And the funny just keeps on coming...
Oct. 27th, 2004 12:02 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
stoney321Ah, gentle readers, will the laughing never end? I hope not. My most favoritest writer in all the land has given me more. And can I say right now that I jumped up from my desk and pointed at the screen and cackled? Let that be fair warning, ![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
winterlive. kumiko1: this laugh is for you, hun. Feel better.
AH HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!!!! I swear to god, you couldn't make this shit up. Pissed off aligator. Crikey! She's mad now! Idn't she byoo 'efull? GORGEOUS.
winterlive. kumiko1: this laugh is for you, hun. Feel better.- "He blessed her with his cock." In nomine patre y sante y bonita pee pee.
- "Sex with Spike was indescibably intense, erotic, and dangerous. " It was also indescribably hot and lust-filled and sweaty. And indescribably smelly and soup-making and indescribably descriptive.
- "His cock was her own personal vibrator and she loved her vibrator." Don't you get a vibrator because you don't have a man? Or your man doesn't know what he is doing? Huh. Still trying to figure out all the vibrator reference when she is talking about Spike.
- "Buffy wondered if there was such a thing as too much sex. {no} She knew she had fucked Spike at least a hundred times. Not satisfied with that number she decided to do the math. They have been fucking for about three months. She visited him four times a week, excluding Friday, Saturday and Sunday, which was reserved for Riley, and they averaged three times a day. By her calculations, they have had sex 624 times, which convinced Buffy she was a nymphomaniac." Whew. I can't begin to tell you how wrong this is. Point 1: pick a fucking verb tense. Point 2: Buffy is a dumb slut. Wait! The author is. Obviously she failed word problems in school. I, however, did not. Lemme 'splain: 3x daily, 4 days a week is 3 x 4 = 12. For three months, averaged to 12 weeks: 12x a week by 12 weeks is 12 x 12 = 144. Granted, she is still needing to buy GatoradeTM by the gross, but 624?? I have no idea how she got to that. Maybe if they were doing it 13x... 13 x 4 x 12 = 624. Okay. 13 times a day is serious nympho-zone. (Right into... the nympho-zone! You'll never watch TopGun in the same way...) AND MATH IS HAWT!!!
- "'Ride me Slaahhhh!' The way he said Slayer made Buffy hot." I swear to god, I cut and pasted that. Because drooling no-bottom-jaw having sex partners would get ANYONE hot. Is he being choked? The story IS called Strangled Passions...
- "His cock wept with need." EWWW. When is that EVER sexy? Oh, right. Never!
- "She...let the insides of her meaty lips work his dick." That makes me feel all girly and thin. And that my name is Al and I drive an 18 wheeler.
- "His hands felt like a silk scarf around her neck." Which was odd because the silk scarf around her neck felt like his hands...
- "She felt her orgasm approaching as her muscles snapped at his dick like a pissed off aligator."
AH HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!!!! I swear to god, you couldn't make this shit up. Pissed off aligator. Crikey! She's mad now! Idn't she byoo 'efull? GORGEOUS.
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
no subject
Date: 2004-10-27 10:23 am (UTC)Good thing I stayed home today, I could laugh as loud as I wanted without anyone barging in and asking what happened.
*hugs*
no subject
Date: 2004-10-27 10:40 am (UTC)Tee hee hee...
"She felt her orgasm approaching as her muscles snapped at his dick like a pissed off aligator."
No way...she didn't? But of course she did...must find story immediately...
But see, we already knew she was crap at math since she decided that 5 seconds=1 hour.
And more vigina-meat references! OMG!!!!1 I'm about to pop like i would if I were licking the Pope's ring...
no subject
Date: 2004-10-27 10:40 am (UTC)Now I'll have Steve Irwin's voice somehow mixed up in my head with a vision of Buffy and Spike going at it, which makes for a very, very bad mental place. Thank you so much!
no subject
Date: 2004-10-27 10:55 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2004-10-27 11:33 am (UTC)If Buffy left on a train in Pittsburgh at 1:30 p.m. and her vibrator set on speed 3 usually induced four orgams an hour, how many more orgasms could she have if she set the the speed to 5 before the train arrived in Atlanta, providing she never visited the club car?
no subject
Date: 2004-10-27 11:34 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2004-10-27 11:37 am (UTC)Also...LOVE the icon...scariest part? Definately Michael Jackson...
no subject
Date: 2004-10-27 11:38 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2004-10-27 11:38 am (UTC)624? C'mon...it's gotta be 624...
Re: Michael Jackson
Date: 2004-10-27 11:39 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2004-10-27 11:44 am (UTC)I laughed so hard at the aligator... Well, from that we know she's from the westerna nd northern hemispheres. (No crocodiles)
Instead of meat lips, I prefer to call them ham flaps. Oh, shit, I just egressed all over my chair so that it resembles an ocean.
no subject
Date: 2004-10-27 11:44 am (UTC)The longer she stayed away from him the more she could resist the calling of his cock.
Too many ways to mock...can't single out one...*clutches head* snark overload...
The call of the one-eyed trouser snake is distinctive. It can lure many an unsuspecting victim with it's silent, yet visibly weepy, cry. Signs that you have been effected: soupyness, ability to think of cocks as beautiful, belief that toads are sexyally exciting...
no subject
Date: 2004-10-27 11:54 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2004-10-27 11:57 am (UTC)The call is more high a high-pitched squeal followed by an abrupt hissing sound and a thud.
no subject
Date: 2004-10-27 11:58 am (UTC)Don't forget to carry the one next time you seat Mr. Anelith in your audience!
no subject
Date: 2004-10-27 12:00 pm (UTC)I'm working on a Thriller Icon. Because I have waaaay too much time on my hands.
no subject
Date: 2004-10-27 12:08 pm (UTC)F(x,y) = xcubed + ysquared - 6xy + 9x + 5y + 2
Where F= function, x= Buffy, y= Spike, xcubed = # of fucks per day, ysquared = Riley is lame variable, 6xy is the number of times Spike egresses, 9x stands for gallons of GatoradeTM, 5y=fishery references, and 2 is how many it takes to tango.
Fx = xsquared - 6y + 9
Fy = 2y - 6x + 5
which follows that F has a saddle point of 624.
no subject
Date: 2004-10-27 12:09 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2004-10-27 12:10 pm (UTC)I heart aligators.
no subject
Date: 2004-10-27 12:12 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2004-10-27 12:13 pm (UTC)i typed this with one hand cause the other is covered in dorito dust
no subject
Date: 2004-10-27 12:13 pm (UTC)Btw, all spellign errors in my posts are...er...an attempt at verisimilitude (big word to take your mind off of the fact that I misspelled 'sexually' and 'Cheating'...)
no subject
Date: 2004-10-27 12:14 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2004-10-27 12:16 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2004-10-27 12:16 pm (UTC)You have the skills of an artist, Dagron!
no subject
Date: 2004-10-27 12:17 pm (UTC)Musta got a toenail stuck in my throat!
Paynbow made it and it's snagable!
no subject
Date: 2004-10-27 12:18 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2004-10-27 12:20 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2004-10-27 12:22 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2004-10-27 12:22 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2004-10-27 01:41 pm (UTC)I recced this too a true Spuffy fan, and she almost died - The fanbase grows daily as we spread the bad!fic love... [g]
no subject
Date: 2004-10-27 01:43 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2004-10-27 03:05 pm (UTC)I have included a proof of the logic of my being put off sex for the rest of my life:
[(Buffy wondered if there was such a thing as too much sex) ^ (sex != 624) -> (too much sex)]
Therefore, {no} is false.
Although, I must say, that episode of the Crocodile Hunter where Steve Irwin wrestles the one-eyed trouser snake while holding baby Connor? Best ever.
no subject
Date: 2004-10-27 03:10 pm (UTC)I think you are a necro-nympho-philiac. I just watched a vid parodying the Count on Sesame Street, and I've decided that it is exactly what Spike is. Yay!
Doin' the math
Date: 2004-10-27 03:50 pm (UTC)Navin R. Johnson : I know we've only known each other four weeks and three days, but to me it seems like nine weeks and five days. The first day seemed like a week and the second day seemed like five days. And the third day seemed like a week again and the fourth day seemed like eight days. And the fifth day you went to see your mother and that seemed just like a day, and then you came back and later on the sixth day, in the evening, when we saw each other, that started seeming like two days, so in the evening it seemed like two days spilling over into the next day and that started seeming like four days, so at the end of the sixth day on into the seventh day, it seemed like a total of five days. And the sixth day seemed like a week and a half. I have it written down, but I can show it to you tomorrow if you want to see it.
I will love this fic for the rest of my life.
Doin' the math ALL. NITE. LONGdivision
Date: 2004-10-27 03:56 pm (UTC)"And I have this terrific new girlfriend and she has a tatoo on her inner thigh that says 'slippery when wet....'"
no subject
Date: 2004-10-27 06:40 pm (UTC)"She...let the insides of her meaty lips work his dick."
Just ewww...
So wait, she has mulitiple stories, I thought it was just one or two. I bow before her muse. Then I kicked it in the shins. Note the misuse of tenses... it's an homage.
no subject
Date: 2004-10-27 06:52 pm (UTC)I like to see her as the yardstick by which I measure myself. And I'm coming out a country mile. :-)
no subject
Date: 2004-10-27 06:58 pm (UTC)So, very, very afraid of that. And as soon as Lost is over, I'm gonna read your Lost ficlette. Tried to read it but I couldn't concentrate on both, it got confusing.
no subject
Date: 2004-10-27 09:23 pm (UTC)::grins::
Hahahahaha! I so needed this :D I *heart* ya!
::HUGS & KISSES::
no subject
Date: 2004-10-27 09:37 pm (UTC)*squeeze you tight*
(Been thinking about you and your family. Sending thoughts of lov and encouragement your way...)
no subject
Date: 2004-10-30 10:31 am (UTC)Anyway, just wanted to thank you for the humor therapy -- I'm in a MUCH better mood than I was this morning!
Also, I'm friending you (I don't expect you to reciprocate, but you might appreciate my tribute to fanfic writers (http://www.livejournal.com/users/ponders_life/1384.html).
no subject
Date: 2004-10-30 12:24 pm (UTC)You'll come for the bad!fic, but you'll stay for the wee!spike. :-)
I read your terrific fanfic tribute. Aren't you just the coolest?
(friending you back!)
no subject
Date: 2004-11-05 01:37 pm (UTC)DUDE that is some baaaad fic.
no subject
Date: 2006-03-01 06:21 am (UTC)So I lied, I hadn't read them all, and this one, oh man, this is SO funny. I nearly choked laughing.
Favorites:
Number 4 (too long to paste)
'Ride me Slaahhhh!' The way he said Slayer made Buffy hot."
"She felt her orgasm approaching as her muscles snapped at his dick like a pissed off aligator."
SO great!