An hour-long conversation with Christopher Walken about meat.

[stoney321]

I didn't actually talk with Mr. Walken today, I just entertained myself on the long drive back from an audition taping by improving the copy as Christopher Walken, because that is how my brain works. He waxed philosophic about getting up at 4 am to devour upwards of 2 pounds of genoa salami. Other nights it could be Westphalian ham, because he doesn't understand why it's half the cost of Prosciutto. His parents didn't offer much in the way of supervision as a child, leaving him to ponder the complexities of life on his own. But [insert grocery store I auditioned for's name here] offers amazing and astounding values. On meat. Other things, as well, but you can't beat their meat. Lol.

I've had a few auditions this week and haven't felt very confident during them, and I figured out what was missing: my videographer, bu_doodlebug. She's so fun and lets me just go and go and go. It gets my energy up, and I think that by the time the camera rolls, I'm more subdued, and that's not what you need when your auditioning for, say, Playstation. Der. [She also let me do a dry run through as Nancy Grace, Greta Van Susteren and Paula Deen, and those four are my solid impressions. Hahaha.]

I've written not one word on my projects today. Now that my energy is coming down from "crack shakes" to manageable energetic mom, I think I'll be able to focus.

And just because it's my all-time favorite impression of Christopher Walken, I leave you with Kevin Pollak's version, because it's freaking hilarious and spot on. (NSFW due to one word at the end.)

Comments

[brunettepet.livejournal.com]

The musing on Westphalian ham being half the cost of prosciutto and ...amazing and astounding values. On meat in a Christopher Walken voice had me laughing out loud.

Hell, now everything I read is converting to Walken-speak. I wish I was reading a word tour through Alex Rodriguez' boudoir...

[stoney321.livejournal.com]

I do Walken-speak every chance I get. It's so funny to me! Another great word for Walken is "ridiculous."

Try reading bank statements as Walken.

[brunettepet.livejournal.com]

Try reading bank statements as Walken. hahaha! He'd find every entry ridiculous! "You're paying how much for cable?"

[stoney321.livejournal.com]

"Wow. That's hilarious. Never before did I discern how much my actual payments were. I should contact my cable representative immediately."

...if someone doesn't have his voice in their head, this whole thread is going to seem very bizarre. :D

[sunnyd-lite.livejournal.com]

Stoney, it's not polite to beat their meat without their consent!

[stoney321.livejournal.com]

And you certainly can't have any pudding... ;)

[minstrel666.livejournal.com]

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dFKylgGk73I

"This guy... is un-fuckin'-believable"

I once heard that Christopher Walken says he loves acting so much he could do it for free. The "Ripper" video game must have been one of those charity cases. He's wonderful in it.

[stoney321.livejournal.com]

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7XtuPvwBa2U

I love him taking a census here. LOL!

[minstrel666.livejournal.com]

Oh God, I can't stop laughing and I don't think the jokes are even that fresh! XD XD XD

[stoney321.livejournal.com]

That's when they're the funniest!

"What's... the difference... between a pub and.... an elephant's fart? This... is a bar room, and...an elephant's fart.. is a baROOM."

[bu-doodlebug.livejournal.com]

Check your email inbox. ;)

OMG. Kevin Pollack's impression is dead-on. I LOVE the Aristocrats!!!!!!!

[stoney321.livejournal.com]

TAG: check YOUR email inbox! :D

Isn't that one PERFECT?? Amy Poehler does one, too, and it's remarkable! "I have uh dahl. She's a good dahl. But she don't like ghosts. Me, neither. They're spooky. I don't like spooky behaviuh." Ahahahahaha.

[nwhepcat.livejournal.com]

Totally believable. Chris Walken's family had a bakery in Astoria Queens for many years, so I could totally picture him wandering around eating 2 lbs of salami.

[stoney321.livejournal.com]

HEEEEEEEEE! My impressions are more than abstract, you see: they are based on TRUTH! Lol!

[nwhepcat.livejournal.com]

Walken KNOWS foodstuffs!

[stoney321.livejournal.com]

The man is vairy, vairy serious...about the particular things...he eats.

[oatmellow.livejournal.com]

seriously, it's a little weird we simultaneously Walken-blogged.

[stoney321.livejournal.com]

I'd say the operation didn't go exactly as planned. I was told I would get most of the brain.

[oatmellow.livejournal.com]

Yeah, and I was told I'd get the looks...they really screwed up.

[soberloki.livejournal.com]

Oh. My WORD.

I SO want to drive around with you now and listen to you riff on commercial copy in a Walken voice. That would be nothing short of AWESOME.

[stoney321.livejournal.com]

Jesse is very indulgent. She'll just let me go and go... Then we realize there are people outside waiting for me to wrap it up. WHOOPS. :D

[weaver42.livejournal.com]

Every word you write is happy-making.

Best: "Crack shakes."

Awesome.

Though, I wouldn't order that at McDonald's if you paid me.

-- c.

[stoney321.livejournal.com]

You know those people that walk around outside with little tastes of shakes to tempt you into buying a whole one? MM HMM!! First hit's free, I'm telling you.

And funnily enough, crack shakes have the piquant taste of almond. Who knew? And ashy knees.

[entrenous88.livejournal.com]

IL all Christopher Walkens.

Did you see this piece of awesomeness yet?



Lessee if my embedding skills came through...

[stoney321.livejournal.com]

HAHAHAHA, I DID!! And then I was singing "Pah pah pah pah poker face pah pah poker face, mah mah mah mah"

:D