Things to get my mind off the shit in RL

[stoney321]

I have this friend that is driving me NUTS. She needs her frigging hand held for EVERYTHING and I'm tired of her leaning on me all the time. That's really mean, but GAH! She's just incredibly self-centered and it's always about the drama in her life. I had to lock this because she's on my flist... You may have noticed she hasn't been in my journal a lot... With good reason. I've been giving her the brush off because I'm sick of the whining. GAH!! I'm so mean! But mainly just frustrated....

So, to lighten the mood around here, I've had limericks in my head about the girls going to see Slag Heap in NY (man, I WISH I could go!!! If there wasn't a baby due - the first child for my BIL and SIL... I'd be there.)

So here are my Slag Heap Hookers Limericks. Work Safe, BTW.


There once was a hooker named Vinnie
Who turned on all the girls (he was skinny)
He moaned and he cried
On the stage did he writhe
Connor fans in the audience? Many.

A nice group of whores went to New York
Swm screamed, "Vinnie! Vinnie!" like a dork
Ushers heard her yell
And took her to jail
She fends off her new "friends" with her spork

Kita and Ros_Fod snuck backstage
Tried to capture VK in a cage
Gleeful was Ros_Fod
JM was mid-blow job
Vinnie's publicist flew in a rage

While Swm was waiting in the Pokey
The girls joined VK in a smoke. He
Gave the girls cigs
JM danced a few jigs
They sniggered at his dance - it was hokey.

Later that night they all got high
And someone said, "Hey Swm!- OH MY!"
Fod tried to get up
But fell back on her butt
Making all of the girls laugh and cry.

Poor Swm changed her name to "Big Shirl"
She settled in with a nice girl
And their joy was plenty
But still she loved Vinnie
Her fannish love shone like a pearl.

[ETA] I have gotten 14 emails from her in the past half hour, alternating between whining for me to be her BFF and bitching me out for not liking the same things in fandom as her. The hell? And she's OLDER than me, acting like she's in high school! Like I need this shit. Anyone know how to ban someone from their journal? Oh. Got it. FUCK. Half my flist is going to side with her, but I'm just sick of her whining and then being cussed at. I feel bad for her husband having to live with a psycho. Bye, bye, smelly!

Comments

[timeofchange.livejournal.com]

I laughed like a laughing thing. Sorry you won't be able to join us.

[stoney321.livejournal.com]

You're going too??? *cries*

WHy couldn't my SIL get knocked up and force my BIL to marry her a few months later??

OMG, I am HORRIBLE!! But it's because I'm filled with ire over you theater goers. Ire!!

Which show are you going to? Opening night?

[timeofchange.livejournal.com]

April 16th. Don't you think she'll have dropped her pup by then? And, maybe, just maybe, you ordered the plane ticket months ago, and you forgot, but they aren't refundable and if you don't go you'll be letting down a hell of a nice group of women....

Come on, work with me here.

BTW, pup. Get it? Hahahaha.

[stoney321.livejournal.com]

Hee!! Man, I wish. I WISH!!!

*cries more, thanks a lot*

[elcazavampiros.livejournal.com]

You know, if you're going to de-friend someone and then talk about it publically (albeit vaguely), you should probably keep in mind the number of friends you have in common, as well as remembering to de-friend their husband, whose password they have memorized.

I think "14" is a bit excessive and I'm a whole YEAR older, but that's true to form, right? Take it to the extreme. Whatever.

And I'm pretty sure limerick has an 'e.' Hope that wasn't too "dramatic" for you.

[stoney321.livejournal.com]

Dude,t he thought of that makes me want to hurl.

I guess I hate being called a perv and an ass-kisser, then being asked to tell her how talented she is every day. I just don't have time for that, you know?

Now YOU I'll tongue wildly... *leers*

[stoney321.livejournal.com]

WELL LET ME REMEMDY THAT RIGHT NOW.

And if you want to "play beta" I'll remind you that "publically" isn't spelled that way. Try "publicly" and I'll just chalk that up to your hick background.

Stay the fuck out of my journal, Sue. Go cry on your husband's shoulder and leave me the hell alone.

[stoney321.livejournal.com]

Oh, and how fucking PSYCHO is it to use your husband's journal (have all of his passwords memorized) and CONTINUE to stalk me.

Oh, and "14" in 38 minutes. My bad.

You need help. Leave me the fuck alone.

[elcazavampiros.livejournal.com]

You know, I don't know why I expected anything different from someone who's over 30 and wears naugahyde pants. So I'm whiney and self-involved, huh? Let's see if any of your new friends will listen to you read ever single post before you make it. You know what? Screw this. I'm gonna take my hick ass over to my own journal. You can keep your sad sack raggedy ass one over here. Oh, yeah, you're FUNNY. Funny like a naugahyde wearin', Texas sucks, two-faced tree weasel.

And you know, I defended you the other day. dovil said you ate shit sandwiches, and I said no, you didn't like bread.

[stoney321.livejournal.com]

You are so pathetic. DO you REALLY want to talk about where dovil's friendship lies? I think not.

Run along, now. And now Caza's gone from my LJ, too. We'll see how he treats you after he finds THAT out. OH! Guess where your hatred comes from?! I can't help looking like I do, Sue. You might try a shower now and then.

[uberaeryn.livejournal.com]

Nice. Very nice.

I'd defriend your sorry naugahyded ass but then I'd miss the drama. Keep it comin', Slick!

*uh, but she is kinda smelly.*

[marlo.livejournal.com]

LOL. You wanker.

[winterlive.livejournal.com]

*coughcoughdovil'slove (http://www.livejournal.com/users/dovil/89407.html#cutid1)cough*

Really is Caza

[elcazavampiros.livejournal.com]

This really is Caza.

Can't we all just get along?

I know you two can work it out if you'd just talk.

[cityphonelines.livejournal.com]

Scratch my other comment. What I really wanna say is:

I read the first line of the limerick, paused, went 'Huh? I'm not a hooker! I'll do it for free!', then kept reading. Also, not a boy or skinny. You need cushion for the pushin', you know.

Re: Really is Caza

[uberaeryn.livejournal.com]

YOU stay out of it or I'll tell Sue all those things you said to me about Stoney last time she was here, you remember, when you were all drunk and horny and fixated on BOOBIES???

[kaydee23.livejournal.com]

Apparently I'm the Fool of April Fool's Day. And or very confused.

Re: Really is Caza

[elcazavampiros.livejournal.com]

Staying out.

But there may be a throw down between you and me...

Re: Really is Caza

[uberaeryn.livejournal.com]

Oh, I'll show YOU a throw down!

[violethamster.livejournal.com]

I am totally on your side. crazydiamondsue is such a biotch.

[stoney321.livejournal.com]

Yeah, some friend YOU are. I don't know how you've put up with her all these years. Christ.

[stoney321.livejournal.com]

AM I?

OR AM I??

[stoney321.livejournal.com]

Oh, but my first serious love was a skinny, small boobied boy like VK, so there is nostalgic love, you see...

And thanks for taking my side.

[stoney321.livejournal.com]

Just caught in the middle...

*sigh*

I owe you chocolate.

[stoney321.livejournal.com]

Seriously.

Wait a minute....

*checks OTHER posts of yours*

[likeadeuce.livejournal.com]

ROLMAO

Oh, crap!

[crazydiamondsue.livejournal.com]

I forgot in all the fake kerfuffling to say that the limerick was funny! We should have separated the posts. Somehow. Anyway:

While Swm was waiting in the Pokey
The girls joined VK in a smoke. He
Gave the girls cigs
JM danced a few jigs
They sniggered at his dance - it was hokey.

Heh. Hokey.

[tx-cronopio.livejournal.com]

Well, damn. I'm always the last to get jokes.

I was all upset for you, and then Alice23Kate's post made me realize that maybe it was all just Stoney funnin'. Cuz she's been known to do that :)

Just in case -- I love you! And will come beat up anyone who is mean to you, and since I'm packing some extra pounds, that's really not an idle threat.

And, if I'm just out of the joke, well, not the first time. Ugh, shades of junior high. *pat slinks off*

[tx-cronopio.livejournal.com]

Ugh. I feel really, really dumb. Can I just say that after being off the PC for 36 hours I was reading too fast?

[beadattitude.livejournal.com]

Can I just say that after being off the PC for 36 hours I was reading too fast?

Dude. You can so get a like, headache from doing that.

:;feeds you choccie::

And as for our Kerflufflin' Krazies - whoo dogies, you guys be the bad silly thangs. ::eyes both suspciously and packs a knife, just in case::

[crazydiamondsue.livejournal.com]

Mean to her???? She said I smelled "like the inside of a fake leg!" Okay, I did call her a deluded naugahyde wearin' whore and a tree weasel.

{{{hugs you for loving my friend}}

I actually tried to make this an OK v. TX rumble, but then remembered the LJ Texans number in the thousands while I only know 4 Oklahomans...

[tx-cronopio.livejournal.com]

I actually tried to make this an OK v. TX rumble, but then remembered the LJ Texans number in the thousands while I only know 4 Oklahomans...

well, if it's any comfort, you've kicked our butt in football pretty much every year recently. GRRRR.

Still feeling dumb. Fortunately, that's not unusual for me :)

[cityphonelines.livejournal.com]

Damn straight I was on your side, except for every other minute when I was on Sue's side. It was all very painful for ME! Because in my reality I can make your fake kerfuffle all about ME and MY mental anguish.

*cries... from the giggles*

limericks

[kita0610.livejournal.com]

Teeheeeee!!

[lynnenne]

I thought I was your stalker. *is jealous*

[ros-fod.livejournal.com]

HAHAHAHAHAHA OMG LOVES.

Re: limericks

[stoney321.livejournal.com]

Heh heh.

[stoney321.livejournal.com]

Oh, you are. But the gooood kind.

[stoney321.livejournal.com]

HEE!! And I am not in anyway shape or form jealous. Nope.

*fuggin' bitches and the spotting of VK smoking and leaning nonchalantly against the wall needing me to brush those bangs from his face... ARRGGHH!*

[ros-fod.livejournal.com]

I've just learned that he bares down to his underwear.

BRAIN GO BOOM.

*stuffs you into my suitcase*

[stoney321.livejournal.com]

...

Brand new baby...

SCHMrand new baby.

*packs self in box disguised as bouquet, remembers cell phone for snap-shots*

Two weeks? And you all promise to record EVERYTHING so I can cry and be angry and wistful all over again?

*walks into walls, mutters*