I posted about this on Tumblr, but we met here.

[stoney321]

ethrosdemon, Kassie, has passed away. I learned this the day of her passing, and with respect to the "details," I only know that she was private about her lingering illness and that her family isn't having a service/to do about it. I'm not seeking more information that wasn't mine to know.

Our relationship ended about six years ago, over differing opinions on fandom, how we each wanted to talk about it and write about it, and that led to the creation of what Hey, Don't Judge Me is today. (So thanks for pushing me to get that out there in the world. I've enjoyed writing for that site tremendously.)

When I thought we were ending our working relationship, she evidently meant our real life friendship. It was a hard pill to swallow for me.

We'd been friends. We talked on the phone regularly. We encouraged each other's writing. (I loved her writing. It was how we became friends, that damn epic RPS with everyone from the CW and beyond.) We had some really intense disagreements, but one thing about our arguments: she fought with me because she respected me. If she didn't care about what I had to say, she wouldn't have wasted her energy arguing, you know? That's who she was.

I've been trying to put my feelings together for losing someone who had been a close friend, privy to all my private real life issues, but someone who had walked away from me. And you know what? It doesn't matter in the end. I'm sorry for her family and friends. She was bigger than life in a lot of ways, elbowing her way into conversations because she had something interesting to say, but if she elbowed her way into your life, it was because she thought you were worth her time in that moment.

I'll take that. Rest in peace, Kassie.

Comments

[kita0610.livejournal.com]

I love you. I'm not doing so well with this either. Mortality sucks and I am going to miss that girl.

[stoney321.livejournal.com]

I have to be honest: we haven't spoken since she said after we parted ways in 2011, "Well, you gotta follow your bliss."

Those are some great last words. I'm just fucking shocked she now has some. Too young, too young.

[kita0610.livejournal.com]

She emailed me last month to ask if she should come out and help me. She mentioned she was having health issues but not their extent. I told her I had family here, to take care of herself, and that I loved her. And that was the last thing I said to her. And now fuck I'm crying again.

[stoney321.livejournal.com]

That sounds about right. She was a fucking excellent nurse.

And take heart: the last conversation she had with you was you assuring her that you loved her. That we all leave with that in our ears and our hearts, you know? *hugs you*

[minim_calibre]

Mortality sucks. Even when they're someone no longer in your life, but important in your past. Sometimes especially then.

I'm still kind of boggled. (I had to break the news to my two best friends, who were a hell of a lot closer to her than I was.)

[lynnenne]

I'm shocked at this news. I didn't know her vey well, but she was a kickass writer and a great contribution to fandom. I'm sorry she's gone, and for all the people feeling her loss today.

[stoney321.livejournal.com]

Yeah. Lots of second guessing and "what if?" is happening here.

Still can't wrap my head around it, either.

[stoney321.livejournal.com]

*hugs*

[alittleacademe.livejournal.com]

I lost an ex this year with whom I was still in regular but not as meaningful as it should have been contact. I get where you're coming from. IT BLOWS. My huge condolences.

(was she someone I from celeb_wtf?)

[brunettepet.livejournal.com]

That's sad news and even though she wasn't in your life any more I'm sure it still hurts.

*Hugs*

[ladycyndra.livejournal.com]

I am very sorry for your loss. <3

[stoney321.livejournal.com]

Thanks Sophie, and no, she wasn't in celeb_wtf with us, BUT GOD, DID WE HAVE SO MUCH FUN? Christ, fandom has been SO IMPORTANT for me where I've met such amazing friends. <3

[stoney321.livejournal.com]

THank you for that. Lots of things to muse over, that's for sure. <3

[stoney321.livejournal.com]

Thank you for this! Hug the ones you love, kiss a pet, all that good stuff, yeah? <3

[zyrya]

*hughughughug* The saddest for me is the end of hope that a fracture or divide can be healed. Peace for you too, lovey.

[menomegirl.livejournal.com]

oh man. that just hurts my heart.

*hugs*

[turnonmyheels.livejournal.com]

I'm in shock. ::holds you::

[sheafrotherdon.livejournal.com]

I'm so sorry for the grief you're feeling, love. Be kind to yourself - it's hard to process this kind of stuff. &hearts to you.

[stoney321.livejournal.com]

That was it for me, too (and continues to be), those fractures that cannot heal now. But this has been a moment of pushing me to do all I can to make what time *I* have count. Selfish, but that's the fallout from loss, isn't it? *hugs you*

[stoney321.livejournal.com]

Yeah. It was a shock. She, more than so many others I've known, seemed larger than life.

[stoney321.livejournal.com]

*hugs hugs hugs* Hope you're holding up okay, B. Love you, lady.

[stoney321.livejournal.com]

It's weird because it's *not* grief? Not grief like I understand it, at least. It's more of a slap in the face of mortality. A reminder that some of us just fade away, that it just ends. On a positive note, it's pushing me to get my own shit together, to not go out with a whimper. (Not that I'm saying she did-she went out just exactly as she wanted and on her own terms.)