ONE OF THOSE DAYS

[stoney321]

See, I was all ready to type up a huge rant and bitch and moan and complaing and whine and then I remembered that no one GIVES A SHIT ABOUT MY COMPLAINING. HAHAHAHA! So.

CONSIDER THIS YOUR LUCKY DAY.

Oh, and also I found funny links, and entrenous88 reminded me of Prom, and that made me think of Craig (my date) and how I broke up with him RIGHT BEFORE PROM, because I was a good Mormon girl and I was afraid he was going to touch my bewbies, and God wouldn't let me into heeeeeaaaaaven or something. And that makes me laugh because I WAS SO LAME!!! And now he owns his own gallery in NYC, and lives with the first guy I gave my "flower" to.

No. Absurdist humor isn't lost on me. Oh! And I watched the SNL ep with Christopher Walken and the Cowbell, and he says: Gentlemen, I'm just like you. I put my pants on one leg at a time. Except when my pants are on, I make gold records. And laughing is good. Laughing hard fixes what ails you.

So instead of bitching about my boy's school, or the lack of follow through, and how I almost scratched out the eyes of the principal, or thought about shipping the boy off to an island... I give you jokes. AT MY EXPENSE.

Embarassing things that have happened to me: wearing a wrap/mini-skirt to school on a windy day. And have britches with holes. And standing in front of a boy I liked.

Being cool and "running" -- I have this weird thing that if I was percieved as "athletic," boys would like me. I don't understand it either -- towards the bus, where the boy I was crushing on was standing, tripped, and landed on my face. Like, on gravel. SCORE!

Having my boyfriend's best friend ask me in the hallway at school in front of the entire soccer team if, "Michael is ever going to touch your tits, because what is the point?"

I spot a trend. Anyway, blah blah blah life blah blah blah parenting, and I'm a huge dork. But apparently I have touchable boobs. So I have that working for me. Which is nice.

~Signed, Lisa Loopner (anyone? anyone? Bueller?)

Comments

[dusty273.livejournal.com]

just stopping by to say hi and give you some hugs, so... *hugs you tight*

i've missed you and reading your posts. :D

[stoney321.livejournal.com]

MARI!!!! *grabs you and spins* Hello, my sweet!! *kisses you and the gorditas*

I've missed you, too!!! *loves SO much*

[likeadeuce.livejournal.com]

hooray for boobs!!!!

how are you doing, stormwise?

[stoney321.livejournal.com]

BEWBIES!! I'm a fan, personally. We're four hours from Houston, but my mother is in Galveston, so her house will probably be splinters when she returns. She's riiiiight on the water, too.

The neighborhood is filling up today - Dallas is just far enough away from all major kind of bad weather, so... here they come! Waited in line for gas for 30 minutes. Have NEVER waited for gas before.

How are you? Sooper busy?

[dlgood.livejournal.com]

but apparently I have touchable boobs. So I have that working for me. Which is nice.

By definition, pretty much all boobs are touchable. If you're getting comments, you can upgrade yours from "touchable" to "particularly touchable". This is a fine honor...

[stoney321.livejournal.com]

"By definition"

HAHAHAHA! Yes. Yes, this is true. Except for the perv with no HANDS. *lights a candle for injustice*

I will make the appropriate adjustments in accordance to your recommendation, and thank you. Oh! If you aren't familiar with the BBC show, Coupling, you might be interested in it. My husband laughs his ass off at the guy convos about boobs and asses and general men rants. Funny, smart, and very naughty. Like... Seinfeld/Friends/Sex in the City.

*wears a button down shirt with the top three unbuttoned*

[amybnnyc.livejournal.com]

BWAHAHAHAHAHA!!!

But because you shared, I shall share as well:

When I was a sophomore in high school, I had to have emergency surgery for endometriosis; one of my visitors at the hospital (for reasons I have *still* yet to fathom) was my gym/driver's ed teacher. I didn't really announce the reasons for my surgery when I went back to school because it wasn't anybody's business, and only a few people really knew, because it was sort of a touchy subject for me.

So anyway, fast forward to me, out of the hospital a few weeks later and in the back seat of the Driver's Ed car with one of the most popular boys in school, while some other boy was driving and teacherwoman was in the front passenger seat. Out of freakin' nowhere, she turns in her chair (or maybe her head spun a la Linda Blair... hmmm...) to look at me and says, "So, Amy, how are your periods these days?" I was *horrified* (younger Amy was much more easily embarassed than me now), but I managed to stammer out a "Fine. And how are yours?" (one of the times politeness is NOT your friend). The boys howled with laughter, she turned bright red and got pissed, I just wanted to die, and the rest of the car ride was awkward as all hell.

So, there--one of my very most embarassing moments ever. Enjoy! :)

[stoney321.livejournal.com]

AHHH!! Oh, I didn't even get to any period stories because those still HURT. Boys and falling and flashing make me laugh... but, yeah. GAH.

My first "doctor's visit" with the lady-bits dr. was with my friend's DAD. My mom thought I would be more comfortable with someone I know. Yeah. Oh, and he was soooo handsome, like, Mel Gibson, Dream Gynecologist. Hi! I'm shy and awkward! Hold my boobs.

Which, so we're clear, are "particularily touchable." HAHAHAHA!

*clinks margarita glass to yours*

[crazydiamondsue.livejournal.com]

Gilda! *cries*

You do have fine rack, if I do say so.

Prom #1: Asked guy I wanted to go with (I was a junior, he was a sophomore) and he turned me down. Asked choice #2 and we flirted, but then he started going with someone else the week before prom, so we went as friends. Lamest prom ever - dress was a white lace, one-shoulder strap, hoop-skirted affair. Hair was a mullet. Memorable songs: "Lady in Red" by Chris deBurgh and "I Just Died in Your Arms Tonight" by Cutting Crew.

Prom #2: Broke up with my high school boyfriend (on-and-off from kindergarten on) two weeks before the prom. I went stag, he asked some other chick to piss me off. We were fighting because I was going off to college and he wanted me to stay in Porum and go to the community college nearby while he worked on getting a job as a Muskogee County cop. I had a cheerleading scholarship to a school farther away (see: away from my dad) and refused. We made up at the prom while dancing to "All Out of Love" by Air Supply, I rode with him while he dropped his prom date off, we went up to the lake and made out. I left town after graduation and met my first love. uberaeryn. Hah!

I miss you lots and lots and lots. And the funny.

[stoney321.livejournal.com]

Okay, now I'm imagining slow dancing to "I'm All Out Of Love." HAHAHAA!! Oh, the big slow song MY senior year was the one by Milli Vanilli. Sweeeet.

First slow dance of my life, 8th grade, Clark Ford, still so fucking beautiful, I can barely look at my yearbooks, and got shitfaced at my high school reunion when I saw him again. GUH. Oh, it was "Say You, Say Me," by Lionel Ritchie. I got the tinglies in my naughty no nos for the first time over a boy. I was a late bloomer...

Ahh.... Then there was the rest of the night, where a nice boy in a wheelchair asked me to dance EVERY SINGLE SONG with him, and I couldn't say no, because what if he thought it was because he was in a wheelchair? And not because he was on the chess team and, um, because he was in a wheelchair? And they don't fucking prepare you for this in cotillion?

So he spun around me, and held my hand, and spun, and I didn't know what to do, so I boogied down and did the white girl finger-snap to the beat and the hip swivel of the late 80s, and was very confused as to how I could get away. And then after an hour and a half, the dance was over. And Clark had a new girlfriend. She was a stupid bitch. But was AVAILABLE TO DANCE, OMFG. *giggles*

And there's five minutes of your life you aren't getting back. HAHAHAHA! Ah, fahk, beetch, I lahv you. [/Donatella]

[smashsc.livejournal.com]

Boobies! Um, I'm sure you said other things but my brain is stuck on the whole boobies thing.

*hugs you*

If I had a Gilda Radner icon I'd use it but I don't so you get Cyd Charisse's leg instead. (-:

[stoney321.livejournal.com]

I WILL TAKE IT. Cyd... Ah, mah gad. She was soooo beautiful. GILDA! I'm re-reading "Live From New York" the tell-all about SNL, and all the Gilda stuff is so great...

BEWBIES. Nice, firm, round racks are the best, no matter the size. And those bras that cut staright across the chest, so there's a teeny wobble, right?

Bewbs.

[ropo.livejournal.com]

Remind me to tell you some of Ropo's Most Embarrassing Moments someday.

Yours are good.

And also, hi.

[stoney321.livejournal.com]

I will! Oh, and by the way, don't forget to tell me some of your more embarassing moments, while you're at it.

And hi to you too!!

[marlo.livejournal.com]

I can't believe nobody's done this yet:

*touches your boobs*

HA! Yes, particularly touchable, they are. Also YAY I LOVE EMBARASSING STORIES!

*touches them again! ROWRRR!*

[stoney321.livejournal.com]

*arches back slightly, pushing them more firmly in your hands*

ALSO HOT: smart, sassy girls with short hair and glasses. :-D

OMG! CHINA!! It's coming up... Wheeeee! *is happy for you*

[julissak01.livejournal.com]

wearing a wrap/mini-skirt to school on a windy day. And have britches with holes. And standing in front of a boy I liked.

Heeeee. You did that on purpose... *tickles you*

[stoney321.livejournal.com]

Sheeyah. RIGHT. Not "sexy, crotch-less panties" which, ew. Just go commando, IMO.

More like... laundry day, THAT day, B-team britches. Niiiice. Oh, and I STILL LOATHE wrap skirts. Just... too difficult.

Oh, except I just remembered one of my favorite outfits back in the day: looong dark plaid (navy blues/greys) wrap skirt (with a button at the thigh to KEEP IT CLOSED), a crisp, white oxford, fitted, girly, grey cardigan. I'm still a big fan of the "private-school girl" look. Because I suffer from arrested development, apparently.

(Now, answering my dorm room door without a bra on and a tiny tank when I happened to hear a certain someone I liked coming up the stairs to "grab my shoes from outside?" THAT was on purpose. :-D

[pet-23.livejournal.com]

I like boobs. Boobs are nice. And have I mentioned lately I think your awesome? Cause I do think your awesome. But I guess I haven't told you lately because even though I read all your posts. I'm like completely shy to every comment to anything. Which is what probably got me unfriended by you. *pout* But hey I do and will always think your all kinds of awesome. Not sure if this will make you feel any better but I thought I would get some balls and give it a go. :) *hug*

[stoney321.livejournal.com]

Bewbs rule. And you shouldn't feel shy to comment!?! Dude. It's just LJ. Seriously. I enjoy the interaction on my journal, be it someone I know, or some random stranger. I've had great convos with random people I don't know just popping their heads up. Never feel like you can't comment, really! (If I didn't WANT comments, I'd block them. :-D See how that works?)

And as to trimming my flist a while ago... It wasn't a personal attack on ANYONE. It just got too big for me to read everything, and I wanted to make my reading list more... short. I'm not reading a lot of fandom stuff, so I took off more fandom-centric LJs. Doesn't mean I don't randomly pop by!

*oogles yer bewbies*

[sangueuk.livejournal.com]

OT - are you a long way from Rita? :::prays:::

[stoney321.livejournal.com]

I'm far enough. We'll just get dumped on with massive rainfall and some winds. Dallas is about four hours north.

(My biological mother lives in Galveston, right on the water, and has been told to expect to come back to splinters. Thank goodness for insurance, right? The cities along the coast have been sending waves of busses up and down the neighborhoods evacuating people who don't have cars, or can't get out on their own. Texas is prepared! This will not be another Katrina. I'm reading right now in the paper about the last of the retirement homes that was emptied today. Everyone should be out of Galveston, or will have no one to blame but themselves if they refuse to go.)

**loves**

[anelith.livejournal.com]

Laura, I'm sorry the sunshiney mood from day before yesterday didn't last. No follow-through from the teacher? Grrrr.

I guess the first, but not the last, embarrassing moment with a boy came in third grade, when two "friends" of mine read my diary and found out I had a crush on a boy. They told him, and he came up to me in class one day -- in front of several other kids -- and yelled at me for having the temerity to have a crush on him. Ah, the combination of humiliation and betrayal, yes that was one of those moments.

[stoney321.livejournal.com]

Yeah, the follow-through (or lack there of) was because today was a SUB who decided he didn't need to follow the teacher's plan for him. The school (and he) got an earful. Then I took the boy out for ice cream and let him hang with mom today.

Oh, ANNE! That's such a horrible feeling. I remember something similar in 4th grade: Chad Senn - he looked JUST like Ricky Schroeder. Asked me if I wanted to "go with him." Miss Littlefield's class. Fourth row. He sat right in front of me. I can still picture him turning around and asking me, then waiting for my face to light up and hollering out, "BURN! hahahaha."

NICE. I think he's fat now, and married to a harpy.

[bitchygrrl.livejournal.com]

*hugs you*
In tenth grade I tripped down the subway steps sending my bubble skirt flying up over my ass and landed at the feet of Matt the mighty fine, and all the other cool boys and girls. I had on pink flowered underwear my Nana had bought me. And the final indignity. Tall, skinny, blonde, french, girl who calls me munchkin steps over me. I laugh now, but at the time I was mortified. I think the worst part is I was wearing a bubble skirt, it was green. I'm sure you have the best bewbies, and they are quite touchable *feels your boobs* Go watch Caddyshack that always makes me feel better.

[stoney321.livejournal.com]

*totally had a bubble skirt* *punches girl post-incident in solidarity* *raises fist for sistahhood*

NOW I want to watch Caddyshack. Most favorite moment in the whole movie:

"And I want a hamburger. No, a cheeseburger. And I want fries. And I want a soda. And candy. And I want a hot dog, no, a corn-dog. And I want-"

"YOU'LL GET NOTHING AND YOU'LL LIKE IT."

***

Or: "Hey, how'd you like to earn ten bucks the hard way?"

HAHAHAHA!! Ten of these, four of those, nine of them, throw in a box of those, and whoa! Get a load of this hat! This looks like the kind of hat you get free with a bowl of soup. Oh. Looks good on you, though.

*laughs hard* See??? Laughing makes EVERYTHING better. *slides hand between bewbies in a seductive manner, bites lip*

[floweringjudas.livejournal.com]

*vaguely* Mrs Loopner's famous egg salad!

[stoney321.livejournal.com]

*snickers*
*pushes up glasses on nose* Oh, Tahd.

Confidentially... woe. But highly entertaining woe.

(and fuuuuuuuu- to the icon. I have serious vintage MaryJanes love)

[lynnenne]

*gropes your bewbies*

[stoney321.livejournal.com]

*lights candy cigarette, tosses you Park Place from the Monopoly game*

(OMG! HI LYNNE! *raspberry on your neck*)