OMG- So much that I am bursting at the SEAMS

[stoney321]

That was me. Bursting. Okay, first off, in less than 45 hours I am boarding a plane to San Fransisco to meet up with dovil. I have my lawn darts, travel axe, and pickling lime ready to go! Called the hotel ahead of time and arranged for rose petals on the bed, oysters and champagne and strawberries to be delivered at our arrival, and ordered some hard core animal porn on pay per view. Oh, and I packed my fuzzy bunny slippers. And makeshift shiv. SHE WILL LOVE ME, OR ELSE. WHEEE!

That's a taste of my mood today. PLENTY OF TIME TO BAIL OUT, in three, two, one...

So I found a website that has a parody of the old "What's Happening To My Body?" PSAs from grade school. With Amy Sedaris voicing the Penis. Oh, lord, I love a funny woman. Kinda not work safe, but maybe you could pretend it really IS an educational film? Just be aware of that if you're at the office. The website is KITTENPANTS. DOT ORG. Naturally it made me think of poshcat - which, by the way, Posh? PWNED. Ya chicken. Hee! *pockets your damp panties*

Other things of horribly incorrectness: Paul and Frank really want you to know they aren't gay. As Frank pounds Paul in the ass. TO PROVE IT. HAHAHA! Oh, gracious. That's from The BS Squad's website, full of wrongness. Not all are gems, but there's some good ones.

Let me now prove I'm not some 12 year old... Watched Valmont last night. Great googily moogily, does Colin Firth have some long, lean legs. The mullet (oh, sorry - "period hairstyle") is INCREDIBLY distracting. Probably due to the perfectly seperated "barrel bangs" -BUT. If you haven't seen the movie, fast forward to the scene where he is instructing the young (and pre-cutting, black hair, freaked-out, Hollywood poster child for 90s goth) Fairuza Balk on writing a love letter, all while sliding his hands up the back of her thighs, over her garter, and making frickin' LOVE to her ripe bum. Good. Lord. Final shot, as she's lying on her stomach, pen in hand, all but forgotten, shocked (she's never been touched before), and he grabs her ankles, spreads her legs, and lays between them. *passes right the hell out* And he looks SOOOO GOOD on that horse with thigh high boots. *bites knuckle* Yeah, I'm a stereotypical Texan. Put a man on a horse and I'll all but scream out his name and light a smoke. I may need to see Brokeback Mountain alone. Ahem. The movie drags a bit, and Milos Forman, who makes BEAUTIFUL movies to look at, seems to be a bit too in love with his own attention to detail, to his lavish sets... A little faster pacing would help, and I have to say: Annette Benning should stay on stage. Her delivery is too stilted and choreographed to translate well on screen. It was driving me nuts. Stage acting and film acting are COMPLETELY different animals. But my husband is seriously in love with her, so I endure. isn't that weird? Is she hot? Weirdo.

All in all, Dangerous Liasons is a better movie and better adaption of the original piece, but for the love of god: Glenn Close! I'd watch her read the paper. John Malkovich is better on stage than on film, IMO, for the same thing as Annette Benning, but he's a bit more subdued in that movie.

Quick updates in bullet format:

• Kid is doing great, for those who have been keeping track. Got very Mama Bear with the school administration, got them to listen to me, and surprise - the boy is flourishing these past two days. Imagine that... a mother who knows her child.


• crazydiamondsue has my contact info should my plane go down in flames and you want to form a queue to "comfort" Mr. Stoney. dlgood and phfeenikz? This does not include you. Unless you get him reeeeally drunk. And knock him over the head. I think.


• I am absolutely bouncing in my chair with pent up excitement for this weekend! Wheeee!


• I will be talking like a New Zealander within one minute of meeting Dovil. I can't help it. I'm a voice chameleon. If my body washes up at the pier, blame the bad impersonation


• there is no point to this bullet

You should stop what you're doing RIGHT NOW and dance around your office. Pick your own tune. I'm going to rock to old hip-hop. I blame sdwolfpup for the Shhkee-Lo reminder. EXCEPT THAT I LOVE HIP-HOP. And hard-core porn. Wait... No, no, that's right.

I TOLD YOU I WAS BURSTING! Haysoos, I even wrote MORMON THEMED SLASH earlier. I am so, so very broken inside. This is also your opportunity to take me off your flist, should you just be positively horrified at this point.

OKAY! I go run now. TOO MUCH ENERGY TO BE CONTAINED. Just look at Spock! his hed asplode from the joy! And today had BETTER BE the last day near 100. CRAP. I hate running in the heat...

Comments

[ropo.livejournal.com]

It's way too early over here to have read this entry. I don't even drink coffee or anything. There was simply no warning, even though you warned me.

[stoney321.livejournal.com]

HAHA! Dude, the disclaimer should be in my userinfo: PROCEED WITH CAUTION.

*directs you to wholesome bunny theater as peace offering*

[julia-here.livejournal.com]

(Grumbles about dls on a day when both husband and son are around. Must curb my shameful appetites when they are around so as not to further endanger my rapidly diminishing authority).

Travel envy is me! Let's see, advice: the dim sum at the first big Chinese restaurant past the moon gate is pretty inferior, but the service is great and the decor hasn't been changed since about 1923. And it is hilarious to watch the humans watching the great big dangerous smelly predators at Fisherman's Wharf. I don't expect you'll see the GWS who ghosts after the sea lions, although you can see scars on about 1 in 10 of them. And Britex has a whole floor of fabric remnants, and another that's nothing but buttons and trim.

Julia, not bad enough that a passle o' S'cubies are gathering in Chicago to go to "Serenity", you're going off to meet the uniquely shiny Dovil!

[stoney321.livejournal.com]

Hooray! I've been to SF before, so this is all about going where Dovil wants to and drinking ourselves into a stupor and talking about slash loudly.

The sites loaded a bit slowly for me, so patience. Make a cup of coffee while it loads...

HI!! *stoically claps your shoulder, then breaks into a fit of giggles*

SHHHHHKEEEEE-LOOOO

[sdwolfpup.livejournal.com]

*clears throat*

Girl I must warn you
I sense something strange in my mind
Yeah yo situation is serious
Let's cure it 'cause we're running out of time
Mm mm tell 'em Rick it's all so beautiful
Relationships they seem from the start
Yeah mm mm it's all so deadly
When love is not together from the heart
Mm mm check it out

It's driving me out of my mind
That's why it's hard for me to find
Can't get it outta my head
Miss her, kiss her, love her, wrong move you're dead

That girl is poison
Never trust a big butt and smile
That girl is poison!

*bops to BBD!*

(Never trust a big butt and smile? Are those really the lyrics to "Poison" or is this site yanking my chain?)

Re: SHHHHHKEEEEE-LOOOO

[stoney321.livejournal.com]

HAHAHAHA!! Oh, my god, I bought that album THREE TIMES. Heee! And it's "ya never trust a big butt THAT smiles"

And now I have very disturbing images from "Pink Flamingo" in my head.

Are you down with the sound from the underground, say... Tribe Called Quest? Because I get "Do you know the importance of a sky pay-GUH" stuck in my head without warning. And it's fine.

And now I want to watch House Party.

*cabbage patches and Roger Rabbits with you*

[poshcat.livejournal.com]

Okay, I don't know what those letters mean...but I AM NOT!!!!

Have a great weekend!!!

[stoney321.livejournal.com]

YOU ARE OWNED. I will! (oh my god, did that bother you? Tell me to quit and I will)

*doesn't*
No seriously.

*seriously - doesn't*

[bitchygrrl.livejournal.com]

1)Have a good trip, beautif bewbies.
2)I like Valmont but I do agree Dangerous is the superior film. Let's not talk about Cruel Intentions, Buffy, Buffy, Buffy. Where's Giles when she needs a good spanking?
3)Oh and thanks to you I am now dancing around to Me, Myself, and I by De La Soul. Good thing I'm home. LOL
4) Mormon slash. *giggles and thinks about renting Latter Days* *has "issues"*

[stoney321.livejournal.com]

Hahaha! Latter Days. Oh GOD, would that not happen. Missionaries only do EACH OTHER, I thank you. Not the hotrod in daisy dukes. Too much repression. (omg, were you mormon?)

[going-not-gone.livejournal.com]

Mormon. Slash. *head explodes* Does it include passionate, frantic tearing off of the Sacred Undies?

Sorry, but I haven't been able to take LDS seriously since I found out about the Garments. (http://molelog.molehill.org/blomt/archives/2003/05/mormon_garments.html) I think their purpose is to prevent Mormons from ever having sex with non-Mormons, by emitting an Anti-Erotic Forcefield around the wearer.

[stoney321.livejournal.com]

IT DID. IT DID HAVE THAT. Little background: my father's family is HARD CORE. As in, came over in the Martin Handcart company with Brigham Young. Are "General Authorities." (Dude, I want that title.)

And you are NOT WRONG with the G's. (That's how the tribesmen refer to them, btw.) THere are HEAVY Masonic overtones - most of the temple rituals - including the garments- are borrowed from Masonic rituals. *taps temple, is smart about such things*

HELLO! *cuddles you, because I think you've needed extra lately, yes?*

[inlovewithnight.livejournal.com]

:) Have a kickass awesome time. And tickle Dovil for me.

[stoney321.livejournal.com]

I WILL!!! *cuddles the keeyootest red-head EVAH*

[entrenous88.livejournal.com]

Mormon-themed slash! *wants*

Have a frabuljous time with dovil. It sounds just like ridiculous amounts of fun and wackiness and lovingness. And update us with accounts of the goings-on. You've got your bail bondsman all set up, right?

Oh man, Brokeback Mountain. *counts off days*

[stoney321.livejournal.com]

Dude. I will seriously need to see that movie alone. I will just embarass myself otherwise.

I WILL POST WITH PICS AND GLEE. (and have my passport and "escape money with new identity" ready to go.)


There's a silly snippet above, but I could see myself writing real, honest-to-god mormon slash, if only to give those struggling with their faith and their identities SOMETHING. (OMG - is there mormon slash out there? My cousin needs some. STAT.)

[smashsc.livejournal.com]

Wanderlust! omg have fun.

Also, I'm just finishing a Faith mix and will either send you the YSI or the hard copy. (-:

Can I borrow some of your energy for any part of the next 48 hours?

[stoney321.livejournal.com]

Yes! To list, to energy and to WANDERLUST - Omg, SOOO badly do I want to explore this planet RIGHT NOW. Just... open the door and go.

*pours energy into you*

[phfeenikz.livejournal.com]

Yes, Annette Benning is hot. Then again, I get weird looks when I say the same thing about Jeneane Garofalo. Fortunately for Mr. Stoney he's not my type, however my brother might like to queue in my stead.

[stoney321.livejournal.com]

Ha! Unless your brother has tits and either an aloof attitude, or a silly girl-next-door quality, he isn't my husband's type either.

Really? Annette is, huh? Not a cold fish, or a frigid ice queen? Or is that the attraction?

(Jeneane is TOTALLY cute. Mr. S agrees with you. Smart, sassy, insecure enough that you could make her your co-dependent... Hee!)

[dlgood.livejournal.com]

Annette Benning should stay on stage. Her delivery is too stilted and choreographed to translate well on screen. It was driving me nuts. Stage acting and film acting are COMPLETELY different animals. But my husband is seriously in love with her, so I endure. isn't that weird? Is she hot?
No. She's reasonably cute/pretty. But not hot.

[stoney321.livejournal.com]

THANK YOU DAVE. I have scratched my head over that for a few years, now. He also thinks Aly Hannigan in the early years of Buffy is the hottest thing ever, so at least he's varied.

And then there's the "grudge fuck" he wants to give Winona Ryder. Huh.

[stoney321.livejournal.com]

AH HA HAHAHAHAHA!!!!

AWESOME. And I'll always think of Mrs. Crabapple: She's faking.

[julissak01.livejournal.com]

I even wrote MORMON THEMED SLASH earlier. I am so, so very broken inside.

And that's why we all love you, babe. You are tres cute when you're all twelve-year-oldish! *pinches your cheeks* And not those cheeks, you perv. ;P

*snogs*

[stoney321.livejournal.com]

Hee hee!!

*preens*

[hellziggy.livejournal.com]

Good lord girl! I think some of that energy is coming through the monitor. I got excited for you just reading it! Also, you sound like you feel the way I felt the day I left on the Great Expedition to Toronto to Touch James Marsters! I hope your weekend is as good for you as that one was for me! *hug*

[stoney321.livejournal.com]

I WILL HAVE SOO MUCH FUN! Hooray!

*wriggles and giggles*

mormon-themed slash?

[likeadeuce.livejournal.com]

i suppose it's too much to hope it was based on those rippling-muscled Nephi illustrations from the old BOM's?

and i totally want to comfort mr. stoney. with scotch and guns. he is secretly wesley, right? that's what you're hiding from us.

Re: mormon-themed slash?

[stoney321.livejournal.com]

Ha ha ha! No, on a clean romance novel published by Deserett Books. So you KNOW it's good.

HE IS WESLEY. Only better. Rowr.

[crazydiamondsue.livejournal.com]

Okay - a talking penis that "walks" on its testicles is about the funniest thing I've ever seen. Add Amy Poehler's voice? Fun-E-er.

Regarding your disappearance/death by wallaby/imminent incarceration and Mr. Stoney's "well-being" - the line forms to the left, ladies (and gents.) 'Cause have you seen him? I mean, really.

I just added "Valmont" to my cue. You convinced me. *g*

I am now burning you and Dovil in a jealous effigy, er, I mean, waving Bon Voyage and eagerly anticipating the drunken phone call I will no doubt receive. (Or initiate.)

I leave you with an image of "Brokeback Mountain," which I will be viewing with adis723. We may have to do that uber-male "one seat between" thing so that I don't mistakenly lube up her leg with butter flavored topping and start humping it. Too much for this family oriented journal? Yes? No?

[crazydiamondsue.livejournal.com]

Please don't let any English people beat me up for misspelling queue. It's a French word - they shouldn't be all that offended...

[winterlive.livejournal.com]

*queues up*

I love you SO MUCH right now.

[http://users.livejournal.com/_willferrell/]

WHY??? *laughs*
(And ditto, tootsie)

[anelith.livejournal.com]

There is no better pick-me-up after a day spent staring at a database than some Laura! With a little over-the-top hilarious porn on the side! I read your Mormon slash in the comments above, you bad girl you... :-)

If you're this happy and excited now, I really don't see how San Francisco is going to contain you and Dovil. I think the Golden Gate Bridge will just shudder, collapse and sink quietly into the water...

I am *so* happy to hear about the boy. Mama Bear won the battle! Fabulous.

Dangerous Liasons is one of my favorite movies. I've never seen Valmont before -- always thought I'd already seen the better version, so why bother? But now you're making me want to see it.

I'm going to be seeing Brokeback Mountain by myself for sure, since Ron is definitely not into the gay cowboy thing!

[stoney321.livejournal.com]

HI ANNE!!

Oh, man, people are going to roll their eyes when they see us coming. Mainly because you shouldn't have sex in public places.

As to Valmont... Remember that it ISN'T the best, but it's beautiful, and the attention to detail is outstanding - if you like that sort of thing, and COLIN FIRTH. Not his best, by any means, but so young and naughty...

Mr. S isn't sure about Brokeback Mountain. I might be able to get him to go. He's a little more open-minded about that sort of thing. But... it just depends on who is in it for him. I think he'll go... *ponders*

[http://users.livejournal.com/_divya_/]

Eeeeee, excited OMG. My life just exploded with the busy around here but one of the things on my OMG MUST DO COME HELL OR HIGH WATER list is to give you and Dovil the details on the comedy show (are we doing the comedy show?) and see what night and all that stuff.

::goes back to managing life::

[stoney321.livejournal.com]

HI HI HI!!!

I'm emailing you tomorrow with my cell number and my house number, in case I get abducted and forced into the sex-slave industry and you want to send pics to my family.

I think comedy? I'm not sure. I am not a decision maker - it's allllll about Dovil, as it should be. (I think?)

[lynnenne]

So jealous but SO EXCITED FOR YOU! I am dreaming of rose petals and fuzzy bunny slippers and drunken posts that make us all fall over with laughter. Take lots of pictures! Get arrested! Have the BEST time!!! *loves you both OMG*

[stoney321.livejournal.com]

OMG JAIL!!

*adds to list of things to do*

WHEEE!

[ely-jan.livejournal.com]

all while sliding his hands up the back of her thighs, over her garter, and making frickin' LOVE to her ripe bum. Good. Lord. Final shot, as she's lying on her stomach, pen in hand, all but forgotten, shocked (she's never been touched before), and he grabs her ankles, spreads her legs, and lays between them.


*blinks*

Things to Do Today by Ely:

1. Buy Valmont.
2. Apologize to boss for laughing so loud at Frank and Paul while he was trying to take a deposition.
3. Email my friends with link.
4. Email my mother and explain to her that she was not meant to be on that list and ask her not to click link.
5. Go to NetFlix and rent Valmont in case they can get it to me faster.
6. Go back and rent Dangerous Liasons just because.
7. Respond to mother's email and apologize for her not getting second email in time. And ask her why she watched the whole thing if she was actually shocked and dismayed.

8. Thank you for making me laugh so hard and wish you a safe trip to meet the luscious Dovil and tell both of you to have a wonderful, drunken, romping, roaring good time and come home safely!

*points to #8* Have a great time!

[mskakaako.livejournal.com]

Have fun my sweet, broken girl. :D

The shiv thing killed me. Stabbity, stab-stab makes me laugh. Don't think you'll get to use it though. The loving is going to be mutual. Luckies! I love San Francisco!

Oh! I saw a Paul and Frank yesterday at my favourite sushi place (don't worry I used restraint and only Mr. Kako enjoyed the uni) and there were these two ridiculously good looking guys. One was Italian and the other was this amazing looking Asian dude. They totally looked like guy's guys...hey, is that what that saying really means?

Anyway, take lots of pictures! Love you!