About that zombie meme...

[stoney321]

Guys, I'm seriously worried about your chances for survival, given some of the weapon choices y'all are making. And let's face it: if you don't survive, I'll have to kill you. There's just no other way around this.

Guns are bad. You have to make a head shot EVERY TIME. That's nigh on impossible, unless you're sniper-trained. You aren't, are you? You need something can can separate a head from the body. Machete, samurai sword, or my preferred weapon, the tree limb lopper. It gives you all important distance, you see. Up to 25 feet in most cases. Distance = YOU KEEP LIVING, BRAINS INTACT.

MUSIC: if you use a rock song, you might luck out and have a montage happen, which would reduce an eight-hour siege into five minutes. *taps temple* THINK PEOPLE. Classic music = someone important dying. Is that what you want, you sick puppy?? You trying to off the leader of your crew? Might I suggest "Kill 'Em All" by Metallica? It's a) inspirational and b) rockin'. (B, I liked your choice of "Welcome to the Jungle.)

I guess my upbringing in a cult has just better prepared me for the inevitable zombie apocalypse. Do you even know how to start a fire without matches three different ways? Do you have a 50 gallon drum of wheat in your basement? I'm not saying I do because I won't be able to feed you all in the End of Days.

Maybe instead of working, or spending quality time with your pets or writing "fanfiction" you could spend a little quality time planning YOUR SURVIVAL. GOD.

...and now I go back to breaking ground for a stone walkway. (Zombies can't climb stairs, BOOYAH.)

Comments

[electro-geisha.livejournal.com]

I am not good with word like you are, but I do like what and how you wrote it :) here you go to my memories!

[viciouswishes.livejournal.com]

Are you doubting my training as a sniper?

[stoney321.livejournal.com]

I AM. I will need to see your credentials, Ma'am, including your stats from your firing range.

[stoney321.livejournal.com]

I'm glad! (And yay, Croatia! Such a beautiful country.)

[viciouswishes.livejournal.com]

Well, fine. How about a rocket launcher? Provided I have an unlimited supply of rockets.

[rikibeth.livejournal.com]

Hey, this is why I chose a flamethrower! Burning the zombies to a crisp is ALSO a valid destruction technique, right?

And I still say Jim Steinman overproduction on the soundtrack favors the heroes.

[stoney321.livejournal.com]

VW, I'm getting very concerned about your choices. Fire doesn't kill zombies. You have to separate their brains. No one understands it, hell, the government is going to be the CAUSE of this, so we can't look to them for help.

If you blow them up, their limbless torsos will just creep after us. Are you telling me that you'll trust that your Nana could walk past a pile of grabbing, biting, limbless zombies and not succumb?

IS THIS WHAT YOU'RE TELLING ME!? Unless She-Hulk is with you, and she's stomping their brains out, or something. I can get behind that.

[stoney321.livejournal.com]

*wipes a tear away* NO! You can't burn them and get them to stop. Their charred, ashy corpses will still keep coming. CONSTANT VIGILANCE!!!

I cannot disagree with your music options, though. Just... no John Williams and for GOD'S SAKE: No Adagio For Strings!! Damn you, Samuel Barber!!

[viciouswishes.livejournal.com]

But doesn't a rocket break up the body into tiny pieces and that would include the brains?

What about using magic to make zombies really depressed and then they would write emo zombie poetry and stay in their rooms all the time and then kill themsleves with shotguns to the head because no one would give them drugs and/or therapy or care?

[turnonmyheels.livejournal.com]

My song is awesome, my fighting partner aka saviour is awesome, and I've got to say, because Riddick is so awesome, I won't need Ronon's gun (which shoots a laser beam and could totally sever head from neck)

clearly i survive the zombie apocalypse at the mall.

God do you REMEMBER the zombie apocalypse at the mall movie? Night of the Comet? I LOVED that movie when I was a kid.

[rikibeth.livejournal.com]

If I could remember what random, tiny-band-on-a-local-label-sampler song had the sampled movie dialogue with the news guy INSTRUCTING people to douse the zombies in gasoline and light them on fire, I would send you the mp3. It's not a very good song, though.

My friendslist is not much with the classical zombie-fighting soundtracks -- I've seen a lot more in the aggro goth-metal genre coming up.

[rikibeth.livejournal.com]

"DADDY would've gotten UZIS."

"The car didn't seem to care."

[rikibeth.livejournal.com]

Zombie teebage Kurt Cobains? The image is... I have no words!

[harmonyfb.livejournal.com]

Do you even know how to start a fire without matches three different ways?

Absolutely. And I know how to spin, weave, sew, knit, make cheese, build lean-tos, and I own many sharp swords, bows, and firearms. I'll bring my water purification tablets.

(In answer to your zombie plan question, nothing beats molotov cocktails. And a long-range rifle for follow-up. Punk for my theme music. Possibly the soundtrack from Return of the Living Dead.)

[harmonyfb.livejournal.com]

I loved that movie!

[turnonmyheels.livejournal.com]

*g*

good times, the 80s. ::Nods::

Thank god they're over.

[turnonmyheels.livejournal.com]

It was tons of fun.

[stoney321.livejournal.com]

AHAHAHAHA. I fully support this depression magic, HEEEEE!

[stoney321.livejournal.com]

I do think your choice of light saber is freaking bad ass. But I couldn't cop your weapon,so I went with something realistic. You know, to kill the zombies. :D

Have you seen the newest version of Dawn of the Dead??? DUDE. It's a MUST SEE. (And stay through the credits.)

[stoney321.livejournal.com]

See, you are welcome to live in my post-apocalyptic society because of the heavy skill set you have, absolutely. And I know you don't scare easily. :D

I'm not trusting anyone but a trained sniper with a gun. Head shots are the hardest, and body hits just piss them off. I KNOW. I'VE BEEN THERE. *far off look*

[poshcat.livejournal.com]

OMG YOU KNOW HOW TO MAKE CHEESE??!?



Hee.

[poshcat.livejournal.com]

Stoney, I just love you and your srs zombie killin' ways SO MUCH. The Kittens and I could only come up with a scythe when we were discussing this over cereal this morning. Tree limb lopper is way better OMG.

And then the Kitten drew a zombie NASA astronaut on the moon. The End.

[poshcat.livejournal.com]

PS My song would be "Hey There Delilah". That would kill off hoards of them in short order, because it would surely make their brains splody.

[redbrickrose.livejournal.com]

I would want you around in the event of a zombie apocalypse.

[slasheuse.livejournal.com]

LA LA LA IVORY TOWER I'LL JUST BE READING SOME, UM, KEATS.

*sits at top of Magdalen Tower*

*...doomed*

[violethamster.livejournal.com]

Madam, a zombie apocalypse where one cannot say "this is my boomstick" is no zombie apocalyse in my book.

[stoney321.livejournal.com]

AWESOME.

And Poshy, PLEASE tell me you've read World War Z. If not, YOU MUST!!

[stoney321.livejournal.com]

I'm telling you, I AM INDISPENSABLE!

[stoney321.livejournal.com]

If you took out those stairs, you could feasibly stay up in your tower for years while the world burned around you. I mean, if that's the kind of person you are.

(Ahahaha. Isolation = #1 key to survival!!)

[stoney321.livejournal.com]

...and you couldn't grab your crotch and say it? (Bwah!)

[slasheuse.livejournal.com]

HOW DO YOU KNOW ALL THIS STUFF.

[stoney321.livejournal.com]

I WAS RAISED IN A CULT THAT PREPARED US FOR THE APOCALYPSE.

[slasheuse.livejournal.com]

....no wai NOT ACTUALLY THE APOCALYPSE?

[harmonyfb.livejournal.com]

Hmm. That's presuming no medical emergencies arise. Or the tower doesn't catch fire. ::is a fan of worst case scenario preparation::

[harmonyfb.livejournal.com]

Ah, but if you're up in a tower with a sniper rifle, you've got all the time in the world - and the fireballs will hasten the entropy so it'll slow them down enough to get a bead on 'em. Laser sights, baby.

[harmonyfb.livejournal.com]

Yep! It's gross. In fact, the first time I made cheese, I didn't eat cheese again for months. (You know what cheese is? Curdled milk.)

[harmonyfb.livejournal.com]

ETA: My hand-to-hand zombie plan is quite simple: Run like hell.

[stoney321.livejournal.com]

(Shh. I'm thinning the herd, Harm.)

[dovil.livejournal.com]

Best thought out zombie post yet - I like your style.

My weapon of choice was a bottle of vodka to kill my brain cells while playing My Heart Will Go On in an ironic choice that would hopefully mean that they'd kill each other in order to escape its awfulness.

[poshcat.livejournal.com]

Based on your recommendation...I am reading it RIGHT NOW. Yay for libraries, baby!

Grr, argh.

[nwhepcat.livejournal.com]

You are MY HERO.

(Though really, no shotgun? Sawed off, so it takes the head off from the shoulders?)

[stoney321.livejournal.com]

Now, mu husband has an M-4, but he's been trained as a sniper and can make a head shot 198 times out of 200. While I'm pretty fierce with a .22, I want the assurance of brains disconnected from zombie flesh. I just don't feel like I have the best odds with a shotgun, and buckshot from a sawed off only does damage when you're in grabbing distance.

See, with the tree limb lopper, I'm 25 feet from the zombie. If they're close enough to grab me, I've not done my job. :D

It's highly possible I've thought too much about this...

[stoney321.livejournal.com]

I like hearing that. It's good to know my mania has served a purpose.

Killing your brain prior to them eating it... Clever. Maybe... too clever. *checks you for zombification*

[trinfaneb.livejournal.com]

Yeah I guess an M-16, Adagio For Strings, and Sgt. Ellias wouldn't be the best combo, huh?

[ely-jan.livejournal.com]

...

I heart you.

[anelith.livejournal.com]

I laughed so much reading this that I had to read most of it out loud to Ron. BTW, we both read World War Z and enjoyed it *so* much, thanks for the rec! So then we had fun discussing plans for our survival -- of course I am DOOMED in the zombie apocalypse, you know. I'm such a wimp!

[stoney321.livejournal.com]

\o/

[stoney321.livejournal.com]

I love that you're on the same wavelength with me on this. And I'm SO GLAD to hear you liked that book! Wasn't it wonderfully written and chilling? Fantastic.

Just make your way to me, and I'll save you.