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stoney321I know I'm all posty McGee here, but holy crap, this stuff is too funny. (I'm all behind on the actual
fandom and stuff.)
Summary, Edward Cullen, the diamondy, sparkly, rainbow making vampire, is a virgin. A 100 year old virgin, so take that. The premise is all the other vamps in his family are boning like monkeys in the house while he seethes (and presses wildflowers.) I laughed and laughed and laughed at this.
You don't have to read the Twilight books to laugh, thank heaven.
fandom and stuff.)Summary, Edward Cullen, the diamondy, sparkly, rainbow making vampire, is a virgin. A 100 year old virgin, so take that. The premise is all the other vamps in his family are boning like monkeys in the house while he seethes (and presses wildflowers.) I laughed and laughed and laughed at this.
You don't have to read the Twilight books to laugh, thank heaven.
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Date: 2008-08-20 04:36 pm (UTC)Man, approximately 87 years of wet-dreams. Or, chafing his dick off. I'd stake myself.
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Date: 2008-08-20 04:41 pm (UTC)He is made of marble, so with proper care, his cock *could* last a lifetime. (Think of all the... extra polishing Michelangelo did to David, after all)
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Date: 2008-08-20 05:26 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2008-08-20 06:33 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2008-08-20 06:54 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2008-08-20 04:48 pm (UTC)And the utter, stinking, racism of using the Quileute as plot devices, from the distance of Arizona... shit, one of the sources of my writer's block was a sudden realization that I myself might be guilty of stealing other people's stories, even though I'd striven against it and was writing from a position of familiarity, if not actual belonging.
Julia, my laugh is an evil laugh
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Date: 2008-08-20 04:51 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2008-08-20 06:57 pm (UTC)These are not good books, though, so mostly, it's just another example of how odd her choices were.
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Date: 2008-08-20 05:47 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2008-08-20 06:14 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2008-08-20 05:59 pm (UTC)I'd forgot what the series was about & then she got the last book in the series for graduation from another teenage girl & I made the mistake of asking her, "Now, what's that series about?" when we were driving somewhere & she was reading it & she launched into it all again--WITH QUOTES--and I had to drive the Cougar into a solid cement wall at 90+ to get it out of my head. Okay, not really. But in my head I did.
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Date: 2008-08-20 06:15 pm (UTC)What the shit is this?
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Date: 2008-08-20 08:15 pm (UTC)Morgan: This is pissing me off. Who DIES just because a guy leaves them?
Me: Stop reading that crap.
Morgan: No. I have to see what happens.
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Date: 2008-08-20 08:35 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2008-08-20 06:04 pm (UTC)I wondered where the awesome icon came from. That is perfect.
(HI!)
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Date: 2008-08-20 06:15 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2008-08-20 06:04 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2008-08-20 06:16 pm (UTC)...if he had one.
A soul, that is, not manhood. He was fairly dripping with that."
Expect loads of that and more next week. WHEEEE!
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Date: 2008-08-20 07:10 pm (UTC)oxymoronassoc: LIKE GROUT IN THE BATHROOM
oxymoronassoc: WITH A TOOTHBRUSH
oxymoronassoc: EVEN THOUGH NO ONE USES IT
saint_renegade: he's like hardcore with it too
saint_renegade: THIS IS GROSS, HOW DO WE LIVE LIKE THIS?
oxymoronassoc: like microscopic grit
saint_renegade: DISGUSTING
oxymoronassoc: i bet he did bella's bathroom too
oxymoronassoc: when he got tired of watching her sleep
~~
Even though I haven't read these books - except for those few pages of the first book I browsed in Target - and have no plans to, I want you to know that *this*? Above? Is now MY Edward. My canon Edward on his knees scrubbing and scrubbing with his little toothbrush.
*giggles like bad!fic Giles*
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Date: 2008-08-20 07:23 pm (UTC)And the funny thing? IT KIND OF IS CANON EDWARD!!! That's the sheer brilliance of it! Bwah ha!!
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Date: 2008-08-20 08:14 pm (UTC)And if you want to explain to people what Twilight is, then I can't think of anything better or more concise than this.
(Presuming you've not come across it already... )
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Date: 2008-08-21 12:01 am (UTC)HAHAH to that link! That's awesome. (Never worry about linking me to stuff. I'm woefully behind on everything!)
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Date: 2008-08-21 09:22 am (UTC)If all the fans are like this woman, it explains a LOT. My 9 year old can write - and spell - better thank that! (Although she - the fan - invents one of the best words I've ever come across. *g*) Speaking of 9 y.o. she's also getting increasingly *emotional* over everything. ::deep sigh::
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Date: 2008-08-20 10:48 pm (UTC)Mourning his departure, she slips into a downward spiral of depression that penetrates and lingers over her every step. Vampire fans will appreciate the subsequently dour mood that permeates the novel
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Date: 2008-08-21 12:02 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2008-08-20 10:50 pm (UTC)I'm gonna go get some oxygen now. BRB.
Oh, and SPARKLEDAMMERUNG ftw.
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Date: 2008-08-21 12:02 am (UTC)HAHAHAHA, isn't thta graphic MAJESTIC?
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Date: 2008-08-21 12:07 am (UTC)That link was very funny! I'm going to enjoy every bit of this.
Wow, I had thought of reading Twilight and its sequels, thinking that they might be good, but whoo, now I'm glad I didn't.
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Date: 2008-08-21 12:17 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2008-08-21 12:30 am (UTC)GAAAAAH, the message is so horrible!!! They aren't in love, their strangely obsessed with one another. GAH.
Also, HUGS to you and your poor pup. *strokes your dog gently* Sweet blue guy. <3
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Date: 2008-08-21 12:59 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2008-08-21 02:07 am (UTC)