![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
stoney321First, I wanted those who follow to know that the Jersey Shore recap is up, just in time for a primer for tomorrow's episode. And if you catch the reference to South Park in there, you get bonus points.
GUYS. We have to talk about her 'Novel." First off, I didn't realize it was a novel, I thought she had written a book, like a tell all, or "how to make juicehead gorillas bring you fuzzy slippers, wah" type of book. Nope, it's a ROMANCE.
I should be clear, I've only read the free chapters on my Kindle. But I'll be dl'ding the rest later and inhaling it. It's a work-related expense, lol. Not since Twilight have I seen such an obvious Mary Sue. This one is far more entertaining, however. Bella makes me want to hit young girls a la Olympia Dukakis. "Look at ya life! Look at ya choices!" "Gia," the protagonist in A Shore Thing [hurr], makes me laugh.
1. She's short. Like short. 4'9".
2. She's not thin. You might even say she was tub-shaped. (I actually adore this. It's about damn time a girl who wasn't Hollywood emaciated told everyone else that she freakin' loves her body, loves food, and loves the boys. And they love her. THIS IS ACTUALLY A HEALTHY ROLE MODEL.)
3. She drinks too much and gets into bar fights. (OK, this - not so much. But who does this remind us of?)
4. She and her BFF, who is tall (5'6") has enormous paid-for boobs by a (JWoww's) plastic surgeon, who just broke up with a controlling boyfriend (like Tom), and they're renting a dumpy shore house for a month so they can hit Bamboo and Karma (like every night on The Jersey Shore.)
5. All she wants is a juicehead gorilla to bone.
6. Gia even does that whine-noise Snooki does, "Waaa."
7. POUF.
HILARIOUS. But she gets tail every night (so far) so there's your perfected self. I have not read about violet eyes, I should say, but then, I'm only half-way through chapter 2. Hee.
Now, she's working with a ghost writer, a woman that has published something like 10 novels on her own (romance.) And it really does sound like Snooki, so she did a good job of smoothing out the "Yeah, say sumthin about some hot dude with a huge dick grinding up on her on the dance floor." How do I get a job like that? Because I'm telling you, I could rock that shit. Someone hook me up with Sheen.
Speaking of Sheen, over on Twitter, me and another guy have been coming up with great ideas for a Buddy Cop show staring Charlie Sheen and Gary Busey. My idea is this: Busey thinks he's Kane, from Kung Fu, Sheen thinks he's an outer space cop, and they roam around the country fighting (perceived) crime. In one episode, Busey comes across a group of Hopi Indian children playing, and he sits them all down to lecture them on their endocrine systems and how the mighty buffalo should be used as currency, in which case their land is now worth fourteen hooves and a pelt. Sheen stands by, Aviator shades on, smacking his gum, and checking the sky for Visitors. Maybe each ep ends with him doing a little tap dance, I don't have it all worked out yet. Ha.
I have weetiny plants bursting out of the ground all over, flower buds on my saucer magnolia, and the peach trees in the neighborhood are "popcorning." (I looked out the window and what did I see? [/random Mormon upbringing reference] I am so ready for spring. Plants! Gardening! Sun on my skin! YAY. I have to go get yet another load of compost today (this will make the third TON, and it's all just gone to ONE BED so far, oy) and spread it around before the spring rains come. Fortunately I enjoy this sort of manual labor.
If someone could see fit that I get to move to this fabulous home, that would be super. (How beautiful and serene is that house? I love me some neutral colors in a bright and sunny place, and letting the artwork be your big color touches. CALM. In this stage of life I seek out calm. And clutter-free. Lord, give me a clutter-free environment one day. I'm the person that wants to live in the white cube with a wall of glass and one chair. Only one thing to clean, huzzah!)
Lastly, today is Texas Independence Day! Have a margarita and Enchiladas Suizas on me, would you? 175 years since we said, "Smell ya later, Mexico!" (In four days you will hear me go crazy nuts for the biggest day in Texas history. I'll let you guess what that is.) And note: I'm Texan before I'm an American [Just like Molly Ivins and Ann Richards, my heroes], so you better check your anti-Texas crap before you think it's hilarious to tease me/make fun of my home. I had relatives in the goddamn Alamo. Just a pre-emptive strike for any wanna be snobs about the dumb things that happen here. :)
GUYS. We have to talk about her 'Novel." First off, I didn't realize it was a novel, I thought she had written a book, like a tell all, or "how to make juicehead gorillas bring you fuzzy slippers, wah" type of book. Nope, it's a ROMANCE.
I should be clear, I've only read the free chapters on my Kindle. But I'll be dl'ding the rest later and inhaling it. It's a work-related expense, lol. Not since Twilight have I seen such an obvious Mary Sue. This one is far more entertaining, however. Bella makes me want to hit young girls a la Olympia Dukakis. "Look at ya life! Look at ya choices!" "Gia," the protagonist in A Shore Thing [hurr], makes me laugh.
1. She's short. Like short. 4'9".
2. She's not thin. You might even say she was tub-shaped. (I actually adore this. It's about damn time a girl who wasn't Hollywood emaciated told everyone else that she freakin' loves her body, loves food, and loves the boys. And they love her. THIS IS ACTUALLY A HEALTHY ROLE MODEL.)
3. She drinks too much and gets into bar fights. (OK, this - not so much. But who does this remind us of?)
4. She and her BFF, who is tall (5'6") has enormous paid-for boobs by a (JWoww's) plastic surgeon, who just broke up with a controlling boyfriend (like Tom), and they're renting a dumpy shore house for a month so they can hit Bamboo and Karma (like every night on The Jersey Shore.)
5. All she wants is a juicehead gorilla to bone.
6. Gia even does that whine-noise Snooki does, "Waaa."
7. POUF.
HILARIOUS. But she gets tail every night (so far) so there's your perfected self. I have not read about violet eyes, I should say, but then, I'm only half-way through chapter 2. Hee.
Now, she's working with a ghost writer, a woman that has published something like 10 novels on her own (romance.) And it really does sound like Snooki, so she did a good job of smoothing out the "Yeah, say sumthin about some hot dude with a huge dick grinding up on her on the dance floor." How do I get a job like that? Because I'm telling you, I could rock that shit. Someone hook me up with Sheen.
Speaking of Sheen, over on Twitter, me and another guy have been coming up with great ideas for a Buddy Cop show staring Charlie Sheen and Gary Busey. My idea is this: Busey thinks he's Kane, from Kung Fu, Sheen thinks he's an outer space cop, and they roam around the country fighting (perceived) crime. In one episode, Busey comes across a group of Hopi Indian children playing, and he sits them all down to lecture them on their endocrine systems and how the mighty buffalo should be used as currency, in which case their land is now worth fourteen hooves and a pelt. Sheen stands by, Aviator shades on, smacking his gum, and checking the sky for Visitors. Maybe each ep ends with him doing a little tap dance, I don't have it all worked out yet. Ha.
I have weetiny plants bursting out of the ground all over, flower buds on my saucer magnolia, and the peach trees in the neighborhood are "popcorning." (I looked out the window and what did I see? [/random Mormon upbringing reference] I am so ready for spring. Plants! Gardening! Sun on my skin! YAY. I have to go get yet another load of compost today (this will make the third TON, and it's all just gone to ONE BED so far, oy) and spread it around before the spring rains come. Fortunately I enjoy this sort of manual labor.
If someone could see fit that I get to move to this fabulous home, that would be super. (How beautiful and serene is that house? I love me some neutral colors in a bright and sunny place, and letting the artwork be your big color touches. CALM. In this stage of life I seek out calm. And clutter-free. Lord, give me a clutter-free environment one day. I'm the person that wants to live in the white cube with a wall of glass and one chair. Only one thing to clean, huzzah!)
Lastly, today is Texas Independence Day! Have a margarita and Enchiladas Suizas on me, would you? 175 years since we said, "Smell ya later, Mexico!" (In four days you will hear me go crazy nuts for the biggest day in Texas history. I'll let you guess what that is.) And note: I'm Texan before I'm an American [Just like Molly Ivins and Ann Richards, my heroes], so you better check your anti-Texas crap before you think it's hilarious to tease me/make fun of my home. I had relatives in the goddamn Alamo. Just a pre-emptive strike for any wanna be snobs about the dumb things that happen here. :)
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
no subject
Date: 2011-03-02 02:30 pm (UTC)HAHA oh man. I always forget that that's an actual hymn and not just an old-skool reggae jam.
no subject
Date: 2011-03-02 02:35 pm (UTC)Charlie Sheen and Gary Busey just need an orangutang to make this crime fighting buddy show Must See TV! *sets Tivo just in case it gets picked up*
Yay sun! Boo house guests! I don't want to spend the afternoon mopping and dusting and ironing! I want to slap on the sunblock and look at all the blooming trees. Maybe sidle over to a local brew pub and sit on their patio and pet dogs. Oh, Spring, I love you!
no subject
Date: 2011-03-02 02:38 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2011-03-02 02:45 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2011-03-02 02:49 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2011-03-02 02:51 pm (UTC)I'm right there with you - I want to be on a patio! You know, it IS Texas Independence Day, you should totally sit on a patio for lunch, it's the right thing to do. :)
And I am DYING to see pics of your beautiful teak things, hello! I love me some 60s pieces. I should have my other chandelier hung this weekend (I know, I know, I'm dealing with a man, here, and that means things take forever) and I'll post pics - the one sculptural one looks AMAZING.
no subject
Date: 2011-03-02 02:53 pm (UTC)THAT IS EVERYTHING I HATE ABOUT PEOPLE. See, it's because I'm the one that cleans. I am all for minimalism. maybe a snazzy colorful throw and an opened book on a chaise, but otherwise, CLEAR OUT ALL THE THINGS. You can have your dust motes and sticky cups and candle wax drips, I'll take my minimalist serenity, thank you. ;)
no subject
Date: 2011-03-02 03:08 pm (UTC)This is the same dining table and chairs and now I want to recover them with nubby red fabric: http://www.modernmobler.com/item.php?item_id=227 Of course my dining table is covered with in progress tax forms and random cookbooks.
no subject
Date: 2011-03-02 03:13 pm (UTC)with my monkey pants!no subject
Date: 2011-03-02 03:15 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2011-03-02 03:16 pm (UTC)Sigh, so beautiful, so clean and lovely.
no subject
Date: 2011-03-02 03:22 pm (UTC)HEEEEEEE!
But I do have a question. I have a potted Italian Christmas-tree-looking pine thing that I need to plant. I've had it since the beginning of December. Any advice?
OH! And have you ever planted heirloom cherry tomatoes?
no subject
Date: 2011-03-02 03:48 pm (UTC)I have! They're fabulous. Loads of sun, lots of organic matter at their feet, and keep the soil evenly moist, don't let it dry out.
no subject
Date: 2011-03-02 04:38 pm (UTC)Technically more of a self-insert than a Sue, but still- wow, obvious XD
no subject
Date: 2011-03-02 04:58 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2011-03-02 05:07 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2011-03-02 05:12 pm (UTC)That is one sweet pad. I really dig the neutral tones, though I tend to like a bit more splash of color, something to brighten it up a bit. But with those windows and that sun, it doesn't look like it's necessary.
no subject
Date: 2011-03-02 05:13 pm (UTC)That house is beeoooteeful. You should totally have it.
no subject
Date: 2011-03-02 05:49 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2011-03-02 05:50 pm (UTC)I AM VERY HAPPY TODAY.
no subject
Date: 2011-03-02 06:47 pm (UTC)I really want to live in that home. Even looking at the pictures just makes me feel so calm. I hate clutter with a passion, yet I can't ever seem to keep things uncluttered. Boo.
I don't get to have any enchiladas today, though I do have tequila in the house. So, I figure that works well enough. Oh! And I'm about ready to leave to go get some fried chicken and waffles. Does that count?!
(frozen) no subject
Date: 2011-03-02 06:50 pm (UTC)Blue blue skies here, day lilies bursting through the soil, sedums unfurling, life is mighty fine.
no subject
Date: 2011-03-02 06:53 pm (UTC)I love love LOVE that house. (That website is great, too, super detailed photo spreads and blueprints! I love blueprints.) I make a habit of going through the house every few weeks and tossing things that haven't been touched in X number of weeks. It was stressful the first time, but incredibly freeing every time after that. YAY.
Tequila is ALWAYS the answer!
no subject
Date: 2011-03-02 07:19 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2011-03-02 07:42 pm (UTC)That homes sucks. Let me list for you all the things wrong with Texas. <- this was me being ironic, not me being serious. Though come to think of it everything you do profess to love on your blog does in fact suck. Let me tell you about it...
no subject
Date: 2011-03-02 09:09 pm (UTC)My aunt died a few years ago. She had a whole bunch of gorgeous midcentury modern pieces. My mom handled clearing things away and PUT THEM OUT ON THE CURB. I asked why & she said "who wants that tacky old stuff?"
I headdesked for days.
no subject
Date: 2011-03-02 10:20 pm (UTC)Also. I'm looking forward to your review of A Shore Thing. You have to go over the rape scene (potential spoiler but IDK since it was a big thing in the blogosphere before it came out)
no subject
Date: 2011-03-02 11:07 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2011-03-02 11:30 pm (UTC)So much WORD, my Texas sister! *high fives* XD
no subject
Date: 2011-03-02 11:57 pm (UTC)But yes, Texas rocks, BBQ and tequila and hot boys EVERY DAY.
no subject
Date: 2011-03-02 11:58 pm (UTC)I DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY YOU HATE EVERYTHING I LOVE. I would like bullet points, please.
no subject
Date: 2011-03-02 11:59 pm (UTC)I mean, yeah, we have our share of idiots, but we also have our share of amazing people, just like everywhere.
no subject
Date: 2011-03-03 12:05 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2011-03-03 12:12 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2011-03-03 12:35 am (UTC)My house is clutter city.
no subject
Date: 2011-03-03 12:42 am (UTC)Oh, remember that I have three kids, two of which are teens, and a husband that travels. I am unfortunately intimate with clutter. I hope to break up with it one day.
no subject
Date: 2011-03-03 01:45 am (UTC)(frozen) no subject
Date: 2011-03-03 02:43 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2011-03-03 03:06 am (UTC)If I could have one thing in that house, it would be the bookshelves lining the windows in the front room. OMG. But let's hope they're UV resistant panes (can't let my tomes get all bleached, now).
no subject
Date: 2011-03-03 03:46 am (UTC)*salutes them* My relatives were sitting in their covered wagon at the Arkansas-Texas border with the engine running, waiting for word of the outcome of the war. The minute they heard that Texas had won, they zoomed across and snagged 'em a plot of land. *g*
no subject
Date: 2011-03-03 03:58 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2011-03-03 04:15 pm (UTC)The Busey/Sheen show is pure genius and you should be thrown buckets of money for suggesting it and it should happen because it will make everything right with the world.
OMG that house is gorgeous! Classic modernity done exactly right! So warm and inviting.
no subject
Date: 2011-03-03 06:05 pm (UTC)And that is exactly the response I had to it! Beautiful, calming, gorgeous, luxe without being opulent (like you can't set a drink down.) <3
no subject
Date: 2011-03-03 11:27 pm (UTC)I'm pretty sure I need a T-shirt that says this. It is my life motto.
I make a habit of going through the house every few weeks and tossing things that haven't been touched in X number of weeks. It was stressful the first time, but incredibly freeing every time after that.
Oh, that's a good idea! I really should being doing this. I love it when I move because I do get rid of so much stuff. Doing it more often than that would be amazing.
OMG. Blueprints. They're so organized with straight lines and numbers. Organized things make me happy.
no subject
Date: 2011-03-04 01:53 am (UTC)*makes gimme hands at the sink*