I'll take "You travel there by handbasket" for $1000, Alex

[stoney321]

So, on a scale of 1 to 10, one being cussing in church and ten being having sex with a nun while sacrament is being passed and trying to high-five the priest as you climax... how blasphemous is a missionary using the sacred anointing oil for blessings as lube on his companion?

I'm thinking about 8 - 8.7.

It's a good thing I don't believe in hell. I'd have a box seat by now. \o/

[ETA] After hearing scratching at the door, I LITERALLY just hollered out, "Who let the dog out?" and my children answered back, "Who? Who who who." And now I want to burn my house down.

Comments

[harmonyfb.livejournal.com]

Wait, wait, wait. Is this a fictional account, a third-party story, or something you were personally involved in? Details, please.

(Enquiring minds want to know...)

[stoney321.livejournal.com]

HAHAHAHAHA. No, this did not happen to me.and I will not cop to ever imagining it while lusting over a certain missionary

I just wrote that in this saga of a missionary coming out of the closet on his mission, you see. :D

[dovil.livejournal.com]

Personally I just see that as being environmentally concious and finding muliple uses for things - how can that possibly be wrong? A hard shafting and a blessing on the side - AMEN!

[stoney321.livejournal.com]

See? That's the right way to think. Renew, Re-use, and recycle, am I right? AHAHAHAHA.

There's a reason I heart you. (You have yet to earn the spleen. I'm just saying... You could put forth a little effort.)

[dovil.livejournal.com]

I really hate to think about the logistics of the recycle bit. Next person in line: "Erm, you know what, I'm going to pass on being blessed by God today".

Do I at least get a slither of your liver - because you know I'll just take it from you next time I see you any way.

*undos top shirt button, cries*

[stoney321.livejournal.com]

I'm going to bring along a zipper and liquid stitches to make it easier on you to harvest my organs. I don't want to end up with extra charges for all the bloody mess, you know.

And all of this talk of organs makes me want to bang a nun on a piano. I don't like to analyze myself too much, I'd rather go with the flow. *Edelweisses*

[showmewrtr.livejournal.com]

LOL @ your ETA.

And I hope that's a pretty big handbasket. I suspect it'll be standing room only. *wink*

[stoney321.livejournal.com]

Hahahahaha. That's a song I could go the rest of my life without ever hearing again.

And I'll be sure to bring snacks - we'll all get hungry on the trip. :D

[justhuman.livejournal.com]

I think location is important here - for instance was it the back of the temple with one of those cots intended to ... bring new families closer? If so, 9.5 unless the family is watching.

If it's just in the ally behind the sleazy apartment building where the 20th Baptist lady just slammed the door in their face, 8

*waits eagerly to read the more detailed account*

[southernbangel.livejournal.com]

THIS FIC WILL WIN AT LIFE.

[dovil.livejournal.com]

I just realised that we both referenced nuns in posts we made mere seconds apart. Surely Satan is among us. The little scamp. *scritches him under chin*

[sunnyd-lite.livejournal.com]

Hmm anointing oil is to symbolize communion and joining isn't it?

But I'm thinking that your scoring's pretty close You made me THINK about it! *grin*

[dandieelyon.livejournal.com]

hahahaha!!!! sacred annointing oil as lube....

god I love your mind!

[stoney321.livejournal.com]

Hahaha, okay, and this is a true story. A missionary in my home congregation got busted DURING SERVICE for boning the stake president's (like an arch-diocese) daughter IN the baptismal font. AWESOME.

And this fictitious oil account happens in their apartment, and they just prayed for spiritual enlightenment. CHICKY BOW.

[stoney321.livejournal.com]

HAHAHAHAHA. PWN.

Come see me. I am completely surrounded by a lack of Lee.

[stoney321.livejournal.com]

Almost - it's slightly different in mormon theology, but that's not important right now. THE SEX IS IMPORTANT. Wheee! :D

[stoney321.livejournal.com]

I never said I was right...

;)

[dandieelyon.livejournal.com]

and I've never thought you were wrong my dear! :)


*luuuurves*

and another thing....

[dandieelyon.livejournal.com]

slightly off topic...
My best friend is an ex-morman herself...I often send her your rants and essays on the subject, and she never fails to agree and cheer you on!

[menomegirl.livejournal.com]

Personally, I'd give it a 5.

That's nowhere near as bad as using rosary beads for a purpose they were not intended in a confessional.

Um..yeah, that's all I got.

[ely-jan.livejournal.com]

...
...

You draw me deeper and deeper into your web.

[fiveandfour.livejournal.com]

I'd take that down to a 6.8-7.0. Because it's awfully thoughtful to be using lube, so there's gotta be some give back on the points on that alone. (Besides, I'm thinking *someone* is going to be referencing God real soon in that scenario; that can't be all bad, right?)

[kseenaa.livejournal.com]

Kinky priest/missionary.... I like already. ;-D

[beadattitude.livejournal.com]

You have your chirens beautifully trained.

Um, you should also use the companion's ties to tie each other up?

[violethamster.livejournal.com]

Never, never work for a religious organization. It has so ruined that for me.

I was so very impressed with the original post

[azryal.livejournal.com]

and then I read yours.

...

*bow*

*scrape*

Mae

Best.

[azryal.livejournal.com]

You're the best.

Mae

ps...well, you were the best. I'm afraid that Denita pushed you down (!) to a close second.

M

[drusplace.livejournal.com]

BEST. LJ. POST. EVER!!!!

[anelith.livejournal.com]

Laura, you're giving me giggle fits *just* as I'm getting ready to go be a good little school volunteer. WHY?? Now I'm going to have improper thoughts at most inappropriate times!!

Your kids -- they are well trained!

[brunettepet.livejournal.com]

Oh, Stoney, how you make me laugh!

Now I have that damn song stuck in my head...

[nihano1.livejournal.com]

What would be my score if I said that I find this kinda hot?

Is this a story you're writing, is it m/f or m/m, when will you post it?
Not that I'm interested or anything...



::Is also going to hell::

[entrenous88.livejournal.com]

Hahahaha, your kids are The Next Generation Baha Men!

[stoney321.livejournal.com]

*SPINS STICKY WEB*

[stoney321.livejournal.com]

I like that there are bonus points for consideration, excellent. And ahahahahaha! Does... "gosh" count as referencing god? HEE!

[stoney321.livejournal.com]

Hooray! It'll be posted...soonish. :)

[stoney321.livejournal.com]

They were severely beaten for the ear worm, I'll have you know. Then they gathered with a red-headed orphan and sang songs in 4/4 time, it was WEIRD, Suzi.

THERE WILL BE TIE PLAY. Because who doesn't love a tie?

[stoney321.livejournal.com]

What if I work for one in order to take it down from the inside? I bet you could support me on that one. :D

[stoney321.livejournal.com]

Ahahahahahaha, I gladly concede firsts!

[stoney321.livejournal.com]

*awaits my cash prize*

Hee!

[stoney321.livejournal.com]

I see it more as me giving you tools to make it through your day, Anne. TOOLS.

Hahahaha. Those rascally kids with their sarcasm!! *shakes fist*

[stoney321.livejournal.com]

*fist pump!*

Oh my god, it took me until TODAY to get that damn earworm out of my head.

[stoney321.livejournal.com]

Your score is FIRST PLACE, that's what!

And this is m/m, and I hope to begin posting soon. I want to have it all written, first. (No WiPs here!)

[stoney321.livejournal.com]

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! *collapses in a heap*

I was shooting for Hanson 2.0! :D

[beadattitude.livejournal.com]

I dooo love ties. And seriously? The other night I was affectionately contemplating sending Stephen Colbert one of my father's, as a South Carolina boy that's done good. (I was very tired, but I don't even have the excuse of maudlin drunkery)

Also? You know what's a bad song to have earwormed around children and running errands in town? "Dick in a Box."

[botias.livejournal.com]

Bwah! :D:D:D

[supremegoddess1.livejournal.com]

uh....context on that first bet, pretty pretty please??????

[stoney321.livejournal.com]

....the missionary part? Because that's a story I'm currently writing. :D