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stoney321First let me say that all of the last requests for CDs have gone out today! Whoo hoo! Except ![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
crazydiamondsue and fer1213, your CDs will go out tomorrow... sangueuk: did you not want one? I don't know if I can get one to you by X-mas, but I can do my best. Second, on a Ha Ha note, go here to hear the craptacular holiday song "Mary, Did You Know?" for those who don't know it and read the lyrics. It should help you get behind "Gordok, Did You Know?" which is fast becoming a holiday classic between Mr. Stoney and me.
I'm starting to get my "holiday letters" from people I don't give a shit about. I mean, friends of my parents, or old neighbors I didn't like much anyway. "Little Timmy won the Nobel Prize in Chemistry this year, and Suzie cured cancer. If only Bob and I knew what to do with the stacks of money we have..." Bleh. I'll take a hastily scribbled signature on a cheap card any day. And so, I give you the Holiday Letter" that really reflects the truth.
Dear Family and Friends, but really just second cousins and old workers I can't be arsed to send proper greetings to,
This has been a year of ups and downs for the Stoneys... I'll just start off by saying that changing Number1's medication during the school year brought us closer to the Police Department. Really, they are stellar people. We only had to fingerprint the boy once, and the codes they use are like a second language to us now. And it seems that the idea of being "P.C." is behind us. So many parents offer their helpful advice to better our parenting skills. But I don't believe the army is quite right for our nine year old. Maybe when he's 15... Do they still hire out kids for the salt mines? I hear that will wear them out...
The girls are growing like weeds. Most children go through a lying phase, right? And stealing? Our therapist says Number2 will eventually find another channel for her energy and stop going through people's mailboxes and taking whatever strikes her fancy. Keeping our fingers crossed! This was also the year we got Number3 potty trained. I explained to my mother-in-law that kitty litter is clean (I only buy the anti-bacterial kind), and the point is to get her out of diapers. And it isn't like the cats are using it... Can anyone use a "slightly stained" armchair? The frame is still good.
Mr. Stoney, you may remember, started another new job this year. That's in keeping the trend of a new place each year, and the adjustment period wasn't as rough. We finally got smart and laminated his resume and some letterhead with a blank at the "company name" place. With as much as he travels, it's been a real comfort for me to know that Sheila, a co-worker, has taken such a keen interest in showing him around. How wonderful for him to have such a close buddy to work with every day and all night. According to our credit card bill, he is really burning the midnight oil with her! Poor dear eating at 2 in the morning. If he would only eat something more substantial than strawberries and champagne... But that's my guy. Probably trying to help his co-worker stay slim. In case you haven't picked up on it, I am being fucking sarcastic, and Sheila, I know he is sending you this, so listen up: get your fucking hands off my man, HO, HO, HO, or I'll rip your fucking arms off. Merry Christmas, dear!
With him traveling so much, "you know who" has taken over the family finances. And the car pool. And soccer. And basketball. And tending his parents. And doing all of the housework. I began to feel a bit overwhelmed, so I decided to find something that was just for me. I started writing porn. Well, there was a big debate in my on-line chat group about porn vs. erotica, and mainly I write erotica. I think it is because I use the word "member" instead of "turgid, throbbing cock-pistol" but even that is up for debate. Mainly I write about vampires from this TV show getting a leg over, and sometimes one of the vamps shrinks to 5 inches and climbs up the other vampire's butt. It keeps me busy.
So in a nutshell, we are getting the bills paid and avoiding each other like the plague. From the looks of the letters we've gotten, we've got some work to do, huh? Ha ha, but Mr. Stoney's insurance will cover therapy if he only stays with this company for more than 6 months, so here's hoping!
Wishing you would all break a leg or have SOME fucking misfortune to level the playing field,
Stoney and Family
In case you don't know this already, I was making that stuff up. You know, for the comedy! Cecily's tale in one hour!
crazydiamondsue and fer1213, your CDs will go out tomorrow... sangueuk: did you not want one? I don't know if I can get one to you by X-mas, but I can do my best. Second, on a Ha Ha note, go here to hear the craptacular holiday song "Mary, Did You Know?" for those who don't know it and read the lyrics. It should help you get behind "Gordok, Did You Know?" which is fast becoming a holiday classic between Mr. Stoney and me.I'm starting to get my "holiday letters" from people I don't give a shit about. I mean, friends of my parents, or old neighbors I didn't like much anyway. "Little Timmy won the Nobel Prize in Chemistry this year, and Suzie cured cancer. If only Bob and I knew what to do with the stacks of money we have..." Bleh. I'll take a hastily scribbled signature on a cheap card any day. And so, I give you the Holiday Letter" that really reflects the truth.
Dear Family and Friends, but really just second cousins and old workers I can't be arsed to send proper greetings to,
This has been a year of ups and downs for the Stoneys... I'll just start off by saying that changing Number1's medication during the school year brought us closer to the Police Department. Really, they are stellar people. We only had to fingerprint the boy once, and the codes they use are like a second language to us now. And it seems that the idea of being "P.C." is behind us. So many parents offer their helpful advice to better our parenting skills. But I don't believe the army is quite right for our nine year old. Maybe when he's 15... Do they still hire out kids for the salt mines? I hear that will wear them out...
The girls are growing like weeds. Most children go through a lying phase, right? And stealing? Our therapist says Number2 will eventually find another channel for her energy and stop going through people's mailboxes and taking whatever strikes her fancy. Keeping our fingers crossed! This was also the year we got Number3 potty trained. I explained to my mother-in-law that kitty litter is clean (I only buy the anti-bacterial kind), and the point is to get her out of diapers. And it isn't like the cats are using it... Can anyone use a "slightly stained" armchair? The frame is still good.
Mr. Stoney, you may remember, started another new job this year. That's in keeping the trend of a new place each year, and the adjustment period wasn't as rough. We finally got smart and laminated his resume and some letterhead with a blank at the "company name" place. With as much as he travels, it's been a real comfort for me to know that Sheila, a co-worker, has taken such a keen interest in showing him around. How wonderful for him to have such a close buddy to work with every day and all night. According to our credit card bill, he is really burning the midnight oil with her! Poor dear eating at 2 in the morning. If he would only eat something more substantial than strawberries and champagne... But that's my guy. Probably trying to help his co-worker stay slim. In case you haven't picked up on it, I am being fucking sarcastic, and Sheila, I know he is sending you this, so listen up: get your fucking hands off my man, HO, HO, HO, or I'll rip your fucking arms off. Merry Christmas, dear!
With him traveling so much, "you know who" has taken over the family finances. And the car pool. And soccer. And basketball. And tending his parents. And doing all of the housework. I began to feel a bit overwhelmed, so I decided to find something that was just for me. I started writing porn. Well, there was a big debate in my on-line chat group about porn vs. erotica, and mainly I write erotica. I think it is because I use the word "member" instead of "turgid, throbbing cock-pistol" but even that is up for debate. Mainly I write about vampires from this TV show getting a leg over, and sometimes one of the vamps shrinks to 5 inches and climbs up the other vampire's butt. It keeps me busy.
So in a nutshell, we are getting the bills paid and avoiding each other like the plague. From the looks of the letters we've gotten, we've got some work to do, huh? Ha ha, but Mr. Stoney's insurance will cover therapy if he only stays with this company for more than 6 months, so here's hoping!
Wishing you would all break a leg or have SOME fucking misfortune to level the playing field,
Stoney and Family
In case you don't know this already, I was making that stuff up. You know, for the comedy! Cecily's tale in one hour!
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
no subject
Date: 2004-12-13 01:56 pm (UTC)And the sign off.
Ah hahahaa.
no subject
Date: 2004-12-13 02:07 pm (UTC)*trips the smug shits with their jingle-bell necklaces, because come ON!*
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Date: 2004-12-13 02:12 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2004-12-13 02:18 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2004-12-13 02:19 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2004-12-13 02:23 pm (UTC)I just tell people I've joined an "online writing group" and they think that sounds terrific. I've left out the part about Vampire gay sex and butt-jumping-up-in.
I'm digging your holiday icon, BTW!
no subject
Date: 2004-12-13 02:43 pm (UTC)I think it is because I use the word "member" instead of "turgid, throbbing cock-pistol" but even that is up for debate. Mainly I write about vampires from this TV show getting a leg over, and sometimes one of the vamps shrinks to 5 inches and climbs up the other vampire's butt. It keeps me busy.
*is dead, as in decomposed smelly dead*
no subject
Date: 2004-12-13 02:46 pm (UTC)I think I want an icon with "turgic, throbbing cock-pistol" in fancy script.
no subject
Date: 2004-12-13 03:01 pm (UTC)I fear for the picture on your icon.
bwahahah!
Date: 2004-12-13 03:05 pm (UTC)once again, Jon is having an inferiority complex about how funny you are.
no subject
Date: 2004-12-13 03:13 pm (UTC)"angry gay cops" fills me with such joy everytime I see it.
raise you a "tee hee"
Date: 2004-12-13 03:14 pm (UTC)Hee hee! you have to be, like, the best feedbacker (not similar to a linebacker by ANY means) EVAH. SPeaking of, off to read part 2 which I am woefully behind.
no subject
Date: 2004-12-13 09:19 pm (UTC)Hey, we all need somthing to keep us busy. Otherwise, all we'd ever do was get into the porn. Hmmm...wait, that doesn't really work in your case.
Heeee! I really do need to read your "Adventures of WeeSpike!" I'm not into slash. The climbing into the butt thing is just a medical thing, right?
no subject
Date: 2004-12-13 09:30 pm (UTC)I've missed you around these parts lately!
no subject
Date: 2004-12-13 09:46 pm (UTC)Really? Aw! You're the sweetest, dirty girl I know! I was busy with my party (ugh) and I went to see a show. Being the nerd that I am, I updated twice yesterday. Didn't you read it?!!! Hmpf!!
Heehee!
no subject
Date: 2004-12-14 05:12 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2004-12-14 06:30 am (UTC)So the lesson learned here is spam you regardless of the content? Check.
no subject
Date: 2004-12-14 06:31 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2004-12-14 07:00 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2004-12-14 07:11 am (UTC)"Jeff has been backpacking through NZ for a few months after getting his doctorate in Chemical Engineering from Dartmouth. The school is paying him to take a vacation, isn't that lovely! Beth is graduating with honors from Princeton and trying to decide with company she wants to be Vice-President of. No less than FOUR Fortune 500 company's have come calling... Bill and I have been playing house with our new summer home. Once we got the extension on the garage completed, we finally have a place to house our two boats and all of the family cars..."
BLECH. Meanwhile, I'm on my knees scrubbing chili-puke out of the beige carpet and figuring out who on the family gift list isn't getting anything this year, and praying the cats remember where the litter-box is today.
Sending you an email about plants RIGHT NOW!
no subject
Date: 2004-12-14 08:26 am (UTC)it seems that the idea of being "P.C." is behind us.
Thank some-possibly-existent-god for that!
psst! I'm putting your card in the mail today! Yay!
no subject
Date: 2004-12-14 08:38 am (UTC)er...to be honest I missed the beginning of the CD furour because I was away then I got all 'I-don't-want-to-bother-you' then I was all 'I-feel-all-left-out' then, then...yes please! :::bats eyelashes::: I'll email you my address. :)
no subject
Date: 2004-12-14 09:06 am (UTC)I felt justified in boasting about Melanie since my brother's previous girlfriends/fiancees were truly horrific. Someday I should tell you about them. Jon is a really, truly nice guy, very sweet and loving to the women he's with, so I don't understand why before Mel he wound up with Psycho Women from Hell (TM). For a while we were on tenterhooks waiting for Mel's demon face to emerge, but for some amazing reason he's hit the jackpot this time. So that's the only reason I was a little worried that you might include my letter in the category of "We're only writing this Christmas letter just to tell you how great we have it this year."
Mostly when I write these letters the main feeling they inspire in me is one of: "I have got to get off my lazy behind and do something interesting so that I'll have something better to write about NEXT year."
no subject
Date: 2004-12-14 11:12 am (UTC)I love you. Truly and deeply. You should *so* send that. I wanna copy to scrapbook.
no subject
Date: 2004-12-14 07:56 pm (UTC)I lurve me some slack jawed yokels and spam.
Going to read some "Lubed" now. The slashy bits will make me laugh and not want to scratch my eyes out, right? 'Cuz if you have Spike weeping like a girl or anything like that I think I'll go kerplooey.