Things that have happened today.

[stoney321]

• The receptionist at my daughter's orthodontist grabbed my glasses and put them on. (Because they're cute. but....) Also: I now look just like the girl on the HDJM banner, as that is exactly what my specs look like. <3
• my son applied for a summer job at a grocery store because they'll hire young teens. He applied for a dish-washing position because, and I'm not making this up, "It looks really interesting." In what universe?? AND HEY, HOW ABOUT THAT KITCHEN IN YOUR HOUSE?
• my son's BFF just fully put the moves on me, leaning against the door frame to my bedroom with arms crossed and a sly grin, and asked if he could come in to *dramatic pause* "talk" and then asked if I wanted him to put something (what he wanted to talk about) "...on your bed?"
• I'm not going to act like I don't feel like a MILF right now. Or that I didn't excuse myself and go into my closet to laugh my ass off because WOW, DUDE. Bless.
• my dog farted herself out of a deep sleep and I about ruptured my gut laughing at her shocked look, because she is a lady, and Nice Girls Don't Poop or Fart
• I opened up a bottle of Mount Veeder Cab Sav and a wedge of applewood smoked cheddar and plan on making myself write a new story.

A DAY IN THE LIFE OF STONEY. (Omitted: laundry, mopping, cleaning out the cat pans, because my life is a non-stop celebration of life)

Comments

[stoney321.livejournal.com]

HAHAHAHAHA. No, that is perfectly acceptable to be humming.

IF YOU WILL HELP FOLD SOCKS, YES.

Oh, I do NOT miss potty training. I love babies, I love HAVING babies, but I do not miss potty training. (I grew up constantly around babies being potty trained.) I will recommend (not that you asked, but hey, the wine is flowing, lol) two things:

1. Once Upon A Potty, the greatest book for kids and parents about pooping and peeing in the potty ever written and

2. My grandmother's $15 method. (adjust for inflation, please.) The woman raised FIFTEEN CHILDREN, so it's good advice, is what I'm saying: give your child all the [insert favorite beverage here] they can stomach. They wear no diapers. They will loathe the feeling of urine running down their legs and use their potty (pick them up and place them on their potty when you see them peeing) and will catch themselves after the second or third accident. The $15 (or closer to $50 now) is for the carpet cleaner rental. :D

AND IT WORKS. The book led to the "Whee, potties are awesome!" and the "HEY HOW ABOUT EVEN MORE APPLE JUICE?" led to the "Oh, I do NOT like this...." lightbulb moment.

GOOD LUCK!

[stoney321.livejournal.com]

OH MY GOD YOU HAVE JUST DESCRIBED THE WORST THING EVER EVER OH MY GOD YOUR POOR BOY!!!!! AND YOU!!!! (Oh, crickets give me the serious heebies.) I want to cuddle your poor baby boy. D:

[zyrya]

Wait, the receptionist took your glasses?? Did she hoik them off your face? Or had you put them down for a bit?

Also .. she took your glasses??!?!?! Jeeze.

You MILF, you.

[stoney321.livejournal.com]

YES. YES SHE DID. She's...a bit of a crack pot, and usually it's in an interesting way.

So, I have this term I use for a specific type of person. I call them "hot enough for ya?" people. The ones that use those trite phrases? Like "How's the weather up there?" to a tall person, etc? She's the reason I have that phrase. She's the happiest damn person on the EARTH, knows everyone's name, has nicknames for every family in the practice, jokes like it's her job (in a dorky way) and is someone that I just can't get angry with because she's so damn earnest.

But yeah. OOH I LIKE THESE, YOINK. We're "tight," but we ain't that tight, sister. :D

Excuse me while I preen in my cargo pants (complete with bleach stains) Aw yeah.

[amyryd.livejournal.com]

HAHAHA! That is an awesome day! Now THAT is reality. In what universe are the Kardashians and Snooki reality?? Hope tomorrow you get to change the lint trap on the drier or retrieve a ball from the gutter. :)

[otempora541.livejournal.com]

I worked in a kitchen camp last summer, and let me tell you, scrubbing off pinto beans from the bottom of pans is not interesting.

[stoney321.livejournal.com]

Hey, Buddy!! <3

Girl, I am going to rip shit up with some weeding and sheet changing. LOOK OUT, WORLD! :D

[stoney321.livejournal.com]

I mean...how is that "interesting?" Bless his heart. (And man, I have had some menial jobs in the past. Hmm, in comparison, fry cool doesn't have the glamour that dish washing does...) Hee.

[stephanierb.livejournal.com]

OMG, I would think I was being punk'd. Was he wearing some cologne? Brut, perhaps? Did he shave his peach fuzz? What did he think was going to happen? Ahahaha.

[otempora541.livejournal.com]

I will say that the atmosphere in the well run commercial kitchen is... hilarious and fun and interesting. That said, the actual job will make him hate the world.

Does Dairy Queen still hire 14 year olds?

[stoney321.livejournal.com]

oh, man, I had so much fun with the guys in the kitchen at every restaurant I worked at. Es muy bien, si. But yeah - the actual lifting and Hobarting? Not so great.

I WISH I HAD A DAIRY QUEEN NEAR ME. Oh, Double Buster...

[stoney321.livejournal.com]

He has on a l33tsp34k tee, and was super excited that I know all about computers, network systems, and Skyrim, in that order. APPARENTLY I AM THE GEEK TRIFECTA.

It's not Brut any more, come on. Old Spice or Axe! *pukes* HEEE. I'm still laughing, I have to say.

[otempora541.livejournal.com]

NO DAIRY QUEEN AROUND YOU?!

(Granted, my Dairy Queen is the opposite of where I usually go...)

I think this calls for a relocation.

[stoney321.livejournal.com]

I MEAN CLEARLY.

[bailunrui.livejournal.com]

I love the smell of Old Spice, but definitely not in the quantities that young men feel they need to bathe in daily. Dude, if I can smell you and you're more than an arm's length away, it's too much.

[beadattitude.livejournal.com]

Dude! Your day was a wondrous thing.

[lynnenne]

You are a total MILF! You hot mama, you.

My dog once farted so loud that she scared herself and ran under the sofa. I just about died laughing.

Cheers!!

[stoney321.livejournal.com]

HAHAHAHA. True. And he's spending the night, so I just got another whiff of it while checking to see if they have enough pillows/blankets. LOL.

[stoney321.livejournal.com]

It was a CRAZY thing! Hahahahaha.

[stoney321.livejournal.com]

HA. I think it's the dirty tee shit. Guys can't help but be attracted.

THAT IS FUCKING HILARIOUS, LYNNE!!! OMG, why are dogs so damn funny?!

<3

[brunettepet.livejournal.com]

Not that you're not smoking hot, but, Dude, why would he ever think you'd lower yourself to tap that? Teenage boys got all the self esteem teenage girls lack. How can they get it back?

[thestoryofelle.livejournal.com]

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

You (and I, both) lead lives of glamour glamour glamour! I get to spend my day cleaning out the refrigerator drain because SOMEONE decided to shove cheese down it. Why were they in fridge? Why the drain? WHY CHEESE???!?!?!?! Some things in life we are not meant to know.

But, please, do tell about this new thing you're making yourself write, because I need a moment to sit here with my chin in my hand, leaning on the counter and make googly eyes at my screen.

Dare I ask? Is it *fluttery voice* Captain Anderson????? I'M GONNA GET THE VAY-PUHRS!!!
~L.

[stoney321.livejournal.com]

I have always - ALWAYS - been the girl that the geekiest dudes have gone after. I don't know why (I have suspicions) but it's just always been that way.

Also throw in redonk teenage hormones and you've got the making for a hilarious comic caper.

[stoney321.livejournal.com]

So, so funny.

WHY CHEESE. WHY CHEESE IN THE DRAIN. WHY. This should not be a question like the meaning of life. WHY CHEESE?! Oh, poor cheese, we barely knew ye.
*plays taps*
*eats Fritos* (hey, they're delicious.)

This is actually not another Capt Anderson story, this is a whole new one that I've dithered on for a few months - it's a trope that I worry has been beaten to death (even though I have a different spin on it, I want it to have a lot of comedy, etc etc) and...we'll see if I can get a story out of it.

FOR NOW YOU CAN REMAIN VAPORLESS. (I have another one-shot I've started, but it's not quite working yet. WE'LL SEE. I have many writing plans for the summer. Fingers crossed!)

[anelith.livejournal.com]

OK that was hilarious. All of it, from the boy thinking that washing dishes was interesting down to the dog farting. And son's BFF... you'll be laughing about that for YEARS.

The last time we went to the movies (it was for Avengers) we sat behind a group of teenage boys. They behaved pretty well but I kept smelling perfume and couldn't figure out where it was coming from because we weren't sitting near any women. As we left the theater I remarked on it and my 14-year old said, "Oh Mom that was Axe. Lots of boys wear that at school." How can they think that makes them hot? I swear it smells like very old-fashioned perfume -- something my grandmother would wear. TEENAGE BOYS ARE STRANGE.

[stoney321.livejournal.com]

ANNE AXE BODY SPRAY IS SO AWFUL. Oh man. It's just...pungent.

In their defense, though, teenage boys smell horrid au naturel and require nuclear doses of scent to cover that. :D

[crazydiamondsue.livejournal.com]

I am totally picturing you as Joyce in the red negligee from "Restless," you know that, right? Aw, he wanted to be your comfortador!

I love that The Boy thinks dish washing sounds interesting. In the interest of fairness, though, I do some of my best day dreaming while washing dishes by hand...yeah, I got nothin'.

Sassy cabernet!