More unintentional Bad!Fic! Wheee!!

[stoney321]

My new motto is "I wallow in the muck so you don't have to." And did you see the AWESOME icon germaine_pet made for me??? I'm working on a Wee!Spike icon, and my life will be complete. Well, it will be once crazydiamondsue gets here on Thursday.
~~~~~~~~~`

• "the scent of new pussy filled the air" Renuzit's second most popular air freshner! (Behind Citrus Delite)


• "his skeleton closet was full and he wasn't interested in adding more bones" Ba dum bump ching! Paul Lynde pops up: Oh, we'll see about that, ha ha ha!


• "She marinated in her juices ever since" After being brought up to room temperature, she was ready to be dressed and put in the oven at 375 for 20 minutes a pound. It was going to be a long night.


• "Remember that frat party when I passed out. I woke up the next morning with an ocean between my legs." One: Buffy likes talking in monotone. Second: did someone drag her to the Santa Monica pier and spread her legs? Oh. "Sea-men" I get it. Ewwww.


• "Fuck me until I bleed" Which according to the lunar cycle is in 23 days. Go!


• "he pictured his mulky white excitement running to the corners of her mouth, only seconds away from dripping down her chin. He watched her catch it before it dropped, like a bullfrog catching a fly." That is HAWT!!! Bullfrogs are fucking SEXY. Am I right?


• "he kissed her heated center like a Pope's ring before pulling back the hood." Checks notes for sexy references... Pope's ring... Check. Hood on pussy... Hmm. Hood on pussy... *flips pages* Wait. Does Buffy have an uncircumcised dick? That TOTALLY changes the story.


• "She needed a vibrator, a cup of coffee, and the Saturday morning paper. In that order." But what if the paper had an ad for free vibrators, and the first 100 people to show up got free coffee? You'd be pretty pissed that you had been so regimental in your "structured" Saturday, ya fucking Nazi.


• "the compass of his fingers found her spot." William/Spike is an accomplished cartographer. Now 'True North' has a different meaning for you, huh?


• "his fingers worked magic inside her, casting a spell of cum." ACCIO ORGASM!


• "Like a fat man at a buffet, he was filling up on her." I'm thinking Buffy is getting dehydrated at this point.


• "She came like a high powered showerhead." Now I KNOW she is. shift Buffy so the spray hits my shoulder Ahh. Got that kink out.


• "his dick seated itself in her audience" She's a little trollop, isn't she? AND WHAT THE HELL DOES THIS MEAN???


• "They fucked until the sun danced over the horizon." *sounds of tap dancing* JAZZ HANDS!

By the way, all of this is in ONE CHAPTER.

And the last one, and the best IMO:
"It was sweating season." WABBIT SEASON!!

Comments

[southernbangel.livejournal.com]

::collapses from laughter::

::reminds self not to read this while at work::

::sneaks another peek::

Bwahahaha!! All of this was in one chapter? Oh dear lord....

[crazydiamondsue.livejournal.com]

"She needed a vibrator, a cup of coffee, and the Saturday morning paper. In that order." But what if the paper had an ad for free vibrators, and the first 100 people to show up got free coffee? You'd be pretty pissed that you had been so regimental in your "structured" Saturday, ya fucking Nazi.
Seriously. I'm in love with you. Mr. Stoney can go back Saturday with Caza. You and I will live together, raise the little Stoneys and dine on the oceany essences of our love. (We will have no $$$, though, so see if you can get people to start paying you to write this.)

[stoney321.livejournal.com]

YES. Which makes it more fun. The whole fic ends with Buffy pissing herself. Because that is HAWT.

[stoney321.livejournal.com]

God, Sue, it ends with Buffy peeing. Oh! And there's this: "the head of his cock endorsed her cervix several times."

That word. I do not think it means, what you think it means. Inconcievable!!

High powered showerhead? WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH PEOPLE???

[anelith.livejournal.com]

No, wait, I can't believe it... You mean, this was all from one fic? I was reading this, chuckling at each one, thinking, "Man, she read a lot of stories to collect all these gems," and then I get to the end to find that this all came from -- one chapter?! Of one fic?!

I think my head can't contain this idea. My brain is whirling gently along with the dryer in the basement...

[crazydiamondsue.livejournal.com]

Let me 'splain...there is no time, let me sum up: She's a swamp donkey.

We so need to email this chick and thank her.

[crazydiamondsue.livejournal.com]

Nine chapters, Annie, nine. I gave up after four. Couldn't do it. It was still freaking funny, but I was about to pass out from bad imagery. Oh. My. Goddess.

[stoney321.livejournal.com]

She may be just thick enough to not get that we are pulling her pants down in public and making her walk the hall of shame.

*checks her fic again*

Yep. She's thick enough.

[stoney321.livejournal.com]

Okay, the previous post had crap from the first 5 chapters crammed in by Sue and I.

THIS post is all from ONE CHAPTER. Of the same fic. WOW.

*grabs brain, smells lemony freshness*

[dusty273.livejournal.com]

This should come with a warning: Don't read this at work! I had to contain my laughter. Didn't want anyone coming in here asking what had happened, now did I?

"he kissed her heated center like a Pope's ring before pulling back the hood." Checks notes for sexy references... Pope's ring... Check. Hood on pussy... Hmm. Hood on pussy... *flips pages* Wait. Does Buffy have an uncircumcised dick? That TOTALLY changes the story.

"She needed a vibrator, a cup of coffee, and the Saturday morning paper. In that order." But what if the paper had an ad for free vibrators, and the first 100 people to show up got free coffee? You'd be pretty pissed that you had been so regimental in your "structured" Saturday, ya fucking Nazi.

This was the part that almost made me choke while trying to hold my laughter, barely made it too, of course the tears couldn't be stopped, it was too much. *giggles*

Thanks for sharing this, Laura.

Mari

P.S. Love the icon ;)

[stoney321.livejournal.com]

Mari, I would LOVE to hear how you would explain this post as being work related. Hee hee!!!

Isn't that icon the BEST? I am so happy right now. Tra la la..

[inlovewithnight.livejournal.com]

"Like a fat man at a buffet"??? They did NOT say that. You're making this up. Please, please tell me you're making this up.

Wow, this has so ruined sex for me...all of a sudden I'll start thinking about heated centers and compass fingers and audiences (I don't know what that means either) and the ensuing laughter will quickly put a stop to all that.

Keep it coming, though. (Ha, did it again with the unintentional quotes!) Because this is a better ab workout than crunches!

[stoney321.livejournal.com]

I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS JOSS. I am directly quoting words from this fic. At one point I thought they were really good at parody, but all the weird word misspells (no teh or tot he anywhere) and I've come to the conclusion that Sue came to: this ia 15 year old virigin boy.

[smashsc.livejournal.com]

I refuse to beleive that this is unintentional badfic.

The author has to be doing this on purpose.

This was a wonderful break from my extra tedious work day. Thank you kindly.

[stoney321.livejournal.com]

I swear, Smash, they are serious. They have about 10 fics on AFFN and they all are along the same vein. I stopped a few times and questioned whether or not I was playing into the GREATEST PRANK EVER, but I am afraid that they just suck.

[crazydiamondsue.livejournal.com]

Er...no. I read the comments from readers (out of over 3,000 hits - there were 11 comments. I think most people were speechless.) Anyway, the faithful eleven were concerned about the plot that Spike shagging Elizabeth/Buffy's best friend and stalker Faith was going to ruin their pure, sweet, cervix endorsing love.

[paynbow.livejournal.com]

Endorsed?...

"Now, for only $29.95 I can sell not only this fully loaded (*heehee*) cervix, but a multi-functioning head of cock, absolutely free!"

"You cannot fight true love"...but apparently you can endorse it...

[paynbow.livejournal.com]

Wow...they sure know how to make it hot, hot, HOT...fat man, bull frog, pope, the pacific between one's legs...oh baby, I know I'm in the mood...they just cast their spell of Cum all over the place...

*snicker*

[crazydiamondsue.livejournal.com]

She really, really, really liked that word. And come-fuck-me-pumps. And vaginal waterfalls. The following is from "Liar," which she is careful to point out is a PWP, unlike the previous offering, which was so plot driven:
With her hand at the base, she sucked the length of him reaching the baldheaded tip then applying a circular spit shine with her tongue. Perhaps Spike's unsightly bald penis could join a hair club for schlongs?

[paynbow.livejournal.com]

Spit shine...oh dear...

"New! Hair Club For Shlongs is offering a complimentary spit shine for members with unsightly bald spots on their penises...Ever wish you dick looked like a silver-back gorilla all the way to the endorsed tip? Well, at Hair Club for Shlongs..."

And the pumps...now, do ALL pumps say come fuck me or is it just the REALLY slutty ones...and does Buffy have more then one pair of shoes in this story?

[leeannaray.livejournal.com]

This is so funny. I laughed so hard, I almost peed in my pants.

[stoney321.livejournal.com]

I fully endorse your Hair Club for Schlongs. In fact, I'll endorse them hotly until the cows come home, hot, sexy cows with hairy penises.

I think Buffy wears the half-broken fuck-me-pumps ('scuse: COME-fuck-me-pumps) the rest of the story. Or maybe the author is toying with me and leaving me hanging on the sub-plot of pumps.

[stoney321.livejournal.com]

I fully endorse Faith ruining it. Their impromptu kissing was hot and natural. Like a marinated pair of cum soaked panties.

This plot is a douche!

[stoney321.livejournal.com]

Hand to god, I came five times just thinking about bullfrogs and the pope. And here I sit, marinating in my panties.

Accio Clean Knickers!

[stoney321.livejournal.com]

Was it sexy pee? 'Cause this fic ends with Buffy getting so hot she pisses herself. This author is the QUEEN OF HAWT FIC. That so needs to be an icon. Like, a crown in a frying pan or something.