TALK ME DOWN, O wise Flist

[stoney321]

I don't know if y'all are aware of this, but I have a medical condition known as "flying into a Royal Snit when provoked." I usually medicate myself with copious amounts of minty-rum beverages, per doctor's orders. (Dr. Spaceman.) Current provocation: my son's history teacher who so visibly hates my child, it's a wonder she hasn't woken up tasting my arm pit, due to me jamming my fist down her throat.

Here's the current sitch: she emails me her agenda every week. Twice. Which, that's fine. I guess. Once is sufficient, but hey, I'm just a stay at home mom, right? Anyhoodle, Buttface Giant (as I call her) makes my son call me every time he a) fails to complete an assignment, b) fails to bring in the red folder that assignments are to be carried in, c) bothers her in some fashion. And he's called me twice in a row before because she didn't believe he was speaking to me on the phone. (She is not an old biddy, either, but in her early 30s.)

Friday they were assigned to memorize a "history rap" that she concocted. Every day they are to write down from memory a few stanzas. My son doesn't learn from rote, at all. "Why, just sing it, Stoney!" you might be saying. And then I would counter with, "I've told him to, because the child is FOURTEEN YEARS OLD, AND I'VE ALREADY GONE TO SCHOOL.'" There's only so much behind-powdering a parent can (and should) do.

Today I get an email wanting to know if I even got her email about the project (and my husband REPLIED TO HER from said email, so....) and to inform me that my son is failing at yet another aspect of her class. Here's my email, saved in draft, and this is where you come in. To be noted: he is not failing, he has a high C. The child has never missed a question on his standardized tests. Ever. The boy is not stupid, in other words. He just has learning differences (OH. AND GUESS WHO HAS NEVER COME TO AN ARD MEETING?)

[ETA] The full email is under the cut (I added to it) and I hit send. And CC'd the Principal and my son's special ed Team Leader.

[weirdname] = hiding the real names used.

[Harpy Monster Poo Poo Breath]:

Seeing as [Mr. Stoney]replied to the weekly email you sent informing you of [My Son's] inability to find the homework information on your web portal, you'll note that we did receive your update. I usually get two copies of your agenda every week.

[The Boy] spent a good portion of his time after school yesterday attempting to learn by rote, which simply isn't a way that he's ever been able to learn things - his brain just doesn't process data that way. There's a disconnect between his normal strengths in learning and the processes employed in your classroom that is causing this failure to produce high grades in History. I can only do so much as far as insuring that he's working on the class materials - I cannot climb inside his brain and rewire it, as much as I'd like. It certainly would make life better for all concerned.

I know that he's been an incredibly frustrating student for you, but all I can do is to continue to show him the emails that I get every week and to make sure that he is spending time on all of his classes. Believe me, it's frustrating for me to be constantly reminded of his failures in your classroom. The boy is also 14, and has to learn consequences for his performance, be it good or bad.

Not all children learn in one way. Every adult doesn't excel at every task put before them, ergo every child won't, either. He will continue to do the best he can in your classroom, I can't offer you anything other than that and to point you to his ARD files, detailing strategies that help in the classroom. I do know that [The Boy] is incredibly intimidated by you, and feels intrinsically that he will not be successful in your classroom. Children with autism succeed when they are shown what they've done well, however; they tend to be told more often than not all of the things they've done wrong. That creates an atmosphere of defeatism. Why try when it doesn't matter, in other words.

I know that you have your methods that you stick with in your class, as is your right. But it seems that [The Boy] is just not thriving in that curriculum. It should also be noted that - while he is not receiving the best of grades, which I would prefer - he also isn't bringing in a D. Obviously I want my child to succeed, but the constant barrage of negative commentary on his performance might need to be changed on the dial.



Signed, [My actual name]

Comments

[oatmellow.livejournal.com]

first off:
"it's a wonder she hasn't woken up tasting my arm pit, due to me jamming my fist down her throat."

LOVE!

secondly...

I'm the wrong chick to be asking because frankly, I would have hit send as I was callng the principal/superintendent/school board/God.

What a douche nozzle she is.

[withoutwords.livejournal.com]

Actually, if I were you, I'd hit send. And I'd make sure that it was CCed to the principal. Does the principal know what an asshat he has for a teacher? Because if he/she doesn't, he/she should know. This is NOT appropriate behavior for a teacher. NOT AT ALL.

[stoney321.livejournal.com]

The principal is such a great lady, and I just have this worry about being That Mom that's always got a problem (even though I don't think I am. But I have guilt issues. Because I'm broken.)

I'm leaning towards hitting send. Imma go outside and sniff a flower for a second and see if that helps.

[inkandchocolate.livejournal.com]

I would have hit send already. It's a perfectly POLITE way to point out that Buttface Giant does in fact have her own skull inside her own sphincter.

Send. Send. Send.

[aimeelicious]

my unproductive, thread derailing comment here is that I love the phrase "douche nozzle" and shall be appropriating it for future use. =)

[stoney321.livejournal.com]

This teacher is so fucking aggravating. I don't expect every person to love my children. Hell, they don't have to like them. But she OPENLY dislikes him, and he's not an asshole. GAH.

[cat-eyed-fox.livejournal.com]

I actually think this is a pretty solid email. I assume this teacher is well aware of your son's differences, and her responsibility to make the class environment as compatible as possible for all her students. If not maybe explain, clearly, and possibly in duplicate just how your son's brain works, and then suggest an alternative for him- like something that isn't super hard for him (or any kid. Remembering by rote is so 19th century grammar school!) to do. My point is you have a right to be crabby, this woman sounds like an uncooperative teacher who inflexible when it comes to MODERN teaching methods.

[stoney321.livejournal.com]

That's three for send. I'm stepping outside to breathe deep, pet the cat, and come back in.

...and probably hit send. After CC'ing the Principal, his team leader, my husband...

[killiara.livejournal.com]

Seconded. I'd change the signature, as that's the only place your anger really leaks through. The rest of it reads as calm, polite, and even a bit professional. As a former 'problem child' whose mother had to go to battle with the school board on several occasions, I can't think of a better way you could phrase this.

Hit Send.

[stoney321.livejournal.com]

She's aware that he has a file that says he has Aspergers and learns in a certain way, but I don't know that she ACCEPTS it as fact. (Another reason to not like her.)

And seriously, what you said! Rote is OLD SCHOOL and doesn't work for everyone, good lord!

[stoney321.livejournal.com]

Oh, also: excellent point about reiterating ways that he CAN learn. And allows me another dig at how negativity helps NO CHILD.

[dusty273.livejournal.com]

Ugh, frankly, I'd hit send, with a copy to the principal of your son's school. I can't believe some teachers would do that to a student!

Also *hugs for you*

[stoney321.livejournal.com]

LOL, the signature was fake. :D

[wolfshark]

Speaking as someone who was an education major (even if I decided teaching wasn't right for me), hit send. The woman has her head up her ass and needs help removing it!

[stoney321.livejournal.com]

Mari, she called FOUR TIMES last week, making my son tell me what he did wrong. HE IS FOURTEEN WITH CHIN HAIRS, FOR CRYING OUT LOUD. He's not a 5 year old that ate paste in the classroom!

[stoney321.livejournal.com]

I LIKE YOUR POSITION OF AUTHORITY.

[kuzu-no-ha.livejournal.com]

Perhaps you should also add something to the fact that you know not everyone understand Aspergers and you would be more than willing to come in and discuss it with her and the principal and any other persons you think would be appropriate (you mentioned a team leader in another comment).

[julia-here.livejournal.com]

Wow.

You're so polite and measured, there.

That's me when I've edited out all the offensive stuff.

Julia, possibly having zero social skills, ever.

[dusty273.livejournal.com]

*blinks* 4 times? Damn! That woman deserves everything that comes to her. I just... it's so difficult to wrap my head around someone doing that to a 14 year old, Laura. It's just not right. *shakes head*

[killiara.livejournal.com]

Okay. Then, SEND SEND SEND SEND SEND SEND SEND.

[menomegirl.livejournal.com]

If it were me, I would have already sent that email. Plus, I'd have added something about the ARD meetings.

[fayeven.livejournal.com]

yep. i'll third this... your email is professional and gets your point across civilly... if i were you, i'd send it...

[stoney321.livejournal.com]

It's no Schoolhouse Rock, let me tell you.

[a2zmom.livejournal.com]

Oh, man. I feel for you.

Every kid has one teacher who hates him for no good reason, Aaron's was HS bio. The guy used to constantly send home nasty e-mails. The guy told Aaron that he was fail him if he missed 2 homework assignments (Aaron was pulling a high B I believe).

Time passed, he sent home an insanely gleeful note saying how Aaron was going to fail because he missed 2 HW assignments. We made sure that Aaron had kept every assignment and he walked in the next day, demonstrating the two graded assignments. The creep did not apologize.

We went to school and told them that under no circumstances were they to put Zachary in this teacher's class, when it was time for him to take bio.

Make sure your son knows that this has nothing to do with him, how smart his is or anything else. Some teachers feel the need to single out a student every year as the scapegoat de jour. It gives them a sense of power.

[a2zmom.livejournal.com]

And yeah, hit send.

The teacher is an ass and the administration needs to know this.