Oprah Winfrey gave me the Evils.

[stoney321]

Oh my god (well, not my god because I defy Him and all His works - Joss, that line will never not work for me, thanks) if you missed Oprah's show yesterday, KEEP ON MISSING IT. Yes, I've apparently turned into that haus frau, the one that watches Oprah Winfrey in the afternoon. Except for how I mistakenly watched it at night, and then had nightmares all night long. She had the woman that was brutally attacked (like, don't even google it, okay? And I've seen 2 Girls and 1 Cup and laughed) by a friend's pet chimpanzee. I had to call my husband to talk me down from being freaked out by the 911 call. Holy crap balls. Animal attacks = worst way to die (or NOT die) ever. You all have my permission to smother me with a pillow if I'm ever attacked by an animal and then don't die from it, but should have. *shudder*

I'm giving all of my pets the stink eye, now. We all know that Darthanne, my serial killing cat, would take me down in a heartbeat if she could. If she could figure out how to work a ziplock bag to get her own treats, I'd have been kitty litter long before now. I think she stares at me while I sleep, licking her lips, wondering if I would go well with a nice Chianti and Fava beans *fft fft fft fft!*

IN OTHER NON-ANIMAL ATTACK NEWS, I'm trying to get my mojo back re:writing and telling a story. My confidence was massively shaken this summer during the rejection hurricane but I'm going to quit being self-indulgent and push through. By being self-indulgent in another way, lol. There's been a meme floating around where people ask the poster for "DVD commentary" on any of their fics. I don't know if anyone is interested in hearing how I came up with Hulk/Jolly Green Giant man on man love, or the inspiration behind the Gone with the Wind mpreg, or the analysis of medieval Catholic rites in Angel: The Series or just how I make the horses in my soap opera so compelling (poor Gringo el burro, will he ever find amor?), but I'd love to tell you all about My Art. Lol. My fic can be found here and the original LDS Missionary Coming out of the Closet story is here. Warning: many contain adult themes, some homo, some hetero, some violence exists in a lot of my stories, but they're clearly labeled. There's also massive quantities of crack and far too many Dune references than one person should ever use. Fair warning!

There's something else I meant to say, but I can't think of it. I'm diving back into my picture book of white-skinned, blue-eyed American Indians talking with Jesus (for research purposes, of course.) Hahaha. If only I was joking about that last bit.

Comments

[crazydiamondsue.livejournal.com]

If she could figure out how to work a ziplock bag to get her own treats, I'd have been kitty litter long before now. My love for Darthanne will never die. (Speaking of Darthanne -- loosely -- I was telling a guy friend yesterday that I want to sign Jonah up for ice skating lessons and eventually hockey. He told me that one of the best hockey rinks was over in a part of town infamous for its arson, meth houses, shootings, etc. I winced and he smirked, "Too scared to drive there?" and I answered "Not even in an At-At." He was impressed.)

I would love to read a DVD commentary of the missionary coming out story (as I think many would -- that story kicked ass) but you know I'm always a willing audience to get a behind the scenes peek at the inspiration for lines such as: "Somebody ‘bout tuh lose a perfectly good mulatto vampire ass baby roun' here!"

[stoney321.livejournal.com]

Ahahahaha. Star Wars references are always appropriate. And I thought they smelled bad... on the outside!

Oooh, I would love to talk about And It Came To Pass, because I'm an attention hound. ANything in particular that you want me to talk about? And who doesn't love a perfectly good mulatto ass baby? (NOTE TO NEW FOLKS: I WAS MOCKING PEOPLE WHO ARE CRAZY. Also, I am crazy.)

[stoney321.livejournal.com]

Dammit, I should have replied with this icon. It's the daddy of the At-At.