More Bad!Fic.. Wait. Make that GREAT!Fic.
Oct. 26th, 2004 09:57 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
stoney321This author is my new crack. And while I wait for updates to Sunday Morning Coming Down I like to fill the blank spaces with Bad(GREAT!)Fic. It's my fic-sorbet. And so?
From the Current Tale of Woe, No Need For Names
And from a new discovery, Member's Only
And the coup de grace...
From the Current Tale of Woe, No Need For Names
- "I need other stimuants besides your gorgeous penis." There's your finger, the thing you do with your tongue, and wait. Did I just say your penis was GORGEOUS? No offense, but it's all purply and shiny and hangy-down. INTRIGUING, maybe, but not gorgeous.
- "The place had it's warnings. Before entering the lower level, there would be signs posted that would say leave moral issues or anything of such nature at the door, giving everyone a choice." It's like she's talking about this story, isn't it?
- "Well, I'm fucking you so I guess that makes you a freak too." Oh, you! You and your sweet talk. Now egress down my throat.
- "Claiming Elizabeth as her pillow queen." I dub thee: Sir Lady Pillow Queen of the NotReadyfortheBigTime Fictitious Characters. Arise!
- "Her cum had run down the insides of her thighs like warm soup." Because "soup" is the OBVIOUS descriptor for excitement. Try our newest flavor, Cream of Cum! *brought to you by the Campbells Soup: Soup is Exciting! Campaign*
- "'What is it?' 'Ecstasy. Don't drink any alcohol.' Faith then gives Buffy water to drink." Looks like SOMEONE took Sue's advice and watched the Ecstasy episode of 90210. Or Dawson's Creek, most likely. Way to go, Jen!
- "They walked down three flights of STARES." Ow! Fuck! Quit it! My eyes!!! Xander? Gah!! Georgia! Georgia... D'oh! What the-OWWW!! Hey! Make it stop!! SHeee! Ow!
- "Faith watered the blonde's chest with her tongue." After adding Miracle GrowTM to the water, Buffy grew a luxuriant bush of chest hair, setting off her breasts nicely.
And from a new discovery, Member's Only
- "He awarded her with his cock, buried deep inside like a rare pearl." Considering that pearls are made from sand irritating the lining of a clam, while funkily appropriate, this is NOT a pleasant analogy.
- "Dripping from the pages of her mind." Aww! I wrote something like this when I was in 8th grade. And had a mohawk and wore Doc Maartens and thought the world was out to get me. Then I grew the hell up and threw those notebooks away.
- "Soiled, sweaty sheets." HAWT. Have I just discovered an Oscar the Grouch kink? I believe I have!
- "Pleasure feasted on by their senses, seasoned by salty sweat, dead semen, and borrowed blood." And just a hint of cumin. Maybe dead semen comes from the Ethnic grocery store? Is it Mediterranean? *knock knock* 'Hi, Mr. Jenkins. I've run out and was hoping I could have a cup of blood? No, AB is just fine.'
- "The flavor of their skins a delicacy to the other, an acquired taste." And they both decided that it would be best paired with fava beans and a nice Chianti. Ffff-fff-fff-fff-fff-fff.
- "Calm whispers, dangerous confession, and silent exchanges make bad seem so good." Calm whispers: I see bad!fic. Dangerous confessions: I can't stop reading it. Silent Exchanges: You are constantly reading it..... SHE KNOWS WE'RE HERE!!!!
- "They answer each other's mating call of the wild..." Mating call of the wild bunch of bananas foster care for you so much. I think I'm getting the hang of this... Isn't this a category on Wheel of Fortune?
- "They rock together like a swing suspended in midair touching, feeling, and satisfying a hunger with resigned acceptance. 'Mine.' 'Yours.'" NO SHE DI-INT!
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dovil! crazydiamondsue!! She's copying us!! - "Like a dog whistle silent and calling to bitches in heat." Like a duck call, making that farting noise and reminding them to fan the bedclothes (the soiled, sweaty ones) discreetly. Preferably when the other's eyes were closed and they were rocking back and forth like a pendulum, but a really big one that takes a while, in order to give them enough time to fan those sheets. While making a silent DOG WHISTLE sound of love.
And the coup de grace...
- "Death to those who speak about it departing on a one-way ticket to hell. The signs are all there, NO ONE ALLOWED WITHOUT PERMISSION, NO ACCESS GRANTED BEYOND THIS POINT, MEMBERS ONLY." Jacket. Or this sign: Danger: Bad!Fic writer at work. Personally, I think the sexiest sign in existence is STOP.
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roflmao!!
Date: 2004-10-26 08:11 am (UTC)*hugs*
Re: roflmao!!
Date: 2004-10-26 08:16 am (UTC)*puts sand in you, hoping for a rare pearl*
Re: roflmao!!
Date: 2004-10-26 11:50 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2004-10-26 08:18 am (UTC)I don't know how she's still writing this drivel, but a small, sick part of me is really glad that she is!
May I take this opportunity to formally congratulate you on another round of excellent mocking...? [bows]
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Date: 2004-10-26 08:22 am (UTC)I don't want her to stop. I love the hell out of her stories. I get nervous when I see her getting flamed at SpuffyRealm or AFFN. Stop!! You'll scare my little bunny away!!
Formal congratulations? Can I be claimed as your Mock Queen? And get a sceptre?
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Date: 2004-10-26 09:29 am (UTC)And somehow I don't think that there's any stopping this one, flames be damned. I think she's firmly in the camp of 'You're all jealous bitches because of my talent and I shall keep writing to prove to you all that your words will not deprive my fawning fans of their Spuffy'!
Well, here's hoping anyway... [crosses fingers]
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Date: 2004-10-26 09:37 am (UTC)I'm happy with my Wee!Spike and LHotP slash fic, thank you. *ahem*
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Date: 2004-10-26 08:42 am (UTC)Hmmm, which is worse, listening to Boobah, or Pup Scooby Doo? That's my current background noise. How old is your avid viewer?
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Date: 2004-10-26 09:31 am (UTC)My avid viewer and sing-alonger is three, as of August. Boobah reminds me of my trippy college days, so I can endure it. Pup named Scooby Doo? Makes me want to itch my skin off and slip it into bags and send to the producers. You know: as a token of my deep, smelly love.
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Date: 2004-10-26 09:10 am (UTC)Dude, she's totally reading your journal and messing with you. I hope.
Nice, subtle request for Sunday, btw.
Hatorade? Causes warm, soupy happiness to egress from my womanhood.
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Date: 2004-10-26 09:33 am (UTC)I think she is just REALLY bad, but tries REALLY hard. And so I mock.
And soup? I'm just glad she didn't say chowder.
(More SUNDAY!! I know you're working on it...)
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Date: 2004-10-26 09:32 am (UTC)*makes unidentifiable sounds while trying not to burst into laughter, causing members of office to look at me like I've just egressed*
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Date: 2004-10-26 09:35 am (UTC)I'll try to put "Warning: Members Only" love signs up to let you know what to expect there at the office. Am I the ONLY one who can't see "Members Only" without immediately following it with "jacket?"
Boobah! Nooooo! *hides*
Date: 2004-10-26 11:32 am (UTC)Now that is sexy dialogue. It's so simple. I really want to write like this person. It's all so bad. Thank a deity for badfic writers.
Re: Boobah! Nooooo! *hides*
Date: 2004-10-26 01:34 pm (UTC)Go back a few posts here and fill out the MadLibs! I wanna see yours!
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Date: 2004-10-26 01:13 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2004-10-26 01:23 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2004-10-26 01:37 pm (UTC)I get happy seeing the purple, no indigo, wait... VIOLET rodents too.
(in Mr. Slave voice) Jesus Christ.
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Date: 2004-10-26 01:36 pm (UTC)Cocks in and of themselves are their OWN reward.
Hey!! That's my little sis! (who is taller than me, BTW)
Date: 2004-10-26 03:15 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2004-10-26 06:18 pm (UTC)Second...
"The place had it's warnings. Before entering the lower level, there would be signs posted that would say leave moral issues or anything of such nature at the door, giving everyone a choice."
There would be signs posted...like...there's not signs posted at the moment?
You're right! It is the story!
"Her cum had run down the insides of her thighs like warm soup."
It's...it's like she saw your icon or something...or like she decided it was your birthday...
"The flavor of their skins a delicacy to the other, an acquired taste." And they both decided that it would be best paired with fava beans and a nice Chianti. Ffff-fff-fff-fff-fff-fff.
*snicker* I've never seen the Hannible thing written down...gotta say, I was also thinking Goldmember...*shudder*
I will live vicariously through your ability to read it until whoever the stick-up-ass-poking-brain person is who blocked my ability to get more bad!fic!!!
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Date: 2004-10-26 08:37 pm (UTC)I had no idea how to spell *wind being creepily sucked in through teeth.*
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Date: 2004-10-26 08:43 pm (UTC)Hey, I think you spelled *wind being creepily sucked through teeth* perfectly. It goes so well with the "Earning His Red Wings" story...oops, there's that gag reflex again...
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Date: 2004-10-26 09:07 pm (UTC)*looks at puke pooling between thighs... MAKE IT STOP!!!!*
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Date: 2004-10-26 09:10 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2004-10-26 08:01 pm (UTC)So...Faith has been lusting after "Elizabeth" since college, gets all sly when Buffy mentions that college party, constantly hits on her, kisses her at work, feels the need to spontaniously run to the bathroom and masturbate until soupy leakings positively stream down her legs (wtf?) and Buffy still hasn't figured out her friend has a thing for her???
"Something that will make you feel real good."
"That's okay. I have William for that."
*haaaaak* 'scuse me, something in my throat...so Buffy trades off her personality when she starts having liquidy sex?
searching for the blonde's cum button
Wow! What a handy feature! Does it come standard?
*sigh* Now I just gotta wait for the next update and for you to mock the GREAT!fic...
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Date: 2004-10-26 08:39 pm (UTC)And for the record, Buffy has ALWAYS had liquidy sex. Hence the Gatorade and Astroglide. She is just able to enjoy the lack of beautiful, gorgeous penises due to the ILLEGAL DRUG she willingly took.
I think "Members Only" is the most poetic, special thing I ever read. Like, special enough for the short bus.
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Date: 2004-10-26 08:47 pm (UTC)Members only was all philosophical...like...it was so deep I was thinking, yeah...this IS Spuffy. And I was so deep in thought I peed enough for it to resemble an ocean. Between my legs.
Shame about that older modle thing...automatic cum button is the wave of the future!
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Date: 2004-10-26 09:09 pm (UTC)You know, I think them youngin's will regret having that cum button workin' so fast. Manuals you gotta... I'm sorry. I'll stop right now.
Plus? I just read the BEST THING EVER from her. I seriously jumped out out of my chair and threw my head back with laughter. It is getting its own icon and a special post.
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Date: 2004-10-26 09:14 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2004-10-26 09:51 pm (UTC)It's official: soupy (soo - pee) adj., 1) hot and ready for sex, 2) horny ANT: vaginal dryness
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Date: 2004-10-26 09:59 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2004-10-26 10:34 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2004-10-26 10:36 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2004-10-26 10:38 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2004-10-26 10:40 pm (UTC)I almost forgot! We need a fat man and a buffet for the night to be complete!
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Date: 2004-10-26 08:34 pm (UTC)So... ecstasy is good for you as long as alcohol is not imbibed. Good to know.
Confidential to Bad!fic writer: We know you're reading all this. We would like you to know that schlongs are not pretty. Period.
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Date: 2004-10-26 08:41 pm (UTC)I swear to god, I think she may be reading this. That being said, she's consistent in her analogies. Food is huge, and the "Cream of Cum" icon came from a line of her fic. Just sayin'.
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Date: 2004-10-26 08:48 pm (UTC)Methinks I'll be changing my green bean casserole recipe this Thanksgiving. Cream of Mushroom is so passe.
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Date: 2004-10-26 09:11 pm (UTC)That is wrong. And I KNOW about Jen, right? But I hate whatshername because she got to make out with Chloe Sevingey in the HBO special and she looked all dykey and hot. Not that I'm into that...
*hides all of her pretty-faced butch female pics*
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Date: 2004-10-26 08:51 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2004-10-26 10:17 pm (UTC)Dear Lady Twat Soupy McGroin of the CrotchPelt,
Date: 2004-10-26 10:33 pm (UTC)I say this with all honesty: there isn't much in this world that can top ass-birth of a blood sucking infant to two vamps and the child is then named Marissa. *shakes head in delight and woe*
Re: Dear Lady Twat Soupy McGroin of the CrotchPelt,
Date: 2004-10-26 10:42 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2004-10-26 11:14 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2004-10-28 05:39 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2004-10-28 05:53 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2004-10-28 05:59 am (UTC)