Is this thing on? Heh-hello?

[stoney321]

Man, nothing, but NOTHING feels better than slipping into your own bed after a week away from it. I cannot stress enough that you should bite the bullet and splurge on good sheets. Silky, cool, luxurious sheets. Mmmm. My many pillows... The hotel mattresses were lovely, but it wasn't MY bed. Slept long and hard, then lazed about this morning hiding from all the tasks I have to do today.


And no, that apparently isn't the hip new slang the kids today are talking. Our big Main-coon cat is FUCKING DISGUSTING right now. So, so big. Cannot groom himself, and as such is sporting a Bob Marley hairdo. Mr. S is fighting him in the laundry room with a pair of clippers. Yikes. *plays tap for Mr. S's flesh* I hired the Stalker Neighbors next door to care for the ani-mules while we were away (She does it for a side job - it's almost ALL she talks about) so I thought, you know, she'd be good.

Came home to a FULL cat box, hungry kitties, counted Cancer Kitties pills and saw that he didn't get his meds (GRRRR!!!! Seriously - Cancer Kitty. Come on. He's the best cat ever.) and saw my fishies tank was GREEN. I was gone for 7 days. What the hell? It's a frickin' beta - about as low maintenance as you can get. Poor little Dorrie. (My kids aren't original with names, no.) Cleaned tanks, boxes, floors, checked the level of alcohol (at this point, I'm cynical) and grumbled.

For the record: Darth Widow? STILL ALIVE. And has a seriously intricate web that hypnotizes me and begs me to come closer- AHHH! I threw a Katydid in there last night and it was AWE inspiring. The Sith continue to be lightening swift and evil in their power. Heh.

We apparently left Flaaaarida in time to avoid the MASSIVE HURRICANE approaching. Whew. We had a fantastic time, I'm tan, tan, tan, and I have to give a little shoutout to my new bathing suit this season. I'm a string bikini girl from waaaay back, and then that third kid came, and dashed my hopes of continuing that. And I am NOT a halter top bathing suit girl. *shudders* Those only look good on girls with B-cups or less, truly. Otherwise your tits look GINORMOUS. And not in that good way. Bra style tops, yes. Support and sexy, who could ask for more? Now. WHERE THE HELL ARE THEY? I searched for a week and couldn't find any. I waited until I got to Flaaaaarida. Found two without padding. Glory be! Matched it up with surfer girl shorts? THE MOST PERFECT BATHING SUIT EVER. Trouble areas covered. No more hungry-butt when you stand up and walk. (You know what I'm talking about. Like your butt is eating your bathing suit.) I felt so sassy and cute in my little hibiscus print boardshorts and coordinating bikini top. Wheee! NO worry about inner/outer thigh jiggles because it's COVERED UP.

That was incredibly fascinating, yes? *snorts*

Today I have a laundry list of tasks not limited to swabbing ointment onto the gashes on my husband's body (remember? He's shaving the 22 pound bobcat Monster Cat right now? The caterwauling is making my hair stand on end), washing bloody rags (from the gore and mahem left over from the Shave-athon), filling my house back up with food, drink and snacks for the hungry world at large, and OMG pruning. North Texas turned into the rainforest while I was away and I have all manner of wildlife and undergrowth taking over.

Oh, yeah, I also need to type up all of the porn I wrote while I was gone. Here's something for the regulars around here: I've been told this week that I'm the following:
*vanilla (you'll get no arguments here, except, that's a fucking LIE - I'm a total perv) Hee!
*weird (someone stumbled across Lubed: The Musical!) Heh. Good thing they didn't find Gone Went My Mind or Connie: The Musical! - good thing they EMAILED ME to tell me I'm weird. But - they did laugh.)
*SO wrong (someone clicked and read the Ewan/Hayden RPS and shook a finger at me. Uh... YOU are the one that clicked - and read - the RPS, honey. And it was GOOD RPS, if I do say so myself. Which I just did. Remind me WHY I feel compelled to post my stuff at AFF.net? Yeah, I don't know why, either.


This is coming off whiney, and I'm super happy and bouncy and energetic today (also because I weighed myself and only gained 2 pounds - All that fried food? All that drink? Let's hear it for ocean-swimming.) and there is a mini-series beginning tonight that I'm jazzed about: Into The West. Wheee!! TV is fun. I've missed it. To get you in the spirit of the wild, wild West, I'll leave you with a link to another craptastic story of mine wherein Spike, Angel and Buffy are actually Native American Indians - of the Hollywood stereotype variety and love and humor ensue - titles Princess Ninety Wampum (Squaw always under Buck).

*kisses you all*

Have a great day!! (psst to anelith: I'm heading to the bookstore later - I'll let you know how I fare!)

Comments

[jamalov29.livejournal.com]

Welcome back!
Glad to see that you had a lovely vacation. But you're right : nothing's better than your own bed!

kisses to you too.

[stoney321.livejournal.com]

*kisses you all over - FRENCH style*

Hee!! I read that you were off to the beach, too? Have a lovely, lovely time, wear sunscreen, splash in the waves, relax as the sun warms your skin!

(And be sure your bed is made before you leave so you can slip into cool sheets the moment you get home!)

*kisses and hugs*

[eggblue.livejournal.com]

Ok, for one, your Ewan/Hayden was so so RIGHT. And ok, you are not vanilla. I thought maybe Hayden was vanilla, but I'm starting to think I was very WRONG about that, since I am getting the hint that Hayden likes to TEASE very much in interviews. Or, you know, my "vanilla in a really kinky way" kind of vanilla theory.
My point is -- I am liking your funny posts. But I wouldn't mind more porny RPS love if you have the hankering to write! Thanx!

[stoney321.livejournal.com]

Hee!! you know I'm having fun with you about the whole "vanilla" thing, right? Because I really, really am. Especially when you compare my stuff to the rest of the intarwebnets. I am homestyle vanilla alllll the way.

As to the RPS, I don't write it regularly, but have some ideas. In case you feel the need to bail on me, I usually post stuff like this post and the fic is secondary. No harm, no foul if you only pop in randomly. And if you haven't joined jedi_news' reading list, you should: the cull the good stuff into daily posts so you can avoid slogging through crap to get the good fic/art/etc.

*smooshes you with a tight hug*

[crazydiamondsue.livejournal.com]

You give me fat cat fever...nuh-nuh-nuh...

Wow...stalker neighbor sucks ass. Didn't give Crawford his medicine? The litterbox and hungry kitty thing was bad enough, but no meddy for Crawford? That's way bad. Board shorts sound cute, ocean sounds fun, I have big plans to paint my kitchen. I know, I've said this before. Going on a date-date with Caza tonight. (Which means he'll spend money-money and get a kiss-kiss.) I missed you! You missed nothing from end though. Didn't write a word, didn't think of anything funny. Did wake up singing "Le Resistance" though, and blaming you.

[stoney321.livejournal.com]

Seriously: Cancer Kitty is the best, Jerry! THE BEST! Not to give him the pills? The pills of LIFE? He was waiting by the door when we pulled up (all four kitties did) and jumped to the counter, climbed on my shoulder, and gave me face rubs and purrs. AHHHH!! And kept on even after I forced his pill down his tightened thraot (from lack of regularly scheduled pills- grr!)

I'm running to the store for more film. Scrappy has been given the Lion Cut. Ha ha ha!!! But he feels soooooo soft. And looks HYSTERICAL.

Man, it seems like LJ was a bit of a ghost town while I was away! Which, on one hand is a good thing, but on the other of needing new things to read about is a bad thing.

But I have books! I remember books!!

Where you going tonight? We drove back to the resort we stayed at the years before for our last dinner and had AWESOME surf-n-turf (him) and blue crab cakes (me) and I taught the bartender how to make Mojitos last year and they made them for me this year! Mmmm. Minty goodness.

Oh. Where you going for dinner? Or is it another plan? WHATUP!

(God has smiled upon you... this day. The fate of our nation in your haaaaaands! And blessed be the child - for all our bravery - till only the righteous stand! You see the distant flames! They bellow in the night! You fight for all our names, and what you know is right! And when you all get shot and cannot carry on, though you die - La Resistance lives on! You may get stabbed in the head, with a dagger or sword....)

Hey, Book-girl

[julia-here.livejournal.com]

Before you head out to Destin again, remind me to ask my beta (mcamason about bookstores there. Of course his mom is a librarian in tat neighborhood, so she'd know too; she's also the Dragon who drew the spiftastic pencil drawing of JM at his official website.

Julia, you really do need to plan ahead for these crises. I can only tell you where to get a book fix on the Olympic Peninsula myself.

[anelith.livejournal.com]

I wholeheartedly agree with you on the sheets! Overstock.com is a good source for nice ones.

Did you actually pay good money to the Stalker Neighbor for the non-service? Can you ask for it back? This sounds like a perfect gig -- do nothing, get paid. Can I get a job like that?

So did you find anything at the bookstore? It just struck me last night that we don't have long to wait until the next Harry Potter! Whee!

I'm off to read your latest fun S/B/A story. It's so nice to see another post from you!

Re: Hey, Book-girl

[stoney321.livejournal.com]

Yes, book stores there, please! Found a Barnes&Noble on our way out of town - but if it isn't the latest, they don't usually carry it. And here I thought I brought enough to read: A MASSIVE tome of political essays, a Best Of from McSweeny's, a book on the decay of Enron, and a terrific book of essays from Sarah Vowell, Take the Cannoli. I found a "Books A Million" and succumed to the lure of the fifth Gungslinger series (I am a huge, dorky fan of them - I make no apologies for liking Stephen King, gimmmicky though he may be) and am about finished with that.

Anelith recced the Gormenghast series, which I had COMPLETELY forgotten was a book before a BBC series.

With all the online reading of late, I had almost completely forgotten how fun it was to sit in a comfy chair, cool breeze at m y face, drinks within reach, and a stack of books to crack.

I came home to massive roses (the most I've gotten yet!), crucifix lillies, day lillies, overgrown Russian and Dutch sage (I'm not complaining, mind) gladioulus ready to burst, what looks to be a bumper crop of tomatoes, and basil ready to set seed. I'll be sweet smelling and sweaty by the day's end. How are things faring in your plot of earth?

[stoney321.livejournal.com]

ANNE!! If you were here I'd squish you and twirl you. How are you? I feel like I've been gone a month. It's actually a good feeling, you know? Everything home seems fun and new again.

As to the Stalker neighbor, we have an unspoken agreement: I watch her three sickly kitties (and they are very sweet, but produce more than they take in - a puzzle for the ages) when they leave town, and she watches mine. No money, but we usually buy each other a thank you gift. I feel better about the wooden pirate puzzle I feared seemed "cheap." Not to be snippy (but really, I'm being snippy) but I keep her house SPOTLESS twice a day when they leave. Her cats aren't "high maintenance" per se, but they are messy - litter everywhere. And I carry it to the outside can to keep the house fresh, move the litter pans and sweep around them (twice a day!) because nothing is worse than coming home to a funky smell.

I just checked the fish food and am SHOCKED by how much they overfed poor Dorrie. Ask Sue: my fish has personality in spades! And is too dumb to not eat the food given her. Two pellets. TWO. it looks like they gave her ten, four times a day. It's a wonder the fish didn't pop.

As to Harry Potter, my kids and I are already planning on our camp-out at the book store, which fun friends are coming, and how much Butterbeer we'll consume. We had so much fun for book 5. AHH!! I'm sure I'll stay up all night and finish 6 like I did the others. My love for HP is mad. MAD!! But not mad enough to join the fandom. Those folks are looney. Hee!! But I do like visiting checkmated.com as I am a loud and proud Ron/Hermione shipper. They're so kyooot!

(And for the record: the Princess Wampum fic was written a long time ago - I'm just being lazy and linking instead of typing up something new. And this has certainly been a chatty little comment, huh? I JEST LURVE EWE!)

Re: Hey, Book-girl

[julia-here.livejournal.com]

I just got out and picked a half-grocery sack full of Ispahan damask roses for drying, first I've been able to steal from the rain. Need to get an alembic so I can distil rosewater the years that it gets wet every night. There's more unopened buds left than I thought, so, good. All the big horses are blooming, Darlow's enigma looks like a fancy white crabapple tree as I've got it high pruned to top the pergola (about 12-15 feet to the top of the bloom on a 7 foot pergola); I was swamping out bedstraw from the Ispahan and looked across the upper terrace to a planting of the landscape rose "Bill Grant" and a white Pacific Coast Iris and thought: wow, that was a good idea. It was prettier before the Sombruiel rose got rained on; it and the cl. Souvernir de Malmaison do not like being rained on, balling and browing almost immediatly.

Long John Silver, on the other hand, stays crystalline white in the rain, but is eating the planet, no doubt. Mutabilis is climbing onto the roof again, and is a multicolored wonder. Rugelda is ten feet into the hazelnut bushes (frowing big roses into climbers is a very V.Sackville-West thing; I'll never have her writing tower but I can steal some of her gaden ideas) Stanwell Perpetual is almost done with its first bloom, Sally Holms has, once again, grown to the OTHER side of a bush and is visible only from the pasture, there are almost no apples because of the persistant rain while they were blooming. Also covered with bloom: New Dawn, Ghislaine de Feligonde, Brenda Colvin, Felicite et Perpetue, Alchymist, Aglaia, Joasine Hanet. And an ever-blooming damask moss which has outgrown life in a pot and needs a home somewhere people won't be flensed by its prickly self.

Geranuim praetense is at its electric blue peak; before the end of the month Sam and I will have to slash it back down. I have apparently killed the lovely but delicate Kashmiri White by trying to transplant it. I've got a Peony that I'd planted seven years ago and forgotten in bloom, cerise pink anemone type with hundreds of curled spoon-shaped petaloids, no known name.

We're replanting the Thyme bed this week, and espite Vita's terrible experience with the idea, underplanting it with early bulbs. Humans, stupid as we are, prone to the victory of optimism over experience.

Julia, overwhelmed, is what I am, with the June of it all

Re: Hey, Book-girl

[julia-here.livejournal.com]

Please reread the line in my yesterday's post pertaining to typos, and forgive me that I hit spelcheck after I hit post, again.

Re: Hey, Book-girl

[stoney321.livejournal.com]

As Carter said long, long ago, I have lusted in mah heart. The roses!! I'm planting a new one today (I need to find it, first - a lovely rose to act as a memorial) and wandered out behind the kids' play area to see my passion vines have enjoyed the sun and rain tremendously. To the tune of four feet of growth in 7 days. Meep! But: I have lots of fence to cover, so it's fine.

My obsession that matches your rose one is for succulents. With our sun-baking heat, they just love my beds. I have creeping rosemary interspersed (for some evergreen cover year round) that is creeping right over everything. Time to prune, root, and share.

I'll be tired tonight, but I'll sure smell good. (Post pics of your anemone when it blooms - mine are setting buds currently. Such a lovely flower...)

Re: Hey, Book-girl

[stoney321.livejournal.com]

HA!! You know, I laughed at that post because I understand it. Intimately.

And I WISH you would post pictures of your garden. If only to serve as something for my nose to be rubbed in. It just sounds heavenly.

[trepkos.livejournal.com]

Your neighbour sucks.
A good way of doing the fish food, if people can't be trusted, is to have a plastic pot with one day's worth of food in, labelled, for each day you're away.

[eggblue.livejournal.com]

Oh no, I am enjoying this. Don't mind me :) I am subscribed and jedi_news is a good idea, yes (they even linked to me once *beam*). Did I mention giraffes are my favorite? And I am from Florida, aka the penis state, so I am curious where you just came back from.

[crazydiamondsue.livejournal.com]

LJ has been a ghost town!! I don't know if it's summer or the whole "leaving the fandom" tempest in a teapot or just lack o' inspiration but yes, le quiet. But I haven't contributed anything worthwhile, so I can't complain. In an attempt to make Entre love me even more, I spent most of the day yesterday googling a Gay Cowboy webring. It didn't inspire any Xangel, but I laughed my ass off all day. Most popular song file on Gay Cowboy webpages? "Ghost Riders in the Sky." Second most popular? "It's Raining Men." The musak versions. This is not the way to convince a Focus on the Family society that you're an integral part because of your "innovation and creativity", boys.

We are going to see "Mr. and Mrs. Smith". Because of "Quest for One Chin", we will be eating at home. Caza has lobbied for meatloaf, which I will make because I don't like it and it will be even more dietary! This will be accompanied by mashed Yukon Golds (lowest in carbs) made with low-fat milk and "I Can't Believe They Market This Crap Tastes Like Butter." Some salad and a green vegetable and ain't that America, you and me.

Scrappy! Leontine! Take pics. We were just talking about the Scrapster and his 'fro the other day. So fun was had? Kiddies tan and happy? Sippy feeling relaxed? He didn't happen to pick up any oregano, did he? La la la...

They may cut your dick in half
And serve it to a pig
And though it hurts, you'll laugh
And dance a dickless jig...

[stoney321.livejournal.com]

We went to Destin/Ft. Walton beach? Normally we go to SanDestin, but get weary of the homogenous folks that usually frequent that joint.

Giraffes RULE. Here's another one to make you smile...

[cityphonelines.livejournal.com]

Dude, she neglected, nay! abused your cats. No love. Poor Crawford! And green beta water in 7 days? How?

Bad neighbor, no cookie for her.

[elcazavampiros.livejournal.com]

Mean old stalker neighbor lady not feeding yer cats and overfeeding your fish.

Hope you didn't have to take Mr. Stoney to the hospital after the Great American Cat Shaving. Isn't that an event at the really lame 4-H conferences?

Glad you had a good time.

Very jealous. It's been 23 years (damn, I'm old) since I've been to Florida and Georgia.

[anelith.livejournal.com]

Oh, you're going to go to a bookstore campout! That's so great! I still haven't managed to get Evan to read Harry Potter, he's just not interested.

nathan

That's a contribution from you-know-who, who will not leave me alone this afternoon. He wanted to type his name. I pointed out the letters, he typed.

We might get to the beach this weekend, if the stars align and no disasters occur. The water will be freezing but what else is new up here in New England? Every year we manage to make it in a little further. Last year I got in up to my knees -- care to bet whether I get in any further? So I lose feeling in my toes, who cares...

[anelith.livejournal.com]

Not to be indelicate about the neighbor kittens, but I find that cheap food = lots of waste product, if you know what I mean? You're a lovely person to take such good care of them, and it's horrible that the S.N. could not be bothered to be nice in return. Not just because it's a good thing to do for a neighbor, but because it's kind to the animals.

By the way, what did S.N. do to warrant the name? By the time I friended you the name had stuck and I missed out on the explanation.

It always makes me so happy to get a post or email from you.

[sangueuk.livejournal.com]

welcome home, honey! Missed ya!

[zyrya]

Hands up who thought shaving the cat was going to go quite differently.

::raises both hands::

Shorts are so vastly superior to bikini bottoms because the sunburn doesn't coincide with knicker elastic! And you're so right abut halter tops. I'd add 'perky' to the qualifications, too, because saggy + halter top = not so appealing.

I'm off to slaughter your incompetent animule-minders. Cheers! And welcome home :D

[stoney321.livejournal.com]

I mean, I even told her that she could SKIP a day or two, that fish should be UNDERFED rather than OVERFED.

Grrr.

And good advice, BTW.