OMG- So much that I am bursting at the SEAMS

[stoney321]

That was me. Bursting. Okay, first off, in less than 45 hours I am boarding a plane to San Fransisco to meet up with dovil. I have my lawn darts, travel axe, and pickling lime ready to go! Called the hotel ahead of time and arranged for rose petals on the bed, oysters and champagne and strawberries to be delivered at our arrival, and ordered some hard core animal porn on pay per view. Oh, and I packed my fuzzy bunny slippers. And makeshift shiv. SHE WILL LOVE ME, OR ELSE. WHEEE!

That's a taste of my mood today. PLENTY OF TIME TO BAIL OUT, in three, two, one...

So I found a website that has a parody of the old "What's Happening To My Body?" PSAs from grade school. With Amy Sedaris voicing the Penis. Oh, lord, I love a funny woman. Kinda not work safe, but maybe you could pretend it really IS an educational film? Just be aware of that if you're at the office. The website is KITTENPANTS. DOT ORG. Naturally it made me think of poshcat - which, by the way, Posh? PWNED. Ya chicken. Hee! *pockets your damp panties*

Other things of horribly incorrectness: Paul and Frank really want you to know they aren't gay. As Frank pounds Paul in the ass. TO PROVE IT. HAHAHA! Oh, gracious. That's from The BS Squad's website, full of wrongness. Not all are gems, but there's some good ones.

Let me now prove I'm not some 12 year old... Watched Valmont last night. Great googily moogily, does Colin Firth have some long, lean legs. The mullet (oh, sorry - "period hairstyle") is INCREDIBLY distracting. Probably due to the perfectly seperated "barrel bangs" -BUT. If you haven't seen the movie, fast forward to the scene where he is instructing the young (and pre-cutting, black hair, freaked-out, Hollywood poster child for 90s goth) Fairuza Balk on writing a love letter, all while sliding his hands up the back of her thighs, over her garter, and making frickin' LOVE to her ripe bum. Good. Lord. Final shot, as she's lying on her stomach, pen in hand, all but forgotten, shocked (she's never been touched before), and he grabs her ankles, spreads her legs, and lays between them. *passes right the hell out* And he looks SOOOO GOOD on that horse with thigh high boots. *bites knuckle* Yeah, I'm a stereotypical Texan. Put a man on a horse and I'll all but scream out his name and light a smoke. I may need to see Brokeback Mountain alone. Ahem. The movie drags a bit, and Milos Forman, who makes BEAUTIFUL movies to look at, seems to be a bit too in love with his own attention to detail, to his lavish sets... A little faster pacing would help, and I have to say: Annette Benning should stay on stage. Her delivery is too stilted and choreographed to translate well on screen. It was driving me nuts. Stage acting and film acting are COMPLETELY different animals. But my husband is seriously in love with her, so I endure. isn't that weird? Is she hot? Weirdo.

All in all, Dangerous Liasons is a better movie and better adaption of the original piece, but for the love of god: Glenn Close! I'd watch her read the paper. John Malkovich is better on stage than on film, IMO, for the same thing as Annette Benning, but he's a bit more subdued in that movie.

Quick updates in bullet format:

• Kid is doing great, for those who have been keeping track. Got very Mama Bear with the school administration, got them to listen to me, and surprise - the boy is flourishing these past two days. Imagine that... a mother who knows her child.


• crazydiamondsue has my contact info should my plane go down in flames and you want to form a queue to "comfort" Mr. Stoney. dlgood and phfeenikz? This does not include you. Unless you get him reeeeally drunk. And knock him over the head. I think.


• I am absolutely bouncing in my chair with pent up excitement for this weekend! Wheeee!


• I will be talking like a New Zealander within one minute of meeting Dovil. I can't help it. I'm a voice chameleon. If my body washes up at the pier, blame the bad impersonation


• there is no point to this bullet

You should stop what you're doing RIGHT NOW and dance around your office. Pick your own tune. I'm going to rock to old hip-hop. I blame sdwolfpup for the Shhkee-Lo reminder. EXCEPT THAT I LOVE HIP-HOP. And hard-core porn. Wait... No, no, that's right.

I TOLD YOU I WAS BURSTING! Haysoos, I even wrote MORMON THEMED SLASH earlier. I am so, so very broken inside. This is also your opportunity to take me off your flist, should you just be positively horrified at this point.

OKAY! I go run now. TOO MUCH ENERGY TO BE CONTAINED. Just look at Spock! his hed asplode from the joy! And today had BETTER BE the last day near 100. CRAP. I hate running in the heat...

Comments

[ropo.livejournal.com]

It's way too early over here to have read this entry. I don't even drink coffee or anything. There was simply no warning, even though you warned me.

[julia-here.livejournal.com]

(Grumbles about dls on a day when both husband and son are around. Must curb my shameful appetites when they are around so as not to further endanger my rapidly diminishing authority).

Travel envy is me! Let's see, advice: the dim sum at the first big Chinese restaurant past the moon gate is pretty inferior, but the service is great and the decor hasn't been changed since about 1923. And it is hilarious to watch the humans watching the great big dangerous smelly predators at Fisherman's Wharf. I don't expect you'll see the GWS who ghosts after the sea lions, although you can see scars on about 1 in 10 of them. And Britex has a whole floor of fabric remnants, and another that's nothing but buttons and trim.

Julia, not bad enough that a passle o' S'cubies are gathering in Chicago to go to "Serenity", you're going off to meet the uniquely shiny Dovil!

SHHHHHKEEEEE-LOOOO

[sdwolfpup.livejournal.com]

*clears throat*

Girl I must warn you
I sense something strange in my mind
Yeah yo situation is serious
Let's cure it 'cause we're running out of time
Mm mm tell 'em Rick it's all so beautiful
Relationships they seem from the start
Yeah mm mm it's all so deadly
When love is not together from the heart
Mm mm check it out

It's driving me out of my mind
That's why it's hard for me to find
Can't get it outta my head
Miss her, kiss her, love her, wrong move you're dead

That girl is poison
Never trust a big butt and smile
That girl is poison!

*bops to BBD!*

(Never trust a big butt and smile? Are those really the lyrics to "Poison" or is this site yanking my chain?)

Re: SHHHHHKEEEEE-LOOOO

[stoney321.livejournal.com]

HAHAHAHA!! Oh, my god, I bought that album THREE TIMES. Heee! And it's "ya never trust a big butt THAT smiles"

And now I have very disturbing images from "Pink Flamingo" in my head.

Are you down with the sound from the underground, say... Tribe Called Quest? Because I get "Do you know the importance of a sky pay-GUH" stuck in my head without warning. And it's fine.

And now I want to watch House Party.

*cabbage patches and Roger Rabbits with you*

[poshcat.livejournal.com]

Okay, I don't know what those letters mean...but I AM NOT!!!!

Have a great weekend!!!

[stoney321.livejournal.com]

HAHA! Dude, the disclaimer should be in my userinfo: PROCEED WITH CAUTION.

*directs you to wholesome bunny theater as peace offering*

[bitchygrrl.livejournal.com]

1)Have a good trip, beautif bewbies.
2)I like Valmont but I do agree Dangerous is the superior film. Let's not talk about Cruel Intentions, Buffy, Buffy, Buffy. Where's Giles when she needs a good spanking?
3)Oh and thanks to you I am now dancing around to Me, Myself, and I by De La Soul. Good thing I'm home. LOL
4) Mormon slash. *giggles and thinks about renting Latter Days* *has "issues"*

[stoney321.livejournal.com]

YOU ARE OWNED. I will! (oh my god, did that bother you? Tell me to quit and I will)

*doesn't*
No seriously.

*seriously - doesn't*

[stoney321.livejournal.com]

Hahaha! Latter Days. Oh GOD, would that not happen. Missionaries only do EACH OTHER, I thank you. Not the hotrod in daisy dukes. Too much repression. (omg, were you mormon?)

[stoney321.livejournal.com]

Hooray! I've been to SF before, so this is all about going where Dovil wants to and drinking ourselves into a stupor and talking about slash loudly.

The sites loaded a bit slowly for me, so patience. Make a cup of coffee while it loads...

HI!! *stoically claps your shoulder, then breaks into a fit of giggles*

[poshcat.livejournal.com]

What the heck are you talking about??? Hee! STAY CALM.

[stoney321.livejournal.com]

I AM TALKING ABOUT NOTHING.

*opens a fresh pack of D batteries, eyes you*
Oh, I'm calm. You're the one trembling.

[going-not-gone.livejournal.com]

Mormon. Slash. *head explodes* Does it include passionate, frantic tearing off of the Sacred Undies?

Sorry, but I haven't been able to take LDS seriously since I found out about the Garments. (http://molelog.molehill.org/blomt/archives/2003/05/mormon_garments.html) I think their purpose is to prevent Mormons from ever having sex with non-Mormons, by emitting an Anti-Erotic Forcefield around the wearer.

[stoney321.livejournal.com]

IT DID. IT DID HAVE THAT. Little background: my father's family is HARD CORE. As in, came over in the Martin Handcart company with Brigham Young. Are "General Authorities." (Dude, I want that title.)

And you are NOT WRONG with the G's. (That's how the tribesmen refer to them, btw.) THere are HEAVY Masonic overtones - most of the temple rituals - including the garments- are borrowed from Masonic rituals. *taps temple, is smart about such things*

HELLO! *cuddles you, because I think you've needed extra lately, yes?*

[poshcat.livejournal.com]

I am only SOMEWHAT intimidated by your willingness to have sex with me on LJ. So...just a little trembly. I'm sure that fills you with glee.

D batteries!! How big is that thing, anyway??

[going-not-gone.livejournal.com]

Man, that's sick. Can I read it?

I saw the Temple in SLC this summer, and I kept expecting to see flying monkeys circling. Really, I've read a fair bit about LDS, the Masonic roots, etc. and it just weirds me right out. Most cults do.


*pounces, snuggles, and smooches you*

[stoney321.livejournal.com]

Chalk it up to playing in an RPG for two months. I can't turn off the sex threads at this point EVEN IF I WANTED TO.

Oh, it's a big one. Mmm.

And I'll seriously stop now.

[stoney321.livejournal.com]

This was my comment to a friend's flocked post about a new book, Mormon, written by an acquaintence. The "love interest" in that was named "Chance." Get it? Oh, that is SUBTLE.

WARNING: I'm wrong.

Chance took off his missionary tags -- sometimes he just liked to wear them and remember how good it felt to be in the complete service of the Lord for two. Whole. Years -- and slowly unbuttoned his short-sleeved, thread-bare white oxford. He watched himself in the mirror pull the braided leather belt from his Haggar slacks, untie his Top-Siders™, and then pull his G's off one handed.

A deep breath, a hand on the Book of Mormon to steady himself, and he turned. Slowly. He held his hand out to the Angel Moroni, then guided that glowing, holy hand to his baby-making tool.

And it came to pass that he came. And Jesus wept. Mainly because he sang "Popcorn Popping in the Apricot Tree" as he climaxed all over the Angel Moroni's pure white back.

And Moroni did shew unto Chance the highest of Kingdoms of God, yea.


*bows* I am TOTALLY going to write a Joseph Smith/Porter Rockwell gay cowboy story now.

Aside: I try to not rock the boat TOO much, as I have friends that are devout, and family, but honestly, the Mormon Church angers me like nothing on this earth. With the exception of carnies. GRRR. *eradicates*

[inlovewithnight.livejournal.com]

:) Have a kickass awesome time. And tickle Dovil for me.

[bitchygrrl.livejournal.com]

I used to live around the corner from a Mormon church(?) LOL. And even though I went to school in Philly there were quite a few Mormons at my college. *is proud that she convinced the pretty mormon boy who loved shoes to come to a GBL student group meeting*
Not the hotrod in daisy dukes. I love that. *giggles*

[stoney321.livejournal.com]

I WILL!!! *cuddles the keeyootest red-head EVAH*

[going-not-gone.livejournal.com]

You pervert, you. *smooches you again*

I don't want to offend anyone, and I know there are lots of perfectly nice, caring generous people who are also devout Mormons. But when I think about it...I just can't understand how anyone can take it seriously. Really.

But I'm probably going to hell, so what do I know. *changes default icon back to Bettie Page, just for the hott*

[entrenous88.livejournal.com]

Mormon-themed slash! *wants*

Have a frabuljous time with dovil. It sounds just like ridiculous amounts of fun and wackiness and lovingness. And update us with accounts of the goings-on. You've got your bail bondsman all set up, right?

Oh man, Brokeback Mountain. *counts off days*

[stoney321.livejournal.com]

Dude. I will seriously need to see that movie alone. I will just embarass myself otherwise.

I WILL POST WITH PICS AND GLEE. (and have my passport and "escape money with new identity" ready to go.)


There's a silly snippet above, but I could see myself writing real, honest-to-god mormon slash, if only to give those struggling with their faith and their identities SOMETHING. (OMG - is there mormon slash out there? My cousin needs some. STAT.)

[smashsc.livejournal.com]

Wanderlust! omg have fun.

Also, I'm just finishing a Faith mix and will either send you the YSI or the hard copy. (-:

Can I borrow some of your energy for any part of the next 48 hours?