PARODY SONG FOR THE HOLIDAYS!

[stoney321]

For those that are new around here, I'm not a believer. I don't mock others who are Christian, I'm not one of those atheists - okay, sometimes, but never to your face. Honest. But I love Easter for all the pagan rituals it sprang from. But I'm not all into Zombie!Jesus.™ (Zombie!Jesus™ belongs to violethamster and all her entities) Yes, Easter is the celebration where millions of believers across the globe gather to rejoice in the creation of the first zombie, The Lord Christ. But he didn't want braaaaaaiiiiiiiins. He wanted your SOUL! But not in a cool Evil Dead way.

Okay! If you are laughing at this point, continue on! If not, RUN. WARNING: BLASPHEMY. I'm on a one way ticket to hell. First class, baby.

I give you: "EASTER!" set to the tune of "Thriller" by Michael "boys' pants half off" Jackson.

Don't even act like you don't know this song top to bottom. EVERYONE knows Thriller.

(1rst)
It's close to three days and something glowy's lurking in the cave
Under the moonlight - without his death no sinners can be saved
The Sadducees - they claimed eternal life to be forsaken
The Pharisees - the jots and tittles scales over their eyes -
He will arise!

(chorus)
'Cause He has risen! Easter Morn'!
And nuthin's gonna save Judas from swingin' from a Rowan
Yes, He has risen! Easter Morn'!
He's fighting for ya life - eternal - ever - lastin' Glory!

(2nd)
You hear the boulder slam (bam!) and realize there's nuthin' left inside
You feel the cooooold linen and wonder was he really God's Only Pride?
You close your eyes and hope that this is just imagination (yeah!)
But all the while - you're thinkin' of Moeshe, Coen and Schlomo -
You've been a ho!

(chorus)
'Cause He has risen! Easter Morn'!
There ain't no second chance from He who fasted forty nights girl! (hooo! hooo!)
'Cause He has risen! Easter Morn'!
There ain't Eternal Life for a killer - sinner - unborn!

(bridge)
Legions will crawl
And Lazarus will walk with resurrection...
There's no escaping the reanimated Rabboni
He says you won't die
Echo: He says that you will not die.... (hoo!)

(3rd)
They're out to get you - evangelists surround your every side
They will possess you, "The Watchtower" - your actions it will chide
Now is the time - for atheists to bond so close together
The Born Agains - they won't accept that some do not Believe
They'll make you see!

(chorus)
That He is Risen! Easter Morn'!
And He can save you more than any Buddha'd ever dare try! (Hooooo! Hooo!)
'Cause He is Risen! Easter Morn'!
So let them dunk you down into a river, bathtub tonight!

(Vincent Price "rap")
Darkness falls across the land
The nine inch nails driven in His hands
Soldiers pierce in search of blood
To prove His life now is mud
And whosoever played not nice
And denied Himself not once but thrice
Must stand and face the public's scorn
And live their life most forlorn
The foulest stench was in the air
The funk of two thieves not given care
He shambled out of sepulchre gloom
To seal the fate of sinner's doom
And though you fight for your own life
He wonders, "Goest thou... wither?"
For no mere mortal can do without
Zombie!Jesus - Eternal Life Giver!

(maniacal laughter, echoes out)

~*~

If... if I've made your Sunday service a little more enjoyable from this, I have succeeded. Visualizing the zombie apostles in their tattered togas with grey, decomposing faces doing the cool dance with Michael/Jesus is just an extra. God I want a Zombie Jesus/Thriller video icon SO MUCH.

Comments

[dedra.livejournal.com]

Stoney, you are BAD! In a good way, BAD! You know it...UNH...You BAD! You BAD! Ja'mon...

Just the thing to brighten up a Maundy Thursday (and why is it maundy anyway? Couldn't they think up another name--like Oops, gonna die tomorrow Thursday!? Get outta here Thursday?)

Poetic bee-yach, you!

[yin-again.livejournal.com]

I love you so much right now.

I ::heart:: Zombie!Jesus.

[stoney321.livejournal.com]

*slides leg out, head - left-right-left-right - hands up top - clap!*

SHAMON!

♥

[stoney321.livejournal.com]

Broken. I'm broken. I'm that little dolly who got its head pulled off and daddy tried to fix it, but it was never the same...

[moosesal.livejournal.com]

SHAMON!

How about, Shalom? It is Passover, after all.

[moosesal.livejournal.com]

This is brilliant. I'm sending my Catholic best friend over. :)

[stoney321.livejournal.com]

Ahahahaha!!!

[stoney321.livejournal.com]

The funny thing is, now I can't stop singing it this way...

I'd like to see a pic of Zombie!Jesus in the final scene of the Thriller video, a cross and a vial of holy water in his hands, shambling forward.

...but then, that's just me. :)

[angstpuppy.livejournal.com]

So much love for you right now, you just have no idea.

"I don't care if it rain or freezes
'long as I got my zombie!jesus..."

[sdwolfpup.livejournal.com]

Visualizing the zombie apostles in their tattered togas with grey, decomposing faces doing the cool dance with Michael/Jesus is just an extra.

I WAS SO DOING THAT. I love that dance. *does the arm lift bit and the one-leg shuffle around*

Zombie!Jesus. *hoots with laughter*

[stoney321.livejournal.com]

Zombie!Jesus on your dash...
Your car will never crash!

Heee! Thanks.

[stoney321.livejournal.com]

But Peter will be in the back - one of the guys that later does the headless breakdance thing. Because of that whole "cock crows" thing.

Paul is the chick with the big purse and one shoe.

*cracks up*

[trepkos.livejournal.com]

Wow!
It scans right an' everything!

[swmbo.livejournal.com]

The coffee incident was even more traumatic to hear about the SECOND time!

*flails*

[stoney321.livejournal.com]

Ha! Wait... what? Scans? *iz stupid*

[dancetomato.livejournal.com]

Maundy comes from the Latin "maundatum" meaning commandment. It's because at the Last Supper Jesus gave them a new commandment: "Love one another as I have loved you." In Ireland they call it, "Spy Thursday", which makes me want a son about Judas set to "The Spy Who Loved Me"

[stoney321.livejournal.com]

And man, it was going to be GOOD. That first sip was EXCELLENT. And my whole office smells of coffee - coffee that is being DENIED ME.

18 minutes until he opens the beanery...

[stoney321.livejournal.com]

SPY.

That's AWESOME. (Did you see the news about the "Book of Judas" being found? And you know I put all of the biblical info in there for you, yes?)

[dancetomato.livejournal.com]

Yes, I saw. You remember that woman who was arrested becuase she kept stalking David Letterman because he kept giving her secret coded messages during his show? Everytime you put a Biblical reference I know what you are really saying is, "I want Dancetomato."

[stoney321.livejournal.com]

*cracks up at your icon*

Yes. It's just like that. All of the skin samples and hair follicles I've collected will soon be made into the Ultimate Gift of My Love.

Or something. It all depends on if the cops ever figure out it's me.

[moosesal.livejournal.com]

I couldn't just read your lyrics. I had to actually sing it to myself as I read. It's been so long since I listened to "Thriller" though -- I had a little trouble with the cadence for Vincent Price's part. But I don't think I'll ever hear the song the same again.

[stoney321.livejournal.com]

I had to sing it over and over to WRITE it.

...are you saying you need me to upload the song? Is that what you're saying? I WILL.

[dedra.livejournal.com]

and your head lolls back and forth and never really stands up, and you have to be careful when you play because if dolly's head falls off again, Daddy will put you in the GARBAGE! EEEK!

Sorry...dolly issues here....

[stoney321.livejournal.com]

WHAT DOES SCANS MEAN?!?!

*panics*
*feels like I don't understand something IMPORTANT*
*realizes I'm clutching you with a crazed look*

[anelith.livejournal.com]

You are such a NUT! Now I will not be able to function today without that song going through my head... I'll have to show this to Ron, it will make his day.

*cuts, pastes, emails*

I was taking Nathan's birthday cupcakes to school this morning and I had to sign in at the front office, and while I was putting in the date, the woman who was standing behind me waiting for her turn said, "Oh, it's April 13, Holy Thursday." I thought, "huh?" Then it hit me, oh yeah, tomorrow's Good Friday, I guess that makes today something special too. These Catholics (this town is about 99% Catholic) make every day of the calendar some special day. Now I see in the comments it's also called Maundy Thursday? Whatever. We just color the eggs and leave out baskets filled with chocolate.

Last year a week or so before Easter I was in the grocery store with the kids and Evan turned to me and asked, "What's Easter for, Mommy?" Everyone around me heard it. I knew they were all thinking, "Bad mommy going straight to HELL!" They knew I wasn't Jewish or something because I was holding the Easter egg coloring kit right there in my hand... Ah well.