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stoney321
Meaning those of you who grew up in the 80s like me. EH MEH GEHD, YEH GEHS. Sweet Valley High. Yes. YES. We are totally going to talk about the Wakefield Twins, poor little rich girl Lilah, Rapist-Porsche owner [same diff] Bruce and the hewl gang (lime green Triumph! blonde blue eyed size six perfection! French hair braids! Clips! perfect bf Todd! Jean jackets! nerdy glasses-wearing Enid!)We're all close BFFs here, yes? OF COURSE WE ARE. So, I'm serious, you guys, guys? Guys. I'm so serious. I totally cried when I originally read #6, Dangerous Love, when you're led to believe SPOILER ALERT [lol] that Elizabeth and Todd DIE in a horrible motorcycle accident and Jessica totally loses it and cries because her TWIN IS DEAD, crie crie crie. But then Bruce drawls some cutting remark sexily while sprawling in terry cloth shorts on his Porsche, Lilah tosses her perfect mane of hair and looks bored and my world goes back to normal. ZOMG, if you tell the other girls about this, we are so not BFF anymore. Also, I was 12. Also, let's put Kassie's bra in the freezer, lol.
True story, when I was 13, I began my shoplifting career by stealing SVH books. OK, STOP. JUST STOP AND LET ME EXPLAIN. I had a hateful mother that didn't allow me any cash to buy books. Did I want to buy eight balls and bail out my boyfriend with the cash? No. Did I want to buy ridiculous purple flats with a big glittery flower on the toe like my sister did with HER money? No. I WANTED BOOKS. And no one would take me to the library in the summertime, so what is a nerdy girl in huge face-covering glasses and feathered hair to do? She goes into Waldenbooks and knocks four or five SVHs in her shopping bag, that's what she does. And then tosses in the Caitlin trilogy for good measure. I WAS A SAD, ABUSED CHILD, OK? (Do you know how much repenting I had to do for that? LOTS, ALRIGHT? Mormon Jesus was seriously mad at me for that and made my parents divorce because of my sins.)
Look. I have a 13 year old daughter now. And I wanted her to be vapid and needy like I was so I could work through my own things, a sort of stretch-mark induced therapy if you will. And you will. [I never get tired of my little joke there, I CAN'T HELP IT.] And yet she's all reading intellectual things, or classic literature, or the Gossip series, or whatever the latest thing is that deals with boobs and sex, but in a safe, teen environment. She won't GET the books and let me steal them while she sleeps. DAMN IT.
I say all of this because I found on THIS AWESOME WEBSITE a snarky breakdown of a lot of the books. And then I find out there are over 180 in the ORIGINAL series. Oh my god, how is that possible? Are some of them about how Jessica was given a shopping list by her mom (also blonde, fit from tennis, happy in their split level California house <-- I remember all of that because I am a dork) and she LOSES IT, YOU GUYS, and then her older brother Stephen, home from college over the weekend, has to make a Really Important Decision about a problem with his roommate, Elizabeth writes it all up for the school newspaper, Enid pushes her glasses up on her nose, Lilah goes shopping, and then Jessica finds the list? THE END. UNTIL BOOK 185. Wow.
...there might be a series of posts of fake book plots coming your way. I LIKE TO DO THAT STUFF, SUE ME. Well, don't, because that would be mean.
I don't want to take apart all of the fans and wash them, why do you ask? (omg, being in the cleanest, prettiest house this past weekend is making me hate my house and see filth every where. By which I retaliate by posting about books I read 20+ years ago, eh meh gehd.) Also, I totally loved those books. And I really don't want to clean right now. *scale hands* OH. And yes, I know Diablo Lame Cody is writing a screenplay for a movie adaption of SVH. And I know the vid to Mormon Jesus. Just sparing you the linkage, if you wanted to inform. :)
[ETA for OMG Factor] Oh, hey. Here are 32 of the books for sale. Is it bad to want this? Or to want them in eReader format? or to want someone to get me a hook up?
[ETA 2 - book cover!]
AHAHAHAHAHA. Don't forget the matching lavaliers! Which makes me think of Annie and Miss Hannigan sitting in a gin-filled bathtub. My brain is a tangled mess, ok?
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Date: 2010-06-02 02:41 pm (UTC)Also I read the Sweet Valley Twins series.
Also the one where they all go bike-riding up the coast of California IS MY FAVORITE.
Also remember when Steven dated the girl in the wheelchair? And how Elizabeth always had to get Jess out of trouble but she loved her anyway? I...I didn't like Jessica at all. I'M AN ELIZABETH GIRL.
omg. This made my morning.
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Date: 2010-06-02 02:43 pm (UTC)I read those books, too! Weren't they like, the special editions to start off with? I loved that one! And when they went to FRANCE. I TOTALLY WAS ELIZABETH'S GIRL, TOO.
Now I think I'm a Jessica, I don't know. I just might have to read them all again. ...what do you think the probability of them being in eReader format is? LOL. (But no, really?)
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Date: 2010-06-02 02:50 pm (UTC)They do sound like they affected you a lot. And that you really really loved them. And because of that, I'm glad that you found that particular website. And that you're going to be making up fake book posts.
P.S. I think that Mormon Jesus made your parents divorce because your mom was evil and would not take you anywhere that you could get books. As everyone knows, books are right up there with food, clothing and shelter. (And if they don't know that, they should!)
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Date: 2010-06-02 02:51 pm (UTC)I bet you could find them in eReader format. Consider owning them as a way to say "hey, we had shitty teen romance in OUR day, too, Twilighters!"
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Date: 2010-06-02 02:54 pm (UTC)I'm digging around and can't find them!! WOE. Maybe someone will be awesome and link us up. :D
*cough* did you ever watch the show? I ADMIT NOTHING.
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Date: 2010-06-02 02:56 pm (UTC)*holds you* Mormon Jesus did the right thing, then. Hahahahaha.
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Date: 2010-06-02 03:04 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2010-06-02 03:05 pm (UTC)That said - I must admire the breadth of your interests. First Twilight. Now this.
*runs away before you can smack upside the head*
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Date: 2010-06-02 03:05 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2010-06-02 03:07 pm (UTC)I tried. The freezer is seriously way too full to fit anything else in it. SORRY. :(
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Date: 2010-06-02 03:09 pm (UTC)I had COMPLETELY forgotten about Regina! Oh, Bruce Pattman. So beautiful (I suppose) and so rich (we're reminded a jillion times) and yet, such an utter douche nozzle. <3
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Date: 2010-06-02 03:10 pm (UTC)WOW I THINK I'LL DRINK SOME DRANO NOW, HOLY PITIFUL, LOL.
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Date: 2010-06-02 03:11 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2010-06-02 03:34 pm (UTC)*coughcoughcough* I totally might or might not have watched the show because I'd read the books. BUT I WILL NOT CONFIRM THIS. YOU HAVE NO PROOF.
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Date: 2010-06-02 03:38 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2010-06-02 04:01 pm (UTC)You know, since I'm cleaning the dust off the ceiling fans, I think I'll put my bra in the freezer for a bit of a after spring cleaning pick me up!
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Date: 2010-06-02 04:02 pm (UTC)But yis, I loved SVH, and I read a bunch of them, and sometimes I stand in used bookstores and contemplate buying a TUN to read while I eat Rice Krispie treats and wash them down with powder-mix Iced Tea (my snack of choice as a middle-schooler).
Also, I totally went to a party in grad school with my BFF at the time, as the reverse-SVH-twins (because we both had super dark hair and dark eyes, but people did mistake us for one another). I was Elizabeth because -- guess? I WORE A WATCH! Good times!
Mormon Jesus sucks for inducing divorce.
Date: 2010-06-02 04:08 pm (UTC)My older sister was more into the SVH than I was (of course my thieving little hands stole them and read them which pissed her off.)
I was more into another teen twin series and by god, I CANNOT remember the name of the series, but I remember the endless descriptions of their brown hair and perfect ski jump noses and how they solved mysteries while being all perfect... What the hell were they called? Now that's gonna bug me for the rest of the day..
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Date: 2010-06-02 04:22 pm (UTC)I just want to squish little!book-stealing!you, because OMG no child should have to steal books!
And I have the book in your icon ON MY SHELF IN MY OFFICE A FEW FEET AWAY FROM ME. At some point a few years ago I bought all of the books I remembered from elementary school, like The Mixed up Files of Basil E. Frankwhatever and The Phantom Tollbooth and Tuck Everlasting and Judy Blume and whatever, just so I'd have them. I must have read The Girl with the Silver Eyes a dozen times back in the day.
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Date: 2010-06-02 04:33 pm (UTC)Side note, since you and I seemed to love the same books, do you remember a book called "Notes on the Hauter Experiment?" It's out of print, and that's another one I want to find a copy of as well. But no one seemed to have read it in my school library but me, woe!
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Date: 2010-06-02 04:33 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2010-06-02 04:35 pm (UTC)Oooh, I loved Crystal Light (because my mom had us all on diets growing up and that was what we had aside from water) and Rice Krispie treats! MMMMMMMMMM.
LOL at your having been Elizabeth. You nerdy time keeper/writing of gossip for The Oracle, you! :D
Re: Mormon Jesus sucks for inducing divorce.
Date: 2010-06-02 04:36 pm (UTC)OH MAN. That... Huh, that's really familiar and I can't think of it, either. I bet someone will come along and help us!
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Date: 2010-06-02 04:37 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2010-06-02 04:42 pm (UTC)I think growing up I was incapable of enjoying most series that did not involve SUPERNATURAL ADVENTURES! (With an exception of Babysitters Club and Nancy Drew.)