Screams in the Key of Yipes and a Poll

[stoney321]

Before all the craziness under the cuts begins, HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO THE INCOMPARABLE yin_again!!!! She is brilliant, a fantastic writer of fanfiction and original fiction, is heading up many tasks with WriterCon - at which she'll be rooming with me, I thank you. Yin, I heart you tons for your smarts, for your grammar nazi ways (um, expecting excellence from the whole is a GOOD thing, no one will ever convince me otherwise), for your wicked sense of humor, and for making me write Connie: The Musical. Okay, you didn't make me, but I like to give you credit for the inspiration. Unless that makes your skin crawl, in which, SHE HAD NOTHING TO DO WITH THAT. She is too classy and elegant to ever be involved in depravity!

Yin, I smooch you, I heart you, and I cannot wait to see you in July. *huge hugs, you sweet, pretty little dog rescuer, you* You get the Super Spectacular icon today!


A Conversation with my Self

Self: Psst!
Me: Uh...
Self: Psst! *whistles*
Me: I can HEAR YOU. What?
Self: You know your mustache?
Me: Ewwww! I don't have a-
Self: No, but you have those three hairs.
Me: I hate those hairs.
Self: *nods* And they're blonde, and no one sees them but you-
Me: Everyone lies.
Self: Right. They've lied when they've said there's nothing there. They want you-
Me: ...to look foolish, I KNOW! I knew it!
Self: .....riiiiiiiight. Anyway. You know what would be FUN?
Me: A night of drinking and dancing and to be completely uninhibited? Oh, and hot guys all up on me?
Self: ...
Me: Oh. Um, no, what?
Self: Let's go buy some home wax kit thingy and get those hairs taken care of ONCE AND FOR ALL!
Me: This makes perfect sense and can in NO WAY go wrong!

*A trip to the store later...*

Self: So that one time? At Orchestra camp?
Me: OH! Microwave dinged, sorry!
Self: Directions are boring to read.
Me: *slapping on hot wax to my upper lip* Uh huh. It's like the ones that come with tampons? And you only read them if you have to go number tw-
Self: Hey.
Me: Hmm? *slapping wax on with glee - it's like painting with honey! ON MY FACE! GLEE!*
Self: hey.
Me: *giggling, looking over shoulder* whaaaaaaat?
Self: No one's here.
Me: I know! This is fun! *slap, slap, paint*
Self: You should totally do... you know. *significant look "downstairs"*
Me: OoooooOOoooh. ...you think?
Self: TOTALLY.
Me: *painting while bent over and face is being drawn into a tight ball of wax, making facial movements an impossibility* Hee hee! I mean, I shave, but this way I don't have to-
Self: ...do the deodorant thing, right. Do you think all girls know about that?
Me: *checks self in mirror for good coverage* Hmmm. I don't know. Anyway, what's it say about how long to leave this on?
Self: *shrugs* Hee hee! You look funny.
Me: *laughing - cuts off abruptly* How... how do we get this off?
Self: *checks instructions, quickly hides them behind back* N-nothing. Um, it just melts away in a few months.
Me: Oh god. What the- *grabs instructions* Hmmm. I've plucked. This can't be bad...
Self: *sneaks out*
Me: *pulls up edge of wax, rips*

OHMYGOOOOOOOOOOOOD!!!!!!

*comes to after several minutes*

Me: *whimpers* I... I only pulled it off the one side of my face. I have- *checks "bikini area"* -three more tugs, OH MY GOD.
Self: This was a bad idea. What on earth made you think you should do this? I mean, you have THREE BLONDE HAIRS. AT THE CORNER OF YOUR LIP. That is NOT a mustache. Why the hell didn't you just TWEEZE THEM?
Me: I hate you so very very much.

The best part is... the kit came with "sensitive lotion" - which I figured had a "cooling" agent or something. I put too much on my hand, so I rubbed it onto my whole face. It has a NUMBING AGENT. So I was Botox-Queen for a full five minutes, laughing my butt off with a Nicole Kidman frozen face. Hahahaha! WHY DO WE DO THIS TO OURSELVES??

And now for something completely different.


Think you know Hip-Hop lingo? Or.... know without reservation that you DON'T? Take my "quiz" - it'll be like hip-hop Mad-Libs. Or it'll just make me laugh really hard. :)

[Poll #717943]

And I'll post the actual answers tomorrow. Some.... might surprise you. :D

Comments

[wickedgrdn.livejournal.com]

The hip hop poll? Yeah, I knew almost all of those! And I hate rap. Go figure!

*runs away*

[stoney321.livejournal.com]

Ooooh, I looooooooove rap. But good for you for knowing the answers! I'll check in a bit. *peers over glasses at screen* :D

[ladycat777.livejournal.com]

Ahhhh, waxing. Always fun. Not. For the three blonde hairs I recommend electrolosis -- it's not cheap, but for that little, it's probably really easy. I did it for years which is the only reason I can actually show my face in public.


Also: owwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww.

[stoney321.livejournal.com]

(Heeee! Dude. I have NO REASON to wax or anything, really. Somehow, I thought it would be FUN. I am fairly hairless all over - I can go weeks without shaving legs, etc.)

Remind me that torturing myself is not FUN, mm'kay?

[lennongirl.livejournal.com]

Best poll ever. Talkin' about wild guesses, yo!

[stoney321.livejournal.com]

Hahahahaha!!! OH! Crap. I knew I was going to forget a question... I'll make it just for you:

"Fallin' back on that ass with a hellified gangsta lean, gettin' funky on the mic like ______________"

a) an old batch of collard greens
b) an old school Emcee
c) a Big Dawg that's mean

:D

[entrenous88.livejournal.com]

I totally messed up your poll, because some of the lyrics I knew right off the bat, and some I didn't even finish reading because I was too busy clicking the silly answers like "drink many 40 ounce alcholic beverages, drink many 40 ounce alcoholic beverages".

=P

HI STONEY! GOOD MORNING! Did you have the raisin bran today? What'd you feed the cheerins?

[ladycat777.livejournal.com]

pssst -- you were on aim for a second! And then you went away!

[stoney321.livejournal.com]

HI HI HI!! Silly answers are EXCELLENT. (And did you know you could change your answers after taking a poll, anyway? HAVE FUN, I say.)

I have NOT had my raisin bran yet - it's coming in about five minutes. Them cheerins had they some Lucky Charms and some OJ and some baconses.

GOOD. MORNING. I am waaaaaaay too bouncy. *sproing* How are YOU!?!?

[emma-daisy.livejournal.com]

WELL. I think it's safe to say that I have failed that quiz quite dismally.

[stoney321.livejournal.com]

Hahahahahaha!!! That's what makes it FUN!!

I'll put up a fol/songwriter/acoustic guitar poll another time and you will PWN it!

...all Aimmee Mann and the like. :*

[yin-again.livejournal.com]

donut, donut, heart attack in fat, kolache, workin' Fibonacci

Of course, I went for the math joke, completely ruining all my cred.

Thank you for the wonderful birthday wishes. *loves*

[stoney321.livejournal.com]

I LOVE THAT YOU LOVE THE MATH.

Also: I kanda love you, too. *hearts* YIN! I'm so happy to hear about Frank!! You are so fantastic, did you know? Because you ARE.

*squishes you all up, can't wait for July!!!*

[poshcat.livejournal.com]

Hi Stoney!!

OMG sympathy winces for you and your hoochie pain! I've found with my legs (because I am so not getting near my nethers with wax of any sort) that you need to be CONFIDENT in your pulling. You need to be FEARLESS. That will help...not that there will be another chance for you to try again, I'm guessing. I laughed so hard at your conversation with yourself. Hee! I'm sorry - there's nothing funny about waxing your bikini area without reading the instructions first. NOTHING AT ALL. I hope I didn't make you mad. It's hard to tell with your face all frozen like that. Heeeeeeeeeeeeee.

I was totally Wes taking this poll: "By jove, this is an interesting window into the heads of today's youth! Anything that's unfamiliar I should be able to deduce by elimination of...OMGWTF!!?!? Every answer was eqally ludicrous (hey, a rap pun). I finally just gave up. I did know the jiggy one, because I am just that lame.

I hope you have the best day ever, baby.

[stoney321.livejournal.com]

Hahahaha!! I laughed my ASS OFF while screaming, which only made me laugh harder. And I wasn't sure what kind of rippage was required, so I was tentative at first with my lip (I made it like a mustache - a waxy paper mustache. Basically, I was playing around.) but had CONFIDENCE with the others.

Oh, and the laughing/yelling. That was there, too. (I have this niggling thought that now that I've done it once down below, it won't hurt as much the next time. I.... I kind of like pain, I think.)

Your poll-taking answers are HILARIOUS. LudaCRIS, whuh whuh? *makes hand signs* I hope YOU have the best day ever!! (You know I've been waiting for your comments on the cooter-wax, right? Hahahah!)

[a2zmom.livejournal.com]

I think I own all those songs you listed. Which is why I mostly wait for the loony answers.

I own some unlikely music, yo.

[stoney321.livejournal.com]

Dag, yo. The very first album I ever bought? "Kings of Rap," featuring a new group, Run DMC. Second album? Laura Brannigan. The hell? I'm all about the variety. (With the exception of most country music, especially the new stuff. No power on earth or hell, man.)

[ely-jan.livejournal.com]

OMG! I'm laughing too hard to actually navigate little poll ticky type things!

*flails*

*gets you cold compresses* *cancels waxing appointment*

I don't know where to start petting first!?!?

[stoney321.livejournal.com]

I'm thinking any appointment is a good idea. Just... don't do it at HOME. Unless you have a really good friend on the phone that can laugh at you while you scream. :D

(Hahahahahaha!!! *Bites lip, looks coyly at you*)

[elessil.livejournal.com]

Face waxing? SO not good.

(and totally can't do the Hip-Hop quiz)

[stoney321.livejournal.com]

FACE WAXING. And UNNECESSARY face waxing at that! (Seriously, I just have normal hair on my skin like everyone else. I have no "mustache") What the hell is wrong with me???

(But that's what will make it fun!!)

[marlo.livejournal.com]

I love hiphop, but it sucks that so much of it is misogynist. :( They best be respectin' us, yo.

[stoney321.livejournal.com]

I operate on the theory that it's misogynistic if I believe it. Otherwise, I see it as parody/pushing the boundaries of unacceptable language for a laugh, like South Park.

Because: "gaps teef in ya mouf, so my dick's GOTS ta fit." Hahahahaha!!! Is that a come on or WHAT?!

*squishes you UP!!!!* Heading out for a run - it is GORGEOUS today. Back in a bit!

[chantal87.livejournal.com]

I think I did okay.
I have to rummage through my old ass cassettes and find Grandmaster Flash and The Furious Five.

AAHHHH YEAHHHH!!!
*dances wildly around the room*

Sorry about the waxing adventure. I myself have ventured to that hair free zone. It was a painful and frightening place.

[stoney321.livejournal.com]

Heeeee!! *laughs at your icon* FURIOUS. The FURIOUS Five. Oh, man I loved them! (I used to have a rat tail and would breakdance with a group before school every morning. OH MY GOD. 7th grade. Hahahaha!)

[dlgood.livejournal.com]

1) Yeeouch
2) I think, no matter how much brain damage I might eventually suffer, I will never forget
3) Did you see this weeks Scrubs. It was awesome, and the B plot was all up on The Todd hitting on guys.

[anelith.livejournal.com]

Ouch!!! My mom gave me one of those Epilady thingies, you know them? Oh man, that hurt so MUCH. It drew out the torment because it pulled out about a dozen hairs at one time. Supposedly pain *free* according to the advertising. Maybe for people with baby-fine hair? I threw it away after one try.

I can't do waxing at home either, my hair is just too tough. It not only hurts horribly, it just doesn't work. I've had it done professionally, and that hurts *and* works.

Hair removal is just a pain altogether!

I just picked answers in the poll that seemed funny, since I'm afraid even with your excellent "White Woman's Guide to Hip-Hop" I'm pretty ignorant.

[stoney321.livejournal.com]

KITTY! *pets your white kitty icon*

And Anne, there was NO REASON for me to do this. The hell?? I think I need a new hobby, because the current one isn't occupying my time enough, evidently. :D

And I fully support goofy answers to this poll: it makes it more fun!

(got so excited earlier thinking of all the fun stuff we can do - or doing NOTHING but talking and visiting. All will be good!)

[thepiratequeen.livejournal.com]

I grew up in the effin' hood, 10 minutes outside of Newark and I had to guess on most of these.

I blame all the meds I'm on.

[stoney321.livejournal.com]

Oh noes! Still sick? *hugs gently*

And yo, you ain't down with tha sound from tha underground... *flashes complicated gang signs, sticks up lower lip and leans back*