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stoney321I would like to say that Ultraviolet, albeit WAY TOO SHORT, could possibly be six of the best hours of television programming ever. EVER. If I can convince Mr. S to let me install DVD ripping software on his computer, I will upload all of the eps because holy SHNIKIES is that a great show. Know what I love most about British TV? They don't spoon feed you. They leave lots of space inbetween episodes, and let your imagination flesh things out. Granted, I want MORE than 6 or 9 eps a season, but when every single line of dialogue, every single action, every single side-character has weight and merit? My GOD. If anyone knows of GOOD UV fanfiction, TELL ME. (![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
commodoresexual has that great crossover that cherusha linked me but it STOPPED!!! This show is so perfect for fanfiction. GLAH. Although I wished they dressed JackDav better.)
I am wrapping up my holiday shopping today - hopefully - and all that's left is Mr. S. The hardest man to buy for. Oooooookay. *polishes off coffee*
Last year I posted a small essay outlining the proper way to talk with your family at holiday gatherings. Well, it's been another year of you (and me) sitting on the computer, getting sucked into the intarwebs more and more until we have all lost our ability to interact beyond the keyboard and monitor. And so? I give you:
The Do's and Don't's of Talking with 'People'
A person approaches you and "speaks," using "vocalized words" to discern current activities in your life - it's almost as if they haven't been keeping up with your blog. What do you do?
SHE: So! We haven't seen you in a long time! What have you been doing to keep you so busy?
DO SAY: Oh, I've been re-tooling a few databases and programs for some large corporations - finding missing funds, helping people better organize their pensions, things like that. You?
Do NOT Say: Oh, man this RPG is kicking my ASS! I have a Ranger Elf? He just earned a Vorpol Sword +5 and battled an orc? And we took it off-game and wrote beast-fic, NC-17, baybee! I totally egressed all over my chair. Awesome. Does incest/beast/bloodplay squick you?
*~*~*
An uncle approaches you. You haven't seen each other in five years.
HE: So! Have you been following this horrible earthquake in Iraq?
DO SAY: No, just hearing bits and pieces. What has been going on?
Do NOT Say: No, but have you been following the wank on zombies? I mean, like friggin' GET OUT OF THE FANDOM if you can't support brain eating, you know? And then that asshole with the whole anonymous posting - I TOTALLY tracked down their IP and...
*~*~*
Your mother pulls you off to a room to talk with you about your brother, who seems to be going through a sexual identity crisis.
SHE: I don't know what to say to your brother. I want him to know I still love him, but he just won't talk. Is there any place on that internet thing you look at that can get me some information?
DO SAY: Yes, I'll check out PFLAG and other sites, print off some discussion topics and get them to you, mom. You're great, you know?
Do NOT Say: Dude! I totally got hot reading some brother kink? And the one guy? Used peanut butter as lube? Oh, and one of them was a werewolf. I'll send him that stuff. If he creams, he's totally gay. I'll ask if I can watch next time he's with a dude, thanks for the heads up.
*~*~*
Your boss has finally noticed you at the open bar. She walks over to "engage in conversation" and the topic turns to fantasy literature, somehow.
SHE: Oh, I loved the animated movie "The Last Unicorn." I was quite into unicorns and horses as a child, ha ha!
DO SAY: Well, it's because they are fanciful and magical. How adorable! I was, too.
Do NOT Say: Well, if you mean "like" like, I have some pictures I made? With Spike's face on this one unicorn? And I found a porn-stars dong and 'shopped that on, too? Took me like, all day yesterday to finish up, so my report is going to be way late.
*~*~*
A coworker tells a joke.
THEM: ...and he says, "If that's a duck, then I'm a pirate!" Ha ha ha ha!
DO SAY: Ha ha ha ha ha.
Do NOT Say: El-oh-el.
*Alternate Do Not Say: Are-oh-tea-eff-el-em-aye-oh.
*~*~*
In other news, my leetle four-year-old Emily just told me she wants to be Laurie Berkner when she grows up and play the guitar and take showers all by herself. Heee!! (for those not in the know, LB is a children's songstress who sings about B-O-O-T-S, BOOTS! and the like.) And she now has a joke in her arsenal: why did the pirate want to see the movie? Because it was rated Aaaaaarrrrr. I have NO idea where she heard it. Hahahaha!!
Lastly: Happy Birthday tochantal87! Glücklicher Geburtstag! Ich hoffe, dass es ein gutes Ein, mein Freund ist! Anfeuerungen!
commodoresexual has that great crossover that cherusha linked me but it STOPPED!!! This show is so perfect for fanfiction. GLAH. Although I wished they dressed JackDav better.)I am wrapping up my holiday shopping today - hopefully - and all that's left is Mr. S. The hardest man to buy for. Oooooookay. *polishes off coffee*
Last year I posted a small essay outlining the proper way to talk with your family at holiday gatherings. Well, it's been another year of you (and me) sitting on the computer, getting sucked into the intarwebs more and more until we have all lost our ability to interact beyond the keyboard and monitor. And so? I give you:
A person approaches you and "speaks," using "vocalized words" to discern current activities in your life - it's almost as if they haven't been keeping up with your blog. What do you do?
SHE: So! We haven't seen you in a long time! What have you been doing to keep you so busy?
DO SAY: Oh, I've been re-tooling a few databases and programs for some large corporations - finding missing funds, helping people better organize their pensions, things like that. You?
Do NOT Say: Oh, man this RPG is kicking my ASS! I have a Ranger Elf? He just earned a Vorpol Sword +5 and battled an orc? And we took it off-game and wrote beast-fic, NC-17, baybee! I totally egressed all over my chair. Awesome. Does incest/beast/bloodplay squick you?
*~*~*
An uncle approaches you. You haven't seen each other in five years.
HE: So! Have you been following this horrible earthquake in Iraq?
DO SAY: No, just hearing bits and pieces. What has been going on?
Do NOT Say: No, but have you been following the wank on zombies? I mean, like friggin' GET OUT OF THE FANDOM if you can't support brain eating, you know? And then that asshole with the whole anonymous posting - I TOTALLY tracked down their IP and...
*~*~*
Your mother pulls you off to a room to talk with you about your brother, who seems to be going through a sexual identity crisis.
SHE: I don't know what to say to your brother. I want him to know I still love him, but he just won't talk. Is there any place on that internet thing you look at that can get me some information?
DO SAY: Yes, I'll check out PFLAG and other sites, print off some discussion topics and get them to you, mom. You're great, you know?
Do NOT Say: Dude! I totally got hot reading some brother kink? And the one guy? Used peanut butter as lube? Oh, and one of them was a werewolf. I'll send him that stuff. If he creams, he's totally gay. I'll ask if I can watch next time he's with a dude, thanks for the heads up.
*~*~*
Your boss has finally noticed you at the open bar. She walks over to "engage in conversation" and the topic turns to fantasy literature, somehow.
SHE: Oh, I loved the animated movie "The Last Unicorn." I was quite into unicorns and horses as a child, ha ha!
DO SAY: Well, it's because they are fanciful and magical. How adorable! I was, too.
Do NOT Say: Well, if you mean "like" like, I have some pictures I made? With Spike's face on this one unicorn? And I found a porn-stars dong and 'shopped that on, too? Took me like, all day yesterday to finish up, so my report is going to be way late.
*~*~*
A coworker tells a joke.
THEM: ...and he says, "If that's a duck, then I'm a pirate!" Ha ha ha ha!
DO SAY: Ha ha ha ha ha.
Do NOT Say: El-oh-el.
*Alternate Do Not Say: Are-oh-tea-eff-el-em-aye-oh.
*~*~*
In other news, my leetle four-year-old Emily just told me she wants to be Laurie Berkner when she grows up and play the guitar and take showers all by herself. Heee!! (for those not in the know, LB is a children's songstress who sings about B-O-O-T-S, BOOTS! and the like.) And she now has a joke in her arsenal: why did the pirate want to see the movie? Because it was rated Aaaaaarrrrr. I have NO idea where she heard it. Hahahaha!!
Lastly: Happy Birthday to
chantal87! Glücklicher Geburtstag! Ich hoffe, dass es ein gutes Ein, mein Freund ist! Anfeuerungen!
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
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Date: 2005-12-09 07:44 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-12-09 07:51 am (UTC)(Have fun! Look gorgeous and abuse that open bar!)
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Date: 2005-12-09 07:50 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-12-09 07:52 am (UTC)There should be a .pdf file we can dl to guide us through the murky waters of "speaking" to people.
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Date: 2005-12-09 07:54 am (UTC)BWAH! That was awesome.
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Date: 2005-12-09 07:55 am (UTC)Do NOT Say: El-oh-el Eleventy.
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Date: 2005-12-09 08:03 am (UTC)*Umarmungen Sie fest*
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Date: 2005-12-09 08:09 am (UTC)*Umarmungen Sie hinter, küsst*
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Date: 2005-12-09 08:18 am (UTC)Thanks for the advice! I was heading towards faux-pas a-plenty! But, with your help, I will get through the holidays with the fam without mentioning "slash" once! :)
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Date: 2005-12-09 08:50 am (UTC)*pushes you out into the Brave New World sans LJ* Fly, my pretty!
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Date: 2005-12-09 08:39 am (UTC)Unless he needs it to go on sexy super-secret spy missions for the government or an underground organization and gets to wear tuxes and go to parties and stand around looking all aloof sipping martinis, in which case I approve.
AND ULTRAVIOLET IS A THING OF BEAUTY EVERYONE SHOULD WATCH IT AMEN.
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Date: 2005-12-09 08:49 am (UTC)Oh, I am ACHING for more UV. And there IS no more! Woe.
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From:Entering fangirl mode:
From:Re: Entering fangirl mode:
From:Re: Entering fangirl mode:
From:Re: Entering fangirl mode:
From:Re: Entering fangirl mode:
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Date: 2005-12-09 08:55 am (UTC)Julia, blocked.
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Date: 2005-12-09 08:56 am (UTC)(no subject)
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Date: 2005-12-09 08:56 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-12-09 09:28 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-12-09 09:27 am (UTC)Dude! I totally got hot reading some brother kink? And the one guy? Used peanut butter as lube? Oh, and one of them was a werewolf.
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Date: 2005-12-09 09:29 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-12-09 09:54 am (UTC)With Spike's face on this one unicorn?
How come I don't have this icon? Captioned, "Stand aside DoubleMeat lady, you're not the only one with a phallus on her head"? Omg, horn-porn.
And I have way too many pirate jokes, but that one's my favorite. Go leetle Em'ly!
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Date: 2005-12-09 12:33 pm (UTC)Any time you feel the need to lay out some pirate jokes, I'm yer man, arrr.
*pokes two fingers out and spreads them to make asterisks* No? Does that not get the "*" across? Hmmm.
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Date: 2005-12-09 10:34 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-12-09 12:34 pm (UTC)(no subject)
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Date: 2005-12-09 11:17 am (UTC)el oh el
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Date: 2005-12-09 12:34 pm (UTC)*talks about gay vampires with my MIL, and wonders WHY she doesn't like me*
:-D
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Date: 2005-12-09 11:19 am (UTC)I linked this on the herlad, because "Does incest/beast/bloodplay squick you?" has to be the question of the day. Of course, I've opened up speculation on Mr. S's changing interests to all of LJ, so...
'K - you must be shopping. We need to block rooms for me, you, J, A, Y, W, PQRS, uh, Pi - now I'm just getting silly. I have no idea how to go about this. I wore my pretty bra. It itches.
JackDav! *loves you*
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Date: 2005-12-09 12:36 pm (UTC)CAN I CALL YOU NOW?? Have just got back from shopping, and have ALL OF YOUR THINGS READY TO GO!!!
(do you want the first 2 and a half seasons of QaF? I have CDs of them)
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Date: 2005-12-09 11:19 am (UTC)Heeeeeeeee! I'm so bad at this kind of stuff, too. Whenever someone asks me how it's going, I do that thing where I try REALLY REALLY HARD not to immediately think back to explicit gay porn and I end up pinching my face all up into this tight little ball and saying, "Oh, not much," in that tone of voice that makes it so obvious that I'm hiding something and then the other person, after a long pause, goes, "Ooookay."
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Date: 2005-12-09 12:39 pm (UTC)Or they were, you know... my dad. Heh.
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Date: 2005-12-09 11:25 am (UTC)Okay, that's it - I keep getting sent to your lj. so I'm just going to have to friend you. Hope it's okay... :-)
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Date: 2005-12-09 12:40 pm (UTC)Welcome to crazytown! Population: YOU.
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Date: 2005-12-09 11:46 am (UTC)I'll be sure not to mention brother kink should I attend any holiday parties. *g*
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Date: 2005-12-09 12:41 pm (UTC)WHo are these pod-people we are forced to associate with in our off-time?? :-D
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Date: 2005-12-09 12:18 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-12-09 12:42 pm (UTC)When you are on all fours looking over your shoulder and Fleet Week is drawing to a close?
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Date: 2005-12-09 02:20 pm (UTC)Guns? I have to buy lots of camping gear for the hubby. At least it's not guns; I can't complain about him anymore.
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Date: 2005-12-09 04:44 pm (UTC)GUNS. Or ammo. Merry friggin' Christmas. Let's kill sumpthin!
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Date: 2005-12-09 03:18 pm (UTC)Person one: "So, what have you been doing with your self lately?"
Mr. Pup (who is standing behind me, trying to get at the bottle of JD I'm guarding with my life) "Oh, she spends all her time on the internet, looking at dirty pics....OW!"
Me: (replacing dainty little foot on the rung of the barstool from where it has just made contact with Mr. P's shin) "Oh, I'm taking some on line courses and wondering if I should go back to school."
Person one: (eyes glazing over at the thought of actually "wanting" to go to school)
Mr. Pup; "You are not! You're reading stories about boys doing things...OW!"
Me: (replacing not so dainty elbow on the bar from where it has just sunk into Mr. Pup's gut) :with strained fixed smile in place: Would you like a drink?
So, you see, it's not so much my conversational skills that I have to worry about...
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Date: 2005-12-09 04:45 pm (UTC)IS THAT A GRINCH/CTHULHU ICON??? 'Tis glorious.
(And mine does the same thing. Dumbasses.)
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Date: 2005-12-09 04:50 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-12-09 05:07 pm (UTC)HOW ARE YOU??! Are you happy in your new place? Does it feel like your home yet? Stuff hanging on the walls, and your hand autoomatically goes to the right drawer kind of stuff?
*squishes my Lynne*
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Date: 2005-12-09 05:05 pm (UTC)So, how 'bout those [insert sports team of your choice]! *hearty fake chuckle*.
Oooh, Ultraviolet *lusts*. I thought I had a VHS recording of that somewhere, but I can't find it. I may just have to be buying those DVDs as a Christmas present to myself.
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Date: 2005-12-09 05:06 pm (UTC)*wants you to go to WriterCon like woe*
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Date: 2005-12-09 11:09 pm (UTC)Sorry, that will never stop being funny.
Like this post! Though I have to admit saying rock on and bwah out loud in real life, and people stare at you funny and siddle away.
And I so followed the zombie wank - I mean zombie wank, how could I not.
Hold me, the internet has broken me.
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Date: 2005-12-10 07:23 pm (UTC)*clutches my cutting/incest/centaur porn to my chest to keep it PUR and HOLY! And so no one 'shops a pic of JM's head and no neck on it*
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Date: 2005-12-10 06:34 pm (UTC)(loll, rofflemow)
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Date: 2005-12-10 07:22 pm (UTC)I wonder how many people grab onto someone and vocalize "glomp."
And then the percentage of those who are kicked for doing so.
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Date: 2005-12-11 04:57 am (UTC)And Ultraviolet *rocks*! If you're interested in more UV fic, I have a website here:
http://www.elfringham.dsl.pipex.com/lotrfic/UVhomepage.html
where I've collected most of what's out there. Also there's a LJ community:
(I can't encourage you to write any Mike/Vaughan can I? Most underrated pairing ever ;) )
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Date: 2005-12-11 09:25 am (UTC)Man, the need to write is becoming STRONG. There should be OODLES of fanfic. *contemplates and reads new links*
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Date: 2005-12-11 08:43 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-12-11 09:25 am (UTC)Glad I could make you laugh. 'Tis my purpose in life...