![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
stoney321First off, massive love to ![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
crazydiamondsue for her "Stoney Christmas" and "Aural Sue" cds! Woot! And I got a Hannukah card from vinvitveritas that is HYSTERICAL and I love it. Are you looking for things to read? Maybe something short and well written? SOmething that you can really sink your teeth into and can have the images play over and over in your head? Get thee hence to adis723's journal and read her quick Fitb fic about Dru finder Xander in Africa. Holy crap, this girl is one of the best writers on LJ and NO ONE apparently knows about her because she doesn't write lots of smut. Seriously: she is one the best writers I have ever come across and her descriptions of things and people are unrivaled. Then come back and play here.
I had many children at my home over the weekend, and I need to unwind with some PORN! Or at the very least, some funny. Somebody come and play....
In your comment, fill out the answers (cut and paste if you like) and I'll make you a krazy kooky story! Whee! Caution: it may very well suck. I'll do my best.
1. Person
2. Other person
3. Job
4. Unusual (and unlikely that you'd ever have) it job
5. adjective
6. adjective
7. adverb
8. action verb
9. noun
10. color
11. holiday
12. activity pertaining to said holiday
13. exotic location
14. adjective
15. number
16. large ticket item (expensive purchase)
17. noun
18. person, not previously mentioned
19. action verb
20. salutation
crazydiamondsue for her "Stoney Christmas" and "Aural Sue" cds! Woot! And I got a Hannukah card from vinvitveritas that is HYSTERICAL and I love it. Are you looking for things to read? Maybe something short and well written? SOmething that you can really sink your teeth into and can have the images play over and over in your head? Get thee hence to adis723's journal and read her quick Fitb fic about Dru finder Xander in Africa. Holy crap, this girl is one of the best writers on LJ and NO ONE apparently knows about her because she doesn't write lots of smut. Seriously: she is one the best writers I have ever come across and her descriptions of things and people are unrivaled. Then come back and play here.I had many children at my home over the weekend, and I need to unwind with some PORN! Or at the very least, some funny. Somebody come and play....
In your comment, fill out the answers (cut and paste if you like) and I'll make you a krazy kooky story! Whee! Caution: it may very well suck. I'll do my best.
1. Person
2. Other person
3. Job
4. Unusual (and unlikely that you'd ever have) it job
5. adjective
6. adjective
7. adverb
8. action verb
9. noun
10. color
11. holiday
12. activity pertaining to said holiday
13. exotic location
14. adjective
15. number
16. large ticket item (expensive purchase)
17. noun
18. person, not previously mentioned
19. action verb
20. salutation
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
no subject
Date: 2004-12-20 10:30 am (UTC)1. Rocky
2. Debbie
3. administrative assistant
4. late night graveyard security guard
5. sticky
6. rubbery
7. festively
8. run
9. bush
10. burnt sienna
11. Halloween
12. candy whoring
13. Costa Rica
14. lumpy
15. 169
16. Louis Vatton doggie bag
17. stain
18. Jim-Bob
19. kick
20. What it is, yo?!
Ok, this better not suck :)
no subject
Date: 2004-12-20 04:12 pm (UTC)~~
Rocky had his ad-min, Debbie, bent over the desk and was pounding her from behind. What he didn't realize, while fantasizing about being a late night security guard "giving the business" to the hot chick working in the corner office was that Debbie was fantasizing about HER dream job: moving to Costa Rica with Jim-Bob and running a Halloween costume/fake purse shop, festively called "Rubbery Candy Whoring."
So while Rocky is hitting it from behind and getting Debbie all sticky in her bush, she's gritting her teeth on the lumpy desk and thinking that this is the 169th time that her boss will leave a stain on the paperwork that SHE'S going to have to clean off. Mentally she gives herself a kick and dreams of burnt sienna Louis Vuitton doggie bags for 15 dollars a pop.
Speaking of pop, it sounded like Rocky was getting ready to as he started talking "sex talk" to her in his pseudo homie speak. "Wanna know what that pressure is? Wanna know if it's Big Boss Man's" Come? WHAT IT IS, YO?"
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Date: 2004-12-21 11:28 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2004-12-21 11:48 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2004-12-21 09:43 pm (UTC)I have a Swingline Stapler at work. I hate it when people misplace it. Inconsiderate bastards. LOL.
no subject
Date: 2004-12-20 02:32 pm (UTC)2. crazydiamondsue
3. telephone operator
4. port-o-potty sanitation engineer
5. bland
6. crappy
7. intuitively
8. vomit
9. circle
10. silver
11. Flag Day
12. buying new flags
13. Broken Bow, Oklahoma
14. sleepy
15. 73
16. private jet
17. broom
18. stoney
19. hop
20. Well, hello there
next up in the crap-fest o' fun...
Date: 2004-12-20 04:54 pm (UTC)You vomit into the phone, "Anya. Always Anya." You try to cover up the sweat building on your brow as you imagine you and your Demon lover hopping onto your private jet, your Stewardess Stoney serving up bland yet expensive drinks, as you circle the Gulf of Mexico...
If only your job of buyer of new flags for Flag Day at Wal-Mart wasn't sp god-awful, you wouldn't need this release... Several times a day.
"Honey, you still with me? We're at 73 minutes and counting. Still this 'Anya' chick or you wanting something new? Just kidding. 'Hey, Xander....'"
Re: next up in the crap-fest o' fun...
Date: 2004-12-21 06:45 am (UTC)Anya. Always Anya.
Very cute and fun. Just what I needed.
<i>Anya. Always Anya.</i>
Date: 2004-12-21 06:52 am (UTC)Oooh! I'm cold and bored!!! Hungry too!
Date: 2004-12-20 02:59 pm (UTC)2. RuPaul
3. Door to door vacuum salesperson
4. fragrant
5. hideous
6. friendly
7. triumphantly
8. twirl
9. Hummer
10. avocado green circa '70s
11. Cinco De Mayo
12. drinking Don Julio tequila
13. Koh Phi Phi Ley
14. careless
15. 007
16. 1995 Roederer Cristal Rose Champagne
17. bling
18. Jessica Simpson
19. gawk
20. Howdy, Partner!
I'm rubbing my hands together like Mr. Burns 'cept I'm saying 'Ex-cre-ment...' Heh! You know I LOOOOVE YOU!!! *mwah*
Oooh, thanks for the rec! I'm always looking for interesting reads!!!
You want crap fic? I GOT YOUR CRAP FIC RIGHT HERE.
Date: 2004-12-20 05:05 pm (UTC)People who pulled up in Hummers were boo'd. This was a limo crowd. People like RuPaul loved to come here and buy a case of 1995 Roederer Cristal Rose champagne, while the queens mocked him - his show was CANCELED, fools. Hipsters drank Don Julio tequila, especially on Cinco de mayo when the best drag show of the year was held.
Young, waxed boys dressed like Jessica Simpson gawked at C class celebrities like Richard Grieco (was he gay? Come on. That hair? SOOO gay.) and door to door vacuum salespeople tried to cover their balding heads, go 007 with the drinks, and pretend their Timex watches were bling instead of the crap they really were.
Billy took a look around and felt like he was worshipping in Koh Phi Phi Ley, until a sexy Phillipino boy in a curled cowboy hat grabbed his crotch and cried, "Howdy, Partner!" Billy twirled with delight.
Wow. Sorry. I know you aren't into slash, but this is what came out...
*This* is Crap? Then, I looooooove CRAP!
Date: 2004-12-20 05:32 pm (UTC)Don't forget the eyebrows.
Wow. Sorry. I know you aren't into slash, but this is what came out...
Well...apparently I do! I love *your* slash! This is the best mad lib! You know it! You must have slaved over this one because it is triumphantly in your face FABULOUS!!!!! Oh yeah.
COWBELL!!
Date: 2004-12-20 05:47 pm (UTC)OH!! I got your card today! With the kewl bookmark and pendants, and YES I read. Does 'Highlights' count as reading?
You will get your own "My awesome flist gave me..." post.
I think I need a 'I Love Stoney' icon...
Date: 2004-12-20 07:06 pm (UTC)Oh, fersure! It's the children's equivalent to The New Yorker or sumthin' similar.
OH!! I got your card today!
Yippee! It got there before Christmas! Hooray for everything!
You will get your own "My awesome flist gave me..." post.
I'm not sure what that means that I'll 'get my own', but I'm all tingly with anticipation. No joke. I'm such a dork.
no subject
Date: 2004-12-20 03:02 pm (UTC)2. Mary Sue
3. Florist
4. Rectum stretcher
5. counterfeit
6. final
7. slowly
8. rub
9. tree
10. tartan
11. Valentines Day
12. gorging on chocolate
13. llanfairpwllgwyngyllgogerychwyrndrobwllllantysiliogogogoch
14. expensive
15. 42
16. diamond encrusted toothbrush
17. endearment
18. Wilbur
19. levitate
20. Kneel before me, puny mortals!
Please don't leave my flist over this. It's been a long day.
Date: 2004-12-20 05:21 pm (UTC)Across from the Hyperion was a Florist's shop. He marvelled at the beautiful scents invading his nostrils. We have flowers inside! He dashed into the lobby and grabbed an expensive looking vase and buried his nose in it and inhaled deeply. The damned things are a fake! A counterfeit! Wesley dashed the vase to the floor.
Gunn walked by with a box of chocolates, sent as an endearment by a satisfied client. He didn't seem bothered by the Valentine's packaging even though it was August. Welsey practically knocked him over in his haste to taste the confection and gorged on the chocolate.
"God, this tastes divine. Gunn, come with me. I want to try something and I need a strong set of hands." Gunn shrugged and follwed his boss upstairs. When they arrived at Wesley's room, Gunn plopped down on a chair while Wes began stripping. "Hey, man, I'm all about the research, but you getting buck nekkid is the final-"
"Shhh! I started something years ago with my lover, Mary Sue, and this is the PERFECT time to finish it." Wesley came from behind the door and was dressed in nothing but a tartan in his mother's family's colors. "You know, the amount of cloth required to make a true kilt is enormous, which is why authentic ones are so expensive. Not as expensive as, say... a diamond encrusted toothbrush, but worth quite a lot, let me tell you."
Wesley threw himself on the foor, prone, and handed Gunn what suspiciously looked like salad tongs. "Gunn, I want you to insert this-" "Aw, HELL no!" "- and stretch out my rectum. It's mystical and will allow me to levitate and reach a higher plane. I'm sorry, did you say no?"
Gunn ran out of the room and stormed downstairs. Wesley grabbed the implement, inserted it, felt a rush of pleasure course through his body and ran down the 42 steps to Angel's office where a portal to llanfairpwllgwyngyllgogerychwyrndrobwllllantysiliogogogoch opened. A demon named Wilbur walked through, saw the crazed, drooling man in a tartan with magic salad tongs in his butt, and knew he had found his gate keeper. "Kneel before me, puny mortals!"
Re: Please don't leave my flist over this. It's been a long day.
Date: 2004-12-20 11:44 pm (UTC)God Damn!
Why would you think that I'd leave your flist?
To even think of doing that I'd have to stop doing the impression of an expiring turtle.
I am so glad that I went with diamond encrusted toothbrush - it wasn't the first thing that popped into my head, but I didn't want to lower the tone of your piece. What's that you say? I'd already put down rectum stretcher...
no subject
Date: 2004-12-21 06:54 am (UTC)*gives turtle mouth to mouth, realizes it's only you making faces, gets up embarassed but slightly turned on*
Thanks for not lowering the tone of my piece. Ha ha ha!!!
*hugs you, feeds you miracle, no-fat, all the taste egg nog*
no subject
Date: 2004-12-20 04:04 pm (UTC)*hugs* and here are my words:
1. Spike
2. Buffy
3. Lawyer
4. Hooker (is that the correct spelling?)
5. dreamy
6. fiery
7. anywhere
8. run
9. car
10. silver
11. Labor Day
12. being lazy
13. Queens, Australia
14. limp
15. 19
16. helicopter
17. emperor
18. Anya
19. jump
20. Hi, cutie
no subject
Date: 2004-12-20 05:45 pm (UTC)~~~
It was the 19th straight day of ice and snow, which was weird because they lived in Sunnydale, California. Giles was working on tracking down the mystical reason for the weather while the remaining Scoobies were holed up in their respective houses. Well, except for Spike.
Buffy had tried to tell him that he was impervious to the cold (wasn't he, like, a walking popcicle or something?) but he insisted on staying. And to be honest, after two weeks of fiery sex (Dawn was trapped with Anya at Xan's place and having a ball, according to the phone calls), she felt limp and dreamy... It was like being lazy on Labor Day without the coconut stink of the people sharing the beach.
The sky was silver with the combo of snow clouds and weak sunshine, and she couldn't imagine being anywhere. Except maybe Queens, Australia where the beach was warm and empty. But then, Spike had no tan for a reason...
"Wanna play a game?" Spike opened an eye and saw her straddling his waist and a gleam in her eye. "How about we play naughty hooker with a heart of gold and you are my brave and dashing lawyer who falls for me?"
"How's about we play I'm emperor and you bow before me and do my bidding?"
Buffy folded her arms across her chest and retorted, "or, we could play that you are a bum out in the cold whom I don't see and so I unfortunately drive over you with my car, but the ice and snow are preventing the emergency helicopter from rescuing you?"
They both jumped up at the door opening and a bouncy Dawn walking in, "Hi, cutie! Giles figure out what the.. What the?"
no subject
Date: 2004-12-20 06:32 pm (UTC)SofÃa is fine, back to her usual self. They are impatiently waiting for Santa Claus and they were trying to convince me to let them open some of their gifts before the 24th. *giggles* So I managed to convince them that if the gifts are opened before the 24th they disappear. (I know I'm a bad mommy;) )
*hugs*
no subject
Date: 2004-12-20 07:28 pm (UTC)I tried to keep it as clean as possible, but it's Spike and Buffy. And they must have their clothes off if they are together, right?? ;-)
*hugs you and kisses ninas on heads*
no subject
Date: 2004-12-20 04:25 pm (UTC)2. Xander
3. modern language professor
4. travelling balladeer
5. spunky
6. supple
7. rigorously
8. pluck
9. ottoman
10. terra cotta
11. Chinese New Year
12. practice for the lantern dance
13. Bali
14. incandescent
15. 33
16. jade monkey with peridot eyes
17. knick-knack
18. Jude Law
19. scrub
20. "I don't believe I've had the pleasure?"
<-- not trying to pick up your husband - I have this at home, mm'kay?
Date: 2004-12-20 06:02 pm (UTC)Sue loved that he respected her secret ambition to be a traveling balladeer, if only she could make money by touring malls and singing from the "Jesus Christ Superstar" playbook. Sue also loved her man because he was smart. A modern language professor, and if you saw how Jamie Lee Curtis reacted to John Cleese's Russian, then you can imagine their Friday nights. She rigorously rode her man into the ottoman in their terra cotta living room (all that, and the man will paint a room? Goldurnit!) until the lights of the candles burned into her retinas with their incandescent light.
When you've been married for as many years as Sue and her love monkey, you gotta introduce a little play. She searched high and low for the right "costume" to make their 'Friday Night' a bit more... MORE. Dressed in beautiful jade green and fucsia silk straight from Bali, she lit candles and placed fresh flowers in the knick-knack she picked up at the 5 and dime. It was a cheap-o version of a jade monkey with peridot eyes. The house was lit up like Chinese New Year, and she practiced the lantern dance that would later turn into something more seductive.
Caza came home from work, wondering why he got a message to memorize words in Chinese: faster, here, bend over, do my bidding, gentle flower, lotus petal. Sue had done her hair up with an ebony pick, a jewel hanging off of it, and white makeup. Her tiny feet fit perfectly into her shoes and she shuffled to her lover. She plucked her fan from the sideboard, gave it a flick, and fluttered it. "Oh, missah Caza. I don't believe I've had the pleasure?"
Re: <-- not trying to pick up your husband - I have this at home, mm'kay?
Date: 2004-12-20 06:58 pm (UTC)WoW!
Mr. Stoney is quite the looker. MmmmHhmmm.
You have the purtiest icons!
::grins and waggles eyebrows::
no subject
Date: 2004-12-20 07:03 pm (UTC)*grins back*
no subject
Date: 2004-12-20 07:08 pm (UTC)Yes, yes! Please do! :D
Teeheee!
no subject
Date: 2004-12-21 04:22 pm (UTC)Mr Stoney IS teh Hot! Way to score!
no subject
Date: 2004-12-21 04:25 pm (UTC)I have three Vancouverites on my flist, and you are all as different as night and day, and... another night. One thing in common? Your worship of ME. Ha! I'm a loser who needs some building up. Work with me.
Another Best. Icon. Ever!
Date: 2004-12-21 05:19 pm (UTC)OOOOMMMM
We worship at the alter that is stoney...
We bow down to her greatness...
We are blinded by her beautiful, shiny hair...
We are amazed by her funnies...
OOOOMMMM
*g*
Go Vancouver! Vancouverites rule! *g*
no subject
Date: 2004-12-21 10:05 pm (UTC)Now, you're going to be a BNF. Now EVERYONE will worship you.
I don't know if that's a good or not. I'm selfish. Teehee.
no subject
Date: 2004-12-22 01:07 am (UTC)I AM LIEK, SEW POPULAR NOW, OMG!
no subject
Date: 2004-12-21 10:02 pm (UTC)Hello, fellow Vancouverite cute chick! :)
Heehee...my head is like this ::holds arms out:: big. Uh huh.
no subject
Date: 2004-12-22 01:58 am (UTC)Re: <-- not trying to pick up your husband - I have this at home, mm'kay?
Date: 2004-12-21 06:50 am (UTC)She rigorously rode her man into the ottoman in their terra cotta living room
*Note to self: buy ottoman* Oh, and I love that "bend over" comes before "gentle flower and lotus petal." That's very Sue.
And damn Mr. Stoney's pretty...I loved that picture, as you probably noticed from my drool back at your house. Now I need a pic with the Fargo hat. I'll take one of Caza and we'll put them together and paste their heads on Angel and Spike's bodies. It'll be fun!!
Re: <-- not trying to pick up your husband - I have this at home, mm'kay?
Date: 2004-12-21 06:55 am (UTC)Hey, it's legal in NZ now, right?
Date: 2004-12-21 07:00 am (UTC)Re: Hey, it's legal in NZ now, right?
Date: 2004-12-21 07:14 am (UTC)Oh.. My ... God.
Date: 2004-12-21 06:57 am (UTC)Like I said to Caza, "I know my friends."
*slides you catalogue from World Market - cheap and attractive ottomans*
YOU HAVE FEET OF WEE!(ness) I love your teeny, girly feet. I will snap a pic of Missah Stoney in his Fargo cap (he put it on and cried out in his best Mid-Western Asian voice: Oh, Gee, Margie, I'm so lonely! and made me wet my pants a little.)
Re: Oh.. My ... God.
Date: 2004-12-21 07:05 am (UTC)For some reason on LJ, the original poster isn't getting the comments to comments. So you could post, I could comment, and JM could come in on one of his computer literate, knowing what photoshop is days, and post, "Stoney - I see the prettiness that is Mr. Stoney, but please come be my lady love," and you'd never know. Sucks, huh?
no subject
Date: 2004-12-20 05:44 pm (UTC)Secondly:
1. Xander
2. Angel
3. Cocktail waitress
4. Travel Brochure writer
5. Coarse
6. Vulgar
7. Shakily
8. Snore
9. Fast food wrapper
10. Purple
11. Martin Luther King Day
12. Sleeping in (no school)
13. Mazatlan, Mexico
14. Dull
15. 303
16. Plum colored Rolls Royce
17. Roller coaster
18. Richard Gere
19. Purge
20. What's poppin'?
But it's twuu, it's twuu. Oh, and GIP.
Date: 2004-12-20 07:25 pm (UTC)He scribbled a quick note onto a fast food wrapper, checked his rudimentary Spanish, and passed it to the cocktail waitress and indicated for her to open it. "Perdone me, seniorita, me nombre es Xander..." she looked up at him with a tired look of the world weary. Pretty impressive for a 15 year old. She wadded up the note and tossed it over her shoulder. He sat in the dark room, rubbing his hands over the coarse tabletop and planned out his next move.
"what you want is to let her know who the jefe is." Xander looked up to see Angel leaning back in the booth, purple silk shirt STILL not looking out of place on the stylish vampire.
"You know, I ate a travel brochure writer once. She was impressed with my knowledge of Italian sculpture. Musta gotten SOMETHING from her..." And with those last words, Angel grabbed the crumpled note from the floor and then held out his other hand. Xander shakily dropped the pen into it.
"So, uh, this is a surprise. Not really a pleasant one, because I still get that 'ouchy' when I rub my head from you hitting me. Why are you here?"
"Giles sent me. Apparently Willow got a vibe that something bad was going to happen here, and thought you could use some muscle. Come on. Gotta place down the road."
Xander ignored the roller-coasting "whoopsie" feeling in his gut and followed Angel out the door to his black-tinted car.
"A Rolls Royce? Are you KIDDING? We'll be shot and drug out into the desert for the hood ornament alone! And purple? What are you, Prince? Little too tall, dude."
Angel looked back at him, never breaking stride, neatly stepping over the snoring man sprawled in the dusty road. "Vampire. Check out the license plate. Been here a few time, Vato."
Xander craned his neck to see the vanity plates. They read, "L Vmpiro." On the side of the car were white stamps of dead bodies. Xander lost count at 303.
"Consider that our insurance to get from Point A to Point B alive. Now then, we have a bit to drive. Wanna play Richard Gere?"
Xander felt his previously clenched buttocks give with a burst.
Angel looked confused. "What's poppin'?"
Re: But it's twuu, it's twuu. Oh, and GIP.
Date: 2004-12-21 06:54 am (UTC)Okay, seriously? I want you to finish this. I know it's Vin's, but she loves me. She'll share. With me. On account of how she's my common law wife and all. Pleeeeease??? I wanna know what happens in the Rolls with the purple and the poppin' and that Prince line was freakin' funny.
Re: But it's twuu, it's twuu. Oh, and GIP.
Date: 2004-12-21 01:17 pm (UTC)Re: But it's twuu, it's twuu. Oh, and GIP.
Date: 2004-12-21 01:18 pm (UTC)Re: But it's twuu, it's twuu. Oh, and GIP.
Date: 2004-12-21 01:16 pm (UTC)After getting a spear in the thigh in Africa from a misplaced hand, he learned to study them before he approached.
Well at least my boy has learned some lessons.
A Rolls Royce? Are you KIDDING? We'll be shot and drug out into the desert for the hood ornament alone! And purple?
Too-fucking-true!
Hey, um... so you wanna make this into a series *nudge*nudge*
Re: But it's twuu, it's twuu. Oh, and GIP.
Date: 2004-12-21 01:29 pm (UTC)Maybe I'll write it when my devout mother In Law is here and I can show her what I've been working on! Maybe THAT will warrant a mention in the family X-mas letter. Goodness knows marrying her son and bearing her grandchildren didn't... Um, we were talking about Vampire porn, right?
OMG I'm liek toaly gona make em doit!
no subject
Date: 2004-12-21 04:19 pm (UTC)1. Bill
2. Phil
3. painter
4. interpretive dancer
5. mushy
6. fluffy
7. hastily
8. kick
9. pen
10. mustard-yellow
11. Arbour Day
12. looking at trees
13. Spuzzum (what? It's a real place...)
14. floral
15. 42
16. private jet
17. key
18. Lil
19. cook
20. Salut!