Note to self:

[stoney321]

do NOT read textsfromlastnight.com when both drinking and when putting a slice of pizza in your mouth. It hurts, and not in that fun way. Things like

(917): yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.

and

(717): You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.

and

(609): You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
(1-609): Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.

[ETA] (720): o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket

LOLOLOL!!!! Omg, check out the "Best Night Ever" tab. Solid freaking gold.



How am I supposed to not read that stuff? HOW? Oh man, sometimes they hit on some GOLD. Wow. Nothing is every between just two people any more, never forget that, yo.

This post brought to you by my waiting for children to go to bed so I can watch Cannibal Holocaust and by a bottle of a lovely Tuscan Red. :)

Comments

[stoney321.livejournal.com]

Isn't that hilarious? I marvel every morning. (I have this on my google reader.)

[stoney321.livejournal.com]

My friend turned me on to it, and I can't have a day go by where I don't read it. IT IS GLORIOUS.

[fabrisse.livejournal.com]

Deary, deary me. *G*

[stoney321.livejournal.com]

I just... I will NEVER tire of listening to people say foolish things. Never.

[dovil.livejournal.com]

I would like to thank you and the opportunity of discovering of why New Jersey is the brunt of all jokes - the truth makes it that much funnier.

I WANT PIZZA AND WINE! Move over!

[stoney321.livejournal.com]

LOL.

I just pulled pizza #2 out of the oven! It has mushrooms and pepperoni and basil from the garden. (Oregano and tomatoes, too.)

I had a dream the other night where you and I went on an extravagant trek across the globe for three weeks. We enjoyed ourselves, it that tells you anything. I have crazy wanderlust!!!)

[dovil.livejournal.com]

Oh god, that pizza sounds divine! It would be even better with pinenuts on it, but hey, I don't mean to judge your sub-par pizza making skills. (Basil from the garden, excuse me while I drool everywhere and fart slightly from bending over to grab a tissue).

http://www.roundtheworldflights.co.nz/

That's what I'M talking about! I have itchy feet so badly and once the tinea is cured I so want to travel again - and travelling with you? That would be gold, because you like doing what I like doing, walking and eating. Plus drinking, though I feel cheated that we've never simulatiously been drunk together, just tiddly drunk, not the proper losing control of our bowels, drunk.

[stoney321.livejournal.com]

Mmmm, pinenuts are goooooood. your fart, however, smells of elderberry wine. Weird.

AHHHH!!! I want to go on that trip with you!! And one of my goals that has to be accomplished before I get too old is to get pants shitting drunk with you. Because I want us to have memories that last forever.

[dovil.livejournal.com]

Huh? Normally they smell of unicorns and magic - I'll get on to the doctor about that.

I want to be popping that cork on the bottle of Moet and 12 hours later be cacked in dried faeces and encrusted vomit - OH YEAH! Now that's living it like the stars.

Come on, lets go on a trip - I'll meet you half-way, though sadly that will probably mean the middle of the Pacific Ocean - bring shark repellant!

[stoney321.livejournal.com]

And sunshine, don't forget the piquant hint of sunshine. (Have you not had your fiber?)

WE WILL BE EVERY BIT AS GLORIOUS AS BRAD AND ANGELINA.

...Easter Island? I've always wanted to go!

[dovil.livejournal.com]

Oh, I had a friend who went there - apparently it's barren and windswept and they do a roaring trade in souviner statues. Sounds like the English seaside to me.

[stoney321.livejournal.com]

HAHAHAHAHA. Jamaica it is, then!

[gabzilla.livejournal.com]

(402): apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"

Ok, I lost it right there.. This is a horribly wonderful find, thanks.

[stoney321.livejournal.com]

You bet. Oh man, I almost C&P'd that in the original post, too! :D

[demonqueen666.livejournal.com]

(313): I wish costco sold astroglide.
(248): i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.

Hahaha!! My god, some of these are almost like inadvertant POETRY. (The "Edward Cullen of sluts" one is made of inappropriate win, seriously.)

[stoney321.livejournal.com]

I just added an ETA to the post, too.

Warning: you might spend HOURS reading these and laughing your ass off.

your icon made me laugh so hard that I had to put down my wine glass. WELL PLAYED, MADAM.

[demonqueen666.livejournal.com]

What can I say? My choice of icons may be random at best, but I try to hang on to some really really good ones.

[the-soul-of-wit.livejournal.com]

Bartok!! <3 <3 <3

[roonilwazlib6.livejournal.com]

I love that website. That and fmylife.com. They make me feel better about myself, haha.

[stoney321.livejournal.com]

Whenever you're feeling down about yourself, I find those sites to be FABULOUS esteem builders. :D

[bitchygrrl.livejournal.com]

I love that site, and I follow them on twitter. TFLN brings the LOLZ

[stoney321.livejournal.com]

I don't have the patience for Twitter - I'm just going old school with the F5, yo. (Lol.)

[adnault.livejournal.com]

That website is equal parts horrifying that people are actually that grotesque and absolutely hysterical that people are that grotesque

[stoney321.livejournal.com]

EXACTLY. That's what makes me love it so

[adnault.livejournal.com]

(502): Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!

[semby.livejournal.com]

Oh my God, thank you for introducing me to my newest addiction!

[mpoetess.livejournal.com]

I had to stop at page 13 because I was laughing so hard I gave myself a crying headache.

[redbrickrose.livejournal.com]

Texts from last night is NON STOP HILARITY. I love it.

[fiveandfour.livejournal.com]

I'm particularly fond of this metaphor: (949) it was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time. That's like something out of Wodehouse.

This site reminds me of a little binder of drunken snippets I used to collect for a group of friends. It was called "Shut Up, Stupid!" It may not have made as much sense out of context - not to mention sober - but it sure made us laugh.

[chrryblssmninja.livejournal.com]

o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
XD

[raineishida.livejournal.com]

This one amuses me more than it should.

(240): Banned from zoo.
(301): Again?


Thanks for sharing these with us, Stoney. <3

[fiveandfour.livejournal.com]

I love this one, too. There's a whole story there behind those 4 words and it's amusing to imagine what it could be.

[ethrosdemon.livejournal.com]

(843): the red head has a bf
(1-843): just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score

Thank you for bringing this website into my life

[kseenaa.livejournal.com]

MWAHAHAHAHA!!! Awesome site! Thank you!

[mumsisdaughter]

Lawks!