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stoney321
I had to go back and read the "Harry, rock the fuck out." bad!fic where Harry Potter kicks vampires to mars, who then turn the existing Marsian Cavemen into vampires and receives praise from Dumbledore. (That would be the 'Harry, rock the fuck out' quote.)And the more I read it, the more I'm convinced that this is an elaborate ruse by Jack Black.
"Harry slammed his book shut. It wasn't really a book, because the pages were made of lasers and the words were made of headless women making godless love to dragons made out of motorcycles, but it was still reading."
Do you see what I mean??
"As his ocular ducts began to well with ancestral pride, so too did the countless meaty members sprouting from the rape ape's every hairy inch. From his eye sockets, ear holes, even his calloused toes, a penile font of cry-juice birthed a deluge."
CRY-JUICE. Or as less awesome people would call it, "tears." You think the rape ape (rape ape, rape ape err, please tell me you get the Hanna Barberra reference) squirts out something as weak as tears? He shits eye juice from his cock-eyes, (lol) weaklings! Then hops a space copter to Planet Tits and through the force of a diminished E chord, blasts that mofo into oblivion and also into full cans of Copenhagen and Jack Daniels, which then rains down on naked ladies teeming with want and leather.
Dude, this stuff is crack. Huh. Maybe I wrote that stuff while tweaking on mushrooms and listening to Iron Maiden and staring at the Yellow Submarine album cover.
This is how I pass the time while my sister takes her bath and styles her hair. Um, it's a lengthy process for her. :) [And for those curious, things are going very well. \o/]
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Date: 2010-01-25 05:34 pm (UTC)Glad to hear that your sister's visit is going well!
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Date: 2010-01-25 05:38 pm (UTC)We're going to paint our nails in a bit, per her request. (Request = going into my bathroom, rooting around until she found fingernail polish, then handing it to me and waiting for me to get it. Ahahaha.)
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Date: 2010-01-25 05:58 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2010-01-25 05:59 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2010-01-25 06:01 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2010-01-25 06:01 pm (UTC)Glad to heat that your sister is fitting right in.
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Date: 2010-01-25 06:02 pm (UTC)It's been shockingly easy. <-- famous last words? :D
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Date: 2010-01-25 06:09 pm (UTC)also, i'm really glad that your sister's stay is going well :)
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Date: 2010-01-25 07:10 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2010-01-25 06:47 pm (UTC)Awww! I don't know why I find this so charming, but I really do. I'm picturing her with big curlers in her hair, btw. :)
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Date: 2010-01-25 07:09 pm (UTC)...and now she's reading Alice in Wonderland and putting her hair back in a ribbon. Cracking up over here!
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Date: 2010-01-25 06:48 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2010-01-25 07:10 pm (UTC)And you're welcome. (hahaha.)
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Date: 2010-01-25 06:55 pm (UTC)Also, I get the Hanna Barbera reference because I am an HB whore.
PS. Here is the theme music to HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH: http://dod.vgmix.com/past/sepoct05/QUICKSHOT-MM3-Tomorrow-DoD.mp3
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Date: 2010-01-25 07:11 pm (UTC)It's just... AWESOME. Rock the fuck out, Marek!
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Date: 2010-01-25 08:38 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2010-01-25 06:56 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2010-01-25 07:11 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2010-01-25 07:31 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2010-01-25 06:58 pm (UTC)This was my first thought before I even got to the second extract. Are you sure it wasn't you? mmm? MMM? I doubt even Jack Black has that breadth of vocabulary. Worryingly, I understood every word.
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Date: 2010-01-25 07:12 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2010-01-25 07:15 pm (UTC)The future is now.
-- c.
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Date: 2010-01-25 07:17 pm (UTC)I think the writers of "From Dusk 'Til Dawn" read this and concocted the cock-gun.
The Grapist
Date: 2010-01-25 07:53 pm (UTC)http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Fqq051BU2MY&feature=player_embedded
and yes, Grape Ape reference totally gotten
(I had to get someone to send the YouTube link so I hope one of those works, the site is blocked at work.)
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Date: 2010-01-25 08:17 pm (UTC)I can't help but think that it's been edited at some point, though, because I recall its... ahem... rather distinct wording, and it's ever so slightly different. The wording I recall is It wasn't really a book, because the pages were made of lasers and the words were made of headless women making godless love to dragons made out of motorcycles, but nevertheless he was trying to learn something. It was the deadpan delivery of that last part that cracked me up. /Tangent, I dunno, it just made me pause.
On the subject of crackfics, this (http://peverel.random.info/goofusgallant.txt) may be right up your alley. :D
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Date: 2010-01-25 08:34 pm (UTC)And you know, I noticed that it had been edited as well. There are also two or three new chapters, all recently added. "Chapters." Lol. This is the shit people write when they're tripping balls and looking into mirrors, hurriedly scribbled onto toilet paper with lip stick/eyeliner.
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Date: 2010-01-25 08:32 pm (UTC)Now, that fic. I'm not going to lie I'm going to draw fanart of this: "...the words were made of headless women making godless love to dragons made out of motorcycles"
Yes. YES, I AM.
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Date: 2010-01-25 08:35 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2010-01-25 08:37 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2010-01-25 08:47 pm (UTC)SCARRED!!!! I tell you.
penile font of cry-juice birthed a deluge
Really? You couldn't just say "And he cried."?
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Date: 2010-01-26 04:15 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2010-01-26 03:02 pm (UTC)crap.
Clicked the link.
See you in a few hours, after my reprimand for not getting anything done...
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Date: 2010-01-26 03:03 pm (UTC)crap.
Clicked the link.
See you in a few hours, after my reprimand for not getting anything done...
(Please ignore my accidental anon posting)