Things I have not yet said to you-

[stoney321]

but will if you keep pushing it. (Not YOU you. This is the Brother-in-Law version.)

• You keep scowling all the time and your face will freeze like tha- Oh. Too late!
• Fuck you.
• I'm not sure what you're trying to prove, but it's not working. Now let someone help you with the baby, for god's sake.
• No, I'm no longer Mormon, and do you think your sniggering in another room about my upbringing will hurt me? It just makes you look like an ass. Oh, and hey. Mormons may be crazy, but at least they've been raised to be FRIENDLY and HELPFUL towards others. Ass.
• Speaking of looking like an ass, your "I've embraced Rockabilly and I think I'm badass" new attitude falls in this same category. Because seriously: you're not.
• I mean, you weigh MAYBE 140 lbs. soaking wet, and you're over 6 feet tall. And you wear glasses. And I could take you, and I'm a suburban house frau with a blonde flip. (okay, and really - I'm waaaaay tougher than I look.)
• No, you are not a better writer than me.
• No, really. You're not.
• And just because I write fic online doesn't mean I'm an idiot, and I cannot BELIEVE you have the nerve to tell my husband that it did. What it means is that I'm practicing all the time and learning what works and what doesn't.
• The tortured artist bullshit you've adopted doesn't fly with me, mostly because I grew up in the house of a tortured artist. And you're all assholes.
• I'm glad that you're writing for your school's paper. That's cute. I also went online and saw all the nasty comments your articles get. So....
• SAYING you're going to write the novel that changes the literary landscape and WRITING the novel that changes the literary landscape are two different things. One is for assholes.
• No, seriously. WHAT are you trying to prove with that baby? It's okay to admit you don't know what you're doing. Let your mother or I help, for the BABY'S sake.
• It's also okay if your child stands in a chair, provided an adult is supervising. No, really.
• I laughed my ass off when I overheard you say to your parents how LENIENT I am. Jesus, you really are uptight, because I'm a bitch and strict.
• I get that you want your kids to have safety and health as priorities. REALLY. I do. But for god's sake, a sliver of Angel food cake for a 2 year old isn't like giving them a SODA.
• Although I will give you that it pissed me off your mother threw a birthday party for your 2 year old and your bitch of a wife wasn't there. That pissed me off when she did it to me, too.
• So I'll give you that. And that your two boys are beautiful, which is surprising coming from the pair of you.
• You were such a cool kid. Then you went to college and thought you were some tough intellect with a penchant for lml hard core life. YOU ARE EPISCOPALIAN. FROM NASA. I'll show you a hard life, jerk wad.
• Straighten up, give me back my maternity clothes your wife mocked - to my FACE - and took, and grow the fuck up.

Love, your once loving sister-in-law.

GAH. That was my Friday night. I'm seriously DISGUSTED with who he has become. He was really the neatest kid, I was so happy to have him as a brother. Then he became HORRIBLE. And his poor little baby (four months) had an ear infection AND conjunctivitis (which apparently was the reason we may or may not have been invited over - would the baby still be contagious?) and you could see how miserable the child was, and dad was all stressed and angry and stomping around the house with him, trying to keep him away from everyone, meanwhile, there were two mothers waiting to take the burden off his shoulders and soothe the baby (and seriously, gimmie the babies. I love them. I don't mind the fussing, the crying, the spitting up, the diapers... I. LOVE. BABIES.) But he wouldn't have any of it, so I quit offering, and finally got the kids and my husband together to leave.

Then I went to my friend Alison's and drank a bunch. NIIIICE.


Oooh, that felt good to dump. Now to see if I can make some donuts for them cheerins.

Comments

[slasheuse.livejournal.com]

*drive-by hug!*

[stoney321.livejournal.com]

*blows kisses to your car as it passes*

[lynnenne]

(okay, and really - I'm waaaaay tougher than I look.)

Which is only one of many reasons why I love you. (See this comment to entrenous88.)

Want me to help you pound the shit out of him? Huh? Huh?

[kurukami.livejournal.com]

Ranting at twits is always worthwhile, particularly when they've been acting like complete asshats. : ( *hopes things get better on that front*

*hugs*

[stoney321.livejournal.com]

Heeeeeeeee!! You loooooove me. (Which would be a-ok with me, as I loooooooove you.) Man, he's just... He's in his early 20s. So he has ALL THE ANSWERS. We are L7 squares, because we're grownups and not wearing Harley Davidson shirts, or something.

He'll grow out of it (I hope) or I'll just ignore him and focus on his ADORABLE red-headed babies. Because I love sweet kids, and he has two of them.

GAH. It's the insults behind my back that are pushing me to get into his face. And let me tell you: I am NOT someone you want to get in your face, because I feel no pain, and I inflict nothing but. (Not directed at you, just JEEEEZ.)

<3 you, though.

[stoney321.livejournal.com]

GAH, you are RIGHT. It feels good to just BLEH and say it here, because it would get REALLY uncomfortable if I said it there. Mostly because my in-laws' home is like a museum: everyone speaks in hushed tones and you can't touch anything.

Thanks for letting me vent. *SQUISH!!*

[coercion88.livejournal.com]

Snort. Oh, and writing on-line fic makes you... a writer. I should know. I get paid to do it. So chew on that, Mr Literary Landscape.

[lynnenne]

<3 you back, times a million squillion.

[stoney321.livejournal.com]

God, I would LOVE to get paid for writing but a) I have no idea how to go about it and b) see A.

But: at least I am PRODUCING words. He explains what his Great Novel will be, and that means he's a Writer. No, that means you are like the rest of the wanna be's and talking about it, and not DOING it.

Heeeee. I will call him Mr. L² from now on.

[kurukami.livejournal.com]

Anytime! Ranting's cathartic and generally a good thing. Much better than getting quietly snarly and unhappy, anyways. : )

*hands you mug of STFU to whack the brother-in-law with*

[beadbeauty.livejournal.com]

1. I am not a tortured asshole
2. LENIENT? That's hilarious!
3. Soda= angel food cake. Of course this is true! You can look it up on the internet. Angel food cake is the devil (and crippeh).
4. You are familiar with the internet becuase you write fic= idiot. I mean, this is coming from someone who writes for the school paper. Don't waste your breath trying to prove yourself to him.
5. 140 pounds soaking wet "I'm tougher than I look" I laughed out loud when I read that one. "come on, I'll take ya!" *rolls up sleeves*

Now. I cannot believe he's being such a nice boy. Sounds like 'crippeh' has rubbed off HARDCORE. He's mold-able.... which means you will be able to persuade him at some point too. Maybe when he realizes he's married to the worlds biggest narcissist and comes crying to you and DH for advice. Keep that in mind. He's weak.

What did Mr. S say about his jackass brother and his loving comments about you? It's one thing to say things about your inlaws. It's another thing to say those things TO THE SPOUSE OF THE INLAW. You think I tell J-J about Bushwoman? We have code names for a reason people. You smile then say 'beeyitch' after they've turned around. It's the southern way.

[stoney321.livejournal.com]

Man, I DID need it off my chest. The more I thought about it, the pissier I was getting. Now? Not so much.

And I've been cleaning the garage, so I didn't HEAR the phone, gah. Calling you now. And the part that REALLY angers me is how we've given them a crib, a car seat (an EXPENSIVE one at that) all manner of children's things, she took my maternity clothes (and MOCKED THEM. TO MY FACE), and they sneered at all of the handmade baby things I made (remember that stuff?) and I'm like: YOU TWO ARE POOR! TAKE THINGS! BE GRACIOUS ABOUT IT! We're trying to HELP YOU because i, for one, remember what it was like to have NOTHING.

Whatever. I put the kibbosh on giving them any more of our things, because I can find people that deserve stuff and are NICE about it, you know? *bequeaths upon you*

[stoney321.livejournal.com]

AHAHAHAHA. 1. contrary to how you behaved as a teenager, it was not YOUR house. Heeeee!
2. I KNOW! I'm lenient? *cracks whip HARDER, omg*
3. CLearly you don't know something they know. What's funny is how anti-sugar I am for my kids, yet somehow I'm the fucking Candy Man in their eyes.

CRIPPEH. Heee, I forgot your nickname for her. Mr. S was so shocked when they were ripping into me that he didn't know WHAT to say. I told him (dryly) that he needs to work on that, pronto. He's over his brother - they're just acting like weirdoes and hate the family, so... What do you do? You wait for them to grow up and send the kids gifts.

[wolfshark]

*gives you hugs and kisses*

[stoney321.livejournal.com]

*preens under the welcomed force of your luuuuuurve*
<3

[darlas-mom.livejournal.com]

What a dick. Ugh. Even my family--whose ability to be unsupportive of me is honed to almost Olympian skill--never makes fun of my fic. 'Course, if my mother knew how much crazy incest I wrote, that might change, but just sayin'. Not cool.

I sympathize with you both, though, on the sick baby issue. I totally understand where you're watching someone struggle with a baby and how it's making them frustrated, which is only making it worse, which only makes them more frustrated... Whenever I see that, I wanna go, "Okay, gimme the kid. Go take a shower and eat a box of chocolates. I've had a kid myself, and amazingly, I haven't done anything to get her killed yet. So hand over the baby and we'll all feel better."

But at the same time, when my daughter was colicky as an infant, I never wanted to hand her over to my mother. It wasn't a matter of proving it to anyone else; it was a matter of me feeling like I should be able to do this. I'm the MOMMY, dammit! Mommies have to be able to endure any hardship and fix every problem! (Yes, I laugh at myself for this now.)

I can't believe, though, that he'd mock you behind your back to your own husband. God, if any of my relatives did that with someone I was seeing (or married to), I would downright die of shame when we got home. But before that, I'd not handle well at all my family making remarks about someone I loved. You have a new sword; the pointy end goes in the offender. Work it out. ;-)

Honestly, though, I don't see how anyone could say nasty things about you. You're made of awesome, topped with bitchin' sauce and a side of brilliant.

[globalfruitbat.livejournal.com]

I could come down there and break his knees if you want...

[beadbeauty.livejournal.com]

1. I love your icon. I bet he has pamphlets and knows people who are glib.

2. I would not waste my breath on such silliness (I WOULD NOT SAY SUCH THINGS IF I WERE YOU!!!!!!) What the heck movie is that from?

3. Seriously send gifts to the kids and wait for him to grow up.

4. I was kidding about the angel foodcake.

I WOULD NOT SAY SUCH THINGS IF I WERE YOU!!!

Princess Bride- while he's in the DUNGEON of GLOOM! or whatever it's called.

[violethamster.livejournal.com]

He's a silly, pretentious boy and you rock. Hopefully it's just youthful foolishness and he'll outgrow it. And when was rockabilly ever badass? Not even back in 1985.

PS

[beadbeauty.livejournal.com]

Do you need me to 'rack' him? I can make arrangements.

[stoney321.livejournal.com]

Well, you've just hit the nail on the head. And yeah, he REALLY THINKS it's awesome that he's in his ironic redneck shirt drinking Pabst Blue Ribbon, and I know it's because he grew up in the whitest of Whiteville, Middle CLass USA.

But seriously. Fuck you, dude. And don't push me, because you (by which I mean he) has NO idea of what I'm capable of. *vamps out* Hahahaha. Ha.

<3 you, T.

[stoney321.livejournal.com]

Heeeeee! *puts you on speed dial* :D

[stoney321.livejournal.com]

And you know, I remember being overly protective as a new mother. So, I can appreciate that he wants to do it himself, or "he knows how to soothe the baby" or what have you. But there comes a point when you need to trust, you need to take a step away and detox for a few minutes so you can come back to your child. But I can't rip the child out of his arms, so... *shrugs*

And yeah - there's a sense of failure in a lot of moms if they can't fix things for their children. I think - and this is where he mocks me for my background - being Mormon is a help. EVERYONE had a baby around at ALL TIMES so you learned to be very comfortable around them, for starters, and also, everyone parented everyone else's kids. So it wasn't viewed as a failure if your sister took your baby for you for a bit, or your second cousin helped clean up a mess your toddler made. We all pitched in. But my in laws are SOOO not like that, and it's to their detriment, imo.

And thank you for the sweet words. Maybe if he'd ever TALK TO ME, he'd remember that I'm not this weird Kappa Kappa Gamma society bitch (we honestly think they see me that way - which is SOOOOO off the mark) and that I used to LOVE HIM. Oh, well. I'm just steering clear of him. Unless he says something else, and then gloves are off.

*hugs* Thanks for letting me get it off my chest. :D

<-- like this!

[stoney321.livejournal.com]

AHAHAHAHAHA. He is the new Brett Boogscott, Tiff!!

1. heeeee. I HAVE DONE THE RESEARCH. You haven't. Now go test your THetans.
2. Princess Bride! "If I say you are a coward it is because you are the slimiest coward to ever walk this earth!"
4. No you weren't. You really believe angel foodcake is soda, I KNOW IT. Also, angel foodcake is the white man's way of keeping the black man down. Devil's food? Uh huh.

[gillo]

He's a wanker. He is the definition of what Spike means when he calls someone a wanker. He is also a pillock. The two are different but not mutually exclusive.

{{hugs}} to you for being stuck with him in the family.