stoney321 | How appropriate for a Monday...

I was lucky enough to entertain the fabulous

southernbangel for the weekend, where we ate just about everything in this town that wasn't nailed down. In case they fail to mention it, we were at the Texas State Fair this weekend where ~~Lee threw up because she's a big ol' baby~~ we ate a FRIED LATTE. Before you make noises of derision/disgust, it may be the best thing I've ever had in my mouth. (Side note, my fave hillbilly joke. Hillbilly girl #1 says, "My mama lost my birth certificate so we don't know if I'm 11 or 14." Hillbilly girl #2 asks, "Well, what's the best thing you've ever had in your mouth?" 1 says, "Hmmm, that'd have to be mama's gooseberry pie." 2: "You're 11.")

Fried Latte: cinnamon puff pastry flash fried. Scoop of cappuccino ice cream. Whipped cream. Instant coffee granules sprinkled on top. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?! I took a picture of the woman that made it, because she is an American Hero. Haha. We also witnessed a totally hot chick getting a CARNIES' DIGITS. A carny, people. She was way hot, too. Huh. Some girls like to slum it, I suppose. In conclusion: I loved having them here, and it was excellent timing. Nothing like a weekend with two awesome, funny, SMART women who are up for anything. \o/

Now, I would like to share some bad!fic. People, it's been too long. Too long.

In the "What the hell does that word mean?" category:

Raye locked lips with Amy and plunged her thung inside, massaging Amy's thung

Is that like... cunt and thing? WHAT IS A THUNG for 800, Alex.

In the "that's... okay, no seriously. When you string letters together, they make WORDS. They also have meanings. You should honor that." category:

I'd never rape anyone who didn't want it

IF THEY WANT IT, IT ISN'T RAPE. It's called: CONCENTUAL.

In the "Punctuation? I don't need your stinking punctuation! I shall make my OWN! And it shall in no way resemble YOUR punctuation, for it is MINE and UNIQUE! Also, I didn't pay attention in school much" category:

This is how i display conversation
talk "..."
whispering "(...)"

In the "AHAHAHAHA, what?!?!" category:

"I'm Sally Jane Johnson, but people around here call me Chicabo!"

Best. Nickname. EVER.

In the "oooooooOOOUUUUUUUUCH!" category:

Rufus looked at Aeris' face as she tried to bear the pain of having pipes shoved up her pee hole, vagina and ass. "So beautiful, like an angel...."

1. PEE HOLE.
2. What the hell kind of bible pictures is this Rufus dude looking at to think the tubed-chick looks like an angel, and
3. how can I avoid that version of heaven??

And really, I need to put this whole passage up here. It speaks for itself:

Chicabo lowers Tifa to the sandy ground, then just looks at her smiling. "Do me! Please..." Said Tifa lustfully. "Do me HARD!""What.. ever.. you.. say.. Honey!" Chicabo spreads Tifa's legs and pokes her fingers into her vagina. "OH YEA!" Chicabo then begins to pump hard with her hand, feeling all over the inside,reaching the womb sometimes. "OHHHHH... YES YES YES YES YESMMMMMM...... DO ME! DO ME! DO ME! AAAAHHHHHHHH.......AH AH AHAH AH AH... I'M GONNA I'M GONNA I'M GOING TO... OHHHHHHHHHHHH I'M GOING TO CUM.... I'M I'M OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"

Tifa came, all over Chicabo's arm, and then collapsed."Oh.... Your really good!" Said Tifa as Chicabo licked the cum off of her arm. "Mmmmm, Best cum I've tasted in a while!" Chicabo got up and mounted Tifa in the 69 position. "Now, we do each other!" Chicabo plunged her thung into Tifa's cunt. Tifa raises her head and does the same, as well as stroking Chicabo's ass with her hands. Soon, muffled moans could be heard on both ends of Chicabo.

"mmmmmmmmm mmmmmmmm mmmmmmmm mmmmmmmmm MMMMMMMMMM MMMMMMMMMMMMM MMM MMM MMM MMM MMM MM MM m MMMMMM!" They both cum into each other's mouths. "MMM, I love the taste of you Honey!" "I like yours too, except, it tastes different than usual,almost like some vegetable." "I put Greens in my pussy!"

AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA. Okay, anyone that wants to call me names for MSTKing bad!fic, I ASK YOU. Greens!! In her PUSSY! Not to mention the stutter...type...ing. It's totally hot when someone pokes your vag, ferserioz. "The 69 position" AND WHAT THE FUCK IS A THUNG!?!? And this line: "muffled moans could be heard on both ends of Chicabo" makes me think of the old Richard Pryor joke about queefing (sp? wtfever, people) during sex: "It's talking to you, Daddy!" AHAHAHAHA EW.

And seriously, if you read this story in the Chinpokomon, Ahhhh? voice from South Park, it's HILARIOUS.

From a fic about a farm girl having "sex" for the first time (which is one time more than the author):

"the inside walls of my cuntslit being pushed aside as the cock forced a channel for itself inside me" CUNTSLIT. That's like saying "fried fries" or "gap-hole." Also, THERE ALREADY IS A CHANNEL FOR THE DICK. That's... god dammit, I don't believe in kids writing smutty fanfic. LOOK AT A BOOK, author.

"my cunt lips and asshole squashed against the chair seat" ...or you could say you were sitting down. Um, in case you (the author) weren't sure how to describe that action.

"my entire cunt pit burning with astonishment" Her ass bag, however, was burning with shame, while her throat tube burned with stomach acid and her face meat burned with battery acid. CUNT PIT? And they have emotions, as well?!

"I felt my cunt tingle with a kind of hungry longing." Okay, she just answered my question. LONGING AND HUNGRY birth canal. (Someone misunderstood the vagina dentata myth...)

"my pulpy wet cunt mound" THIS IS NOT A GOOD SENTENCE.

"until it's end mashed against the back wall of my cunt once again" Is it wrong that I'm more bothered by the misplaced apostrophe?

The girl now has two dildoes glued to her saddle, and is straddling them. "I could feel them rubbing together deep inside my guts" If they're in your fallopian tubes and colon, YOU'RE DOING IT WRONG.

Further proof that some people should have HAD sex before they can WRITE sex (or at least WATCH some sex):

The front cock sawed away at my clit

the two rods embedded in my groin, and churning my guts into a pulpy mass

Up and down, up and down, UP!... DOWN!... UP!... DOWN!... UP! DOWN!UP! DOWN! UP!DOWN!UP!DOWN!UP!DOWN! UPDOWNUPDOWNUPDOWNUPDOWN!!!!!

...in case you weren't sure how it works. See, you put them in you, then you pull them out. Then they go back in, and then slide out. Then... you put them back in. Do you need to write this down? I can wait while you grab a pen.

...okay, so they go in, then out. Then? Are you ready for this? THEY GO BACK IN!!

In the "DO NOT WANT" category:

I was intensely excited and stimulated even without his plunging, pistoning doggie cock.

my tight buttery cunt sheath Insert inappropriate Paula Deen/butter comment here

and then I felt a gush of hot juice shooting down into my guts as that big bulge in his cock exploded inside me. I realized Tom had just cum, had just sprayed a load of doggie sperm into my womb AHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!

his spiky prick sliding up and down my little cunt tunnel and deep into the center of my soul. INTO HER SOUL, PEOPLE. Her Soul? A dog-fucker.

THIS WAS WHERE I HAD TO STOP. Um, to take a breather from laughing. But there's more. So much more... Please see this space for further bad!fic posts... I'm off to exercise and work off the fried lattes...