Fandom Dinosaur post *shakes cane*

[stoney321]

So, it seems I have a fandom now. I have NO IDEA how it happened when the source material makes me crazed. Glee. I'm talking Glee. OK, there are parts of the show I love - anything Brittany, I mean, come on, she's awesome - anything evil Sue, Kurt, obv. and Finn when they make him not talk and he just stands there because that is the type I've had since I was 8, it ain't changing anytime soon.

So. flaming_muse posted a fic the other day (I linked yesterday) and I read it. It's Blaine/Kurt. Guys, I've not read fanfiction in... wow, almost 2 years. About as long as since I've written it.

Today I went hunting through the comms, etc., after reading every single thing Flaming Muse wrote (and honey pie, you're writing canon, as far as I'm concerned) and looking for any and all B/K fics. WOW IS THERE SOME CRAP. (She warned me, but... you just have to experience it.) And old timers around here know that I know from bad!fic, am I right?



Boypussy
weaping [sic] cock
weeping cock
leaking cock
DROOLING cock
I ought to spit in your mouth, you jerk, for writing drooling cock, how dare you!? Lol.

Also, I hate when someone labels a fic NC-17 (whoo hoo!) and it's for SWEARING. Fuck you, Miss Lonelyhearts. Put down your English Rose tea set, shove the cat off your lap, and learn how to fucking be an adult. NC-17 means one or more of the following:

rimming
detailed and graphic sex, be it anal, vaginal, oral, facial, armpital
lots of nudity
lots of wishing there was nudity (because sex while dressed is fun) BUT THERE MUST BE SEX.

Also, I had three chapters (very well written, I might add) build up some serious UST and then there was, and I'm not making this up, "They kissed and they kissed and they kissed." ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME. You labeled this R, prissy prude boots!

Jesus. WHERE IS MY WELL WRITTEN SMUT? My PWPs? My agonizing multi-chaptered plotty stories with great sex scenes?! Goddamn kids these days.

And now I want to write Glee fic. SCREW YOU, UNIVERSE. I hate when I have to write my own smut. I'm awesome with the jokes, the smut is eh from me. (Well, I have some things that are pretty bad ass, I must say. BUT STILL.) I need kita0610 or sweptawaybayou or lynnenne or savoytruffle or crazydiamondsue or entrenous88 to write me some good old fashioned Jossverse-awesome pr0n. But about Kurt and Blaine.

I MISS THE OLD DAYS, GANG. I miss the free flowing, well written fanfic of yesteryear, the long long ago. Wah. And my tag is misleading. IT'S NOT EVEN BAD ENOUGH TO MOCK. (Well, there are some, but I have to make dinner now.)

ETA and it's funny how things don't change: mpreg, body switch, magical healing sex, abusive fathers, therapy fics (shudder) and the one thing that shocks me, NO SONGFIC SO FAR. FOR GLEE. I know!

Comments

[killabeez.livejournal.com]

Okay, well thanks A LOT for spreading the sickness. I just read the story you mentioned, and it's AMAZING. *fans self*

I've been in love with Kurt/Blaine for a few months now, but haven't gone looking for fic because, uh, I feared badness. This is the first time I've seen a rec for something, and now, unf.

(also adores Brittany, also finds Finn adorable when he's not talking too much :D)

so awful, it gave me capslock.

[mosrael.livejournal.com]

ARGH not boypussy. THEY DO NOT HAVE THESE THINGS, IT IS NOT SEXY

Well, unless you have a herm or transgender or alien character. But otherwise, we know damn well it's going in someone's butt, so let's just call it what it is, yes? tl;dr OH MY GOD WHO FAPS TO 'BOYPUSSY'

[stoney321.livejournal.com]

READ ALL OF HER STORIES. All of them. Then go to her memories and read the one that is listed as her favorite. (I'll warn you, it's the one with "they kissed and..." but with that one misstep, it's REALLY fucking good. And hilarious. Sample lines:

Puck (to Blaine): Dude I could draw a hypotenuse with your eyebrows.
Brittany: There's a hypotenuse living in my basement.

LOL.

Re: so awful, it gave me capslock.

[stoney321.livejournal.com]

I HATE HATE HATE when girls write boys like they're GIRLS. THEY ARE NOT. They don't cry and eat ice cream and dream of having babies come out of their assholes. OK, I'm sure someone has thought that, BUT IT IS NOT THE NORM.

[authormichals.livejournal.com]

I hate when someone labels a fic NC-17 (whoo hoo!) and it's for SWEARING. What IS that?! I mean, I'll even give them violence or torture depending on how graphic it is, but swearing? What's wrong with you and what kind of sheltered underground bunker did you grow up in?

mpreg, body switch, magical healing sex, abusive fathers, therapy fics Ahh, the classics. You should check out the Thor fandom, it is rife with every single one of these.

[stoney321.livejournal.com]

I KNOW!!! AUUUUGH, FUCK YOU FUCK FUCK FUCK <-- ok, that's an R rating. Hurr.

It's not a real fandom until you have all the weird kinks in it, imo. See: HARRY POTTER. Where's the Stacking? Where's the Furry? Where's the High School AU? That last one, wait...

[kita0610.livejournal.com]

Oh dear god. I belong to the LJ comm Weeping Cock, and I have SEEN SOME OF THESE STORIES. (eyebleach plz kthxbai)

****you*****

[fabrisse.livejournal.com]

Not to toot my own horn...well, only a little bit, ;-)

http://archiveofourown.org/users/Fabrisse/works?selected_tags[]=13154 The Vienna series has smut. *G*

And flaming_muse does write nice things.

[stoney321.livejournal.com]

Just... I NEED THE OLD DAYS BACK. When the smut was plentiful and well written and... freaking good. WAH. There are some good fics, but MAN. Needle in a haystack.

<3

[stoney321.livejournal.com]

MY PLAN IS WORKING.

ALL UR LINKS R BELONGING TO ME.

[kita0610.livejournal.com]

Glee, much like TW, is a Baby's First Slash fandom. Hence the major amount of suckage.

[killabeez.livejournal.com]

Brittany: There's a hypotenuse living in my basement.

LMAO. Thank God I didn't have liquid in my mouth just then.

[brunettepet.livejournal.com]

Fanfic is addictive until you trip over a weaping cock and throw up a little in your mouth and some stranger has ruined fandom forever and ever until you're addicted again.

There should be warning labels like: I write like a twelve year old because I am an old for my age ten year old.

If you run into anything decent, I love Brittany and Kurt and Kurt/Blaine.

[stoney321.livejournal.com]

http://cimmerians.livejournal.com/36842.html

Not even finished, but so far, so HOT.

[stoney321.livejournal.com]

Yep, it's just a bunch of teens working through their own stuff. UGH. And then I feel like a creeper. And then I get over it. LOL.

[stoney321.livejournal.com]

AHAHAHAHAHA, that's so true. And would be so helpful.

If you haven't already read the one flaming_muse wrote, go! Then read ALL of her Kurt/Blaine. I linked one up to killabeez that I'm not even finished with but is h-o-t. There's one in Flaming Muse's memories that is really good, I'll dig that one up for you.

Re: so awful, it gave me capslock.

[altyronsmaker.livejournal.com]

Wait a minute! That's not fair! Kurt cries AND eats ice cream! That's canon! I mean, he may not dream of having Blaine's assbabies...that we know of...but the other stuff?

Of course, when he's finished with the tears and caloric comfort, he puts on something FABULOUS and shreds egos with the ferocity of his sharp tongue and pitch perfect lyrics. *cough* Because he is AWESOME.

[evewithanapple.livejournal.com]

THE LACK OF PORN IS A BLIGHT UPON THE LAND. Especially since I just got into Angel and the dudes going down on ladies is CANON, and yet no one has written that fic. Hell, they haven't even written regular old missionary sex. TRAGEDY, I TELL YOU.

[stoney321.livejournal.com]

WAIT. Angel? As in "The Series?" The spin off of Buffy? because OH LAWS can I direct you to some uh-may-zing fics.

Re: so awful, it gave me capslock.

[stoney321.livejournal.com]

WHich is why I did the whole "I'm sure someone" but YEAH. Kurt does have ladyboy tendencies, but he's a GUY ultimately. And he has no vagina. THAT'S ALL I MEAN.

[evewithanapple.livejournal.com]

YES. I'm too scared of the Jossverse fandom (in all its vast, terrifying glory) to peek in, because it's HUGE, but that was a damn fun show. I could even handle the shitstorm of s4 because GODDAMN, YOU BREAKS THOSE TABLES WES&LILAH. YOU BREAK 'EM GOOD.

. . . so! Fic recs, you say? *chinhands*

[kita0610.livejournal.com]

Hey, it's hard to be an old woman in fandom.

FOR STARTERS.

[stoney321.livejournal.com]

Oh, you're into Wesley? Get thee hence to likeadeuce's LJ and read everything she's written. She writes FABULOUS Wesley, as far as I'm concerned. Wesley/Lilah, too, which hardly anyone wrote.

I have a "recs" tag that should have loads of good stuff. Kita (in the orignal post up there) is THE Angel fic writer. No one wrote Angel as well as her. itsabigrock and romanyg are your go to gals for Fanged Four. Ahh, this is my original fandom! (I wrote Connor, ahem. *g*)

Re: so awful, it gave me capslock.

[darkhavens.livejournal.com]

There's actually a whole genre of fic where Kurt is some form of hermaphrodite and does have a boypussy as well as a cock and balls and a working uterus... I wish I was kidding.

[flaming-muse.livejournal.com]

(I have other favorite Glee fics, too; I just have been really bad about putting them in my memories because I am lame busy like that. But OMG that hypotenuse line, yay.)

(Also, I am totally blushing, but I thank you for the kind words!)