...probably not. And I am having to tell myself it's going to be okay.

I JUST FIGURED OUT THE SOLUTION: get everyone too drunk to look too closely! Okay, this can work. Ha. *blows bangs out of face*

Current Mood: exhausted

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stoney321

Hey, Don't Judge Me

June 2017

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Karma Laundrette

God made me an atheist, who are you to question Her wisdom?

Entries tagged with navel gazing

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