Screams in the Key of Yipes and a Poll

[stoney321]

Before all the craziness under the cuts begins, HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO THE INCOMPARABLE yin_again!!!! She is brilliant, a fantastic writer of fanfiction and original fiction, is heading up many tasks with WriterCon - at which she'll be rooming with me, I thank you. Yin, I heart you tons for your smarts, for your grammar nazi ways (um, expecting excellence from the whole is a GOOD thing, no one will ever convince me otherwise), for your wicked sense of humor, and for making me write Connie: The Musical. Okay, you didn't make me, but I like to give you credit for the inspiration. Unless that makes your skin crawl, in which, SHE HAD NOTHING TO DO WITH THAT. She is too classy and elegant to ever be involved in depravity!

Yin, I smooch you, I heart you, and I cannot wait to see you in July. *huge hugs, you sweet, pretty little dog rescuer, you* You get the Super Spectacular icon today!


A Conversation with my Self

Self: Psst!
Me: Uh...
Self: Psst! *whistles*
Me: I can HEAR YOU. What?
Self: You know your mustache?
Me: Ewwww! I don't have a-
Self: No, but you have those three hairs.
Me: I hate those hairs.
Self: *nods* And they're blonde, and no one sees them but you-
Me: Everyone lies.
Self: Right. They've lied when they've said there's nothing there. They want you-
Me: ...to look foolish, I KNOW! I knew it!
Self: .....riiiiiiiight. Anyway. You know what would be FUN?
Me: A night of drinking and dancing and to be completely uninhibited? Oh, and hot guys all up on me?
Self: ...
Me: Oh. Um, no, what?
Self: Let's go buy some home wax kit thingy and get those hairs taken care of ONCE AND FOR ALL!
Me: This makes perfect sense and can in NO WAY go wrong!

*A trip to the store later...*

Self: So that one time? At Orchestra camp?
Me: OH! Microwave dinged, sorry!
Self: Directions are boring to read.
Me: *slapping on hot wax to my upper lip* Uh huh. It's like the ones that come with tampons? And you only read them if you have to go number tw-
Self: Hey.
Me: Hmm? *slapping wax on with glee - it's like painting with honey! ON MY FACE! GLEE!*
Self: hey.
Me: *giggling, looking over shoulder* whaaaaaaat?
Self: No one's here.
Me: I know! This is fun! *slap, slap, paint*
Self: You should totally do... you know. *significant look "downstairs"*
Me: OoooooOOoooh. ...you think?
Self: TOTALLY.
Me: *painting while bent over and face is being drawn into a tight ball of wax, making facial movements an impossibility* Hee hee! I mean, I shave, but this way I don't have to-
Self: ...do the deodorant thing, right. Do you think all girls know about that?
Me: *checks self in mirror for good coverage* Hmmm. I don't know. Anyway, what's it say about how long to leave this on?
Self: *shrugs* Hee hee! You look funny.
Me: *laughing - cuts off abruptly* How... how do we get this off?
Self: *checks instructions, quickly hides them behind back* N-nothing. Um, it just melts away in a few months.
Me: Oh god. What the- *grabs instructions* Hmmm. I've plucked. This can't be bad...
Self: *sneaks out*
Me: *pulls up edge of wax, rips*

OHMYGOOOOOOOOOOOOD!!!!!!

*comes to after several minutes*

Me: *whimpers* I... I only pulled it off the one side of my face. I have- *checks "bikini area"* -three more tugs, OH MY GOD.
Self: This was a bad idea. What on earth made you think you should do this? I mean, you have THREE BLONDE HAIRS. AT THE CORNER OF YOUR LIP. That is NOT a mustache. Why the hell didn't you just TWEEZE THEM?
Me: I hate you so very very much.

The best part is... the kit came with "sensitive lotion" - which I figured had a "cooling" agent or something. I put too much on my hand, so I rubbed it onto my whole face. It has a NUMBING AGENT. So I was Botox-Queen for a full five minutes, laughing my butt off with a Nicole Kidman frozen face. Hahahaha! WHY DO WE DO THIS TO OURSELVES??

And now for something completely different.


Think you know Hip-Hop lingo? Or.... know without reservation that you DON'T? Take my "quiz" - it'll be like hip-hop Mad-Libs. Or it'll just make me laugh really hard. :)

[Poll #717943]

And I'll post the actual answers tomorrow. Some.... might surprise you. :D

Comments

[wickedgrdn.livejournal.com]

The hip hop poll? Yeah, I knew almost all of those! And I hate rap. Go figure!

*runs away*

[ladycat777.livejournal.com]

Ahhhh, waxing. Always fun. Not. For the three blonde hairs I recommend electrolosis -- it's not cheap, but for that little, it's probably really easy. I did it for years which is the only reason I can actually show my face in public.


Also: owwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww.

[stoney321.livejournal.com]

Ooooh, I looooooooove rap. But good for you for knowing the answers! I'll check in a bit. *peers over glasses at screen* :D

[stoney321.livejournal.com]

(Heeee! Dude. I have NO REASON to wax or anything, really. Somehow, I thought it would be FUN. I am fairly hairless all over - I can go weeks without shaving legs, etc.)

Remind me that torturing myself is not FUN, mm'kay?

[wickedgrdn.livejournal.com]

I went through a hip-hop phase in high school...might explain it. Snoop, Dre, Ice T, NWA, Tupac, Biggee, the works. :) I realize this kind of dates me now...LOL! Great poll!

[stoney321.livejournal.com]

YOU DIDN'T TAKE THE POLL!

[lennongirl.livejournal.com]

Best poll ever. Talkin' about wild guesses, yo!

[ladycat777.livejournal.com]

Of course it is, that's why we do it :D

And I want you to know that most of my answers for the poll were fake; I actually knew a scary amount of right ones. It's just ... where's the fun in that?

I am so sleepy today, and I have a tiredness headache. This is making me cranky. I want to go home early and go sit on the back porch (which is like wanting to stick myself in the eye with a knife, most days, but not today because YES) and sleep. Meh.

I don't find out about mom until noon. I'm kind of panicking.

[stoney321.livejournal.com]

Hahahahaha!!! OH! Crap. I knew I was going to forget a question... I'll make it just for you:

"Fallin' back on that ass with a hellified gangsta lean, gettin' funky on the mic like ______________"

a) an old batch of collard greens
b) an old school Emcee
c) a Big Dawg that's mean

:D

[stoney321.livejournal.com]

Heee! Of course, you know that I know all of them, as I kick it old school, yo.

(Why can't you go home? two and a half hours? Okay, remember our visit? And how I loved playing with your hair? And how I loved petting you? Imagine I'm doing that RIGHT NOW.)

*pets, pets, pets*

[wickedgrdn.livejournal.com]

*blushes* It's early, I forgot to hit the submit button. I'm excitable that way-LOL! And I've only had one cup of coffee! ;)

[stoney321.livejournal.com]

HEE HEEEE!!

I am a hard core G, yo, puttin' tha fear of GOD in yo ass!!

(You rock! And dude, I've totally dated myself with the hip-hop selections up there. Easy Mutha Fuckin' E! I'm, down like a clown with tha sound from tha underground, yo!)

*admires yo skilz*

[entrenous88.livejournal.com]

I totally messed up your poll, because some of the lyrics I knew right off the bat, and some I didn't even finish reading because I was too busy clicking the silly answers like "drink many 40 ounce alcholic beverages, drink many 40 ounce alcoholic beverages".

=P

HI STONEY! GOOD MORNING! Did you have the raisin bran today? What'd you feed the cheerins?

[stoney321.livejournal.com]

Ha - I replied in the wrong spot to you - I've apparently had too MUCH coffee this morning.

...wait. There is no such thing. :D

[wickedgrdn.livejournal.com]

Word. :)

And I loved Easy E

:)

[ladycat777.livejournal.com]

Cause it's not like I'm overwhelmed with work, and if I was home, I'd just watch Kong and panic over that. Although I could make dinner -- what should I make for dinner? -- and treadmill during the day instead of at night and ...

Honestly, because there's no good reason for me to go home. And? My father's there. I hate that he works out of the house, because it means I can't be home to be alone.

And god, I wish I was there, or you here, cause yes. *snuggles and loves*

[ladycat777.livejournal.com]

pssst -- you were on aim for a second! And then you went away!

[stoney321.livejournal.com]

HI HI HI!! Silly answers are EXCELLENT. (And did you know you could change your answers after taking a poll, anyway? HAVE FUN, I say.)

I have NOT had my raisin bran yet - it's coming in about five minutes. Them cheerins had they some Lucky Charms and some OJ and some baconses.

GOOD. MORNING. I am waaaaaaay too bouncy. *sproing* How are YOU!?!?

[lennongirl.livejournal.com]

Errrrr..... b)?

Although c) was more appropriate :P

[stoney321.livejournal.com]

*squishes pets and cuddles*

Oooh. Dinner. What do you have in the pantry? Tonight we're having "pizza" with pesto instead of marinara, grilled shrimps, sun dried tomatoes, a little parmesean on top, and fresh basil leaves and a salad.

What about berries? With prosciutto wrapped melon? Or... grilled cheese sammiches and nummy veggie soup? Go go treadmill, ACTIVATE!

*calls in a bomb threat to make your dad vacate the premises*

[wickedgrdn.livejournal.com]

:)

*pets you*

The funny totally makes up for it.

[emma-daisy.livejournal.com]

WELL. I think it's safe to say that I have failed that quiz quite dismally.

[stoney321.livejournal.com]

(heeeeeee!!! Would you believe A? That's Snoopy Doggy - who? Doggy - what? Doggy - Dawg.

That's his debut song: One, two, three and to tha four, Snoop Doggy Dogg and Dr. Dre are at your door.

:D (I love gangsta rap. Mostly because I am SO WHITE, it makes me laugh.)

[stoney321.livejournal.com]

Hahahahahaha!!! That's what makes it FUN!!

I'll put up a fol/songwriter/acoustic guitar poll another time and you will PWN it!

...all Aimmee Mann and the like. :*

[stoney321.livejournal.com]

ME TOO.

*does the Re-Run*