Karma Laundrette

I know, I know. If you only knew all the hell that's been happening, you wouldn't be irritated with me. (There's ALWAYS someone irritated with me. Que sera sera.)

IT HAS BEEN A COUNTRY WESTERN SONG, OKAY. (Including, and I'm sad to say, we had to put poor Sally Girl down recently. I would prefer not to talk about that, thank you. :( )

But no one wants to hear the complaining from ol' Stoney, and I accept that, so here are the things of goodness (because why NOT focus on good stuff? E-ZACTLY.)

1. I went to NYC w/ flaming_muse and had a grand time. The food alone was worth it, and that's not counting the stellar company, the museums, the Hi-Line public garden, and meeting klaineaddict, who is LOVELY.

2. If you want to see my pics of that (and want to see what I'm drinking/eating) then following my Instagram is a good idea.

2.A - I was stuck all day in Newark due to a missed flight/overbooked flights and tweeted about it. I have to say that my airport tweets are pretty awesome. :D

3. BUT MOST EXCITINGLY, I'm gearing up to publish my first book (a romance BUT DON'T LEAVE YET) in real, honest-to-goodness hardback in a brick and mortar book form this November, and as such, need to have an accessible website that's all polished and stuff. CHECK IT OUT.

4. I promise to keep it from being boring. As much as that's possible. AND AS SUCH, I have a schedule of what will be posted there!

Mormon Mondays - tales of Mormon days past, news, etc. TODAY IS A CLASSIC TALE YOU MIGHT REMEMBER: The Date Who Brought The Date To The Date
Trade Day Tuesdays - I want what you're loving. That can be YOU! But you have to share something not-you related. Great way to network and introduce people to cool stuff
Writing Wednesdays - My process, your process, support group, clinging
Throwback Thursdays - MUSIC! Oh do I love music. I'll throw out a theme (I listen to [blank] when I'm getting ready to go out) and you come at me with what you love. Links or just names, both are great!
Free For All Fridays - Let's just get real. This is going to be what I'm drinking on Fridays. And eating. And who knows. (I will probably need to change this to Stone Soup. Hurr.) Imma want YOUR free for all, too.

HDJM rules apply: be cool, be engaging, no put downs or rude behavior.

5. I am still in my pajamas. I love long weekends. (It's been raining all day/all yesterday, and we need it so badly here.)

In case your day is dragging and you'd like some distractions, I've got a few photos of my b-day party under the cut. I got a piñata! Hee.

[Oh, and for anyone that may have worried about me having Something Dreadful in my Sinuses, I do. It's a cold. =/]

( I'm pretty low key - and I think I've had...one birthday party since I was 18? Either I suck, or my friends suck, I don't know. :D )

As one does when they become old and boring (hooray!) I've been thinking on all the things I wanted to accomplish by the time I hit 40 - and how arbitrary that birthday is. It's kind of ridiculous to set up expectations for having ticked off x number of items on your Life Goals by a certain age. Don't get me wrong: I think it's important to set goals. I just don't think people need to beat themselves up for not achieving them by a specific time stamp. (I say this so I don't have a sad, of course.)

( I may not have won an Emmy/Tony/Oscar or walked the Great Wall, but I've done a hell of a lot of other unplanned things that are pretty sweet. )

So, Nine Inch Nails "Closer" just came on my playlist, and oh, how I loved that song when it came out. Which happened to be when I was in college in Utah. ( oh the shameful looks I was cast... )

In our next installment, I'll tell you all about listening to The Chronic and Snoop Dogg (with Warren G) while living with hippies in the Grand Tetons. :D GOOD TIMES. (Also: screw you and your gee dee balancing sticks and hairy armpits, bitchy girl that always sniffed at me when I was playing this in MY OWN DORM.)

Stories? Oh, I got stories!

Dear dude in the black truck with blacked out windows driving past my house - very slowly, mind - four times as I worked in the garden:

WTF, dude? Hey, I'm a lady and have lady parts that dudes in vehicles like yours fancy. And dudes in vehicles like yours don't often ask permission to get their mitts on lady parts. SO EXCUSE MY GLARING AT YOU, but my first instinct isn't that you're checking out my lovely flowers, but that you're wanting to chloroform me and pluck my lady flower, if you catch my meaning.

AND WHEN I MOUTH "WHAT ARE YOU DOING?" AT YOU, FLIPPING ME OFF IS NOT THE RIGHT ANSWER. But me approaching your vehicle on the fourth pass with my pitchfork in hand WAS the right answer.

Which is probably why you didn't drive by a fifth time.

And I called the local police station with your license plate number, because seriously, dude: WTF?

Signed, ME, the chick with the pitchfork who isn't afraid to use it.

I find it rather delicious that my ex-husband messaged me today, wanting to know if I sent paperwork in to the Attorney General yet, insuring that he only has to pay a certain amount of child support. He's had to wait one week to hear from me, for the record.

I've waiting since 1997 for any - ANY - child support. So I might not feel like I got a fire lit in my ass, if you're feeling me.

Don't mind me, just sitting over here laughing. *chinfists* What's it like to wait, Bubba? (hahaha)

Happy Friday, guys. <3 ( and two smiley F U gifs under the cut because they make me laugh with their accuracy. )

• The receptionist at my daughter's orthodontist grabbed my glasses and put them on. (Because they're cute. but....) Also: I now look just like the girl on the HDJM banner, as that is exactly what my specs look like. <3
• my son applied for a summer job at a grocery store because they'll hire young teens. He applied for a dish-washing position because, and I'm not making this up, "It looks really interesting." In what universe?? AND HEY, HOW ABOUT THAT KITCHEN IN YOUR HOUSE?
• my son's BFF just fully put the moves on me, leaning against the door frame to my bedroom with arms crossed and a sly grin, and asked if he could come in to *dramatic pause* "talk" and then asked if I wanted him to put something (what he wanted to talk about) "...on your bed?"
• I'm not going to act like I don't feel like a MILF right now. Or that I didn't excuse myself and go into my closet to laugh my ass off because WOW, DUDE. Bless.
• my dog farted herself out of a deep sleep and I about ruptured my gut laughing at her shocked look, because she is a lady, and Nice Girls Don't Poop or Fart
• I opened up a bottle of Mount Veeder Cab Sav and a wedge of applewood smoked cheddar and plan on making myself write a new story.

A DAY IN THE LIFE OF STONEY. (Omitted: laundry, mopping, cleaning out the cat pans, because my life is a non-stop celebration of life)

to mention two things. One, thank you to wesleysgirl, flaming_muse and entrenous88 for the dragons - that's always sweet to see when someone goes out of their way to put a smile on someone's face. <3 <3 <3

And two, the daughter of Kathleen (the hoarder with the "specimens") commented on her mother's show's recap to thank us all for being thoughtful and supportive of what the show tries to accomplish. So that whole "I don't know if I can keep the drumbeat going," well, yes I can. Especially after she mentioned that we were the ONLY site she'd seen that showed any compassion. <3

Aww. Makes up for losing the Lacoste print ad today. Wah. Too much gay gladiator buttsex. YOU KNOW WHAT? Guess who buys your shirts, Lacoste. Guess who. Gay gladiators.

I am still in my yoga clothes. I did no yoga today. Slovenly, thy name is Stoney.

Got friended on FB by Dorothy Breininger (executive producer for Hoarders on A&E & one of the organizers) after she went to HDJM and left a sweet comment to the latest Hoarders post. We're just all BFF now, like me and Matt. You know. Whatevs.

(EEEE! I need to sweet talk her so I can get advertising info on A&E because that would be PRETTY BAD ASS TO HAVE A MAJOR NETWORK. O_O)

Okay, back to eating pad thai and writing smut. I have a varied writing life, this is true.

Sneezing. Sneezing is totally overrated. Sure, it's almost orgasmic the first fifty times, then you just feel like your brains are about to pop out of your eyeballs.

I think I got everything for Giftmas? CRAP. Not my dad. Well, there's still one gift to buy. Box of Slim Jims from the 7-11 it is! #2 and I went shopping yesterday and she's so much fun to hang with, now. Who knew teenagers could be delightful at times? (lol) My sister is bringing me honest-to-god homemade Sugar Plums on Christmas, and if for nothing else, I would love her forever for that alone. (Have you ever had one? Good lord.)

I've picked up a bunch of new readers (waves!) because of this story I've been posting, which is nice! But know this: you can add me, defriend me, whatever - it's YOUR reading time. I don't automatically add people back, I need to get to know you first. So feel free to chat, start up convos with other people in comments, that's kind of how we roll in my LJ.

BUT. ( I have my fair share of weirdoes, so I have made some rules/things to know. Old LJ friends are laughing, because boy, have they seen some crazy shit happen here. )

Time to make fudge. Good lord, I love fudge. Also, good lord, I am glad that I did my P90X today. *NOM*

Some of my best work is done in those gee dee Real Housewives recaps. You should stop missing out on my hilariousness. (I totally tried typing that with a straight face, and couldn't do it. HA. I laugh at myself! Even though I still think it. I still think it.)

Recap is up!

Excerpt:

Russell says with a straight face (but then, he’s had some work done) that Camille said things that are “blatantly false.” He tells Taylor to rise above it. They swing by Kyle’s house to pick her and Mauricio up. Kyle, I love her. I didn’t, then I did. But that DRESS. Oh, the lime green gown with the horrid bodice of bagginess… It makes her breasts look like Strega Nona in evening wear.

COME ON.

And now I go to get a tetanus shot. If you get an email or comment that is nothing but the letter J, it's because my arm is dead and I need help.