There'll be food around the corner! Food around the corner!

[stoney321]

Food around the corner for me, oh de oh doh doh doh... If you're not singing along with me on that one, 1) I'm sad that you don't have that ear worm embedded in your brain from countless hours of watching cartoons and 2) are you trying to say you're better than me because your family took you on vacations around the world, soaking up information on the arts, culture, and civilization while I was parked in front of the 17 inch Zenith for days on end? I don't need your pity. Just your welfare. And food stamps.

And here is the full cartoon. You're welcome. That voice is another on my list of voices I can do. Yes, I'm extremely talented.

So, it turns out my in laws will be spending the holiday with us, but I sent ideas for food that she can bring so we don't have any carrot dimes (oh god, I gagged a little just thinking of them, the "recipe" is at the bottom, btw.) or sweet potato casserole made from a box (seriously?? How lazy and unimaginative can you get?) or an angel food cake enveloped in green frosting. Every gathering the woman makes those three things. Why the green frosting on the angel food cake? Why GREEN? It's inexplicable.

However! I am making things that are delicious, the Cowboys are playing (and I swear to the god of your choice, if you jackholes fall apart at the back half of the season AGAIN I may just have to support some loser team like the Eagles. Oh my god, I almost threw up in my mouth. I could never support a team from Philly, please forgive me, in the name of Tom Landry.) Attn: Roy Williams: you are this close to getting a head smack from me. If you need to put glue on your hands to hold that damn ball, do it.

I digress. Today I am: making ginger-orange rolls for breakfast tomorrow. Making homemade rolls to rise in the fridge tonight. Baking a pecan pie. Turning my chai spice cake into a bundt cake with my homemade pumpkin butter as a filling. Brining my turkey with apple, sage, peppercorns, cider and thyme. (Tomorrow it will be smoked for 8 hours over apple wood with apples, sage, and thyme in the cavity.) Oh, and I need to make sweet potato dip, since we all want mashed garlic potatoes with supper, and you need sweet potatoes for it to be an official Thanksgiving holiday (serving it with red bell pepper slices and pita chips..) I have a Pinot Noir from Sonoma to go with dinner, and a chilled bottle of Kendall Jackson for my mother in law, because she doesn't care about quality. HEY-O, bitchiness abounds. :D

I'm hoping to dive back into writing ASAP, so I may be anti-social for a bit. I'm feeling incredibly overwhelmed by all of the responsibility being thrust upon me from every corner and to insure that I don't get bitchy, I'm going to slap on some headphones, listen to Gorillaz and the Beastie Boys and some Rachmaninoff, because I like being unpredictable. Oooh, if I may geek out for a minute, I nerded out yesterday explaining to a stranger why Vladimir Horowitz is one of the greatest pianists around because the man is FASTER THAN A STEINWAY ACTION. There are maybe four people I know that give a rat's ass about that, and I love each of you with all of my heart. (I'd be MORE THAN HAPPY to explain why that is a big deal, if anyone is interested. *crickets.*)

OKAY. Diving in to my list. I'll see you on the other side. Happy abuse the Indians so they'll feed us before we rob them of their culture Day! Wait, that was too long so they shortened it to Thanksgiving. It's catchier, I'll give them that. :)


Carrot Dimes (Also called Copper Pennies.)

Get two bags of frozen carrots, cut into slices.
Put them in a ziplock bag.
Pour in one can of Campbell's tomato soup.
Add one diced red onion.
Add the cut green tops to two green onions.
Seal the bag, place on its side in the fridge.
Allow the "marinade" to soak for several hours, being sure to turn it over every few hours to make sure that delicious flavor soaks in everywhere.
Place ziplock bag in boiling water until the carrots are warmed through, dump into dish and serve.
Watch children burst into tears.

EVERY GATHERING. She makes this at EVERY GATHERING. Pass that cooking torch, woman, pass it on. My kids literally cry when they see that on the buffet table. So does their mama.

Comments

[judetwee.livejournal.com]

I think I may throw up just reading about carrot dimes.

[maybe1ce.livejournal.com]

The carrot dimes.....they are just....so.....wrong...........

On the bright side, I guess they are an excellent foodstuff to offer those concerned with overeating on the holiday. Because, seriously? Who could eat even one?

[stoney321.livejournal.com]

IT IS SERIOUSLY THE WORST THING EVER. And she haaaaaaates that I know how to cook and picks apart things I make whenever my husband or father in law give me praise in front of her.

WHATEVER, I can't help that I make things that are delicious, woman!

[stoney321.livejournal.com]

THEY ARE HIDEOUS. I'm not joking when I say my kids cry when they see them. (I had a rule that you must try a little of everything when you're a guest at someone's home. Unless there are carrot dimes.)

Everything she makes is so bland and flavorless and unimaginative. We NEVER eat to bursting if we're forced to have a meal at her house. Which... there's the bright side? Except for how our favorite burger joint is right by her house on our way home... Mmmm, Burger Street. Hahaha.

[sdwolfpup.livejournal.com]

Oh honey, stop putting your faith in Tony Romo, he'll only hurt you again and again.

Also: Horowitz FTW!

[beadattitude.livejournal.com]

Damn, I'm coming to your house. My mother in law serves the SAME MEAL every year. EVERY year. Every YEAR. And it's all starchy/high carb foods. Peas. Mashed potatoes (which she puts nothing in so they taste like nothing), butternut squash, which she adds sugar to and would be plenty sweet if she roasted instead of boiled, creamed onions, two kinds of dressing, cranberry sauce and turkey. And three kinds of pie. Bor-ing. And as much as I volunteer to bring a veg (that I can eat) or something, nope, she's fine. So I'm going to bring a salad to counteract all the starch, so I can have a piece of pie. NOT THAT I'M BITTER OR ANYTHING.

Yeah, I might be a wee bit cranky. Um.

P.S. YOu know there's some remaster Horowitz on the market yes?

[ethrosdemon.livejournal.com]

Today I am doing the ham (coca-cola because I'm feeling whimsical), the pie (yours again, but I'm cutting the butter as it was a bit too rich for me), and the rolls later tonight as well. I'm sure I'm forgetting something here. I already made the corn bread for the dressing.

Well at least it's not a powwow. I'm sure someone I don't know will come behind me and read this and be offended because they're 1/16th Cherokee.

[turnonmyheels.livejournal.com]

ah, and here I thought you just didn't like copper pennies. I'm glad to see it's not even remotely the same.

er. not the recipe we use here at least. ours involves actual cooking and no tomato soup

[ethrosdemon.livejournal.com]

I thought that was a New England thing. Huh. I like those, too.

[stoney321.livejournal.com]

YOU SHUT YOUR FILTHY MOUTH WITH THAT TALK!! *sobs* It's not Romo it's the DAMN RUNNING BACKS. Also, if they run Barber up the middle BEFORE THE FOURTH ONE MORE FRAKKIN TIME, I might burst into flames of rage. SAVE THAT, for crying out loud. (ahaha.)

I love you for the Horowitz love.

[stoney321.livejournal.com]

COME ON. you would be more than welcome. MORE THAN. My MiL does the same sides every year, too, just changes the meat from ham to turkey. Woman, I need variety!! And lol at you bringing your barganing salad, I support that fully!!! (Creamed onions? That's not anything I've ever had. I guess I'm on the wrong side of the Mississippi for that one.)

I do know that!! I have the remastered concerts on my iPhone for happy times. <3 <3 <3

(Also, I just want to say that I love you and your husband for being awesome, funny, and clever. Just so you know. I AM THANKFUL FOR THOSE THINGS.)

[stoney321.livejournal.com]

Mmmmm, ham like that is crazy good. (Also: country pork ribs with coca-cola and ketchup. Ghetto fabulous in a crock pot, I'm telling you.)

Yeah, that pie is SO RICH. 3 TBSP melted and cooled would probably be better for you,t hen.

This is the first holiday in YEARS where there will be no cornbread stuffing. My husband and I are the only ones that will eat it (my kids are dead to me) and it's a lot of work for two people, you know?

AHAHAHAHAHAHA. Oh my god. I'm 1/16th Choctaw, so I get to be offended first, okay? <3 (I have an email coming your way, but first I must finish these chorizo breakfast tacos.)

[stoney321.livejournal.com]

I JUST...

Now I need your recipe so I can see the difference. My MiL is from Indiana, so maybe it's a north of the Mason-Dixon line thing? I DON'T KNOW. Carrots + tomatoes = gross to me, sorry.

[chantal87.livejournal.com]

Wow!carrot dimes...yep There are no words.
I do hope you have a fabulous T-day!!

[cappy.livejournal.com]

Oh GAG. I actually had some once that weren't too bad, same basic concept except instead of the tomato soup, using that raspberry hazelnut vinegarette salad dressing~~ those did not make me puke although when I saw them on the buffet table I did think, OH GOD NO! NOOOOO! because I too have a person who brings this EVER SINGLE TIME but this is a DPS wife, a trooper wife, A SENIOR TROOPER'S WIFE, in fact, the wife of the oldest active-duty trooper in the entire state of Texas, so she's like freaking ROYALTY man & you can't say anything. I think she figured it out when for the 3rd party in a row the carrots were barely touched... So THIS time she informed everyone she had tried a DIFFERENT 'marinade' & would we PLEASE try them & tell her what we thought because 'Don just raved about them!'. So, being a brave little soldier, I did. Also the part where she was standing there hovering over my plate with her ladle & possibly the part where Don was standing right behind me... armed. Ahem. So I tried them under duress & it would never hold up in court. And they weren't GREAT, nothing I am going to be dying to see laid out next party, but they weren't half bad either.

[sdwolfpup.livejournal.com]

You know what's flame-inducing? RUNNING LT UP THE MIDDLE ON EVERY FRIGGING FIRST DOWN YOU HAVE EVER HAD IN EVERY GAME. WHAT. EVERYONE IN THE STADIUM KNOWS YOU'RE GOING TO RUN UP THE MIDDLE ON FIRST DOWN. DO SOMETHING DIFFERENT FOR CHRISSAKES.

My Charger angst, let me show you it.

At least we're not owned by Jerry Jones. Hee.

[stoney321.livejournal.com]

I hope you and the boys have a great one, too!!! Mmmmm, food!
<3 <3 <3

[stoney321.livejournal.com]

What is wrong with just CARROTS? Roasted, a little salt and pepper, some thyme, BOOM. Delicious, needs nothing extra.

There's nothing worse than being forced to eat something that just screams out to you "I AM NOT GOING TO GO DOWN WELL." Oy. My sympathies!! (If only the MiL figured out that us not EVER eating them meant that she should stop making them...)

[stoney321.livejournal.com]

OH MY GOD, I KNOW, RIGHT!? STOP TELEGRAPHING EVERY DAMN PLAY, FOLKS. Make the defense WORK at figuring out what you're going to do for Pete's Sake!!

JERRY JONES IS NOT LOVED HERE, LET ME TELL YOU.

[lynnenne]

Oh my GAG.

But your stuff all sounds SO DELICIOUS. I wanna come to your place for dinner! *teleports*

[cappy.livejournal.com]

I make a fairly decent carrot dish doing just what you said~~ no marinade, just carrots, salt, pepper, sometimes add anaheim peppers diced, sometimes green onion, or maybe a red bell pepper, just for color, but real mild & sparing & then just drizzle the stuff with extra virgin olive oil & that's actually not half bad~~ & I am not a carrot fan. I like raw carrots, period. I like the baby carrots, I eat them alone, don't even dip in ranch usually. I don't like the TEXTURE of cooked carrots is the deal, not in roast, not soups, not in stew...

Yeah, & then they're standing there watching your face to see your reaction. So no fun. And when you try to explain, I don't like cooked carrots ANYWAY, so... um... better than the last time you forced these down my throat???

[stoney321.livejournal.com]

Lynne, people are saying they LIKE THAT. (The recipe must be different, because how can one eat that damn thing she makes!?!??! PUKE.)

Come to my place, we're eating at 2! :D And then I'LL SEE YOU NEXT WEEK.

[lynnenne]

AHAHAHAHAHA YOUR ICON!!!!

Oh, honey I CANNOT WAIT!!! I am so excited I'm practically bouncing!

Hey, have you or Kita looked into getting tickets to a show? Should I be looking, too? I don't much care what we see, as long as it's not Celine Dion. *g*

[ann1962]

The carrot dimes I've heard of have maple syrup, or brown sugar or something like that. I've never heard of that recipe until now.

Your meal sounds delicious.

[stephanierb.livejournal.com]

I'm gagging just thinking about those carrot dimes as well. But I have cooked carrot trauma, so really any version will do that to me.

I have to admit, I'm a lover of tradition, and don't mind the same old turkey, mashed potatoes, squash, etc. It's the one and only time we have it, so I look forward to it. That said, your meal sounds fabulous. I might be converted.

It's too bad your MIL can't appreciate your mad cooking skillz. I mean, if she feels that threatened, she could take a cooking class. I'm glad you don't let it bother you.

Have a Happy Thanksgiving!