Fic Post: E Nomine Patre

[stoney321]

Title: E Nomine Patre
Author: Stoney
Fandom: AtS
Rating/Characters: PG-13, Connor, his father
Summary: Set in late S3. Short. Ish. Based on an aside I made in the Connor CD Mix post.
A/N: As always, I welcome concrit, either here or email.



~*~*~
E Nomine Patre
~*~*~

He always let go. The dream never changed. The sky was harsh, yellows and greens, no wind blew, no sound of birds or animals could be heard. They stood at the edge of a jagged cliff face, the rocks below sharp and inviting. The water hundreds of feet below roiled and churned against the stones.

"A few more steps, son. I've got you."

The boy knew he lied. He wanted to pull his hand away, run to the safety of a cave or tree, the pit of his stomach turned and twisted like the white foam that would soon claim him.

"Okay."

The child tightened his hand in his father's grip and smiled sweetly up at him. The man bent down and laid his hand on his son's unruly hair, lighter in color and softer in texture than his father's.

"One more step, son."

The boy peered over the edge, his hand a death grip in his father's. His toe dislodged a stone and it went tumbling and crashing over the precipice. Just like he would do.

The dream was always the same.

"I love you, Father."

"Go with God."

The hand always slipped away like the boy had no strength. He didn't know anymore who pulled away first. With dream logic the boy was able to turn and look into the worn and scarred face of his father, who stood looking down, hands clasped behind his back while humming a hymn.

"I love you."

The wind rushed all around the boy's frail body in a scream disguising the roar of the boiling ocean below, stealing his last words away. Or was that the sound of the boy's scream? The noise grew louder and louder, the water racing to claim the child, when Angel woke up with a jerk, hand clutched over his unbeating heart.

He laid back against the pillow and stared at the charred walls of what was his baby's bedroom.

The dream was always the same.
~*~

Comments

[st_salieri.livejournal.com]

OOOoooOOO...

I love your Connor fics, and I love dream fics, so this was the perfect combination. Wonderfully poignant and evocative and so so sad. And I particularly like that I thought it was Connor's dream until the end.

From your previous post...what the HELL is up with the weather down here? I'm crying. CRYING, I tell you.

[southernbangel.livejournal.com]

Oh, that's so haunting and gorgeous. Poor Angel. Poor Connor. *tears up*

[spuffyduds.livejournal.com]

Aw, lovely and sad, and all Abraham-and-Isaac: brrr.

[spuffyduds.livejournal.com]

Actually an even more appropriate image for you to call on than I realized, as Isaac "wasn't supposed to happen" either. Go you!

[lostakasha.livejournal.com]

Wonderful... and ouch!

[menomegirl.livejournal.com]

Oh wow. That's excellent, Stoney. Reflects the religious undertones of the story in canon perfectly. Damn good job, honey.

[anelith.livejournal.com]

Hum. You've got my brain churning hard this morning. Probably all for nothing; don't worry about telling me I'm wrong.

So the father -- at first I thought it was Angel, but that "worn and scarred face" -- that doesn't sound like Angel. Could it be that the boy is Angel himself, and he's looking at his own father? (After all, they had a stormy relationship too.) Then it would be so interesting, because when he's looking down at the "white foam that would soon claim him" -- heh, a little foreshadowing there.

[lettered.livejournal.com]

At first I actually thought the father was Holtz. I love how this can work in all those ways.

[lettered.livejournal.com]

This was beautiful and sad and shifty in my mind, Stoney. Thank you very much for sharing.

[anelith.livejournal.com]

Lots of tormented father-and-son relationships to choose from, aren't there? But it seems awfully twisted of Angel's unconscious mind to put Holtz in the father's place. Of course that doesn't rule it out...

[stoney321.livejournal.com]

re: weather. I DON'T KNOW! It's horrible, and I'm seriously frowning at the blue, blue sky and lack of cool, soothing wind.

re: Connor. Oh, how I love that poor, broken, feral boy. And his broken papa. And heh - I'm glad that the payoff at the end worked!

[stoney321.livejournal.com]

Oh, thanks, Lee! Poor Connor. DAMMIT, I love that show.

[stoney321.livejournal.com]

Heh for this and below - I love religious imagery. I love how prominent it was throughout all of AtS, you know?

Thank you very much.

[stoney321.livejournal.com]

I think you just summed up the show! :) (and thanks!)

[stoney321.livejournal.com]

*beams, and uses appropriate icon*

Thank you VERY much! Man, sometimes I just ache wanting more of that show... Thank goodness for fanfiction.

[stoney321.livejournal.com]

No, no the "father" that Connor sees is Holtz. Tha scarred and worn face was the indication. (BUt hey - your explanation makes me sound smarter than I am, so I'll take that, too. Hee!)

[stoney321.livejournal.com]

I had an idea for Angel to dream about Connor's father, and it was Holtz and he cried out. And for Connor to dream about his father and it be Holtz and he cried out. That's where this little thing sprung from.

:D

[stoney321.livejournal.com]

Oooh, shifty in your mind. I like that, and I like you, too, so see how that works out for both of us?

Thanks, Joy. I STILL have got to clear time (and the house) so I can finish part two of your post-NFA fic uninterrupted. I got about half-way through before the kidlets decided that I didn't need my sanity...

[lynnenne]

This is very moody and atmospheric, and this line broke my heart:

"He laid back against the pillow and stared at the charred walls of what was his baby's bedroom."

Sniffle. Great job, honey. *smooch*

[stoney321.livejournal.com]

Thanks a bunch, Lynne. And I'm re-watching that arc as of today - I'm missing the show. :(

[pez.livejournal.com]

Sigh. Connor. :( Angel. :(

Beautiful. ;) Makes me want to go back and rewatch the Connor arc. Again.

[stoney321.livejournal.com]

Oh, thank you! And yeah - I've just set the DVDs out to re-watch later tonight, too. I miss my show. :(

[lynnenne]

Me, too! Missing it so much. *clings*

[midnightsjane.livejournal.com]

Oh, poor Connor, and poor Angel.
I really thought it was Connor's dream, right til the end.
Heart-wrenching.

[terilyn4.livejournal.com]

awww, that was heartbreaking... I think that scene where Angel is just sitting on the floor staring at the crib is one of the most poignant scenes in AtS. To lose his beautiful baby boy that he never thought he would have was just so heartbreaking and I remember wondering how Joss could write such an arc, as if Angel didn't already have enough guilt and torment in his life.

[stoney321.livejournal.com]

I know, right? That's why the show is SO BRILLIANT. It never pulled punches, never shied away from spiralling deeper into darkness... I love that show, man.

And thank you.

[stoney321.livejournal.com]

*stares at your icon forever*

I'm glad the rug-pulling worked - I worried it wouldn't. And thank you.

[violethamster.livejournal.com]

This is so lovely and sad. Absolutely perfect. I think it's the best thing you've ever written.

[stoney321.livejournal.com]

Whoa, seriously? Huh. Well, thank you, and I've MISSED you! *hugs*

[anelith.livejournal.com]

Oooh, that's so good. And very sad (and twisted, too).

[brandil.livejournal.com]

Jesus, Stoney.

Do it again. Do it again.

[stoney321.livejournal.com]

(I am. But from a Connor POV.)

♥

That icon of yours... it's growing on me. *stares*

[brandil.livejournal.com]

(I am. But from a Connor POV.)

For real? ::bows down:: we're not worthy we're not worthy.

Ha Ha! My Severus and I will take over the wORLD!

[stoney321.livejournal.com]

Heh - we'll see. (And pfft. I'm an idiot. Anyone is worthy of my idiocy. :D)
SEVERUS FER PREZ.

[moosesal.livejournal.com]

Wow. And goodness. And wow. Beautiful and frightening and sad. You've pulled so much emotion into such a short piece. Lovely work, Stoney.

[stoney321.livejournal.com]

Aw, thanks, Sal! I really appreciate your having said that. *squish* That show... Man, I'll never get tired of it.

[darlas-mom.livejournal.com]

Aww, mindfuck! That rocks!

Question--what does the title translate to? I suck at Latin.

[stoney321.livejournal.com]

Heh - glad that worked! And the title translates to "In the name of the Father."

:)

[stretfordditto.livejournal.com]

Sad. :(

[stoney321.livejournal.com]

That whole story arc with Holtz, Angel and Connor KILLS ME.

(Thanks for reading and commenting!)