More Fic! Wanna Laugh? SUUUUURE You Do!
Jul. 22nd, 2005 08:09 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
stoney321Okay, I'm leaving for NYC for the weekend (I'll be back Sunday) so I wanted to post something FUNNY and LIGHT since my last two posts were grumpy. Must. Leave. On a Good. Note.
So here's part two of "The Tale of Moon Hair and Beaver" which is (oh my god, stick with me on this one, folks) a Spander AU offshoot from the Buffy/Spike/Angel AU Native American Indian fic. Shhh. Trust Mama.
The Tale of Moon Hair and Beaver, Part Two
Continued from Here
*~*~*~*~*~*
He Who Re-Builds Things That Are Broken Over and Over Again, now known as Beaver, pushed away from Moon Hair. Moon Hair backed away, confused as if he drank too much of the Corn Drink from the Hunt Night Pow Wow. Moon Hair adjusted his loin cloth. It seemed it was not time to shoot his Arrow just yet.
"Beaver - why do you pull away? My people's Chief Warrior says that what two Warriors do at night on a long hunt, when no other braves are around, is for those two Warriors alone."
"Chief Warrior, huh? Yeah, I just bet he told you that. Listen. This is wrong. Isn't it? I mean, your people are hunters - killers. My people? Not so much. More: bore you to death kind of people."
Moon Hair stood tall. For him. He crossed his arms in front of his chest and looked at the boy. "You have only pulled your Arrow. You have not felt your Arrow pierce the hide of that which you hunt. This is true, yes?"
"And by Arrow you mean... Oh! Oh. What? Huh. No way, man. I've plunged my Arrow in so many different animals, it's not even funny. Rabbit, Elk, Deer, Skunk... Okay. Forget that last one I said. Can you just let me brainstorm for a second and come up with something more... macho? Oh! Wait! The mighty Puma. I've plunged my Arrow in that pussy."
"Your words are strange, and you hide behind them. You offered to lay down on the skins with me. We will do so. We will do it now." Moon Hair pushed the boy backwards towards the skins.
Beaver laid down, hands trembling, and looked up at the silvery-haired brave standing over him. "M-mommy?"
Moon Hair stopped unlacing his long deerskin moccassins. "You wish to suckle at me? Like a Squaw?"
"What I wish for now is to hide far, far away from here."
Moon Hair held the leather thong that kept his loincloth on and looked upon the boy. "Tonight you will learn what it is to be that which is hunted."
"Moon Hair. Tonight it is YOU that will learn."
Moon Hair and Beaver turned to see Stone Head standing over them, tommahawk in hand. Stone Head was in his Chief Warrior headdress adorned with Eagle feathers. He wore his chest plate of bones that he had taken from the Elk. And his loincloth appearerd to have a totem hidden away.
"Moon Hair. Always you lose yourself with words. We should name you Magpie. You were not speaking well to the boy. I would say you were being a little hard on the Beaver."
"Stone Head! Why do you come after sending me away? Did you... Does the village need my skill with the arrow and spear?"
"The village? Oh, yes. Yes, the village missed your mighty Arrow."
"I'm just going to sit here for the rest of the night, aren't I?" asked Beaver.
Moon Hair spoke to Stone Head, "Chief. Did you know that the People of the Clacking and Fighting -"
Beaver interrupted, "Actually, it's 'People of the Clacking, Fighting Tribe,' no 'and.' I'll shut up now."
"His people - they believe that it is wise for two warriors to lay on skins together for warmth. Their people do not question when two braves wish to lay together. Chief Stone Head - do they not sound like reasonable men?"
Stone Head looked at the boy. He put his tommahawk back in its' holster and absentmindedly began to tug on the laces on the sides of his loincloth. "Beaver. Tell me: where do your people live?"
"Oh, on the far side of the River of Many Forks, and in the direction of where the sun rises. We call that 'East.' "
"You live in a land called East?"
"Uh.... No. Where the sun rises? We call that E- Nevermind. I'm from the land called Cannuck."
"They sound like a wise people. You will show me what your braves do when they seek one another for warmth. And when you are done showing me, you will show Moon Hair."
Moon Hair turned to Beaver. He felt his Arrow rise with the thrill of the hunt.
Stone Head spoke again. "And when you have taught us the ways of your people, I will show you the Dawn Key punch."
Beaver had been holding a stick in his hand. At the comment from the large and looming Chief Warrior Stone Head, he jumped slightly, and snapped the stick in two.
*~*~*~*~*~*
TBC~
So here's part two of "The Tale of Moon Hair and Beaver" which is (oh my god, stick with me on this one, folks) a Spander AU offshoot from the Buffy/Spike/Angel AU Native American Indian fic. Shhh. Trust Mama.
The Tale of Moon Hair and Beaver, Part Two
Continued from Here
*~*~*~*~*~*
He Who Re-Builds Things That Are Broken Over and Over Again, now known as Beaver, pushed away from Moon Hair. Moon Hair backed away, confused as if he drank too much of the Corn Drink from the Hunt Night Pow Wow. Moon Hair adjusted his loin cloth. It seemed it was not time to shoot his Arrow just yet.
"Beaver - why do you pull away? My people's Chief Warrior says that what two Warriors do at night on a long hunt, when no other braves are around, is for those two Warriors alone."
"Chief Warrior, huh? Yeah, I just bet he told you that. Listen. This is wrong. Isn't it? I mean, your people are hunters - killers. My people? Not so much. More: bore you to death kind of people."
Moon Hair stood tall. For him. He crossed his arms in front of his chest and looked at the boy. "You have only pulled your Arrow. You have not felt your Arrow pierce the hide of that which you hunt. This is true, yes?"
"And by Arrow you mean... Oh! Oh. What? Huh. No way, man. I've plunged my Arrow in so many different animals, it's not even funny. Rabbit, Elk, Deer, Skunk... Okay. Forget that last one I said. Can you just let me brainstorm for a second and come up with something more... macho? Oh! Wait! The mighty Puma. I've plunged my Arrow in that pussy."
"Your words are strange, and you hide behind them. You offered to lay down on the skins with me. We will do so. We will do it now." Moon Hair pushed the boy backwards towards the skins.
Beaver laid down, hands trembling, and looked up at the silvery-haired brave standing over him. "M-mommy?"
Moon Hair stopped unlacing his long deerskin moccassins. "You wish to suckle at me? Like a Squaw?"
"What I wish for now is to hide far, far away from here."
Moon Hair held the leather thong that kept his loincloth on and looked upon the boy. "Tonight you will learn what it is to be that which is hunted."
"Moon Hair. Tonight it is YOU that will learn."
Moon Hair and Beaver turned to see Stone Head standing over them, tommahawk in hand. Stone Head was in his Chief Warrior headdress adorned with Eagle feathers. He wore his chest plate of bones that he had taken from the Elk. And his loincloth appearerd to have a totem hidden away.
"Moon Hair. Always you lose yourself with words. We should name you Magpie. You were not speaking well to the boy. I would say you were being a little hard on the Beaver."
"Stone Head! Why do you come after sending me away? Did you... Does the village need my skill with the arrow and spear?"
"The village? Oh, yes. Yes, the village missed your mighty Arrow."
"I'm just going to sit here for the rest of the night, aren't I?" asked Beaver.
Moon Hair spoke to Stone Head, "Chief. Did you know that the People of the Clacking and Fighting -"
Beaver interrupted, "Actually, it's 'People of the Clacking, Fighting Tribe,' no 'and.' I'll shut up now."
"His people - they believe that it is wise for two warriors to lay on skins together for warmth. Their people do not question when two braves wish to lay together. Chief Stone Head - do they not sound like reasonable men?"
Stone Head looked at the boy. He put his tommahawk back in its' holster and absentmindedly began to tug on the laces on the sides of his loincloth. "Beaver. Tell me: where do your people live?"
"Oh, on the far side of the River of Many Forks, and in the direction of where the sun rises. We call that 'East.' "
"You live in a land called East?"
"Uh.... No. Where the sun rises? We call that E- Nevermind. I'm from the land called Cannuck."
"They sound like a wise people. You will show me what your braves do when they seek one another for warmth. And when you are done showing me, you will show Moon Hair."
Moon Hair turned to Beaver. He felt his Arrow rise with the thrill of the hunt.
Stone Head spoke again. "And when you have taught us the ways of your people, I will show you the Dawn Key punch."
Beaver had been holding a stick in his hand. At the comment from the large and looming Chief Warrior Stone Head, he jumped slightly, and snapped the stick in two.
*~*~*~*~*~*
TBC~
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
no subject
Date: 2005-07-22 06:15 am (UTC)::twirls you around::
I luff this story!
Have a great time in NYC, baby. Mwah!
I would say you were being a little hard on the Beaver
Date: 2005-07-22 06:27 am (UTC)"Moon Hair. Tonight it is YOU that will learn." You can write funny Native American Indian Buffy folk in such perfect voice that I immediately knew that was Angel, as soon as I read that line.
And your Xander is priceless.
Have a fabulous time! Both you and your handsome hubby! And come back soon!
::smooches!::
no subject
Date: 2005-07-22 07:05 am (UTC)"Your words are strange, and you hide behind them..." See? Xander characterization.
"...I would say you were being a little hard on the Beaver." Bwah! I almost made a Beav joke in my earlier comments. Hard on the beaver. One of the funniest "uh, was it intentional" TV catchphrases ever.
"Actually, it's 'People of the Clacking, Fighting Tribe,' no 'and.' I'll shut up now." Bwahaha!
You make me so happy. I loved this 'verse when you began it (Dovil's bday, right?) And now you've added my OTP! *hugs you*
no subject
Date: 2005-07-22 07:20 am (UTC)Moon Hair + Beaver + Stone Head = OT3!!!
no subject
Date: 2005-07-22 08:05 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-07-22 08:32 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-07-22 02:08 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-07-22 05:46 pm (UTC)You had me howling from the get-go.
I'm from the land called Cannuck.
BWAHAHA! *waves maple leaf* Did you know that the beaver is our national mascot? Seriously. It's on our money and everything. You are so tricky it's frightening.
no subject
Date: 2005-07-22 10:26 pm (UTC)And NYC! That's so damn brillaint. Have a wonderful time and go to Times Square and twirl around and throw your hat in the air and eat a bagel. Or something.
no subject
Date: 2005-07-25 11:11 am (UTC)*kisses you*
no subject
Date: 2005-07-25 11:13 am (UTC)I think this comment: "You can write funny Native American Indian Buffy folk in such perfect voice" is absolutely hilarious. Because it was said without irony. HA HA HA!! I'm sofa king wee todd it.
*brings you back a Frauda bag*
no subject
Date: 2005-07-25 11:14 am (UTC)You keep making me write Xander!!!
no subject
Date: 2005-07-25 11:15 am (UTC)You and Sue keep making me write Xander. Why haven't I written him before?? He's so FUN.
no subject
Date: 2005-07-25 11:16 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-07-25 11:16 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-07-25 11:18 am (UTC)Hee!! I'm glad the Cannuck/Beaver thing didn't fall flat on its' ass... Sometimes I think I write this shit and no one knows what the hell I'm talking about. :-D
*cough* and the whole gay marriage is legal thing up there *cough*
no subject
Date: 2005-07-25 11:19 am (UTC)SO YOU AREN'T LEAVING. *cocks gun*
I did the "something" part of your command. I forgot my goddamned hat, you see. I stayed in Times Square!! Crazy with tourists! Don't stay there if you go!! :-D No, it was great, actually. I LOVE people watching.
no subject
Date: 2005-07-25 01:43 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-10-05 05:56 pm (UTC)