DO NOT WANT.

[stoney321]

Okay, I'm just going to put this out there. I know we're all supposed to be "tra la la" and not voice opinions for fear of the internet lawyers coming down with e-suits to cart you away to... fake jail, but I'm going to. I AM GOING TO. If it takes:

• a moldy mascot costume
• a hole cut over the genitals of that costume
• someone else in a similar get-up
• Sheena Easton on the HiFi (I'm throwing that in there for free)
• a cheap plushy won from a local carnival, worn out from your sweaty night-time needs
• to get it up, have one off, bust a nut, pop the wad, release the hounds, flog the frog, choke the chicken, jerk the gherkin, split the log, tap the eel, clean the gutters, dip your wick, hide the salami, trim the hedges, yiff the kitten, plug the taco... YOU ARE BAD INSIDE AND I MAKE FACES AT YOU. I am making a face right now of "EWWWW"ness and it is because you are NOT normal. You are not okay. Bad. BAD WERIDO!

And now I'm imagining some sweaty, pimply sad sack with four hours left until he has to get back to the server farms to update the new Cisco routers, standing in a room with two other people clearly not interested in him while he's wearing a Pepe Le Pew costume with a field hockey net over his dong, holding a hamster-shaped buzzing vibrator and a tube of lube while whining, "If y'all aren't going to focus, we might as well not even do this. COME ON, PEOPLE. I can't get off without all the steps performed!"

NO.

Also... were we all aware of HorseFucker being "married" to a SHETLAND PONY??? As someone on F_W said, NOW we're dealing with beastiality AND pedophilia! NO. No no no. STOP. IT.

Opinon #2:

If you are contemplating a WATER BED so you can SCREW YOUR HORSE FACE TO FACE and factoring in the weight your FLOOR BOARDS can withstand, you have gone too far, sir. TOO FAR, I say! Okay, you went too far at the whole "his wife? A horse" bit. NOW YOU ARE JUST TOYING WITH US.

Finally, I really REALLY liked the pilot episode to The Riches, with Minnie Driver (good hell, she's gotten thin!) and Eddie Izzard, although I can't place what sort of accent he's doing, aside from Newscaster American. No matter, the show is FASCINATING. Like, the gypsy version of The Sopranos. I'm hooked.

Comments

[redbrickrose.livejournal.com]

O.o. There's more of the horse thing? I thought the horse thing was done with. I lost way too many hours of my life to the wank about that the first time a round. I didn't really want to read it, but I just. couldn't. look. away. *shudders*

[stoney321.livejournal.com]

There is, but just cursory information. Mostly, I'm just taking a stance on Furries and the like.

I AM TAKING A STANCE!

[brandil.livejournal.com]

Riches was good eh? I'll have to check it tonight it's running after Dirt. The previews have looked very good.

[gillo]

I'm living a sheltered life. No, really, I don't mind. You don't need to explain all this to me in detail, honest.

Ring? That's just pathetic.

[ladycat777.livejournal.com]

You know, furries on the face of it... don't bother me. I mean. They aren't my cup of tea. But then, when I told a friend that I wrote slash fanfiction she said "is that like a furry thing", so. There's that.

But. Oh my god but. Like anything there are levels to never take it and that shatters those levels and laughs at them from twenty more down.

People are scary. I don't like them.

Well. I like you :)

[stoney321.livejournal.com]

VERY good. The accents were... unplaceable, but since I think most people don't know a Bayou accent if it bit them in the ass, it's a trifling.

VERY intriguing and holy HELL is it dark in places. Southern American gothic, trannies, thievery, comedy... Yes, please!

[stoney321.livejournal.com]

I WON'T. It's not the RING that was the final kicker, it was him contemplating a SPECIAL WATER BED FOR HIS "BRIDE."

[brandil.livejournal.com]

Funny thing about me, I don't pay attention to *shit* I thought the heavy advertising of the Riches during Dirt meant that Dirt was ending last week and the Riches would be taking over the time slot. 13 episode season yadda yadda

Have I mentioned how much I love Tuesday at 10 on F/x? Color me more than surprised to find out FX is going to be running TWO shows at the same time.

[stoney321.livejournal.com]

And I like YOU! But I'm just putting my opinion out there re: furries. NO. HAHAHA.

I mean, Skinwalkers are something different, because that's a cultural/spiritual thing for Native American Indians, and isn't sexual. Thinking you're a wolf, and you're from, say Omaha, and you need to channel your "wolf spirit" to get an erection while staring at a crappy pencil drawing of a she-wolf? IT SHOULDN'T TAKE THAT MUCH EFFORT. *hyperventilates*

Hahahahaha.

[stoney321.livejournal.com]

I'm wanting to look into Dirt after your talking about it. The promos last night certainly seemed interesting. But The Riches are supposed to air on Mondays at 10/9 E/C? At least, that's the schedule on my DVR...

[anelith.livejournal.com]

It's just -- so bizarre my mind kind of seizes up.

How would I ever have known about the varieties of human craziness without the internets? How, I ask you? This kind of stuff never makes the paper.

[gillo]

OK. And now I've gone to a scary visual place.

Thank you VERY much.

::scrubs brain out with bleach::

[violethamster.livejournal.com]

And that would be reason #1 I contemplate changing my username. Wow, was I naive when I joined the internets.

Horseguy's "wife" needs to go Farrah Fawcett one night, kick over a lantern in the barn and run.

[brandil.livejournal.com]

That's right, I just wasn't paying attention and imagined the ENTIRE thing. ::head desk::

Dirt is good. I'm not fannish over it, and don't get my panties in a wad if I don't watch for several weeks at a time, it's a good diversion show. I don't feel like I have to be glued to the screen to watch and enjoy and THAT is a good thing in my book. CC's mouth is VERY distracting. VERY. I think you'll enjoy it.

[stoney321.livejournal.com]

I. KNOW. I have to keep calling Chrissy and telling her all the craziness on the internets, and then I wonder why she's not using her LJ I made for her.

Heh. PEOPLE! Quit it!!

[stoney321.livejournal.com]

Oh, man, you and me both.

And I love how he argues with someone (after they told him how he FAILS at LIFE) that his horse has kicked in the door of his house to comfort him at his bedside when he was sick and IF THAT ISN'T LOVE, THEN WHAT?

Um... my guess is you didn't feed your horse, you don't lock your door or the stall gate, and she came looking for FOOD.

NO. No, sir. Stop it.

[stoney321.livejournal.com]

THAT'S IN THE POST UP THERE! *hands*

And I KNOW. But we'll all get through this together. We just need to be able to thin the herd... *badumbumching!*

[fiveandfour.livejournal.com]

I think it's probably a Really Good Thing that I can't click that link right now. There was a time about a year ago that it was a Saturday morning and there was a link and I KNEW it would lead to nothing good, but I had nothing better to do...and hoo boy, was that one of the scariest sites I've ever seen. I still can't get some of the comments I saw about screwing dolphins out of my brain. (I mean, dude, first of all what did the sweet little dolphins ever do to you to deserve that kind of treatment?) ::Shudder::

Some sexual perversions I can almost understand - the brain goes haywire somewhere and takes a left turn, but the perversion can at least be traced back to something I can kinda' get. But furries? I don't get at all. It's like some part of these people need to cling to childish things, things that made them comfortable as a child. But in general childish things aren't sexual things so...WTF?

And now I'll never be able to see Pepe LePew the same way again ;-).

[stoney321.livejournal.com]

GAH THE DOLPHIN SEX. (Actually, David Brin, sf writer, has put that in his books!! DO NOT WANT.)

And I'm completely onboard with you re: haywire/brain/trauma/childhood needs. WHAT. HAPPENED. TO THESE KIDS. Did the "bad touch" doll come to life and molest them, too???

[chantal87.livejournal.com]

I like to think of myself as a pretty open minded person. Everyone has their own bullet proof kinks.

You want to fuck your Teddy bear or your very own stuffed Mr. Gordo well bless your heart don't let anyone stand in your way.
But marrying a horse is just way beyond what my brain can comprehend.

It has me baffled.(that isn't as easy as it sounds)

That's what I call an Old Fashioned fucking freak show.

[leila82.livejournal.com]

ARGHHH!!!! I'd just managed to wash this little sordid Internet saga from my memory and now...HE WANTS TO BUY A WHAT??? TO DO WHAT??? aslkfjs;lkdjf !!

And of course, I read the comments in that link, and this one slayed me. Someone asked:

I am unsure as to how things can go so... wrongly... as to want to marry your horse? How did she say her vows, with no powers of human speech? What preist or judge would preside over that marriage? ... You gave her your ring, but what did she hand back to you?

Dude's answer?

I think all things considered such a commitment is a human ceremony and I would wager she was indiffrent but she stood there and rested her head on my knee. I would like to think she knew it was something special or atleast did it for me. I laugh when I look at the state of the world... we probibly take our marrage more serously than most people do looking at statistics anyway.

*headdesk*

[stoney321.livejournal.com]

THIS PERSON IS BROKEN. Like, utterly and beyond repair. We shoot racehorses with broken legs, we should be so kind to this freakshow!!

I mean, COME. ON. The horse rested her HEAD on your knee, so OBVIOUSLY she wants to be "married" to you, because yes. She's understanding like that.

!!!! NO. FAIL.

[stoney321.livejournal.com]

I mean, I do too! I like to think that I can tolerate/understand/look the other way for a lot of subversive shit. John Waters and I could hang, in other words.

But NO, FURRIES. Even the biggest dorks in the land mock you. Horsefucker just needs to be put down.

[rainkatt.livejournal.com]

I am clearly behind on the wank (and NO WAY am I clicking that link at work), but, um. Yeesh.

I LOVED The Riches. LOVED. Eddie's accent was... fluid. :-) I had no idea there would be so MUCH going on, and if it continues this way, I'm going to be completely hooked. (I hated the Sopranos. Maybe it just needed to be about gypsies.) I adore Eddie Izzard anyway, and because my job is to make my super-conservative coworkers squirm, when asked what I'd seen him in, I said nothing but the stand-up, and I wasn't used to him wearing suits, and I missed the make-up. Heeee.

[http://users.livejournal.com/_tayler/]

Word!
O.o