Karma Laundrette

So this happened during our comment fest last night.

Author: Stoney
Fandom: GLEE
Rating: PG
Summary: You know the chorus that sings during the show? They can hear that. At McKinley. (Short fic)
Disclaimer: This is fanfiction, no money, no ownership by me, yadda yadda.
A/N: This is a TOE DIP. It's been 2 years since I wrote fanfiction, omg.

( The Bumper Music )

Inspired by this thread with the ever delightful slasheuse. Any mistakes (including a failure to include a Croydon facelift on Bella) are all hers. I mean, mine. Ha ha ha. I'm heading out for the airport in a few hours, so be good everyone! I need all of my expendable cash for my own bail money, so I can't help you this weekend. :D

Note: a few dirty words here and there, if you don't know what a chav is, think Da Ali G, Vicky Pollard, or Lauren "I ain't bovvered." Or take a Jersey Shore person and plunk them in England, listen to the dialect change. :) Also see: Snatch, which is one of my favorite movies of all time.

[ETA] If you'd like to listen, this story is now a podcast.

Before we begin, I like to imagine our lovers this way...



( It's Twilite, Innit? )

Yeah, you read that right. This just hit me this morning, so while I drank my coffee and turned MSNBC to a dull roar, this came out. (I'm leaving early in the morning for NYC, so I won't be around until Monday. Have a good weekend, everyone!)

Title: Northern Lights.
Who?: Sarah/Edward, General Audiences
Huh?: What if Edward had tried love before Bella?
What?: A series of letters from Edward to the woman who holds his esteem and ardor.

( To Sarah, my beloved, dulcet darling... )

With massive apologies to L.M. Montgomery. And those who love her.

It seems I forgot the birthday of one of the most important people in my life (no lie) by the name of germaine_pet. For that, she gets a heart-warming story of a little red-headed girl named Vinnie, and the local boy that wants to be a doctor and have her/him for a wife, James.

( Vinnie of Green Gables, a tale of orphans and love and slates broken over heads )

One: Y'ARR. Two: Check here for some Buffyverse Pirate fics. Three: Here be some pirate fics I've written over the past few years.

Connor and the Pyrate Spoike, a dirty take on Wynken, Blinken, and Nod, y'arrr.
You Had a Charming Air, All Cheap And Debonair, a Pirates of the Carribean gen tale that now be AU, but a story I'd set me heart on for love o' a good fish tale, if I may say so.

Um... If you didn't know already, it's Talk Like A Pirate Day, ye scurvy dogs! I completely forgot until this morn', so this here fic fer the day's celebratin' might be a bit rusty, and I've only written The Office one o'r time, but hopefully ye'll laugh and make a braw sound. :) (Also, this is for southernbangel as she's had a hell of a week. Rated PG for Gen. Unbeta'd)

Title: Darryl Won't Let Us Call The Warehouse 'The Poopdeck'
Author: Stoney
Fandom: The Office (US version)
Warnin' Set durin' the third season, arrr. Towards the end, mates. 'Tis Gen Fic, so no throwing skirts up and over, y'arr.
What This Here Tale Be About: Ye'll have to get me to walk the plank to confess it, says I.

( Darryl Won't Let Us Call The Warehouse 'The Poopdeck'  )

It's making me laugh. And like... two other people. Whatever, y'all. I have written maybe the best joke of my LIFE in this chapter. I <3 soap operas. haha.

Title: The Edge of Neight, aka StallionCrest 5/8 (As the Stall Turns? Days of our Rides? General Horsepital?)
Author: Stoney
Rating: PG-13/All Audiences (if you watch TV soaps, you're good)
Summary: The Wedding! Intrigue! Spanish mourning from a tender-hearted burro! A MAN IN BLACK!
Feedback: Yes, please! Oh, I thought that said feed BAG. I like those.
Warnings: DID I MENTION THIS WAS A SOAP OPERA ABOUT HORSES? There will be: Kidnappings! Spanish! Amnesia! Deserted Islands! Evil twins! Cold, cruel stares as the camera fades to black! Intense looks! Burros! Thesaurus abuse! Loads of adjectives! A beautiful and meticulously made banner so you can get a visual! Ahaha.

Chapters: One Two Three Four


( Click for the banner and theme song, or skip below to go straight to the story )

( We left off with Skidoodle admitting his dark past, Top O'The Line's scheming and fretting, Clover 'Sandy-ing' it up for Justin Time, and Fancy hoping for a reprieve. Will she get it? Click to find out, zomg! )

This is going up every day while I finish/work on my other fics. Aren't you all so happy about it!? *crickets*

Title: The Edge of Neight, aka StallionCrest 3/8
Author: Stoney
Rating: PG-13/All Audiences (if you watch TV soaps, you're good)
Summary: Things are peaceful at the ranch until a good-for-nothing show horse joins the herd and destroys the plans already laid in place. Or is he there to free an untamed heart? *whinny*
Feedback: Yes, please! It's like a nosebag full of delicious oats and a good rub down after a hard ride. [/implication to your inference].
Warnings: DID I MENTION THIS WAS A (clean) SOAP OPERA ABOUT HORSES? There will be: comas! Deserted Islands! Evil twins! Cold, cruel stares as the camera fades to black! Intense looks! Burros! Thesaurus abuse! Loads of adjectives! Also: I do not support use of Premarin or abusing circus horses or stereotyping burros. Carry on. :D

Chapters: One Two

( Click for the banner and theme song, or skip below to go straight to the story )

( The Edge Of Neight - Part 3. Check the rating: PG-13 )

Inspired by some... AMAZING bad!fic I read today, and to cheer up dancetomato. (And secretly to make everyone laugh. Come on. Bad!fic is AWESOME. This is what happens when I'm bored.) Let's take a trope and make it fic of the OOC/AU variety!

Title: Spikerella, a Love Story For the Ages
Author: Stoney
Fandom: OOC/AU BtVS fic (because let's face it: it's a fandom of its own now, isn't it?)
Warnings: Check your brain at the door. Abuse of "little one," misspelt character names, weeping men, girlification of Spike, and there are two benevolent toads within.
A/N: Also, apologies to Monty Python for taking a reference and sticking it in here. Heh.
Gracious Slave-like Love: To Kita0610 for being the original coiner of the term "Little One." ;)

( *sprinkles magic fairy dust on you!* )

You're all witnesses. Okay, I got nothing in my house done yesterday because I wrote fic based on the latest wank.

And really, isn't it all one big soap opera? *intense look into the camera during my close-up*

Title: The Edge of Neight, aka Stallioncrest 1/8
Author: Stoney
Rating: PG/All Audiences/No goats, they're assholes.
Summary: Things are peaceful at the ranch until a good-for-nothing show horse joins the herd and destroys the plans already laid in place. Or is he there to free an untamed heart? *whinny*
Feedback: Yes, please! It's like a nosebag full of delicious oats, or a Not-A-Carrot.
Warnings: DID I MENTION THIS WAS A (clean) SOAP OPERA ABOUT HORSES? There will be: comas! Deserted Islands! Evil twins! Cold,cruel stares as the camera fades to black! Intense looks! Burros! Tears. Tears coursing down my face as I laughed myself sick writing this. Here's to hoping you laugh, too. And note: I'm making fun of tropes that exist in soap operas, including, er, racial stereotypes to put it bluntly. The short bus version: I'm making fun of their blatant racism/stupidity, capice?


( Click here for the banner and theme song, or click below to dive right in )


( The Edge Of Neight - NOT DIRTY. Check the rating: PG )

(If you don't know what Dressage is, here's a video. I swear, one of the announcers is Alan Rickman...)

What, you all have lives today? Sorry for the twice in one day rule breakage. Wait, NO I'M NOT! I have itchy fingers and no ideas.

Won't someone think of the children give me the most cracktastic prompt you can think of? I can't promise I'll write them all, but I'll give it the ol' college try. Star Wars, Buffy, Angel, PotC, Adult Swim um... Scrubs. Any and all.

GO! *passes everyone muffins*

bastardsnow

"Red Headed Step-Child of Crossovers - Fortunately, A Part of This Story Contains Angel and a Lightsaber." <- twenty points to those who get the reference

Scrubs, AtS, Star Wars

****

Angel shifted in the hard plastic chair, kicking his half-hidden battle axe accidentally. The kid in the rough brown robe sitting across from him stared. He really hoped Gunn was okay; this fluorescent light made his skin look paler than normal and his highlights just looked harsh. A pretty Dominican (or was she Puerto Rican?) nurse asked him some general questions about what he had eaten previously, if he had any known allergies, and what the hell was that, a tooth sticking out of his shoulder?

He mumbled some answers, his eyes tracking two guys skipping down the hallway. Both were wearing scrubs, one in blue, the other in green. The nurse ran off after them. Angel had second thoughts about this place. He knew they needed to spread out their hospital stays to keep questions down, but skipping? Skipping doctors? True, one of them had fantastic hair. He wondered briefly what products the blue doctor used.

"Nice axe."

The kid in the brown robe - what, was he into D&D? - nodded with his chin.

"Uh, thanks. It's a costume." Angel winced.

"Yeah, so's this." The kid pulled out a weird flashlight. It made a really cool vvvoooom noise. And sliced the plastic chair next to the kid in half. He was definitely going to have to put Wesley to finding one of those.

"Your friend hurt?" This kid was really into intense staring.

"Uh, yeah. What are you here for?"

The kid shrugged. "Got sent here. I'm waiting for Obi-Wan to show up. He's the only one the council trusts. Also, I think this is some sort of limbo while I'm being put into a tin can."

"Riiiight."

The kid sighed and scowled. "I want to be back with Padmè. She's so beautiful. She's not at all like sand. I hate sand."

"You hate...sand?"

"Mmm hmm. It's coarse and irritating. She's not."

"That's, uh, that's a good thing. Loving someone because they're not irritating. Like... sand."

"Do you have anyone? Loving is the very essence of what a Jedi stands for."

Okay, so this kid was seriously into his Dungeons and Dragons. Or whatever they were calling it this decade. "Uh- no. Not anymore."

"Why not?"

"Look, can we just sit here? Like in an elevator. I don't want small talk. Just look at the numbers, okay?"

"That bad, huh?"

"Bad? Let's see. She killed me, sent me to a hell dimension, brought me back, let me drink her blood, oh, and was over two hundred years younger than me. The music she made me listen to! Did I mention the killing and sending me to a hell dimension? Because that's the important part. Oh, and if we're ever 'together' I go homicidal. So there's that."

"I killed a bunch of babies and kids so she wouldn't die in childbirth, then suspected her of turning me into the Jedi Council, then I tried to kill her with my bare hands. So my best friend cut off my legs and left me on lava crust where I burned up. I really have no idea how I got here."

"Yeah, but she killed me. I'm pretty sure I mentioned that part."

The skipping doctors came back down the hall, both with fudge-cicles. Angel was sure now that coming to this hospital was a bad idea.

"I had to pretend my wife wasn't my wife, because Jedi aren't allowed to marry. AND I KILLED HER." The kid's eyes were beginning to glow red. Angel fingered his axe.

"Okay, kid, okay. That's pretty harsh, what with your best friend cutting off your legs. So, what are those, then?" Angel pointed at the kid's legs with his axe. To make a point. Both of them.

"I --. Huh."

The kid seized up in a rictus and began to glow. "Where's... Padmè?" He choked out each word, which sounded deep. Like a black dude who's name Angel couldn't put a finger on. Why was he thinking of that Disney movie with the lions?

"Nooooooooooo!" The kid practically shrieked, and disappeared like in a fire implosion. Huh. Still only the fourth weirdest thing Angel had seen today.
**********


( Prompt #2 - Gunn and Turk discuss their bosses )

Got all the prompts I can handle now, thanks!