Oprah Winfrey gave me the Evils.

[stoney321]

Oh my god (well, not my god because I defy Him and all His works - Joss, that line will never not work for me, thanks) if you missed Oprah's show yesterday, KEEP ON MISSING IT. Yes, I've apparently turned into that haus frau, the one that watches Oprah Winfrey in the afternoon. Except for how I mistakenly watched it at night, and then had nightmares all night long. She had the woman that was brutally attacked (like, don't even google it, okay? And I've seen 2 Girls and 1 Cup and laughed) by a friend's pet chimpanzee. I had to call my husband to talk me down from being freaked out by the 911 call. Holy crap balls. Animal attacks = worst way to die (or NOT die) ever. You all have my permission to smother me with a pillow if I'm ever attacked by an animal and then don't die from it, but should have. *shudder*

I'm giving all of my pets the stink eye, now. We all know that Darthanne, my serial killing cat, would take me down in a heartbeat if she could. If she could figure out how to work a ziplock bag to get her own treats, I'd have been kitty litter long before now. I think she stares at me while I sleep, licking her lips, wondering if I would go well with a nice Chianti and Fava beans *fft fft fft fft!*

IN OTHER NON-ANIMAL ATTACK NEWS, I'm trying to get my mojo back re:writing and telling a story. My confidence was massively shaken this summer during the rejection hurricane but I'm going to quit being self-indulgent and push through. By being self-indulgent in another way, lol. There's been a meme floating around where people ask the poster for "DVD commentary" on any of their fics. I don't know if anyone is interested in hearing how I came up with Hulk/Jolly Green Giant man on man love, or the inspiration behind the Gone with the Wind mpreg, or the analysis of medieval Catholic rites in Angel: The Series or just how I make the horses in my soap opera so compelling (poor Gringo el burro, will he ever find amor?), but I'd love to tell you all about My Art. Lol. My fic can be found here and the original LDS Missionary Coming out of the Closet story is here. Warning: many contain adult themes, some homo, some hetero, some violence exists in a lot of my stories, but they're clearly labeled. There's also massive quantities of crack and far too many Dune references than one person should ever use. Fair warning!

There's something else I meant to say, but I can't think of it. I'm diving back into my picture book of white-skinned, blue-eyed American Indians talking with Jesus (for research purposes, of course.) Hahaha. If only I was joking about that last bit.

Comments

WARNING: GRUESOME DETAILS. (in second para)

[stoney321.livejournal.com]

Um.... I'll tell you. First let me say that EVERYTHING IN PARAGRAPH 2 I AGREE 100% WITH. Gah.

Now, turn back if you don't want to know, okay?


Chimp rushed her, grabbed her mouth, ripped OFF her face: upper jaw, teeth, nose, bones, eyes, most of her forehead. Jumped on her. Ate into her head. Bit and ripped off both hands. Ate her wrist on one hand. (They were able to reattach her thumb on one... stump.

She lived through all of that. And the 911 call? you can hear him DOING THAT. *cries* Horrid. Absolutely horrid.

Re: WARNING: GRUESOME DETAILS. (in second para)

[morgielefae.livejournal.com]

....I need to add more icons, because I do not have one to reflect the sheer amount of ohmygodohmygodohmyfuckinggod that I'm feeling right now.

I've heard stories of chimps that have taken human BABIES and... but never a full grown adult. How? How did she not DIE? And was the owner not freaking feeding the damned thing? (and this is like 100xs more creepy than the opening scene of The Hunger. At least that was another damned monkey. As well as fiction.)

And they played that? On day time, network TV? I just don't understand how they got away with that. Were the censors asleep or something?

Re: WARNING: GRUESOME DETAILS. (in second para)

[morgielefae.livejournal.com]

And now I'm reminded of going on a overnight field trip to the Atlanta Zoo when I was in 6th grade. We got to explore parts of the zoo not open to the public. Like the actual gorilla enclosure. And now I can't stop thinking of how badly THAT could have ended.

I think the cheap ass zoo in Richmond where only double fences kept me separated from the lions and rinos and a bridge over the crocs was slightly safer than that, now.