Take a minute and maybe make something better [if this applies]

[stoney321]

I don't normally post this sort of thing, but I'm just so sad about it, about something that is for such a STUPID reason. One of The Boy's best friends, someone that I find charming and funny and sweet, tried to kill himself, we just learned. His parents have been fighting all the time, about money, about their marriage, and when the friend would try to get them to stop (and I know this boy, I'm sure it was nothing short of woebegone begging) they would yell at him.

Being told you're stupid, being told to shut up, being told you're the source of financial problems (this is all stuff my son has overheard, which is why I've always encouraged them to come to our house) is damaging. Clearly. I'm so angry at these parents; I'm so sad for our friend.

My son asked (as he nervously tugged on his hair) if it would be okay for him to go to their house and just leave the message that he's thinking of his friend, and that he wants to help in some way. Of course, I told him. We don't know which hospital he is in, so until we find out, I'm just sitting here fretting.

Just...if you blame your adult problems on your child's existence, and you verbalize that to your child - know that I pretty much think you're a POS. And maybe apologize to them and tell them you love them. And keep them out of your worries. They're kids.

[ETA] The Boy just came back from the friend's house, and he had just come home. He going to stay at a facility where people will give him a lot of positive attention and help, and I'm crying as I write that, because I'm so grateful. [the school's counselor made that happen, she's lovely.] The Boy hinted that the step-parent - the #1 offender - hasn't been back home. And the friend was reminded that he can call us, come over, whatever any time he feels scared, worried or angry. Because he's loved. [I really love my son, guys. I love that he was totally fine with telling another dude that he loves him. <3] <-- because that shouldn't be weird, am I right? Sigh.

Comments

[anniemare.livejournal.com]

Faahhhhk I hate hearing about stuff like this.

Having taken in a kiddo who had nowhere to go for a night while we tried to figure out a place for her, it hurts me so much to hear that these parents could not take 5 seconds from their bickering to see the impact it was having. Good grief.


Your son has a heart of gold and I am sure his caring and yours will help this poor boy heal.

Sigh. I just hurt for this child.

[ruthless1.livejournal.com]

Damn. I am sorry. Your son is incredibly kind and thoughtful to want to help. I hope your post gets reposted over and over again. I agree that those kinds of parents are POS.

[oatmellow.livejournal.com]

Heartbreaking and horrifying.

What is wrong with people. Poor kid. My heart hurts for him so badly.

[wesleysgirl.livejournal.com]

Oh, that makes me feel sick just thinking about it. That poor kid. I hope his parents get some help for him and themselves so they can learn to handle their problems without hurting their child.

[gillo]

There is no maximum to the number of times you should tell your children you love them. None.

Poor, poor boy. My heart breaks to think of a child of his age who can feel the world is better without him in it. And, yes, I would happily see violence done to his parents, which I know is wrong but it's my gut reaction right now. How dare they?

My love and sympathy to your boy - it's a terrifying thing for him to experience too. And love to you.

[ann1962]

There is no maximum to the number of times you should tell your children you love them. None.

Oh man, THIS!!

[tinkerbell86ca.livejournal.com]

I LOVE that movie! So does my 1 year old son (whom I just told I love, and I just did it again and he grinned back at me!)

[ann1962]

My icon! Yes. I love that scene too. She's amazing.

I tell my kids multiple times a day too. They roll their eyes sometimes, teenagers now, but they know I mean it!

[tinkerbell86ca.livejournal.com]

My dear husband puts that movie on for me when I feel sick. I have a vague feeling I will be watching it well in the hospital getting ready to give birth to my second child (which will be in the next month).

Aaaawwww! Teenagers! Hee, well, it is good that they know it.

[lostakasha.livejournal.com]

I love you so much for this. Every time anyone stands up for a child they stand up for me -- and for all of us who were the perceived source of a parent's woe. ♥

[stoney321.livejournal.com]

*hugs you soooooo tightly*

I know how it feels, too. *more hugs*

[fishwithfeet.livejournal.com]

Hearing about that poor kid just makes me want to cry. I hope he finds the support and love he's seeking, and I'm so happy you've raised your kids to want to be that kind of support for their friends.

[moosesal.livejournal.com]

Ugh. This makes me so sad. I had a good friend growing up who had parents much like this. Instead of suicide, he started drinking. In 7th grade. The good news is he's sober now, but there's a lot of bad news still wrapped up in it all.

I hope your son's friend gets the help he needs. And I hope his parents get the help they need, to see what they're doing to their child. And maybe they can turn things around for the boy so there isn't a next time. *hugs to your boy*

[ann1962]

I'm sorry your son, you, and that boy, is going through this.

I can't imagine what the boy has overheard, if your son has heard that. Chilling.

[kouredios.livejournal.com]

Oh, god. That poor kid.

Consider this rant co-signed.

[partie-carree.livejournal.com]

This is just completely horrible. Hopefully the state social services are stepping in and requiring counselling for both the boy and for his parents. Some parenting/communication classes would be perfect. Until then, adopt that kid as much as you can. If you can show him that he is loved and appreciated, and he can see what a functional family is supposed to look like, then he'll survive this and grow up to be a good adult/husband/parent someday.

[stoney321.livejournal.com]

letting you know that our school is taking care of him getting help at a care center, which makes me love our school more.

<3 He's been told repeated by the whole family that we really really mean it when we say call any time.

[ruthless1.livejournal.com]

This is where LJ needs a like button (for your addendum.) You and your son make a great team!

[kuzu-no-ha.livejournal.com]

Some parents need their head held under water until they behave themselves or the bubbles stop.

Turning on someone you are supposed to be protecting just...argh. I can't make words that aren't automatically visceral violence.

I'm beyond thankful he failed at what he attempted.

[harmonyfb.livejournal.com]

Oh, that poor boy. :(

Praying like mad for him tonight.

[flaming-muse.livejournal.com]

Oh my god. :( :( :(

<3 your son, he's the best, everybody should have a friend like him

[brunettepet.livejournal.com]

I am hurting for this boy and his pain. I know parents are under a lot of pressure, but taking your mess out on your children is wrong.

I love that he was totally fine with telling another dude that he loves him. <3] <-- because that shouldn't be weird, am I right? Sigh. No, it shouldn't be weird and I love your son for being so compassionate and supportive. His friend needs that in his life.

[lynnenne]

Oh, Stoney. I can't even. That poor, poor child. He's lucky to have a friend like your son. Too bad his parents wouldn't take a lesson from you and your family.

*HUGS*

[tinkerbell86ca.livejournal.com]

*turning to my 1 year old son, who is currently playing quietly in his play pen* "Hey, baby . . . I love you sweet pea!" *this followed by his chirping and shrieking away in happiness*

My husband works with all different types of children, and has been for around 16 years (he is 28 now) and some of the stories . . . wow. Poor child, I am glad he has a friend like your son because your son rocks. My husband comes from a broken home, but he turned out great because he had friends who loved him . . . much as your son's friend obviously does! Take that child in and give him hugs and kisses!

[bethynyc.livejournal.com]

That poor kid. You and your son are both amazing and caring people! ::hugs all around::

[ladycyndra.livejournal.com]

*HUGS lots and lots of HUGS*

I've been told some of that stuff from my father and I know what that can do to a kid. I still struggle with those issues to this day. The friend is very lucky to have y'all in his life. He will be better for it. I send positive thoughts his way.

[kseenaa.livejournal.com]

Oh shit. That's horrible! Poor, poor kid... :-/ A good thing that he has such a great friend in your son. Might have saved him that. Should be proud of your son, if you aren't already.

Great many big viking-hugs from Sweden, dudes!

[fabrisse.livejournal.com]

I'm so glad that you were able to find out what provisions had been made.

Having once been told by my mother that I sucked all the joy from her life, I have a faint inkling of what the kid is going through. I'm beginning to think there should be a test for parents like a driver's test.

It's good that your son is connecting with his friend, and I'm so glad the friend knows he can come to you, too.

[entrenous88.livejournal.com]

Poor friend-of-boy! Such an awful situation, so much more heartbreaking because his parents could at LEAST have prevented their part in increasing his sadness and anxiety. They have a metric ton to answer for.

And I just love hearing how caring and sweet your boy is. He's really a top drawer young man. ♥

[a2zmom.livejournal.com]

I have nothing good to say about any parent who would use their child as a verbal punching bag. I just hope this poor kid has someone who can look out for him permanently; it certainly seems like his parents are unfit.

And your son is a wonderful, caring person; exactly what his friend needs at the moment.

[phaeba.livejournal.com]

That is really heartbreaking. :(

And that's a fantastic kid you've got there.

[mumsisdaughter]

What a relief that he is safe now. The contrast between the family life your son has had and that of his friend is what has made The Boy such a good friend to him. You must be so proud of him. A great big YES to you for offering a refuge.

Our daughter's boyfriend of a year was thrown out of his home by his alcoholic mother and slept rough for a week, with no money. So vulnerable. We gave him somewhere to live. Eight years later, they have their own place and are both gainfully employed. I shudder to think what would have become of him if we had refused to help.

Teens give the impression that they can manage perfectly well without interfering adults but something like this shows how insecure they can be made to feel by unthinking 'adults'. Glad to hear about the support your son's friend will have.

[altyronsmaker.livejournal.com]

Oh, for crying out loud! Those parents suck out loud. Thank goodness your son's friend has a place where he can go to get away from that kind of crap. 'They' say that kids are so resilient... sometimes, I think that's a cop out, so that adults don't really have to look at how they treat their children. Because if kids really were so resilient, then this current rash of suicides and attempted suicides wouldn't be happening. Sometimes, kids ARE JUST THAT FRAGILE. Grown ups needs to act like grown ups - the assholes!

And it's awesome that your son can express his feelings so well and unashamedly! I don't have kids, but I'm really close with my nephew and my bestie's son, and both of them are very comfortable talking about their feelings. It's refreshing to see. Kudos to you for raising yours that way! :)

[themindseye.livejournal.com]

My best friend who has asperger's was mentally and sexually abused as a child. She told me when we were in our 20's that the only reason she didn't kill herself was because of the way that my family treated her and all the time she spent with us. We didn't know about the abuse (she was told she wasn't allowed to tell anyone and her mind took that literally until the person abusing her died) but if we had we would have gotten her out of there.

[rocketlaunching.livejournal.com]

This is so sad. I'm so, so, so sorry for your friend.

[txvoodoo.livejournal.com]

Again, you done GOOD with the kidlets.

[anniemare.livejournal.com]

Your ETA lifted my heart a little. I am so glad he is going to get help and that you and your son are there to catch him if he needs it. Words can not describe how glad.

[sostrate.livejournal.com]

Man I'm so glad there are people like you in that kid's life. I'm glad that he's still alive. I'm glad that he has avenues to get out, and that he's actively being helped. I think it's massively important that people get involved with kids' lives, and it makes me happy people like you are out there. You are the best white knight ever.

I know some of what the kid is going through. I'm probably too old to let it affect me, but it does. I do wish that I had people like you when I was younger to make things a little better. Hell, I wish I had people now that I could talk to without feeling like I was whining or imposing upon them. But fuck, that's life.

Keep being awesome, Stoney.

[soberloki.livejournal.com]

I'm so glad your son is your son.

[bitchygrrl.livejournal.com]

That poor child, I'm sad for him and so angry with the parents. Some things you just don't do.

You my dear are an amazing mom, because you have raised a caring,compassionate, loving young man.

[rocketlaunching.livejournal.com]

This post made me remember a lot of things from my adolescence that I'd rather forget.. I used to be a lot like the boy's friend and tried to kill myself many times when I was that age... My parents have always been wonderful but I strongly believe the emotions that a lot of teenagers have, they aren't able to cope with them properly and thus these things happen, even if you have the best support system in the world. It's heartening to see the boy tell his friend that he loved him, and that you are basically one of the best parents I'll ever have a passing acquaintance with.

[chantal87.livejournal.com]

Geez louise. Bless his sweet little heart.
You have a very good boy.
{{{Hugs the lot of you so very tightly}}}

[anelith.livejournal.com]

Your boy is such a wonderful person.

I'm glad that this friend of his is going to be somewhere safe and positive. Back when my brother was in high school, my parents let his friend stay at their house for weeks, because the kid had such a toxic environment at home. Why do people even have kids when they clearly don't want them?