THIS WEEK FLEW BY. Awesome.
Oct. 5th, 2007 08:57 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
stoney321(I cannot even wrap my head around the awesomeness of The Office, y'all. I <3 everything about it. EVERYTHING.)
Note: when I read "his/her intentions were clear" in a story, I think a) they're about to rape someone, b) they're going to get their quilting on!, c) someone is about to addendum their 1099s for their Schedule C, bitchez! or d) I assume the next sentence will read: "they were going to possibly intrigue someone with their enigma like quality while standing in the shadows and mumbling."
IT ISN'T CLEAR IF YOU DON'T USE WORDS. You are a writer. Use your words. Otherwise, you're a mime.
From a story where the "man" has two penises, one on top of the other. Like a rhino, but apparently not instilling you with fear. Now, "she" has just finished sucking off the double-dick dynamo (why don't people use alliteration more? It's so FUN.) where he came for TWO MINUTES, and his penis was SO HUGE that it was sitting in her throat, past her tonsils, and he shot his "slimy wad" straight into her stomach, to the point where she feels like she's "overeaten." (I mean, he's going for two minutes after all) Who isn't turned on by THIS? Here's the next bit:
HOW DID SHE FORGET HE HAD TWO? I mean, while he's got his hosepipe down her esophagus, wasn't #2 slapping her face, jabbing her eye... Or was it the lower cock? Because then, it would be choking her, pinching off her esophagus and... Ah. Making her throat tighter, thus giving D3 a better erection! I see. (We'll just ignore the double ball sacs. Which the author spelled ballsacks.)
D3 then uses his double Ds to his best advantage: "Both of my cherries were robbed from me, at the exactly same time" CHERRIES. Okay, I get the whole frat boy use of this word, but some of these kids writing fic.... I think they feel there is LITERALLY a cherry up there. When we all know it's a kumquat.
And I don't know what's going on with the teens of today, but I keep reading these fics with consensual rape - when I don't know there's rape involved, because they're LOVE STORIES. I know. WHAT?!!? you may be asking yourself. But it's the latest and the greatest: someone is raped, but they really WANT it, and these kids today with their nonsense...
Finally sated, Machamp cried out “Machaaaaamp!!”, and pushed himself as far into me as he could get while his upper cock released the second load of the night. It felt hot and slimy as it made its way up my intestines, a strange feeling, but actually quite soothing after the fiery pain of the anal rape.
Words that aren't hot: LOAD. Oh, and "fiery pain of the anal rape." But I'm totally excited about screaming my own name as I climax, like Machamp. I'll carry the "o" sound for a long time, because guttural tones from a woman are sexy. And yes, I call out my "handle" when having sex. DON'T YOU?
Lastly: WORKED ITS WAY INTO MY INTESTINES??? [insert picture of failboat] [insert cat macro reading "you're doing it wrong] [insert a Machamp into intestines] Um... scratch that last one.
*deep cleansing breath*
I'm throwing a party tonight and need to get food items, clean the house, buy a cute top so I look sassy, buy ashtrays because they're all smokers, write out my proposed menu so I don't forget something. I'm very much looking forward to hanging out with folks from my movie. \o/ Tomorrow is the Red River Rivalry, so there will be foosball in my future of yayness (or ultimate sorrow - SCREW YOU, OU) And I need to finish making a pattern for these drapes that are kicking my ass. Note to the public: arched windows are a pain in the ass to cover. Especially when the ceiling is arched, as well. Hey pattern makers of the world: it would be SUPER if y'all made drapes for these so I don't screw up with hundreds of dollars worth of fabric, thanks. (Lee? I went a different way with the border, and it looks AWESOME. Pics to come after a few days.)
HAPPY FRIDAY. (And if you want to read more bad!fic on your own, check out my bad!fic tag at de.li.cious. Next week? I share the worst of the Bible_slash. WOW. The modern talk on Jesus/Judas!! I ROFLed reading "cock" from Jesus' mouth. Ahahaha. And the girl-hate is built in with Mary Magdalene REALLY being a whore!! Heee.)
Note: when I read "his/her intentions were clear" in a story, I think a) they're about to rape someone, b) they're going to get their quilting on!, c) someone is about to addendum their 1099s for their Schedule C, bitchez! or d) I assume the next sentence will read: "they were going to possibly intrigue someone with their enigma like quality while standing in the shadows and mumbling."
IT ISN'T CLEAR IF YOU DON'T USE WORDS. You are a writer. Use your words. Otherwise, you're a mime.
From a story where the "man" has two penises, one on top of the other. Like a rhino, but apparently not instilling you with fear. Now, "she" has just finished sucking off the double-dick dynamo (why don't people use alliteration more? It's so FUN.) where he came for TWO MINUTES, and his penis was SO HUGE that it was sitting in her throat, past her tonsils, and he shot his "slimy wad" straight into her stomach, to the point where she feels like she's "overeaten." (I mean, he's going for two minutes after all) Who isn't turned on by THIS? Here's the next bit:
Interestingly enough, it wasn’t until I felt his dicks touching both of my holes that I remembered about his twin dicks. Knowing what he intended, I was paralyzed with fear, fear of the pain I knew would come, the pain I could do nothing to prevent. I found myself thankful that he had allowed me to lubricate his dick first, and that realization chilled me more than anything else.
HOW DID SHE FORGET HE HAD TWO? I mean, while he's got his hosepipe down her esophagus, wasn't #2 slapping her face, jabbing her eye... Or was it the lower cock? Because then, it would be choking her, pinching off her esophagus and... Ah. Making her throat tighter, thus giving D3 a better erection! I see. (We'll just ignore the double ball sacs. Which the author spelled ballsacks.)
D3 then uses his double Ds to his best advantage: "Both of my cherries were robbed from me, at the exactly same time" CHERRIES. Okay, I get the whole frat boy use of this word, but some of these kids writing fic.... I think they feel there is LITERALLY a cherry up there. When we all know it's a kumquat.
And I don't know what's going on with the teens of today, but I keep reading these fics with consensual rape - when I don't know there's rape involved, because they're LOVE STORIES. I know. WHAT?!!? you may be asking yourself. But it's the latest and the greatest: someone is raped, but they really WANT it, and these kids today with their nonsense...
Finally sated, Machamp cried out “Machaaaaamp!!”, and pushed himself as far into me as he could get while his upper cock released the second load of the night. It felt hot and slimy as it made its way up my intestines, a strange feeling, but actually quite soothing after the fiery pain of the anal rape.
Words that aren't hot: LOAD. Oh, and "fiery pain of the anal rape." But I'm totally excited about screaming my own name as I climax, like Machamp. I'll carry the "o" sound for a long time, because guttural tones from a woman are sexy. And yes, I call out my "handle" when having sex. DON'T YOU?
Lastly: WORKED ITS WAY INTO MY INTESTINES??? [insert picture of failboat] [insert cat macro reading "you're doing it wrong] [insert a Machamp into intestines] Um... scratch that last one.
*deep cleansing breath*
I'm throwing a party tonight and need to get food items, clean the house, buy a cute top so I look sassy, buy ashtrays because they're all smokers, write out my proposed menu so I don't forget something. I'm very much looking forward to hanging out with folks from my movie. \o/ Tomorrow is the Red River Rivalry, so there will be foosball in my future of yayness (or ultimate sorrow - SCREW YOU, OU) And I need to finish making a pattern for these drapes that are kicking my ass. Note to the public: arched windows are a pain in the ass to cover. Especially when the ceiling is arched, as well. Hey pattern makers of the world: it would be SUPER if y'all made drapes for these so I don't screw up with hundreds of dollars worth of fabric, thanks. (Lee? I went a different way with the border, and it looks AWESOME. Pics to come after a few days.)
HAPPY FRIDAY. (And if you want to read more bad!fic on your own, check out my bad!fic tag at de.li.cious. Next week? I share the worst of the Bible_slash. WOW. The modern talk on Jesus/Judas!! I ROFLed reading "cock" from Jesus' mouth. Ahahaha. And the girl-hate is built in with Mary Magdalene REALLY being a whore!! Heee.)
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
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Date: 2007-10-05 02:11 pm (UTC)I, uh, laugh near you, not at you.
In the writer's defense (....................WHUT, self? WHUT?) that's at least oddly canon; the pokemon can't say anything but their own names. (Also they're pretty much animals, so yay bestiality, too! FTW!
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Date: 2007-10-05 02:15 pm (UTC)And now I'm hearing a guttural/pornographic "Piiiiiiikachu!" as it climaxes. WTF. *cracks the hell up*
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Date: 2007-10-05 02:20 pm (UTC)Clearly, they're reading their grandma's romance novels. (Because for the past 15-20 years at least, romance novels have been moving away from the whole "rape = True Love" thing, and many publishers now seem to have it in their guidelines. Even for historicals (which are pretty much all I read except Jennifer Cruisie).
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Date: 2007-10-05 02:24 pm (UTC)But combining the "Scottish Laird and the Princess with a drunken lout for a father" in Pokemon, with a double cock, and anal rape... It's a bit jarring. :D
The craziest thing I've come across in fandom was someone who claimed to love (and write!) fluffy non-con. WHAT THE HELL.
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Date: 2007-10-05 03:40 pm (UTC)I'm boggled enough by anyone who wants to write Pokemon porn. (Not horrified, not OMG GET OUT OF FANDOM, just... boggled.)
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Date: 2007-10-05 04:02 pm (UTC)Funny non-con? Is that where you accidentally slip and fall on a dick? Or more like "The World According to Garp" when the mom climbs on a dying man's erection? WOW.
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Date: 2007-10-05 04:14 pm (UTC)Funny non-con? Is that where you accidentally slip and fall on a dick?
That was my guess. A lot of people decided to make "non-consensual" apply to something other than sex, which is probably the safest way to handle it, but the fact that the concept *occurred* to someone was enough to make me go "b'zuh?"
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Date: 2007-10-05 02:23 pm (UTC)I was recovering quite nicely until you hit us with Bible_slash.
I'm going to crawl in a hole and die. Come revive me in three days. [tuneless innocent whistling]
I'm glad you're haivng your par-tee! An good luck on those curved windows. It sounded workable until you threw in the arched ceilings...
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Date: 2007-10-05 02:27 pm (UTC)And bible-slash!! I mean, I'm not opposed to people writing their kinks, it's just that so much of it is so LAUGHABLE. *rubs hands with glee* Have a good weekend, cookie!!
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Date: 2007-10-05 02:38 pm (UTC)wasted hours of youthPokemon-watching (I knew the whole Pokerap, people. IT'S SHAMEFUL).Now I'm wondering if anyone's ever written fic that takes advantage of Likitong's massive tongue. Dear god, what have I done??
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Date: 2007-10-05 03:14 pm (UTC)You could use this site as a jumping off point...
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Date: 2007-10-05 10:35 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2007-10-05 03:35 pm (UTC)Bad fic FTW! "Fiery pain of the anal rape"? She FORGOT he had two dicks? W.T.F. I know I always forget when I'm with a dude who has two dicks. It's so easy to do so.
Ooo, I can't wait to see pictures of the curtains!! I'm sure they are gorgeous!! Did you end up getting Burma Tuscany? That fabric was fantastic--the colors were perfect for your house.
Have fun at your par-tay tonight! I'm going to see my parents this weekend and tonight I will (hopefully) be shopping for some more gorgeous pottery. You know the pieces I have above my cabinets? Well, the lady who handmakes them is going to be at this festival again and I AM SO EXCITED. I love pottery.
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Date: 2007-10-05 04:04 pm (UTC)Oooh, how exciting your weekend will be!! And no, I didn't go with the rust/browns, as Mr. S said there's enough. I went for another one that is tans and the yellow-green on the walls, a touch (the outline of the paisley) of brick red, and a light blue. But seriously: it works. Also, we may be changing out some of our things to reduce the red, as the Mister is worn out by it. :D (But I looooooove Red, as evidenced by EVERYTHING I OWN, zomg.)
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Date: 2007-10-05 05:53 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2007-10-05 03:36 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2007-10-05 04:03 pm (UTC)Oh, Lynne. I love you for your readiness to mock the stupid with me. <3
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Date: 2007-10-05 08:44 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2007-10-05 04:06 pm (UTC)(Gotta go with my alma mater here....)
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Date: 2007-10-05 07:07 pm (UTC)HOOK 'EM HORNS!
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Date: 2007-10-05 04:08 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2007-10-05 07:08 pm (UTC)*goes to jail for obviously having sex with a six year old*
NOTE TO LJ: we are joking.
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Date: 2007-10-05 04:10 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2007-10-05 07:09 pm (UTC)God bless those hookers.
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Date: 2007-10-05 04:33 pm (UTC)Yay, Par-tay! A local brewery makes a beer called "OU Sucks" just for this rivalry. So dumb, and, yes, it sells like hot cakes.
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Date: 2007-10-05 07:10 pm (UTC)It is silly. Because they only sell it once a year. :D HOOK 'EM HORNS!!
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Date: 2007-10-05 04:39 pm (UTC)There would certainly be a different kind of audience for Pokemon if they did, don't you think? :-)
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Date: 2007-10-05 07:12 pm (UTC)(Polly Pockets are hard enough to keep up with, ditto LEGOs. Oh, did you know that you can go to lego.com and design your own playland? And they'll make it and ship it to you?! How cool is that!)
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Date: 2007-10-05 07:27 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2007-10-05 07:32 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2007-10-05 04:49 pm (UTC)Does he have to buy pants with an extra loose fly to stuff those two dicks in?
Does he wait until everybody else is through at the urinal so as not to frighten anyone. Or, maybe, he likes there to be a full house so he can make all those one dick types jealous.
Cam he piss and come at the same time?
Questions, so many questions.
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Date: 2007-10-05 05:51 pm (UTC)Is one smaller than the other, and if so, does it have penis envy?
Can he frotteur himself? (this may explain why he calls out his own name- force of habit)
All valid questions.
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Date: 2007-10-05 07:13 pm (UTC)1. I'm thinking a kilt would be helpful here.
2. I bet this guy not only whips it out in public, but aims into two urinals, just to show he can.
3. Those people that like to be pissed on would be his "type" if so.
*strokes chin* (Hee!)
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Date: 2007-10-05 05:34 pm (UTC)Yes, I looked at your bad!fic links. OH DEAR LORD, WOMAN.
The air was thick with penises.
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Date: 2007-10-05 07:15 pm (UTC)Um... be careful with the one about the 7 year old anime character's birthday party where she's raped by all her family members. And it's written like it's a fluffy fun sex romp. O_O
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Date: 2007-10-05 07:25 pm (UTC)"Feel free to read this if you are under 18" has never before been so creepy.
I have no icons for this level of wrongness.
Why am I still reading this terrible thing with the pokemon? WHY, STONEY?
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Date: 2007-10-05 07:33 pm (UTC)And now you know my ultimate secret. I've sent you a cyanide pill. :D
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Date: 2007-10-05 08:24 pm (UTC)Oh, consistent and ridiculous misspellings. You help keep things in perspective. (Nibbles? Really? Do you actually not know that they're "nipples"? And you can't tell that "exited" is different from "excited"? What the hell is going on here?)
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Date: 2007-10-05 05:56 pm (UTC)Hot slimy loads of cum. Smexy.
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Date: 2007-10-05 07:16 pm (UTC)If only I knew more about my cunt tunnel and how throbbing red rods that spew baby batter up there worked, I wouldn't have gotten anally raped, which was a relief, because I don't want to get pregnant, and I want to remain a virgin and give my cherry to someone special.
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Date: 2007-10-05 08:43 pm (UTC)My love flaps love a good meat stick, so it's come in handy.
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Date: 2007-10-05 09:02 pm (UTC)YAY FOR TONIGHT.
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Date: 2007-10-05 09:58 pm (UTC)I don't get the whole non-con=sexy thing. At all. I've read a few romance novels where that has come up and smacked me in the face, and I've refused to read the authors again. And I've run across it in fanfic. I just don't understand.
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Date: 2007-10-05 10:30 pm (UTC)Alos, Road to Zarahemla coming to theaters soon! All about how the Lamanites kidnapped Captain Moroni's daughter!!! I cannot even make this stuff up.