You know why dumb people are important?
Nov. 13th, 2005 10:43 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
stoney321Because you can compare yourself to them and feel better. Happy Sabbath! Ha. Oh, unless you are Hebrew or a non-believer, and then, happy day of avoiding obnoxious families in restaurants!
People who made me simultaeously angry and happy (about myself):
In other news... my mother in law is apparently cooking Thanksgiving this year. Which - that's my job. Okay, less dishes to wash, but![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
beadtific? I know you'll get this. She doesn't cook anything...interesting. SUE. She makes PEPPERIDGE FARM stuffing. !!!! I ask you. From a MIX? A box?? We may be having another large dinner on Saturday at my house because I loooooove cooking big feasts. Good thing: she is the owner of her kitchen, so I won't need to force small talk and help. I can read a book in the living room until we eat. Hooray!
Also: my grandmother, my mother's mother, is turning 75, so I will be in the same room with my biological mother for an afternoon. BUT. I will be soaking up the idiosynchracies particular to my family and will have many funny things to share. Best thing uttered at a maternal-side family gathering: "Quit y'all's shit! It's fam'ly time!" Uttered by my mother, while wearing skin-tight red leather pants, a leather BUSTIER, and leather jacket. And high-heeled boots. At Christmas. Aw! Sass adds class.
Runner up? My cousin, six months pregnant and big as a house dropping the bombshell, "y'all? I got sumthin' ta say. I'm pregnant." HA HA HA!! NOOOO!!! What? Uh uh!
And winning the bronze medal, my then-15-year-old cousin announcing her plans to marry, and my mother discreetly (a first for her!) asking if she was "in the family way" and my cousin in her loud East Texas twang: "Naw. Ched (chad) cain't gimme no babies. He got one uh his nuts crushed, gettin' poled in a fight."
No, wait. That might need to be number one. Okay, my family, ladies and gentlemen. Is it any wonder that I don't fit in with them? Of course, to them, *I'm* the weird one. With my "books" and mah learnin'. Mah high falootin' learnin'.
Oh, MAN I have been in a FUNK this week. My funny was broke, my husband was gone and too busy to chat like we regularly do, Sue was swamped, Chrissy was swamped and waaaaaaaaah! Today is the day of good times and funny, do you hear me?! I have found more bad!fic, and there is a NEED for laughter, I can FEEL IT.
Okay. Now I go for a run, get those endorphins kicking in, and then time to bring the funny. Who's with me? *weak cheer* I SAID WHO'S WITH ME??
People who made me simultaeously angry and happy (about myself):
- A mom, dressed in her keeyoot and hip outfit, with a stylish bag and shoes, jabbering on a cell phone while her 3 year old boy THREW himself on the floor in the grocery store, screaming for some candy. She continued to roll her eyes and TURN HER BACK ON HIM - you know, to teach him a lesson? Then, huffed into the phone, told her friend she "had to go," and CALLED SOMEONE ELSE. I picked Emily, my 4 year old, up and kissed her all over. She continued playing with her toy aligator.
- The father, smacking on gum, his polo collar turned up a la Abercrombie and Fitch who pinched his wife on her - yes, it was pilates trim - ass then continued to ignore his son and gesture at his wife for the "problem" on the floor. I can't stand bad kids, but I HAAAATE bad parents. I guess I'm not so bad as I think...
- Busting my "behind our house" neighbors for using their leaf blower to get their grass clipping into my yard. Yes, yes, I do just rake them into the compost heap, but that isn't the POINT.
In other news... my mother in law is apparently cooking Thanksgiving this year. Which - that's my job. Okay, less dishes to wash, but
beadtific? I know you'll get this. She doesn't cook anything...interesting. SUE. She makes PEPPERIDGE FARM stuffing. !!!! I ask you. From a MIX? A box?? We may be having another large dinner on Saturday at my house because I loooooove cooking big feasts. Good thing: she is the owner of her kitchen, so I won't need to force small talk and help. I can read a book in the living room until we eat. Hooray!Also: my grandmother, my mother's mother, is turning 75, so I will be in the same room with my biological mother for an afternoon. BUT. I will be soaking up the idiosynchracies particular to my family and will have many funny things to share. Best thing uttered at a maternal-side family gathering: "Quit y'all's shit! It's fam'ly time!" Uttered by my mother, while wearing skin-tight red leather pants, a leather BUSTIER, and leather jacket. And high-heeled boots. At Christmas. Aw! Sass adds class.
Runner up? My cousin, six months pregnant and big as a house dropping the bombshell, "y'all? I got sumthin' ta say. I'm pregnant." HA HA HA!! NOOOO!!! What? Uh uh!
And winning the bronze medal, my then-15-year-old cousin announcing her plans to marry, and my mother discreetly (a first for her!) asking if she was "in the family way" and my cousin in her loud East Texas twang: "Naw. Ched (chad) cain't gimme no babies. He got one uh his nuts crushed, gettin' poled in a fight."
No, wait. That might need to be number one. Okay, my family, ladies and gentlemen. Is it any wonder that I don't fit in with them? Of course, to them, *I'm* the weird one. With my "books" and mah learnin'. Mah high falootin' learnin'.
Oh, MAN I have been in a FUNK this week. My funny was broke, my husband was gone and too busy to chat like we regularly do, Sue was swamped, Chrissy was swamped and waaaaaaaaah! Today is the day of good times and funny, do you hear me?! I have found more bad!fic, and there is a NEED for laughter, I can FEEL IT.
Okay. Now I go for a run, get those endorphins kicking in, and then time to bring the funny. Who's with me? *weak cheer* I SAID WHO'S WITH ME??
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
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Date: 2005-11-13 08:51 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-11-13 09:52 am (UTC)*smooch!*
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Date: 2005-11-13 08:56 am (UTC)I'm going out for the afternoon, but I'll check back later for funny and Stoney-luvin'!
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Date: 2005-11-13 09:53 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-11-13 08:59 am (UTC)Your mother's one of those ladies who, when I went shopping in the Parks because my bag of clothing got left at home on the way to Texas, looked at me like I should be arrested for public indecency for walking around with a nekkid face, isn't she?
Julia, not that I would mind having the kind of body which could wear leather pants and a leather bustier
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Date: 2005-11-13 09:55 am (UTC)I will say this about the woman: she's a looker. But really. Once you hit a certain age, and aren't Sophia Lauren (her idol, wait, no it would be Racquel Welch) you really shouldn't pour yourself into that kind of leather. My opinion, obviously, counts for nothing.
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Date: 2005-11-13 10:20 am (UTC)Julia, I taught my kids not to scream in public, and they're not timid or traumatized nor do they, apparently, hate me all that much
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Date: 2005-11-13 11:27 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-11-13 09:03 am (UTC)More bad!fic? Bring it 'cause girl I NEED the funny today.
I'm with ya. WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! YEAH!
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Date: 2005-11-13 09:56 am (UTC)WOOOOOOOOT! Some's cumming, UNF UNF UNF!!
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Date: 2005-11-13 09:15 am (UTC)Is it wrong that this made me thing of Cletus and Lurlene from The Simpsons? *sings* "Some folks'll never lose a toe, but then again some folk'll..."
Cannot wait for the bad!fic mockfest EEEEEEEE!
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Date: 2005-11-13 09:58 am (UTC)*Lurlene, after being handed a knocked-loose tooth at a sporting event, and jammed it in the blank space in front of her mouth exclaims: Lookit me! I look like Britney Speeeears!
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Date: 2005-11-13 09:16 am (UTC)I was on a manic "want to bring the funny!" spree last night, but sadly it's fandom-sensitive funny. Curses.
But I have book recs for you! Have you read Laurie Notaro's books? Humorous essay-type-things, adapted from a newspaper column. The first one's called "The Idiot Girls Action-Adventure Club." These books make me laugh so hard I fall down, and I was reading the Christmas collection that just came out and found myself thinking "OMG Stoney would LOVE this." :) Yes, I sometimes randomly think of you when something makes me laugh. Because you're just that awesome.
Go forth and run!
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Date: 2005-11-13 09:59 am (UTC)You are LOVELY and I squish you! *gently because OMG, I could break you, you pixie!*
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Date: 2005-11-13 08:01 pm (UTC)It is the chapter titled Make Me Laugh, Clown!.
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Date: 2005-11-13 10:43 am (UTC)I hope Chad's lady makes sure to get him checked out by a doctor. My dad told my mom he was sterile, because his mom had told him that after he had the mumps as a kid....needless to say, my big sister was something of a surprise.
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Date: 2005-11-13 11:28 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-11-13 10:49 am (UTC)You know the crushed-nut/pole-fight story is my favorite, right? Well, that and "quit the shit, it's family time."
*waits for bad!fic*
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Date: 2005-11-13 11:30 am (UTC)BAH. And now I want to hear the FLowers in the Attic yams, because I don't remember anything other than the arsenic donuts, and the OH YEAH: Brother/Sister sex.
And the midget and ballet. And a soap key? I need to re-read those. I remember my group of friends passing those books around in the 8th grade like we passed "Forever" by Judy Blume around in the 6th. Heh.
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Date: 2005-11-13 08:04 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-11-13 11:11 am (UTC)Why you funny broked last week?
*is glad it's a fresh, new week*
I made the best thing Friday night - mustard greens, red bell pepper (both from my garden!) garlic, olive oil, red onion and couscous. Oh, and a leetle parmesan. It was delicious! Yore Thanksgiving talk made me think of it and I knew you'd appreciate the garden freshness.
Are they cookin' at y'all's house or their's? I'm having the Corsicana bunch Thursday (He don't - grown man on B's side - He don't eat turkey, so what you gonna fix fer him?) but then Saturday we're going out to our friend's farm for Thanksgiving Lobster. And Cabrito, go figure. They're our Green Acres friends. Dahlin' I love ya, but gimme Park Avenue.
I'm all hyper this morning...um, afternoon.
Ummm, I close with 'Some folk'll never eat a skunk, but then again, some folk'll...."
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Date: 2005-11-13 11:32 am (UTC)Cooking at hers. She will clean. She is OCD, so I am not allowed in the kitchen, which is fine. Thanksgiving Cabrito? YUM.
HYPER! Me, too! But in my head only, because I ran a looooong way today and I am TIRED in body. But it's a good hurt, Clem.
"You ate sand?"
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Date: 2005-11-13 11:35 am (UTC)Also? OCD RULZ. When it involves kitchen cleaning that is not done by me.
Speaking of OCD...
Date: 2005-11-13 11:36 am (UTC)*must* remember to sign in!
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Date: 2005-11-13 12:40 pm (UTC)ROTF!
All uppity on your high horse!!11!1!
*g*
*pets your snooty arse* ;)
Gawd I love other peoples families.
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Date: 2005-11-13 01:44 pm (UTC)*climbs off high horse using the Big Ladder to hear you*
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Date: 2005-11-13 03:54 pm (UTC)Thanks!
Unfortunately my daughter tells me he's one of those babies who likes to sleep all day and party at night. She's not terribly impressed with that.
;)
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Date: 2005-11-13 06:03 pm (UTC)*rocks the baby so everyone can get some sleep*
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Date: 2005-11-13 12:53 pm (UTC)And bad children...urgh. Mine are 20 and almost 15, but I remember when they were little, I would get compliments on how "well behaved" they were. Well behaved amounted to staying in the booth the entire time we were in a restaurant and saying please and thank you. These are things I couldn't fathom them 'not' doing, so it always befuddle me a bit. Ah, well, I have always said that there are people who should be spayed or neutered at birth. Cousin Patty comes to mind.
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Date: 2005-11-13 01:46 pm (UTC)And the puppy in your icon!! *snuggles the golden fur*
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Date: 2005-11-13 05:53 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-11-13 06:02 pm (UTC)*gets out back bacon and some beer, hoser*
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Date: 2005-11-13 06:21 pm (UTC)For better or worse, after my mom died I just stopped seeing the people who were the problem. Cut them out for good. Now there is next to zero drama, and still lots of good food. Heh. The worst we do is complain about what a brat my sister's kid is. She is, though. You have no idea. :0P My extended family think I'm some sort of snobby bitch. At least, that's what I hear since I don't talk to them anymore. Yay!
Example of my screwed up family:
My sister: "Oh, isn't Grace's house beautiful! I can't believe she decorated it all herself!"
My aunt: "Yes, they cut off both her breasts because of the cancer, you know."
Heeeeeeee. They are just a world of WTF.
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Date: 2005-11-13 06:35 pm (UTC)There was the Christmas (the "I'm pregnant" one) where my grandmother, drunk on strawberry daquiris (uh... happy holidays?) exclaimed she was going to get herself a black boyfriend. To show that she wasn't racist.
I see.
Yeah, can't imagine why I don't associate with these people, except to get more fodder for writing. And now I have no drama, either. It's FANTASTIC.
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Date: 2005-11-14 01:04 am (UTC)Sorry that you've been in a funk, I defunk you with mystical herbs and chanting and other forms of grass and regaee.
It's like I do like that there are dumb people, because as you say it is good for ones ego. But surely there is only a need for a handful or so and I really do think we've become over prescribed. I think there needs to be a culling, or is that illegal?
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Date: 2005-11-14 06:29 am (UTC)The only thing I cannot make is that weird cream of
cummushroom/greenbean thing, because I didn't grow up with it. Whenever I try to use the recipe on the can it turns out wrong, probably because I cannot resist trying to "improve" it.Quit y'all's shit, it's family time! Priceless. (probably more so for me than you) xox
<-- not just for chicken.
Date: 2005-11-14 06:43 am (UTC)Here's a trick: make the "ring" of fried onions halfway through baking to keep them crispy.
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Date: 2005-11-14 07:52 am (UTC)That's bloody priceless!
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Date: 2005-11-14 09:27 am (UTC)We always spend Thanksgiving with friends not family, which is very relaxing. The friends take on the turkey-and-stuffing responsibilities, and we provide pie, rolls, and some side dishes. It all works out well. I sympathize with you on the food issues, even though I am not much of a cook myself. Our friends make excellent stuffing and I would miss it if we had to put up with the boxed variety.